The Great Drain Escape

by Chris Mould

  CONTENTS

  The Old Junk Shop

  Nightmares

  Down ’n’ Out

  Muddle in a Puddle

  Down the Drain

  The Gingerbread Man

  Up the Spout

  A Beetle’s Breakfast

  At the Top

  Smells & Snacks

  The Big Feast

  A Giant Leap

  Back on the Shelf

  The Old Junk Shop Map

  The Great Cheese Robbery Excerpt

  About the Author

  At the end of the street is an old junk shop. It’s gloomy and shabby and nothing ever happens there. At least, that’s what most people think. . . .

  Among the odds and ends and things of no use, a dusty ship in a bottle sits gathering cobwebs on a shelf. But when the world isn’t watching, a tiny pirate crew comes out to explore.

  And when you’re smaller than a teacup, a junk shop can be a pretty dangerous place. . . .

  Things were not going too well for Button the ship’s boy. He was trapped in sticky webbing, unable to move, and six hungry eyes, eight spindly legs, and a mouth full of spiky fangs were heading in his direction. Mr. Dregby, the house spider, had finally caught the young Pocket Pirate in his trap and it was time for dinner.

  Mr. Dregby slowly lowered himself toward Button, dangling from his spider silk. He stretched out four of his eight legs, reaching for the little pirate.

  Button wriggled as hard as he could, desperately trying to free himself, and then—

  THUMP!

  He fell out of his hammock and woke up.

  “Sufferin’ lobster lumps,” he gasped, rubbing his eyes and getting to his feet. “That was a horrible dream.”

  Button decided it would be a sensible idea to climb out of the ship in a bottle and take a good look around the shelf. He needed to be sure Mr. Dregby was safely tucked away in his corner, and not on the lookout for a Pocket Pirate–size snack.

  As he slipped out through the neck of the bottle and down to the wooden shelf, he was met with a lovely surprise. The sun was shining in through the window of the old junk shop. It was a beautiful day, and perfect for exploring.

  There was a loud rumbling sound.

  Button looked down. “Oh dear, it’s my stomach again,” he groaned.

  Supplies were low at the moment. The poor pirate crew had barely eaten for days. They were getting by on stale breadcrumbs and a piece of moldy old cheese left over from their last adventure. And that wasn’t really enough to fill the tummies of four pirates and one ship’s cat. Old Uncle Noggin and Captain Crabsticks were big eaters, and the youngest member of the crew, Lily, could pack away the grub too. Button had even tried chewing on the leaves of a potted plant, but that had left him with a terrible tummy ache.

  The problem had started when the owner of the junk shop, Mr. Tooey, had moved Doyle’s basket under the Pocket Pirates’ shelf. The shipmates needed to find a different way down to floor level that avoided the sly, slobbery dog.

  The only thing Doyle was good for was keeping the evil baseboard mice at bay. Who knows what might happen if the mice got hold of the pirates? And they often tried! But the Pocket Pirates had to leave the shelf soon, or they would starve.

  Button was still pondering when Lily appeared. She gave him a stern look. She could always tell when he was plotting something.

  “I’d like some fresh air,” Button announced.

  “Pardon?” Lily said. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. . . . Remember what happened last time you went off on your own? Your coat got caught on that picture hook and you were nearly Mr. Dregby’s dinner!”

  Button wasn’t put off. “Maybe you should come with me?” he suggested. “We could go hunting outside for breakfast and be back before the Captain and Old Uncle Noggin are awake.”

  Lily folded her arms and gave Button an even sterner look. “Out into the street? Are you nuts? We can’t even get down from the shelf now that Doyle has moved!”

  “But there must be another way down, and we’re sooooo hungry,” Button said, rubbing his tummy. “ You never know what we might find out there. Once, when Uncle Noggin was younger, he found a lump of fish and three fries inside an old newspaper.”

  Lily made a hmph sound and rolled her eyes.

  “Did you hear me, Lily?” Button said. “FISH . . . AND . . . FRIES!”

