Love Realized

by Melanie Codina

  Jake’s need to comfort her maxed out at that moment. He couldn’t stand it any longer so he pulled her into his arms and held her firmly against his chest. “I am so sorry, Gilly. So sorry that this happened to you,” he crooned to her while rubbing her back. Then he felt her relax against him. Support—that’s what she needs right now; she needed his support. Jake looked up to see Allie watching them with glossy eyes and one pissed off expression. “Let’s get her out of here. The kids are all gone so it really doesn’t matter whether she stays or not. You take her to the car, and I’ll take care of Logan. I will text you in a bit to find out where you girls will be.” Allie just nodded at him. He knew that Allie was just as pissed as him, but also conceded the fact that Gillian needed them now. Placing his hands on Gillian’s shoulders, he gently moved her away from his chest and immediately noticed the absence of her warmth. Why did that bother him? Focus. Rubbing her shoulders and upper arms in a gesture meant to be nurturing, he looked her in the eyes and said, “Go with Allie. I’ll catch up with you two later.” He felt her tense up, and he needed to reassure her more. “Don’t worry, I won’t beat his ass for being a giant prick. I know you don’t want a scene, so I'm not going to cause one. But I, too, reserve the right to do so later.” He gave her a pointed look, and a slight smile came across her sad face.

  It struck him that even with watery green eyes and tear streaks down her cheeks she was a beautiful sight. But he really wanted to put a happy smile on her face. Just then, she placed her hands on his shoulders, and using them as support, she rose up on her toes and placed a kiss on his cheek. He could feel the wetness from her tears as she pulled back and attempted another weak smile at him. She must have noticed the wetness on his cheek because a small giggle escaped as she reached up and wiped it away. “Sorry. I bet you’re really hoping those were tears and not snot, aren’t you?” He smiled down at her. There’s my girl.

  “Well, I didn’t think about that until you brought it up.” He reached up and swiped his hand across his cheek even though she had already wiped it clean. “But now that’s all I can think about. Gross, Gillian, thanks a lot.” Her smile grew bigger.

  “Thanks, Jake.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead, and as he pulled back said, “I really had to fight the urge to lick you as payback.” She giggled, and his anger at the situation decreased because as long as he could get her to smile, things weren’t as bad as they seemed.

  “Go with Allie. I’ll see you soon.” She nodded, and he moved them toward the back door of the house. Allie gave him a look over her shoulder, and he nodded, understanding the unspoken information. She was clearly furious at her brother, and he could tell she barely had a grip on her feelings about that. It took a lot for Allie to hold things back; she was always very vocal and didn’t take any crap from anyone. There was really only one subject that she was tight-lipped about and that was her late husband, Marc. Just the fact that she was controlling herself showed how much Gillian meant to her.

  Once the ladies had disappeared into the house, Jake turned to where Logan and Jason had been standing. When he made eye contact with Logan, he saw the recognition dawn on his face. He wasn’t sure if it was the realization that Jake knew what was going on or if Logan just realized that his wife was gone. That’s right, jackass, she’s gone AND I know. Jake crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows up at Logan, basically goading him, but who cares. If he got a punch in at Logan in defense, that would be fine, too. And with that thought, Logan was up and heading toward the back door of the house, Jason hot on his heels. Too bad Jake was between him and the house. Keeping up his stance, effectively blocking Logan, Jake decided that yes, he wanted to fuck with him.

  “Hey man, you going somewhere?” he asked as he moved to prevent Logan from going around him.

  “Out of my way, Jake. I need to get inside my house … to talk to my wife.” Logan’s emphasis on the word ‘my’ in his statement didn’t escape Jake’s notice. Well, if he really wanted to point out things that were his, Jake would just have to help him with that.

  “Well, YOUR wife is not inside YOUR house.” Of course, Jake’s emphasis on the word ‘your’ didn’t escape Logan’s attention either. He paused in his attempts to get past Jake and stared at him, confusion and irritation very evident on his face.

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” Logan asked through clenched teeth.

  Jake got directly in Logan’s face and growled back at him. “What I mean is that YOUR wife left YOUR house shortly after YOUR mistress left YOUR son’s birthday party!” Jake stayed in his face, begging him to do something about it. Logan just glared back at him, so Jake continued, “Oh, and she probably left here in YOUR car with YOUR sister. Yep, I think that about covers it.” And with that, Jake relaxed back in his stance, put some distance between them, and waited for Logan to respond. Jake once again raised his eyebrows in question at Logan, daring him to continue the conversation.

  The distant sounds of mumbling and a chair being roughly slid across the patio surface caught Jake’s attention. He leaned to the side to look behind Logan. Then Logan was in motion. He shoved Jake aside so he could get through the door and started to run toward the front of the house after Gillian. As Jake tried to right himself, he noticed that Jason looked to be scuffling around with Sean. Oh shit! Sean must have heard what I said to Logan. Way to broadcast it to everyone, you moron. He hadn’t paid attention to who was still in the backyard because his only concern had been for Gillian to get out of there, and then, of course, to provoke Logan. Now there was one pissed off looking big brother. Well, join the club, man. Jason was barely holding him back, especially since Logan had made it into the house.

