And Then There Was Me

by Sadeqa Johnson

  SEVEN

  TGIF

  Lonnie gave Bea the sweetest kiss good-bye at the front door. A black sedan was at the curb waiting for him. His heavy cologne made Bea sneeze.

  “You okay?”

  “I might be allergic to you,” she teased.

  “I won’t be gone long. I left some cash for you in my top drawer, rolled in my Jets sock. Have some fun, take the kids to dinner and a movie or something.”

  “I hate sleeping in this house alone.”

  “We live in one of the safest neighborhoods in the county. Just remember to do a safety check tonight and put the alarm on.”

  “We should get a dog.”

  “You said you didn’t want another child.” He patted her belly.

  “I have an appointment today.”

  “Everything will be fine. Tell my favorite cousin hello.” He squeezed her hand. “I better go, don’t want to miss my flight.”

  “Miss your flight.” She pulled on his tie. Bea didn’t know why she was feeling so vulnerable. Lonnie traveled often for business and usually it felt like a vacation for her. Today, she really didn’t want him to go. She stood in the doorway until his car turned the corner.

  * * *

  In the kitchen she nibbled on a bowl of granola and then filled her water bottle up before heading out to her car. She had about thirty minutes to get to her monthly doctor’s appointment. Mena had already texted her three times that morning to remind her, as if she would forget.

  They met in the lobby of Morristown Medical Center and hugged.

  “Hey, chica.” Mena held on tight. She was a beautiful woman with dark, black hair. When she let Bea go from their embrace, Bea noticed that she had added in hair extensions. Her makeup was also heavier.

  “You look nice,” Bea commented. She reminded Bea of one of those women on the Bravo show The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

  “What’s the occasion?”

  “This.” Mena smiled sheepishly.

  “Well, you look fabulous, darling. No Clark today?”

  “He had to be in court. But he wants me to take a few pictures of your belly if that’s okay.”

  “Of course.”

  Bea checked in with the receptionist and then they took a seat in the lobby. Live with Kelly was on. The waiting room was nearly empty, with only one other expectant mother on her phone in the corner with her toddler playing with a rubber toy.

  “How have you been feeling?” Mena dropped her hand onto Bea’s belly.

  “Good. Tired but good.” Bea looked into Mena’s eyes. “What’s going on with you?”

  “The cancer came back,” Mena blurted.

  Bea felt her heart stop and then restart. “Oh, Mena.”

  “It’s under control and I should be fine. They’ve already started radiation. My doctor said I should be recovering fine by the time the baby is born. I just want my child. I just want to be a mother.” Her eyes welled up.

  “It’s going to happen before you know it. Everything is going to be fine.”

  The medical assistant opened the door. “Beatrice Colon.”

  “That’s us.” Bea took Mena’s hand.

  “Room three.”

  Mena took a seat in the corner.

  “Okay, step up on the scale.”

  “No,” Bea replied tightly. Mena looked at her. “Please check my file.”

  “Oh, sorry.”

  The assistant checked Bea’s blood pressure, pulse, and other vitals and then told her that the doctor would be with her shortly.

  “How come you never want to know how much you weigh?”

  “It’s a mind thing. Did it with all of the pregnancies.”

  Mena opened her mouth to say more but the doctor knocked and then entered. “My buddy, Beatrice. How’s it going?”

  “Dr. Spellman, you cut your hair. It looks amazing.”

  “Thanks. Just trying to change things up a bit.” She grinned. Her hair was chopped short on the sides with a curly, cherry-red ’fro on top. She was curvy under her white lab coat and wore peep-toe platform pumps.

  “Well, you look young and hip.”

  “Thank you.” She flipped open her chart. “Well, you’re not doing so badly yourself. Your urine came back normal and your blood pressure looks fine. How have you been feeling?”

  Bea felt like a seasoned pro at carrying babies. “Fine for the most part. This baby kicks all the time so I have a little trouble sleeping.”

