The Secret Place

by Tana French

  ‘I know, right? I don’t know what kind of TV he watches, but, like, barf? I said it to Joanne: the only reason a guy doesn’t want to tell people is either because you’re a swamp-monster and he’s ashamed of you, which Joanne completely isn’t, or else because he’s keeping his options open.’

  Julia closes her book, but she keeps it on her lap. ‘So?’ she says.

  ‘So Joanne was all, “OhmyGod, Gemma, you are so cynical, what is wrong with you, are you jealous or something?” Chris had her completely convinced this was some huge romance.’

  Julia mimes puking. A couple of Colm’s guys, up towards the front of the bus, are turning around to look at them, grinning and talking louder and shouldering each other. Gemma doesn’t smile back, or do that annoying thing where she pretends to ignore them and sticks her boobs out; instead she rolls her eyes and lowers her voice.

  ‘Like, she was starting to wonder if he was the love of her life. She kept talking about how someday she could tell their kids how they used to sneak away for these little secret meetings.’

  ‘Adorable,’ Julia says. ‘So how come she’s not showing off her engagement ring?’

  Gemma says flatly, ‘She wasn’t shagging him, so he dumped her. Not even face to face. One evening they were supposed to meet up in the park, and Chris just didn’t show up and didn’t answer his phone. She texted him like ten times, trying to figure out what happened – at first she thought he had to be in hospital or something. A couple of days later, we were down at the Court and he walked straight past us. Saw us and looked the other way.’

  Julia stashes away the image of Joanne’s face, to enjoy later. ‘That’s shitty.’

  ‘Yeah, you think?’

  ‘How come she wouldn’t shag him?’ Julia’s never thought of Joanne as the save-it-for-marriage type.

  ‘Well, she was going to. She’s not frigid or anything. She was just holding off so he wouldn’t think she was a slut, and to make him more into her. She’d actually decided to go for it, she was just waiting for one of them to have a free gaff at the weekend – she wasn’t about to do it in the Field like some skanger. Only she hadn’t said that to Chris, because she wanted him on his toes. So he got sick of waiting and dumped her.’

  ‘So the point of this story is, basically,’ Julia says, ‘Joanne’s still all into Chris, so that makes him her property and everyone else in the world should back off. Did I miss anything?’

  ‘Yeah, actually,’ Gemma says, giving her a fish-eyed stare. ‘You did.’

  She waits till Julia says, with a noisy sigh, ‘OK. What?’

  ‘Joanne’s tough.’

  ‘Joanne’s a bitch.’

  Gemma shrugs. ‘Whatever. She’s not soft. But what Chris did, that totally wrecked her head. Afterwards, she had to pretend she was sick for a whole week, so she could stay in our room.’

  Julia remembers that. Back at the time she considered telling people Joanne had come out in huge pus-filled face boils, but she wasn’t interested enough to put in the effort. ‘What was she, crying?’

  ‘She couldn’t stop crying. She looked like a total mess, and she wasn’t going to have anyone see her like that – plus she was scared she’d burst into tears in the middle of, like, French, and people would guess. But mostly it was because she was like, if she saw Chris or any of his mates, she’d die right there of embarrassment. She was all, “I can’t ever go out again, ever, I’m going to have to get my parents to transfer me to a school in London or somewhere . . .” It took me a week to get it through her head that she had to go out and see him, and act like she barely even remembered his name, or he’d know how upset she was, and then he’d think she was pathetic. That’s how guys work. If you care more about them than they do about you, they hate you for it.’

  Julia would give more than ever for a chance to punch Chris’s teeth in. Not because he hurt Joanne’s precious feelings, which from Julia’s viewpoint is the only bright spot in this whole vile mess; because all this is happening over such a little piece of shit. Selena ruining everything, the look on Finn’s face in the Field: all because of some fifth-rate wankstain who’s never had a thought in his head beyond want pussy.

  She says, ‘So how is this my problem?’

  Gemma says, ‘So Selena’s not tough.’

  ‘Tougher than you think.’

  ‘Yeah? Tough enough that when Chris pulls the same thing on her, she’ll be totally fine? Which he definitely will. I guarantee you he’s giving her all the same lovey-dovey crap he gave Joanne, and if Jo fell for it, Selena is too. In a couple of weeks she’ll be positive they’re going to get married. And even if she’s shagging him—’

  ‘She’s not.’