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  Gillian and Allie had just made it out the front door when she heard Logan calling for her. “Gillian! Stop, Gillian, stop!” Shit … I knew I shouldn’t have gone back for my damn cell phone. Allie grabbed her arm and propelled her forward even faster.

  “You better move it girl unless you want this to go down right here, right now!” Gillian could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage as her adrenaline levels spiked. She didn’t want to deal with Logan now. She wasn’t afraid of Logan—she knew he would never hurt her, physically that is. But she was afraid that if she listened to him ‘plead his case’ she would forgive him just as she had before. And look where that got her. If there was one thing she knew about her husband, it was that when he was determined, and he wanted something, very little held him back. The man could sell ice to a freaking Eskimo he was so damn persuasive! It was a handy trait to have when what he wanted was mutually beneficial, but otherwise, not so much.

  You’re avoiding him based on the assumption that he even wants you still. Maybe he wants to tell you that he picks her. It may be a damn good point, but very mean, nonetheless, and it brought a deep ache to her chest. This wasn’t cool at all considering her chest wall was already taking a beating from the inside.

  “Gillian! Please stop!” He was out the front door now. Damn, this was going to happen, wasn’t it … well, I guess it was best to get it over with. She had just finished her thought when she felt her husband’s hand wrap firmly around her upper arm, halting her determined stride. He used her arm to turn her around and then wrapped his other arm firmly around her body and pulled her against him. Her hands remained at her side as Logan pressed his entire body against hers and buried his face in her neck and hair, while both of his arms held her tightly to him. She wasn’t going anywhere … yet.

  “Baby, please don’t leave. Please … we need to talk. You can’t leave, baby.” His voice was soft and thick with emotion as he begged her to stay. God, how she loved to be held by him, it was her weakness. She knew it. He knew it. Even though he was the cause of her pain right now, his arms around her offered comfort. You are bat-shit-crazy girl … do you know that?

  “Come back inside. We need to talk and fix this. I can’t let you leave.” Logan pulled his face from her
neck and looked down at her as he smoothed her hair away from her face. Gently stroking her cheeks and wiping away the tears that she hadn’t realized were streaming down her face, he wrapped his arm back around her, securing her against him once again. “Give me a chance to explain myself,” he pleaded as he bent down and pressed a kiss against her lips and then pulled back to see her response. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t move. She felt physically numb—paralyzed.

  “Let her go, Logan! She wants to get out of here. You are just gonna have to sit and stew over it,” Allie yelled at her brother. This just made him hold on to Gillian tighter.

  “Back off, Allie. She’s my wife, and I'm not just going to let her walk away from me without letting me explain!” he barked back at her. “I deserve the right to explain myself.”

  He deserves? He thinks he deserves something? Why that arrogant bastard! That snapped her out of her inability to speak. How dare him! How he could think he was entitled to anything at all was beyond her comprehension. “You deserve?” she managed to croak at him, and he turned his attention from Allie back to her. She looked up into his eyes and said, “You think you deserve something from me?” Her voice sounded a little stronger that time, which was clearly the result of the anger that was beginning to boil up in her veins. Logan was about to speak when she interrupted him. “What exactly is it that you think you deserve from me Logan?” She was able to achieve full volume and yell at him this time.

  The adrenaline that had been slowly rising in her system before was now flowing full force as she struggled to get her arms free from the grip he had around her. He loosened his hold on her, and she moved her arms, effectively pushing him off of her. She knew that she was only able to do that because he allowed it, but she needed the space. Distance was a must if she was going to stay strong.

  “Answer me!” she demanded of him. “Tell me, what exactly it is that you think you deserve from me Logan Baxter? What more could I possibly give you that you haven’t already been given?” He attempted to close the gap between them and take her in his arms again, but she halted him with a hand on his chest. “NO! You don’t get to touch me!” She felt a small amount of relief when she saw his shoulders sag before he spoke, “Baby, please, let’s go inside and talk about this. I know you must be in shock, and I understand that, but we can work this out.” He understands? Seriously, he thinks he knows what all this shit feels like? Once again she felt a spike in her anger and adrenaline level. That whole fight-or-flight thing was really gonna kick her butt when she finally tried to calm herself down.

  “How could you possibly understand this, Logan?” she growled at him. “How could you know what this feels like?” She continued to yell at him, completely unaware of the people that had made their way into the front yard. “You know what it feels like to stand face-to-face with your husband’s mistress and her family … in your own backyard … at your son’s birthday party?” It certainly wasn’t a question because, of course, he had no idea what that felt like. Her voice picked up in volume as she continued, “You know what it feels like to find out that not only is your husband cheating on you, but probably has been for the past year, when he swore that he was not?” Logan just stood there silently as she continued her chastising. “You know what it feels like to find out that you are not the only woman in your husband’s life?”

  After a few moments, Logan shook his head and mouthed the word, “No.”