  “Yes, I heard you!” said Lily. “We’ve heard that story a million times. Even more than all his other tales. But what happened next, Button? He was attacked by a pigeon! Carried away and left up a tree. He’s still got the scars to prove it. You know I like adventure as much as the next pirate, but it’s too dangerous out there!”

  Button gave Lily a solemn look. “Okay, you’re right,” he said. “It is too dangerous. I promise I won’t leave the shelf.”

  But Lily couldn’t see that Button was crossing his fingers behind his back.

  As Button snuck away from the ship in a bottle later on, he wished he’d had more than a breadcrumb and a scrap of cheese for breakfast. It was quite hard to go adventuring on an empty stomach.

  Ahead of him was a cable that ran all the way down the wall. If he could wrap himself around it tightly enough, he might be able to slide down to the wooden floor and land without Doyle noticing him . . .

  Button took hold of the cable, then had a good look to make sure Mr. Dregby wasn’t lurking. He didn’t want any nasty surprises on his way down. He took a deep breath, and WHEEEEEE! He slid from the shelf, all the way to the floor.

  So far, so good. No sign of Doyle stirring. Now Button’s biggest problem was getting through the front door of the shop. He looked back up at the shelf. There would be trouble if his shipmates knew he had ventured off alone, but if he could get back with supplies before they realized, he might get away with it. He was sure he would find all sorts of edible treasures out there in the big outdoors, and who was going to scold him if he brought back food?

  He stared at the mailbox. Too high. He’d never reach it, let alone manage to push it open. How about the bottom keyhole? Nope. Button was small, but not small enough to squeeze through that hole.

  Then he noticed a bag of trash waiting by the door. Mr. Tooey always did the trash first thing in the morning, so Button knew it would be put outside soon. He took another quick look around for any dangers, then scurried over to the bag and pulled himself up into its slippery plastic folds. He snuggled down in a battered old cookie jar and waited.

  Before long, the sound of Mr. Tooey’s footsteps came down the hallway. The trash bag was lifted into the air and the shop door opened with a tinkle. Button clung tightly to handfuls of the black plastic as Mr. Tooey dumped it on the ground with a thud.

  The little pirate peeked out from his hiding place. The sounds were new. The air smelled different. He was outside!

  “Suffering sea urchins! Where IS that work-shy cabin boy?” said Captain Crabsticks. “The deck needs sweeping and I can’t find him ANYWHERE!”

  Lily could hear the Captain bellowing from below deck. “Oh, Button . . .” she muttered. “You promised me that you wouldn’t leave the shelf !”

  “What was that, young Lily?” said Uncle Noggin, from behind her.

  “Oh, um—nothing,” said Lily quickly. Luckily, before Noggin could ask any more questions, Jones, the ship’s cat, woke up and started meowing for his breakfast.

  “Button! Jones wants feeding, lad! If we’ve got anything to feed him, that is. . . . Where are you, Button?” Uncle Noggin called as he headed out of the ship in search of the cabin boy.

  It wasn’t long before everyone realized Button was missing.

  “Anything could have happened to him,” muttered Uncle Noggin. “Once, my
old aunt Maud went missing for three days. . . . Know where she was?”

  “I don’t know,” said Lily, “but I think I know where Button might be.”

  “Stuck fast inside a cheesecake,” Noggin continued, paying no attention to Lily.

  “He’s gone to get breakfast,” Lily said.

  “Dreadful time,” Uncle Noggin went on. “She sank into that gloopy lemon topping so deeply, she couldn’t move a muscle.”

  “Well, when I say gone to get breakfast, I mean, you know . . . he might have gone outside to get it. . . .”

  “Good thing we found her when we did. She never ate cheesecake again. Terrible, it—Did you say OUTSIDE?” said Uncle Noggin, turning to Lily in horror.

  “Looks like it,” Lily said. “He was desperate to find us more food.”

  Noggin rubbed his tummy and pondered. “Well, he’s been very foolish to go alone, but the boy’s got spirit! Can’t leave him out there on his own—good thing there’s a secret air vent I know of that’ll take us outside. Cap’n, sir, better bring your umbrella, looks like rain!”

