Egg the Halls

by Jessica Payseur

“Someone tried to poison me,” said Kiko. “Then threw a brick at me, but hit Chad.”

  Justine shook her head, little wry smile on her face.

  “I am smart,” she said. “I’d never try to kill anyone.”

  “You telling the truth?” asked Ben, frowning. She nodded.

  “Yes. I’m responsible for the egging and paintballing, nothing else.”

  Kiko and Dom glanced at each other.

  * * * *

  Chapter 19

  By Tuesday there had been no further attempts at Kiko’s life. Dom was ready to be relieved by the time lunchtime came and went and he and Kiko were still in Yolks on You together, taking care of the customers. In a few hours, Kiko would close up for three days and come home to Dom, who wished family had already left. It was so hard to snag time with Kiko already. Dom figured it’d be impossible for Christmas.

  “You don’t look happy,” said Kiko after he’d rung up a customer. Dom was rinsing out eggnog glasses behind the counter and shrugged. “It’s that we don’t know who poisoned the rolls or threw the brick.”

  “Ben trying to protect his daughter,” said Dom. “Why else would it have stopped?”

  “So I’m safe now. What is it?”

  Dom sighed.

  “I miss you,” he muttered. He couldn’t look at Kiko. After a moment he felt Kiko’s hand on his waist, the action concealed from customers behind the counter. When he finally looked over, Kiko was smiling at him.

  “We’re going to find alone time in the next few days.”

  “Next year, no family,” said Dom. “Just us.” He paused. “Let’s go away somewhere. Christmas vacation. You, me, room service.” He wanted to mention the amount of lube they’d need, too, but there were children around. Kiko’s eyes glittered.

  “I’ll consider it,” he said. He released Dom’s hip and went to read a book to a whining child, leaving Dom wishing for more time together. Some days it seemed the only way he and Kiko could really be together was when he came to Yolks on You to help. He’d really have to push for that second full-time employee after Chad moved to Madison and stopped coming by.

  The door jingled and Buddy and Martha appeared next to the near-empty tree. Martha put her hands up as Kiko approached them, and even Dom could hear well across the store as she said, “I know, I know, I’m not carrying.”

  Dom leaned on the counter. Martha loved her guns like Buddy loved his cow.

  “Anyway, it’s the other guy we want to see,” said Martha, and she and Buddy brushed past Kiko, who stared after them as they approached the counter. Dom straightened, hoping that they weren’t about to let him in on their favorite sauces for personal use after having exhausted Kiko’s ears with it.

  “Yolks on You, can I help you?” asked Dom as they approached, and Martha laughed.

  “Not bad,” said Buddy. “But we’re not here to buy anything.”

  Not having to sell them a cookbook? Dom was fine with that. He nodded.

  “Okay.” He paused. “Is this about Mother? We still haven’t figured out the four.”

  “No, this is about the Twelve Days prize drawing,” said Martha. “You and Kiko left before it started. Well, turns out you won one of the prizes.”

  “I did?” asked Dom, looking back and forth between them. If this was some sort of joke…“What is it? Season passes to school board meetings?”

  “Dom,” said Kiko, suddenly beside him. “The prizes tend to be good. Gift certificates to restaurants, pool passes for kids, parking permits to county parks, that sort of thing.”

  “I don’t do parks,” said Dom.

  “You’ll do this one,” said Martha, pulling out a thickly packed envelope. “Free trip to the Dells. Room for two nights at a hotel and water park. Ever been there?”

  “Wisconsin Dells? No.” Dom accepted the envelope as she passed it toward him. “Isn’t it for kids?”

  Buddy laughed. Kiko put a hand on his shoulder.

  “Just you wait,” he said, then, “Congrats.”

  “Thanks, I guess.”

  “You won it fair and fair,” said Buddy. “Oh, and since you didn’t come back to pick up that Naughty and Nice you bought, Martha and me loaded them up in your truck, Kiko. Have a merry one.”

  “Thanks. You, too, Buddy,” said Kiko. Dom stared at the envelope. “Maybe you’ll get your vacation with me sooner than you think.”

  “Actually, I’d rather go somewhere else with you,” said Dom, but he tucked the Dells trip away.

  “The Dells isn’t that bad. It’s not even that far away.”

  “There are people who’d enjoy it more,” said Dom. The idea popped into his mind and sounded immediately perfect. “Your sister, for one.”