  She hadn’t realized that she had stepped closer to Logan and was now poking him hard in the chest, emphasizing each word with a new jab. “You’re right, Logan, you don’t! Because your wife didn’t put you in that position! But I can tell you how it feels if you’d like.” The sarcasm and nastiness dripped off her words as she mentally prepared herself to open that well of emotions and let them spill out all over her driveway. Those damn skeletons were out in the open and dancing circles around everyone as Gillian finally noticed that this exchange had an audience of family and friends now. Oh well, she wasn’t going to back down now, so it looked like everyone was in for a show.

  “I will tell you how it feels, Logan. How about you imagine the feeling of a hand … plunging deep into your chest, locking your heart in its firm grip and squeezing it until it explodes. Or how about you imagine yourself underwater, and your lungs are almost completely spent and the burn from lack of oxygen is growing … and even though you can see the surface, you somehow know you won’t be able to reach it as you slowly suffocate.” Her voice was losing its steam, and those wretched tears were like a water faucet down her face. “Or try to imagine someone just took a bat and swung it full force into your gut, and no matter what you do, you can’t catch your breath—you can’t escape the pain.”

  She paused, took in a deep breath. “Can you imagine that Logan? Can you imagine what it feels like knowing that you have given everything you have to another, only to find out that it wasn’t enough. Can you imagine what it feels like to find out that the person you have loved and have given your whole life to, loves someone else?” A small sob escaped her as her emotions just became too much to handle at that last thought. She immediately felt the support of a body when two arms hugged her from behind and a head rested on her shoulder. Allie. Allie knew she needed help, but didn’t want to stop her. Her best friend once again infused her with a small surge of energy allowing her to continue.

  “Tell me, Logan. Can you tell me what it feels like for you to close your eyes and visualize me in the arms of another man.” He visually tensed. A nerve, people, we have hit a nerve! It was time to stop pulling the punches and go for the kill shot—to see if she could make him feel a fraction of what she felt with his betrayal. Lowering her voice, to an almost seductive whisper, she went for his balls, figuratively, of course. “Close your eyes, and imagine my naked body pressed up against another man. His naked body pressed against mine.”

  Clearly this was getting the desired affect because Logan’s hands were clenching repeatedly, and he looked like he was reining in what control he currently had. Too bad she wasn’t done with her visual for him. “Can you see it, Logan? His hands against my skin—my body responding to his touch. His body inside mine, claiming a part of me that has only ever been yours, Logan. Imagine me calling out his name as he brings me over the edge of ecstasy and then takes his own pleasure … deep inside my body.”

  Well, if flames could come from a man’s ears, they would certainly be shooting from Logan’s at the moment. His face was red, his jaw was clenched, and his hands were fisted at his side. Good! He should know how this feels!

  “I don’t need to imagine that, Gillian, because it’s never going to happen. You. Are. Mine,” he practically growled. That was a shockingly bold statement coming from him. Funny, he was such a possessive man. It was always a turn on to her in the past, but now it just pissed her off. He knew what the stakes were, and he still risked what they had for that woman. He claimed that she was his, yet his actions clearly proved he was willing to risk it all.

  Especially since the last time it was discovered that he was involved with Slutty McWhore, she had told him in no uncertain terms that this was it—he had used all of his chances. Three strikes, and he was out. There would be no forgiving him the next time, and their marriage would be over. It was overwhelming to think that this was probably it. Even though she had set the rules, and she knew she had to stick to them, she was expecting to have more time to come to terms with what was going to happen. She wanted more time to accept that even though Logan had been aware of the risk, he took it anyway.

  Logan following her out into the driveway and declaring that he deserved a chance to defend himself was forcing her hand. That made it even more difficult for her to do. It made her want to waiver and postpone it, but she knew if she did, Logan would somehow prevail. But the bottom line was that she told him if he was involved with her again, she would end their marriage. And while he had yet to admit to being with her, he had avoided directly answering her questions about it. W
ell, if she was going to end her marriage, she had to be sure.

  She had to ask; she had to find out whether or not Logan was involved with that woman again. Considering he hadn’t denied anything yet, she knew he probably was, but there was a tiny sliver of hope deep inside of her that prayed it wasn’t the case. Sure, it was possible that the woman lived here, in San Diego, and that Logan had no knowledge of it. It was do or die time, and she had to ask him specifics, and it looked as if she was going to be doing it front of their friends and family. She had to know if her marriage was over or not, because she certainly wasn’t going back on what she said. Trusting Logan had been hard after she had found out about his infidelity, and she knew without a doubt that if he had broken it again, there would be no repairing that trust again.

  Taking a deep breath, she leveled her tone and asked, “Tell me, Logan, did you ever stop sleeping with her? Or have you been screwing her this whole time?” Logan’s eyes closed, and he looked as if he was trying to process something. She had her answer. There was no denying it with his response, but she really needed to hear it. “Tell me you didn’t forget, Logan. Tell me you didn’t forget that I told you, if you cheated on me again it was over!” With that, his eyes opened wide, and he reached for her.

  Gripping her shoulders, eyes actually tearing, he pulled her close to him, and begged her, “Please Gillian, no, please don’t do this. I'm begging you, don’t do this.”

  “Don’t do what, Logan? Don’t remind you that because you couldn’t control your dick, you effectively threw our marriage away.”

  “No, Gillian, we can work this out. We are strong enough to do this … I know it.”