  Gemma throws Julia a sceptical one. Julia says, ‘She’s not shagging him. And not because she’s frigid.’

  ‘Well,’ Gemma says. ‘Even if she is shagging him, and even more if she’s not, sooner or later he’ll get bored. So he’ll vanish off her phone and treat her like she doesn’t exist. How gutted is Selena going to be? Specially once she hears whatever Jo puts around about why she got dumped. Because you know that’s going to be good. You think she’ll get over it in a week? Or do you think she’ll have an actual nervous breakdown?’

  Julia doesn’t answer. Gemma says, ‘Selena’s already . . . I mean, not being a bitch, but let’s face it, she doesn’t seem like it’d take much to push her over the edge.’

  ‘I went through Selena’s phone,’ Julia says. ‘There’s nothing on there from Chris. Nothing that could be from him, even.’

  Gemma snorts. ‘Course not. When he was going out with Joanne? He gave her a special secret phone, just for texting him. You know Alison’s new phone? The pink one? That was it – Joanne made Alison buy it off her, after they broke up. I can’t even remember what his excuse was, but basically if you ask me he was scared her parents or the nuns or one of us would go through her actual phone and find out. He told her to keep it hidden.’

  When of course the first thing Joanne had done with that phone was show it to all her friends. Not just a fifth-rate wankstain; a thick-as-pig-shit fifth-rate wankstain.

  Gemma says, ‘So I bet Selena’s got a special super-secret phone stashed away somewhere.’

  ‘Jesus,’ Julia says. ‘How much pocket money does he get?’

  ‘As much as he wants. I heard’ – a smile slides across the corner of Gemma’s mouth; she isn’t telling where she heard it – ‘he’s got a separate phone too, just for girls he’s with. You know what the other guys call it? Chris’s pussyphone.’

  That kind of shit right there is why they made the vow in the first place. Julia wants to get a table-tennis racket and smack some sense into Selena’s head. ‘Classy.’

  Gemma says, ‘He’s good. You need to get this fixed before Selena has time to be seriously in love with him.’

  ‘If she was going out with him,’ Julia says, after a moment, ‘then yeah. It sounds like I would.’

  They sit there in a silence that feels strangely companionable. The bus bumps over potholes.

  ‘I don’t know Chris,’ Julia says. ‘I’ve never even really talked to him. If you wanted to get him to dump someone fast, how would you do it?’

  ‘Good luck with that. Chris . . .’ Gemma mimes it, one hand coming down edge-first to point straight ahead: single-minded. ‘He knows what he wants, and he goes for it. Forget him. Work on Selena, get her to dump him. Not the other way around.’

  ‘Selena’s not with him. Remember? I’m just asking if. For the laugh. If working on the girl was out, how would you work on Chris?’

  Gemma pulls pink lip gloss and a mirror out of her weekend bag and puts it on, taking her time, like it helps her think. She says, ‘Joanne told me to tell him Selena’s got gonorrhoea. Which would probably do it.’

  Julia changes her mind: bright spot or no bright spot, she wishes Joanne and Chris had stayed together. They’re perfect for each other.

  She says, ‘Do it and I’ll tell Holly’s dad
you buy speed off the groundskeeper to lose weight.’

  ‘Whatever.’ Gemma rubs her lips together and examines them in the mirror. ‘You seriously figure Selena’s not shagging him?’

  ‘Yeah. And she’s not going to.’

  ‘Well,’ Gemma says. She screws the lip gloss shut and drops it back into her bag. ‘You could try telling him that. Probably he won’t believe you, because he thinks he’s just so irresistible only a crazy person would actually say no to him. But if you can convince him, then he’ll dump Selena for the first girl who does it. That fast.’

  ‘So why doesn’t Joanne go for it? Tell him she wants his sexy body, but only if he breaks it off with Selena?’

  ‘I said that. She said no way, he had his chance and he missed it.’

  In other words, Joanne is terrified Chris would turn her down. ‘You’re her little sidekick,’ Julia says. ‘You’re not going to do her dirty work?’

  A slow, wet smile opens Gemma’s mouth, but she shakes her head. ‘Um, yeah, no?’

  ‘Like you’re not into him? I didn’t think you’d even need an excuse.’

  ‘He’s totes yum. Not the point. Joanne would have a coronary.’