  Kiko had been about to bus a table but turned back to him.

  “I’m sure they’d like that, Dom, but—”

  “I heard her the other night when Devin was talking about his last cruise. They never get away. I’m sure this is a family thing…” He opened up the envelope to find, as he expected, the trip covered a family of four. “Yeah, see, for a family of four. This is probably what Mother meant, anyway.”

  “You can’t believe that die was anything other than coincidence.”

  “No,” said Dom, tucking everything back in the envelope. “But I’m giving them the trip. They’ll enjoy it more. And don’t say it’s generous. It was free.”

  Kiko shut his mouth and turned back to the table.

  * * * *

  The last few hours dragged by slowly, until Kiko had seen so few customers that he was ready to close everything up for the next few days. Dom was only too eager to assist with this, perfectly happy to run all around doing any odd task Kiko asked of him.

  “You’re bouncier than Chad,” he said, aiming a smack at Dom’s ass as he hauled food up from the basement.

  “Employee abuse,” said Dom. “My ass was behaving itself.”

  “We can discuss it in my office,” said Kiko, placing his hand on Dom’s ass now as though to direct him. He could tell Dom was getting turned on by how quickly he pulled away.

  “I just wanna get my work done, sir,” he said, then hurried out the door to load the items in Kiko’s truck. When he came back inside, Kiko was still smiling. “What?”

  “I’d hire you on as an employee with benefits any day.”

  Dom gave him an awkward smile.

  “What sort of benefits?”

  “I’ve got a nice package,” said Kiko, watching Dom roll his eyes and stick his hands in his pockets. He walked toward the basement.

  “I thought you were being serious for a second there,” he said, then descended down the stairs, leaving Kiko to think about that as he wiped down everything.

  Dom had been pestering him about getting another full-time employee, true, but it hadn’t occurred to Kiko to offer the job to Dom. His initial thoughts on that were that it couldn’t end well, but whenever Dom dropped by to help out he did well and took orders from Kiko fine. He’d never indicated that it was a problem that Kiko was his superior here. And yet…it wasn’t as though Dom was helping out all the time.

  Kiko didn’t even know if he should entertain the thought. He didn’t see how this wouldn’t end up getting horribly complicated. Dom would end up quitting his claims adjustor job and then be stuck should they break up. And the last thing Kiko wanted was to put enough stress on them to break them up. How long until Dom wanted to become a business partner?

  “Sorry I mentioned it,” said Dom as he came back up, eggs in his arms. Kiko was bringing home any food that would go old over the holiday so they could eat it and cut back on waste.

  “Dom.” He turned when Kiko spoke. “Would you take a job if I offered it?”

  “Fuck yes,” said Dom, and went out the door again.

  Kiko ran a hand through his hair and straightened his tie. He’d deal with this later. For now, he wanted to do a final check on the plastic seal on the broken door and take out the trash.

  He examined
both the interior and the exterior. He wished he had a better way to close it off, but this appeared to be working. Kiko couldn’t get it repaired until after Christmas, so he’d called Gordon and asked him to have a deputy make a few passes by Yolks on You now and then, just to check on everything. Though Kiko very much doubted anyone would tear the plastic to get in, anything was possible.

  The garbage was less fun to handle, but he did not care to show up in three days to his store stinking. Customers appreciated a clean atmosphere free from as many odors as possible; sometimes even pleasant scents were too strong for the children, and Kiko didn’t want Yolks on You to turn anyone away. He passed by Mother’s pen as he nabbed the far trash first and allowed himself to feel sad.

  Kiko did not agree with Dom. Ben didn’t poison the rolls, and while it was more plausible that Justine had done everything but didn’t want to admit the full extent of her actions, Kiko didn’t think it was her, either. For all she was clever she was still a kid; if she’d thought to leave threatening notes at all she would have certainly done so for Cat as well as him. No, there seemed to be someone else who had wanted him dead.

  He hoped they were interested in giving that up as a New Year’s resolution. Nothing had happened since Chad had gotten in the way of the brick, which might indicate the person had given up. Or was biding their time. Whatever the case, Kiko didn’t intend to bring his suspicions up to Dom. Let him think it was all solved.

  After snagging all the garbage, replacing the liners, and making sure the dishwasher cycle was going, he grabbed everything to throw out and headed toward the still-functional door.

  “When are you going to offer me a job?” asked Dom as Kiko hauled the bags past the truck.

