In the meantime, send me what you have and I’ll review everything. That way we’ll have something for the bigwigs if they become an issue.
Take care, man,
Trey Jordan
I shook my head, quickly hit him with a short email and the light file. I didn’t give a fuck right now and that’s the problem. All I had in my fucking head were thoughts of my dying mother and Brooklyn, whom I found way too sexy and fascinating for my own good.
I closed the lid of the laptop and dropped it on the bed next to me and fell back against the headboard. I tugged on the loop in my lip until the pinch became painful. My blood was boiling in my veins and my cock started to harden. In a few hours Brooklyn would be here in my bedroom, on my bed. On my fucking bed. And Lena… She didn’t know anything about Brooklyn. I never thought I’d be an asshole like this.
I rubbed at my eyes and tried to empty my head. That mess could wait. I had a book to write and it wouldn’t write itself. I sat up again, grabbed my laptop and as soon as my eyes landed on the open file, a cold sweat broke out on my skin. I physically couldn’t write a single word. Nothing. Not a fucking thing.
I closed my eyes and immediately I pictured Brooklyn’s full lips parted on a moan, her eyes glassy and her pupils dilated, her cheeks flushed and her body…Her smoking body bared only for me.
At one time, she had been my motivation to write more and more, to believe in my talent and dreams. Now, she was the reason of my block and I had no clue as to how to make it better.
* * *
BROOKLYN
I glanced one last time in the kitchen where my mother and my father were silently cooking. My father was a tall lanky man, almost too thin to be healthy and his wrinkles were pronounced on his angular face. His hair was almost all grey now and it always surprised me how he seemed to be aging before my very eyes. Worries were not good for a person, and he was always worried about my mother.
My mom was stirring something in a skillet, some vegetables probably and her eyes were lost in thought. The dark rings under them showed how little sleep she had and how tired she was, both emotionally and physically. Her face was almost unrecognizable from the pictures of a time when Kelly was still alive. Her beauty deserted her, leaving just the shadow of it behind.
I spent so many days resenting them for the last few years that at seeing them now, I couldn't help but feel guilty. They were lacking greatly at being parents, but that didn't mean that I couldn't be compassionate. When Nolan left, he took with him my compassion and understanding. Now, everything was back.
In the pit of my heart, I still wanted to shake them, make them realize that they had another daughter in front of them, but it wasn't at the forefront anymore. I was just sad for our family and disappointed that I wasn't what they expected me to be when they decided to have another child.
They never glanced my way while I was looking at them and with a sigh, I left the house. Someone honked, startling me so much that I had to brace myself against the side mirror of my car or else I'd be sprawled on the unkempt grass in front of the house. With my heart beating fast, I looked up, my hand itching to grab the pepper spray I always kept close by in my pocket. When you lived in such a place, you had to. But when my eyes landed on the big Cayenne parked in the opposite curb, I relaxed and chuckled at my idiocy.
I waved and walked to the luxurious truck and climbed in without a second thought. Even with its tinted windows, I knew the only person in this little town with such a car.
"You're jumpy tonight," Nolan pointed out as he drove away swiftly.
I observed him out of the corner of my eye. With his deep blue tee-shirt and distressed jeans, he was looking good. I inwardly cringed when my heart sped up. I was a lost cause. Even at eighteen I was reacting to Nolan just like I used to as a little girl. But now, I had some visuals in my head of what I wanted to do to him and what I wanted him to do to me and it got me quite flustered. Fortunately, it was hot enough that even if he saw my blushing face he could put it down to the heat.
"I hate it at night around here." I touched one of many buttons to make the A/C colder. "Once I had to use my pepper spray on a junkie when I was going back home after a late shift."
His head snapped to me, his hazel eyes hard. "What happened?"
"Nothing much. The guy was trying to get in my pants or something and he was a little forceful. He was high so... You know."