  By the time the pirates had found their way outside, through Uncle Noggin’s secret air vent, large splats of rain had begun to fall. A single raindrop was enough to drench a Pocket Pirate, so they huddled in a doorway to stay dry.

  “What now, Captain Crabsticks?” asked Lily.

  “Not sure, dear gal,” the Captain replied, thoughtfully stroking his mustache. “I say, Noggin, old chap—any bright ideas?”

  But Uncle Noggin was distracted.

  “Look,” he cried. “Over there, by those bins.”

  “What is it?” Lily said. “Can you see Button?”

  “No. Better than that.”

  “Better?” said Lily in surprise.

  “A bit of sandwich! I think I can see roasted red peppers. . . . Crew, it’s our lucky day!”

  “Uncle NOGGIN!” Lily scolded. “We’re supposed to be looking for Button.”

  “But it’s got goat’s cheese in it too. . . .”

  The rain started to bucket down.

  “Stay where you—” Lily started, but it was too late. Uncle Noggin was off, dodging the falling raindrops as he zigzagged his way toward the sandwich.

  Lily and Captain Crabsticks watched nervously as Noggin scooped up his prize and turned to head back to the doorway. But just as he took his first step, a sudden gush of water flowed down the pavement and knocked him clean off his feet.

  Lily held her breath as Uncle Noggin disappeared beneath the water, but to her relief, it wasn’t long before he bobbed back up again, still grasping his sandwich with one hand and clinging to a floating lollipop with the other. The lollipop lifeboat sailed along on the current, picking up speed as the rain got heavier and heavier.

  For a short while, Uncle Noggin looked like he was enjoying the ride. But then his eyes widened as he spotted what was ahead. . . .

  A drain!

  “NO!” Lily yelled, and splashed into the water in Noggin’s direction, but the Captain clutched at the tails of Lily’s coat and pulled her back into the safety of the doorway.

  As the pirate pair looked on in horror, their poor shipmate disappeared down the drain and out of sight.

  Meanwhile, Button was sheltering inside an old milk carton that had fallen on its side. He’d been caught in the rain before he’d had a chance to look for food, but at least he was dry. Suddenly, something familiar rushed by on a thundering gush of water, with a yell of, “HELLLLLPPPPPPPP!”

  “Blistering barnacles! It’s Uncle Noggin!” Button gasped. “I’m coming, shipmate! Hold on!”

  But as Button scrambled out of the milk carton, he could see that he was too late. Uncle Noggin had already disappeared into the darkness of the storm drain.

  “Buuuuttttttonnnnnnnnnnnnn!”

  The ship’s boy turned at the sound of his name.

  For the second time that day, a familiar sight was rushing toward him on the river of rainwater. It was Captain Crabsticks and Lily, using bottletops as floats.

  Captain Crabsticks stretched out his hand. “Grab a hold, young Button!” he yelled. “We’re on a rescue mission!”

  Button didn’t have to think twice. He took a flying leap into the water, just managing to grasp the Captain’s hand as he and Lily sailed by.

  The drain was getting closer and closer. Button bit his lip. Other than Uncle Noggin, what might be waiting down there in the darkness?

  He didn’t have long to wonder. With a deafening rush of water, the three Pocket Pirates plunged into the drain.

  Button lost his grip on the Captain’s hand. He felt like he was falling for miles, until, with a great SPLASHHHHH, he landed in yet more water. He coughed and spluttered, shivering and trying to stay above the surface. It was pretty dark inside the drain, and chilly too. He pushed his dripping hair out of his eyes.

  Lily and the Captain bobbed up next to him.

  “Good thing I taught you both to swim in that goldfish bowl all those years ago,” said Captain Crabsticks.

  “Is that what it feels like to walk the plank?” Lily said, and coughed up a stomachful of rainwater.

  “I’m so sorry,” said Button, feeling ashamed. “This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have left the shop.”

  “ You’re right, young chap. You shouldn’t have left the shop,” the Captain said. “But Uncle Noggin shouldn’t have gone chasing after that sandwich either. Now, let’s put our thinking caps on and work out how we can get back to dry land.”