  Julia says, suddenly, ‘If you’re that scared of her, why do you hang out with her?’

  Gemma inspects her mouth in the mirror, dabs away a smear with the tip of her little finger. ‘I’m not scared of her. I just don’t piss her off.’

  ‘She’d be seriously pissed off if she found out you’d told me about Chris dumping her.’

  ‘Yeah, I’d rather she didn’t find out. Obviously.’

  Julia is turned in her seat, watching Gemma straight on. She says, ‘So how come you told me? It’s not like you care if Selena gets her heart broken.’

  Gemma lifts one shoulder. ‘Not a lot.’

  ‘So?’

  ‘Because fuck him. Probably you’re right and Joanne’s a bitch, but she’s my friend. And you didn’t see the state she was in, afterwards.’ Gemma clicks the mirror shut and slides it back into her bag. ‘We already started a rumour that she dumped him because he wanted to wear a nappy and have her change it for him—’

  ‘Ew,’ Julia says, impressed.

  Gemma shrugs. ‘It’s an actual thing. There’s guys who are into that. It didn’t work, though; nobody believed it. We should’ve just said he couldn’t get it up, or he had a tiny dick or something.’

  ‘So,’ Julia says, ‘since you didn’t manage to fuck him up, you want me to do it for you. I get Selena to dump him, then you’ll make sure everyone knows he got dumped, embarrass him the same way he embarrassed Joanne.’

  ‘Basically,’ Gemma says, unfazed. ‘Yeah.’

  ‘OK,’ Julia says. ‘Here’s the deal. I’ll get them split up. Fast.’ She has no idea how. ‘But you make sure Joanne and whatstheirnames don’t tell anyone he was ever with Selena. You guys can say Joanne dumped him or something, if you want to embarrass him. Selena doesn’t come into it. Ever. None of that gonorrhoea crap, nothing. Deal?’

  Gemma thinks it over. Julia says, ‘Or I’ll tell Joanne you told me she thought she was going to marry Chris and have his ickle babies.’

  Gemma makes a wry face. ‘OK,’ she says. ‘Deal.’

  Julia nods. ‘Deal,’ she says, almost to herself. She wonders if there’s any chance Gemma will stay there, not talking, just being solid and smelling of sticky lip gloss, till they get to school.

  The bus pulls up at a stop, rocks under the rush of feet getting on. High excited voices, girls – ‘OhmyGod, you did not just say that, you did not—’

  ‘See you around,’ Gemma says. She gets up and heaves her weekend bag onto her shoulder. Up front the Colm’s guys see her stand up, and get louder. Just before Gemma swings her hips down the aisle towards them, she smiles at Julia and lifts her hand in a little wave.

  Chapter 23

  The art room was turning chilly. Conway had pulled her chair up the table, next to mine. Bad Cop in the house.

  This time she didn’t turn round when Mackey and I came in. Neither did Holly, just kept gouging deep fingernail-curves in her ball of clay and thinking her own things. They hadn’t been listening to each other, not this time; they’d been checking their armour, their weapons, preparing for the moment when we walked back in. Over by the window, the copper-wire school bloomed with a cold shimmer. The moon was high, staring in at us all.

  Mackey leaned back on his table again. Every time he shifted, I twitched. All I could think about: what it was, that he was waiting to do. His look, cold and amused, said he hadn’t missed it.

  Conway caught my eye, as I sat down beside her. Hers said: Ready. Steady. Go.

  She didn’t rewind to where we’d been, to how Holly had to have hated Chris. No point: Mackey had wrecked that moment, nice and thorough. Instead she said, ‘You were right: we’ve narrowed the card down to the eight of you. One of the other seven knows who killed Chris.’

  Holly rolled the clay along the table, from hand to hand. ‘Yeah, well. Or at least she says she does.’

  ‘How do you feel about that?’

  Incredulous face. ‘How do I feel ? What is this, Guidance? You want me to draw a picture of my feelings in coloured pencil?’

  ‘Are you worried?’

  ‘If I was worried, I wouldn’t have brought you the card to begin with. Duh.’

  Too brazen, that hair-flick. Holly was putting it on.

  That morning, she’d been grand with the card. Since then, something had happened.

  I said, ‘That just means you weren’t worried this morning. How about now?’

  ‘What would I worry about?’