  “Oh, Bea, I’m sorry she’s keeping you up.”

  Bea smiled at Mena. “My knees have been bothering me.”

  “Have you been exercising?”

  “Not nearly as much as I should.”

  “Get out and walk. Ten to twenty minutes a day. Nothing too strenuous. That should help. Let me look at you.”

  Dr. Spellman went through the examination, measuring Bea’s uterus and listening to her chest and back. “You must be dying to hear your baby’s heartbeat.” She smiled at Mena.

  “Yes, I am.” Mena beamed. “Do you mind if I call my husband?”

  “Of course, whatever you need.”

  Mena got Clark on the phone and the doctor put the Doppler device on Bea’s belly, moving it around until she found the heartbeat.

  “Hear it, babe?” Mena shouted to Clark.

  “Yes, wow!” he replied.

  “Everything looks good,” said the doctor. “The baby is growing well. Heart rate is perfect. Keep doing what you’re doing, Beatrice, and we will have a healthy baby in no time.”

  “Thanks, doc.”

  “Oh, Bea. I need five minutes with you to go over some quick paperwork. How about we meet in my office in ten minutes. You know where it is, right?”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  When the doctor left, Mena exhaled.

  “Come here.” Bea opened her arms to her. “Relax. Take care of yourself, get better, and I promise to deliver you a healthy baby girl. No more worrying.”

  “Okay, Bea. Thanks for everything.”

  “I’ll stop by to see the nursery this weekend. I’ll bring the kids.”

  “Yeah, that would be good. I need to be close to her. The treatment makes me so tired.”

  “I’ll bring some food.”

  “Don’t bother, Clark can fire up the grill.”

  “Okay. Oh, here, take your monthly pictures of my belly.” Bea lifted her shirt. Mena snapped away.

  “Thanks, Bea. I really don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re my angel.”

  Bea made her way into Dr. Spellman’s office. She was waiting behind her cherry wood desk when she entered. Degrees from Johns Hopkins and the University of Pennsylvania hung on the wall along with a family portrait of her husband, daughter Cecily, and their dog.

  “What’s up?”

  “How’s the eating going?”

  “Fine.”

  “Any new incidents I should know about? I got your e-mail.”

  Bea shifted in her seat. “No, I’ve been really good since then. I’m back on track.”

  “Have you been attending any of the support groups I suggested?”

  “No, I’ve got it under control.”

  “Bea, we are at the home stretch. It’s my job to give you as much support as possible. I really want you to attend a monthly meeting. It’s only going to help.” She put on her reading glasses and then scribbled on her notepad.

  “This group meets at St. Barnabas the first Saturday of the month. If you go twice, the baby will be born.” She slid the paper across the desk.

  Bea pouted.

  “You really are doing an amazing job. This group will just help you end well.”

  “Okay. Thanks, doc.”

  “My pleasure.”

  “How are the college applications going for Cecily?”

  “Girl, that’s a job in itself. Her dad wants her to go to an HBCU, either Hampton or Spelman. I’d like to see her at one of my alma maters. We will see where she ends up.”

  “I can’t i
magine applying for college. Just thinking about Chico going to high school in a few years freaks me out.”

  “It goes fast.”

  “So I hear.” Bea pushed herself to stand. “Well, see you next month.”

  “Go to the meeting, Bea. Please,” the doctor pleaded.

  Bea held up the slip of paper and left the office. A support group was the last thing she wanted. They worked but they also depressed her, brought her disease to light when she was doing a good job of controlling it on her own. When she got to the parking lot, she let the paper go and watched it sail into the wind before falling to the ground.

  EIGHT

  Sleepover

  The errand list for today was to stop at the grocery store to pick up some quick kid food—nuggets or something—since Lonnie wouldn’t be home and to get his things from the dry cleaner. Usually the man who owned the business would help her carry her things to the car but it was only the wife behind the counter. So Bea had to make two trips. When she walked out with her last load, she bumped into her neighbor, Joney.