He nodded stiffly and he finally parked in front of the small hotel, the nicer one of the two around here. In the silence of the car, I sat still, waiting for him to move. Anger radiated from him and I knew this. He used to be very protective of me and whenever he knew something bad happened to me, he got very quiet. Until he opened his mouth and got angry.
"You can't stay there if you work late shifts, Little B."
I rolled my eyes even if I was quite thrilled to go back to our old ways. And yet, I wanted to carve a new path in our relationship even if I knew he had a girlfriend. My excitement died. "Next month I will have enough money to live in the new complex where your mother lives. Don't worry."
He shook his head and opened his door. I did the same and jumped out. I had barely enough time to close the passenger door before he was in front of me, towering above me. His lip ring caught a ray of the street lamp and I had a hard time looking away from his mouth. His frown deepened.
"How much do you still need?"
It was my turn to frown as the underlying meaning hit me. I wasn't one to accept pity and I was an independent girl. I held up my hand between us and turned around to walk to the hotel. "None of your business, Nolan."
"The hell it's not!" he called from behind me, his footsteps longer than mine. In three more strides he was beside me. "I'm not going to let you stay there if there is a guy..."
"Stop it!" I caught his arm and forced him to face me. "I will never take money from a guy, even if this guy is you. Or anyone, for that matter. We spent six years apart and now you want to pay my way into a new place to live? Does your girlfriend even know I exist?"
His face smoothed. He grabbed my elbow and pulled me toward the hotel lobby, ignoring the guy behind the counter who was obviously bored out of his mind if I believed his heavy looking eyelids. In the elevator, Nolan released me and sighed, closing his eyes.
"I didn't want to imply that you can't take care of yourself, Brooklyn. I'm just worried."
"I'm fine. I know my life may seem pathetic and I know it's not at all what you expected to find, but it's okay. I manage."
He turned his head to me and brought a hand to my cheek. His thumb caressed my cheekbone softly and I felt it in my core. With his eyes looking deeply into mine he said, "Your life is not pathetic, but you should have a life that is not something you go through because you have to. You should enjoy it; you should be happy and not just manage day to day. I want more for you, Little B."
The 'ding' of the door opening broke the moment before I could say something. With a start, he pulled away from me, almost as if I burnt him. He cleared his throat and led me down the quiet and clean hall. He fished his room key card out of his pocket and stopped in front of the room 407. Easily, he unlocked the door and let me in before he followed me into the room.
It wasn't very spacious, but it was cozy. The heavy green and off white curtains were closed, the big double bed in what looked like to be the same material as the curtains was perfectly made and there were no clothes on the floor. In the far left corner a closed door probably led to the bathroom. A big dresser was on the wall next to the bed and near the foot of the bed, a modern TV of a respectable size and a DVD player were waiting for our movie night.
But even if my eyes swept the whole room, I couldn't help looking back at the bed. Goosebumps appeared on my skin and I ignored my wild thoughts. I was being ridiculous, once again.
He spent the night in my bedroom, on my bed with me in his arms and nothing happened. I should keep that in mind. And I needed to remember that he wasn't single. I might no
t be an innocent girl when it came to guys, but I never went after a guy who was in a relationship. It was one of my rules.
"Uh... Which movie did you choose?" I asked hesitantly as he was looking at me intently taking in his room.
"Inception."
"Great movie," I replied distractedly, nodding several times before I realized how crazy I must look.
"Is it disturbing you that we're in a hotel room?"
"No! Why?" I said in a half yell that was so not convincing. I sat on the bed and forced the R-rated images out of my head. I'd never been so obsessed with sex before. Nolan was definitely not good for my sanity. Not when everything in me was begging him for some attention, not when my heart was bursting with feelings I thought were gone.
He tilted his head on one side, assessing me silently. He joined me on the bed, but on the other side. He grabbed the remote on the bedside table and turned on the TV and DVD player. "Don't worry, I'm not going to bite you." The laughter in his voice was unmistakable.