  Conway said, ‘That one of your friends knows something that could put her in danger. Or that someone knows something that you might not want us to find out.’

  Holly threw herself back in her chair, hands flying up. ‘Oh my God, look. Nobody in school knows what happened to Chris. Joanne invented the card because she was looking for attention. OK?’

  Conway lifted an eyebrow. ‘How come you didn’t say this to Detective Moran when you brought him the card? “Here you go, and by the way, it’s a load of bollix, this girl Joanne Heffernan made it up.” Or did something happen since this morning, to make Joanne into your favourite theory?’

  ‘Joanne keeps trying to get us into shit, is what’s happened. When you guys showed up, obviously she totally freaked out – she probably wasn’t expecting actual police, because she’s an actual idiot. So she’s spent all day frantically trying to make you look at us, so you won’t figure out what she did and she won’t get in trouble for wasting your time. Why would she be arsed, unless she had something she didn’t want you noticing?’

  Conway said, ‘If she wanted to make us look at you and your mates, she’s done a good job.’

  ‘Yeah, obviously. Or I wouldn’t be sitting here. It never even occurred to you that she might be a huge liar?’

  ‘I’d say she is, all right. But we don’t need to take her word for anything. Selena meeting Chris, for example: when all we had was Joanne’s word for it, we weren’t too impressed. But then she showed us video. Of the two of them together.’

  Something skidding across Holly’s face. Not surprise.

  That video was how Holly had known about Chris and Selena.

  She said, coolly, ‘What a pervert. I’m not even surprised.’

  Conway said, and I felt her mind right there next to mine, ‘Did she show it to you?’

  Snort. ‘Yeah, no. Joanne and I don’t share stuff.’

  Conway shook her head. ‘I wasn’t thinking about sharing and caring. I was thinking about blackmail.’

  Blank. ‘Like how?’

  ‘Joanne went out with Chris for a while. Before he was with Selena.’

  Holly’s eyebrows went up. ‘Yeah? Shame it didn’t work out.’

  Still no surprise. I asked, ‘You think Joanne was happy that he dumped her for Selena?’

  ‘I doubt it. I hope it gave her a brain
aneurysm.’

  ‘Just about,’ Conway said. ‘You know Joanne better than I do. You think it would piss her off enough that she’d want him dead?’

  ‘Oh yeah. Definitely. Can I go now, and you can bother her instead?’

  ‘Thing is,’ I said, ‘we’re pretty sure Joanne didn’t actually kill Chris. We’re wondering if she got someone to do it for her.’

  ‘Orla,’ Holly said promptly. ‘Any dirty work Joanne wants done, she gets Orla to do it.’

  Conway was shaking her head. ‘Nah. We’ve got solid evidence that it was one of your four.’

  Still nothing out of Mackey, not yet, but his eyes were fixed on Conway. Holly had the same look on her. No more messing with the clay, that was over. She knew: this was the heart of it. She said, ‘Evidence like what?’

  ‘We’ll get to that. We think maybe Joanne showed that video to one of you four. Told her, “Get rid of Chris for me, or this goes to McKenna and you all get expelled.”’

  Conway was leaning in, picking up the rhythm. I eased back, put my head down over my notebook. Left her to it.

  Holly’s eyebrows were up. ‘And we just went, “Uhhh, OK, anything you say”? Seriously? If we were that terrified of being expelled, we wouldn’t’ve snuck out to begin with. We’d’ve stayed inside like good little girls.’

  ‘Not just because you were scared of being expelled. Joanne picked carefully. She picked someone who’d do a lot to protect her mates, who was already frantic about the damage Chris was doing, already hated his guts—’

  Conway was ticking off finger after finger, relentless. Holly snapped, ‘I’m not stupid – Dad, leave me alone, I want to say this! If I was going to kill someone, which I didn’t, no way would I do it in some kind of conspiracy with Joanne Heffernan. And be stuck for the rest of my life with that bitch holding that over my head? Do I look brain-dead? No fucking way. No matter what she had on video.’

  ‘Language,’ said Mackey lazily. Eyes still sparking alert, but there was a twitch at the corner of his mouth. His kid was holding her own.

  ‘Whatever. And before you even start to say, oh, then it could’ve been Julia or Selena or Becca, the exact same thing goes for them. Did we do something to make you think we’re the biggest idiots you’ve ever met? Or what?’