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.” Joney smiled and her whole face lit up. Joney was feminine and dainty but walked with purpose. When she spoke, it was like her whole body was shining from within. Bea could never put her finger on Joney’s inner mystery but she desperately wanted her secret.

  “How are the kids?”

  “Fine. Winding down the school year. Thank goodness. I’m ready for the break in the schedule.”

  “I remember those days. Now, mine barely call.”

  Bea’s expression dropped.

  “They prefer FaceTime or Skype.” Joney added, “I’m running to the electronics store now to pick up my laptop. My lovely dog spilled my tea on it. Keep your fingers crossed for me that it still works.”

  “It will.”

  Joney rubbed Bea’s belly. “Ready to birth this angel?”

  “Almost. Is it still okay for the kids to come over when I go into labor?”

  “Yes, of course. They’ll be fun. It’s been so long since I’ve had little people to make cookies with.”

  “Thanks, Joney, it really means a lot to me. I’ve packed them a little bag so they can have a few basic things. I’ll drop it off this week.”

  “If I’m not there just leave it on the porch. No one will bother it.” Joney looked up at the sky and then smacked her hand against her forehead. “Did you hear about the home invasion that happened yesterday?”

  “No.”

  “Oh my God. Only a few blocks from us. The man beat the woman up in front of her children and then robbed the place.”

  “In this town?”

  “No one can believe it. Honestly, I don’t like to keep negative energy going in my vibration but this one has been hard to shake.”

  “Thanks for telling me. I never have time to watch the news.”

  “I don’t either. It’s filled with such garbage. Every story is a horrific murder or child abuse, or a robbery gone wrong. It’s terrible. How can people sleep at night with all of that fear that the media is pumping? I wouldn’t even want to know this but since it happened so close, everywhere I go people are talking about it.”

  “I’m surprised Lonnie didn’t hear about it. He’s my news guy.”

  “Well, just be safe, but honestly, don’t linger on it too long. I’m going to a special Yin yoga class tonight to clean up my energy. I need to put this past me; it’s really interfering with my sleep.” She waved to Bea and headed in the opposite direction.

  The news was all Bea could think about. As soon as she got into her house, she locked the back door, which she never did, and scanned for the news on her tablet. She came across a video and watched it.

  * * *

  Breaking news: An intruder entered a home in Evergreen. Beat a woman with his bare hands in front of her children and then robbed the place. It was all caught on the nanny cam.

  Bea found herself tightening as she watched, hoping that the man wasn’t any shade of brown. The incident took place three blocks from her house. That could have been her. She always left a window open and sometimes the sliding glass door to the patio for the fresh air. The broadcast flashed a picture of the man. He was big and black. Bea grabbed her cell phone and dialed Awilda.

  “I need you to come stay the night with me.”

  “Why, where’s the hubby?”

  Bea explained.

  “Slumber party it is then. It will be my pleasure to spend a night away from that man. Wait until I tell you what the fool has done now.”

  * * *

  Bea was too frazzled to cook and instead ordered pizza and a Greek salad. She put a movie on for Alana and let Chico play the Xbox, while Awilda helped herself to Lonnie’s liquor cabinet.

  “This is supposed to be the crème of the suburbs. I can’t even afford to rent a damn apartment on this side of town. Don’t make sense to pay all of that and not be safe.”

  “Girl, my nerves are wrecked. Safety and school district were Lonnie’s biggest selling points.” Bea sat down on the love seat. Awilda sat in the reclining chair. “Remember that time that someone broke into Mrs. Lobo’s apartment down the hall from me?”

  “We were shaking in our boots because your mom left us in the house by ourselves to get her hair done.”

  Bea laughed. “The hallway was crawling with cops. I was scared that they were going to knock on the door and ask us if we’d seen anything.”

  “They did knock, remember? We hid in your mother’s closet and turned off the lights and the TV trying to pretend that no one was there.”

  “Oh, yeah. Then we crept to the window and tried to listen to what was happening on the fire escape.”