I humphed and he outright laughed as we laid down side by side. The opening credits started and I decided to keep quiet. I'd always hated it when he laughed at me. I crossed my arms over my chest and felt my bottom lip jutting out. Oh Fuck! I was pouting! He chuckled beside me, his strong shoulder bumping into my soft one.
I turned my head to look at him and couldn't help the laugh building inside. I chuckled along with him and let him drag me against his body as his left arm snaked under my neck and around my shoulder. His hand trailed down my right arm and I couldn't fight the shiver that shook me. With my left side plastered against him, I was burning up from the inside. I didn't dare to even bring a hand to his chest. It would be too tempting to explore it with my fingers, tracing the ridges of his lean muscles.
Everything about him was enticing me, calling out my name, making me believe that his body was mine to discover. I loved to see the crinkles around his eyes as he laughed. I loved the little dimple in his cheek when his mouth was smiling wide, the smile that made me forget my own name. I loved his longish hair, something I had never seen before. I loved everything about him, even his flaws.
I reveled in the feeling of his body pressed against me, in the way his fingers were tracing patterns on my soft skin. For the life of me, I couldn't focus on the movie playing, even with the gorgeous Leonardo DiCaprio.
I couldn't look away from his face, now looking all serious but still soft. My fingers were tingling, I wanted to touch his face, feel his scruff under my fingertips, but I forced my hands not to move. Nolan rejecting me would be too much of a blow; too much of a bitter pill to swallow even if I knew it would be logical. After all, six years were not something he would overlook; even less now that I knew his heart belonged to someone else.
I sighed and nuzzled into his chest some more. Under my ear, his heart beat faster, just a notch, but enough to make mine speed up too. I closed my eyes and softly inhaled, taking in his smell and basking into it. Why was he still affecting me so much? What was wrong with me to be so hung up on him? It couldn't be healthy, not when it was one-sided, and yet, it made me feel alive to be so close to him. I felt alive just knowing he was back in my life.
"Are you tired?" he asked me softly, his voice husky. Was that from being so quiet for the last twenty minutes?
His voice sounded like a sin and the tingles in my fingers went up my arms and down my chest to settle low in my stomach, somewhere I shouldn't think about if I wanted to keep my composure and not ruin our friendship that was still on shaky ground. And to be honest, I didn't want him to know how much of a pervy lovesick puppy I was being whenever he was around. That was disturbing enough in my head.
I looked up at his face without leaving the comforting warmth of his chest against my cheek. When his eyes locked with mine, my breath stuttered. In the darkness only broken by the glow from the TV, his hazel eyes looked darker than they really were and it seared me even more, shivers breaking all over my body.
"I'm not tired." My voice was barely above a whisper, shy between us. My cheeks got hot and I wanted to hide under one of his big pillows, smothering myself to avoid him and what he must be thinking. It was so obvious that I was like a school girl with a crush!
"What's wrong then?"
"Nothing." I sighed again and soaked up his face, drinking him in, knowing it was the closest I'd ever be. "Nothing at all."
His eyebrows lowered over his eyes and he brought his hand to my head, running from my temple to my jaw very softly, very slowly. I had to fight from closing my eyes and moaning—I was that lost in him—but I didn't want to break the eye contact.
And I snapped. My control went out the window, my conscience shut up, my logical senses up and left. Because now I was crawling up, my face getting closer to his, my eyes locked on his slightly parted lips in wonder. When I took a deep breath, embedding in my head his scent so spicy and very male, my breasts brushed against his pecs. It was a barely there touch, but it shook me whole, sending the most sinful message to my heated core. His body stiffened, his frown deepened, but he didn't move. His arms were now along his body and he wasn't pulling me to him, but he wasn't pushing me away either. Why wasn't he? What did it mean?
I could feel his breathing on my face, over my waiting lips, like a promise of the most amazing kiss of my life, the kind you remember even when you're old and wrinkled and ready to expire your last breath. I was still keeping my weight on my hands, my body almost suspended over his as he was still frozen, probably wondering what I was doing, not once thinking what was truly on my deranged mind. Truth to be told, at that moment I didn't even know what was up with me. I was just acting, forgetting to think and be reasonable.