  Just then, something moved in the water.

  “What was that?” whispered Lily in alarm.

  “I don’t know, but I think I saw a tail. . . .” Button whispered back.

  “Rats,” said the Captain. “They like it down here in the drains.”

  “I hope they’re not as evil as Pepper Jack and the other baseboard mice in the shop,” Lily said, in a panicked voice. “They’ll swallow us whole!”

  “Look there, up ahead,” Button said, “there’s a brick sticking out of the wall. We can climb out. Maybe we’ll be able to see Uncle Noggin from there.”

  The pirates swam over to the brick ledge, struggling against the swirling current as it tried to tug them in different directions. They hauled themselves out one by one and sank into a soaking heap.

  Something that wasn’t a rat came bobbing past in the water.

  “Ergh . . . What is THAT?” Lily said.

  “Is that . . . red pepper?” said Button, peering into the murk.

  “I think it’s come from Uncle Noggin’s sandwich,” Captain Crabsticks said. “He must be nearby!”

  “UNCLE NOGGGGGGGINNNN!” Button called into the darkness, his voice bouncing off the brick walls and echoing around the murky drain.

  They waited and waited, holding their breath, but there was no reply.

  “Sorry, crew. He’s not out there,” the Captain said sadly, pulling his coat more tightly around him. “And, by Neptune, we can’t stay on this ledge forever, we’ll freeze!”

  “I wish there was something to sail on,” said Lily. “The water’s so cold.”

  And just as the words came out of her mouth, Button spotted something else floating toward them in the distance.

  “It’s definitely a rat this time,” said Lily, shuddering.

  “I can’t see a tail, Lily,” Button replied, leaning out as far as he could from the ledge to have a good look. “Actually, I think it might be a bit of wood. Hang on . . .”

  “What IS that revolting smell?” Captain Crabsticks said, wafting his hat in front of his face.

  There was a sudden splash as Button, who had been leaning out too far, toppled into the water. And at exactly the same time, Lily yelped.

  “It’s not a rat! And it’s not wood, either. Button . . . I think you might want to get out of that water . . . QUICK!”

  “Ahem.” The Captain coughed. “It’s—er—a big brown pirate ship . . . from the world of lavatory.”

  “A GIANT POO!” shrieked
Button, and frantically swam back to the ledge.

  He pulled himself out of the water just in time to avoid being bashed on the head by the floating lump.

  After that, no one wanted to get into the water again. How in the Seven Seas were they going find Uncle Noggin and escape now?

  The three little pirates sat on their ledge feeling very glum.

  They had lost a crewmate, they were cold and hungry, and they really, really, REALLY didn’t want to get back into the stinky drain water.

  Suddenly, they heard a gentle splashing sound, closely followed by a cheerful voice singing a sea shanty.

  “Heave-ho, heave-ho, drop the anchor, away we go. . . .”

  Button gasped. It couldn’t be!

  “Uncle Noggin?” he called.

  “Ahoy there, me hearties!” came the reply.

  Balancing on his lollipop like it was a surfboard and using a cotton swab as a paddle, Uncle Noggin steered his way over to the ledge, a huge cheesy grin on his face at the sight of his friends.

  “Welcome back, old chap,” the Captain said, shaking Noggin’s hand.

  “So glad to see you again, Uncle Noggin,” Lily cried, forgetting how angry she’d been with him for running off after the sandwich. She and Button both threw their arms around the soggy, stinky old pirate, giving him an enormous squeeze.

  “So, now what do we do?” said Uncle Noggin, propping up his lollipop and cotton swab and settling himself down on the ledge. “We’re still stuck in a drain, we’re miles underground, and none of us knows how to get out again.”

  For what seemed like hours, the Pocket Pirates tried to plot their escape. Most of the ideas were interrupted by Uncle Noggin and his tales of adventure, not to mention food. It was as if Uncle Noggin had a recipe to go with every story, but talking about food only made the pirates feel hungrier.