  “That was when my mother had a beeper. I remember beeping her and putting in nine-one-one.”

  “I used to beep my boyfriend sixty-nine.”

  “’Cause you’re fresh.” Bea made eyes at Awilda. “I beeped mine sixty-eight. I owe you one.”

  “You wasn’t doing nothing, Bea, but pretending to be down.”

  “I was down enough.”

  “If I were more like you I wouldn’t have ended up pregnant with Amare.”

  Bea pulled the throw over her. “Derrick was always a good guy. If it had to happen with anyone, better him than some of those other knuckleheads.”

  “Derrick and his mother went behind my back and applied for disability.”

  “What’s wrong with that? My mother lives off hers.”

  “It means he can’t legally work again. Period. He’s in the system.”

  “I thought he was managing things?”

  “Me too.” Awilda sucked her teeth. “Bea, I’m not trying to have a grown-ass man sitting up in the house all day watching Jerry Springer and Judge Judy.”

  “Those shows still come on?”

  “They didn’t even consult me, just went behind my back and filed.”

  “Did Derrick say why?”

  “Because his mother thought it was a good idea. How the hell did I end up with such a mama’s boy? I swear before God, if I hadn’t been pregnant…”

  “Stop it, Wilde. Let me fix you another drink.” Bea leaned forward to get up off the sofa but Awilda stopped her.

  “Girl, sit, I got it. You want anything?”

  “Bring me a bowl of popcorn and a little seltzer—”

  “With ice, I know.”

  Awilda returned, put the bowl in front of Bea, and took the remote back to her seat. She had a mixed drink and a napkin filled with chocolate-chip cookies.

  “Man, this is like old times.” She plopped down. “Want me to comb out your messy hair?”

  Bea felt her bun. “I might take you up on that later. But you can grab the polish and paint my toes.”

  “How come you haven’t gone for a pedicure?”

  “I haven’t had the time. Please?”

  “Only ’cause you’re pregnant, heffa.” Awilda went into the powder room and came back with Bea’s bag of polishes.

&nbs
p; “Oooh, this one.” Bea picked out raging red. Awilda settled down on the floor in front of her and placed Bea’s foot in her lap.

  “I often think about our weekends together growing up. Your place was the highlight of my week. I couldn’t wait to get out of North Plainfield and be free of my mother.”

  “I always liked your mother.”

  “That’s ’cause you didn’t live with her. Remember her announcing that we were vegans when I was like fifteen?”

  “She used to send your food to my house and everything.”

  “And it went right in the garbage.”

  Bea sipped her seltzer. “We used to eat so much on those weekends.”

  “If my mother knew I was over there eating Ding Dongs and Pop-Tarts instead of brown rice and tofu she would have had a fit.”

  “Sure would have.”

  “You still spitting up?”

  The seltzer went down the wrong pipe and Bea coughed. “Huh?”

  Awilda reached up and patted Bea’s back. “You remember how we use to eat a ton and then throw it all up? I don’t have the stomach for that anymore but it was cool in high school. Kept the pounds off. You remember?”

  Bea dropped her shoulders, relieved. “Oh, girl. I haven’t done that since that time we were rolling around on my bathroom floor.”

  Awilda looked up at Bea.

  “Wilde, we ate everything we could get our hands on and then washed it down with my mother’s coconut concoction.”

  “That drink was always her specialty. She could really make some money off of it.”

  “I think she was for a while, selling it to people in the building and for parties. Little extra income after my father died to make ends meet.”

  Awilda placed Bea’s right foot on the ground and then put the left one in her lap. “You mother was a godsend. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t have had any place to go once I got knocked up with Amare.”

  “Well, you know Irma loves you.”

  “My mother cared more about what her congregation thought. That’s her problem. Always putting on airs.”

  “She is the first lady.”

  “So what? I’m her daughter. She went to great lengths to keep up appearances. So ready to drop me off at your mom’s so she could follow my father around.”