Then, when I couldn't wait any longer, couldn't keep that buzzing inside me driving me to the brink of my sanity, I lowered myself, just a little bit. The brush of my breasts against his chest became a full on contact, his smell overwhelming me completely. I closed my eyes and let it all go.
My lips came in contact with his, something I had dreamt about for years, for almost a decade if I was honest. His lips were supple, his lip ring perfectly placed to make it interesting to tug on it, which I did. When my teeth tugged the little silver thing, he shivered and it warmed me at a fast pace. All I could think about was the heat of his soft lips, the way they fitted so wonderfully as I was coaxing him to open them some more, just enough to let my tongue slip in and taste him. I needed a taste, needed to complete this fantasy of mine. I wanted to feel more of this amazing rush building inside my body, making me almost quiver, almost moan unabashedly.
I tugged on his lip ring once more and he opened his mouth. I slipped my tongue slowly inside his mouth, reveling into this feeling of completion, as if it brought more satisfaction than anything physical I ever experienced before. And it was. It was so much more than I expected, even if we weren't touching with more than just mouths and my chest against his.
My tongue met his lazily, slowly and I lost it again. I moaned at the wetness of it, at the intense need that was almost painful inside me, at the want to coax him to lose control overcame me. But it was a mistake because as soon as that sound left my mouth, he pushed me away roughly, breaking the contact of our mouths, leaving me insanely cold and wanting.
My breathing was loud and fast and that was all I could hear above my fast beating heart. The TV could have been on mute or loud for all I cared, it was the same. Under my fingers, the rough fabric of the bedding erased the feeling of his presence against me. Nolan was breathing fast, but my heartbeats were throbbing too loud in my ears to hear it. The only tell was the way his strong chest was rising and falling fast, almost as fast as mine.
I couldn't tell with his scruff if he was blushing or not, but his eyes were saying something I didn't want to acknowledge. Questions were swirling in his hazel eyes, questions I didn't want to answer, questions I probably couldn't answer as my own mind was scrambled. What did I do?
He bit down on his lip ring and my eyes didn't miss i
t. Damn, I wanted to tug on it again and again. I closed my eyes and lifted myself up; increasing the space between us when it was obvious he wouldn't come back to me, even to talk about how I had crossed the line. And it hurt, it hurt more than I expected. It was like a punch in the stomach, almost toppling me over. I crossed my arms and turned away from him. I didn't want to face him when he was looking at me that way, when there was this embarrassing silence between us.
"I need to go." As soon as these words left my mouth, I ran to the door and left, without once looking back to see if he was following me or not. One thing was sure, he never called me back. Not once. It hurt some more. Loneliness had never been so hard to live with.
For the first time since I was twelve and Nolan left, tears clogged my throat and fell over the wall of my eyelids. It was useless to try and keep them at bay, not when I felt so crushed, so embarrassed and so brokenhearted as pathetic as it sounded.I was brokenhearted.
"How was it?" Big No asked me once I climbed in his mother's car, the one he drove around now that he had his license.
I giggled. "It was great!" I turned down the radio. "We danced and laughed and it was really fun. Caleb got many gifts."
He nodded, but he didn't smile. I lost mine. "That's great, Little B."
I leaned in as far as the seatbelt let me and gazed at his face, taking in the not so smiling face of Big No. I bit on my lower lip, worried. Maybe his mother wasn't feeling well. "You don't look very happy."
He glanced at me quickly, not long though because he was still driving back to our street. "Nothing to be worried about. Did you dance with a boy?" he asked playfully, a smile that wasn't his usual soft smile on his face. I didn't like this very much.
"Is it your mom?"
He sighed and stopped the car at a red light. "I don't want to talk about her."
"I hate it when you look sad,’’ I mumbled softly. I focused on the red light glowing above the car waiting for it to turn green, willing my good mood to come back, but it didn't. I couldn't be happy when I knew Big No was hurting.
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