  “You have to pass the interview first. It’s pantsless.”

  Dom shook his head, smiling, and Kiko couldn’t help but smile himself as he shuffled through the snow to the dumpster and tossed in the bags. Soon he and Dom would be back home. Gaby would be making some of that delicious hot chocolate and he could forget about everything but cooking for the next few days.

  Kiko was trudging back to the front of Yolks on You when he saw the car. It was white and small and looked familiar, and it was also in his parking lot. Since it was getting dark out it was either the latest shopper of the day or here waiting for some reason. Kiko squinted at the window but couldn’t make out whoever was in there. No matter; he’d sell them something if they could be quick, and if not, there was always after Christmas.

  He was rounding the side of the building when the wheels screeched and the engine growled. Kiko looked up and his breath caught. The car was headed directly at him.

  * * * *

  Dom was playing pack-the-truck Tetris with all Kiko’s miscellaneous food items. Here were five random deviled eggs that needed to be eaten, there was a carton of heavy cream. Some of it looked like he’d enjoy eating it later; some of it looked like food he ate too often. He wondered how Kiko could eat the stuff from his store every day for lunch and not want to kill someone.

  He heard the car gunning for Kiko before he saw it and when he did, Dom’s stomach dropped out. His mind seemed to freeze on the thought that Kiko was not safe. He felt betrayed, he felt afraid, and he was pissed. But there was nothing Dom could do; the car was too far away even if it wasn’t a car, and Kiko was farther still. Dom was about to watch Kiko squashed between a car and the store wall. Time was slow; Dom didn’t want to see this, couldn’t see this.

  Kiko had caught sight of the car, too, and was moving to get out of the way, but there was no place to go fast enough. Dom glared at the car, saw a yellow and green decal in the window sporting Brett Favre’s number, four. The odd things a person noticed at a time like this.

  Dom’s mind snapped to. Four. Four. The die. Mother’s message—a warning. Kiko couldn’t die. Mother wasn’t even going to let it happen. Dom glanced down at what he was loading, saw a carton half-full of eggs, and grabbed one.

  Justine wasn’t the only person who could throw an egg.

  Dom aimed and launched the egg at the car, grabbed another immediately and flung that one, too. Distract the driver, piss them off, he didn’t care what he did as long as it saved Kiko. Several of his eggs struck home; he watched as the car jerked to the side, skidded on the slick wintery parking lot, and careened over into the snow-covered grass before striking a tree with a loud crunch.

  Kiko had dodged out of the way of the skidding car as best he could and was leaning against the brick of Yolks on You, visibly panting. Dom rushed over, heart pounding so hard he thought it might explode and kill him.

  “Kiko!”

  “Thanks,” said Kiko, nodding. He looked like his heart was going as fast as Dom’s, but at the moment Dom didn’t care. He didn’t care if he was smothering him, either; he grabbed Kiko with his winter coat arms and held tight.

  “Fuck,” he muttered against Kiko’s neck. “I thought I was about to see you die.”

  “And I thought I was about to die.” Kiko breathed out loudly. “Thanks for the quick thinking.”

  “It was Mother,” said Dom into Kiko’s cold, tender neck. Maybe he could keep his face here all day, warm the thudding pulse. “I saw Favre’s number on the car.” Kiko pulled him away. “What?”

  “Dom…” Kiko shook his head. “We need to see who that was. They might be hurt.”

  Dom was only mildly aware his mouth was open as Kiko extracted himself, because there was cold air rushing into it, but he turned with Kiko, only to see the thin form of Police Chief Gordon shuffling over to the car.

  “Gordon?” asked Dom.

  “I asked him to have a patrol now and then, because of the door,” said Kiko. “He must have seen it all happening.”

  He and Kiko moved forward, leaning on each other and staring as Gordon yanked open the car door and yelled at the occupant to get out. The person was sobbing, and Dom finally caught sight of who it was when Gordon turned the trembling figure against the car and pulled out his handcuffs.

  “Evelyn?” asked Kiko, moving forward faster now. Dom increased his pace to keep up until they were both peering over the car at her. Chad’s mother, crying, nose bleeding, glared at them.

  “Caught in the act this time,” said Gordon. “Why were you trying to kill these boys now?”

  She started laughing.

  “Just the one who keeps trying to get my son killed,” she said. “The other one will go away once he’s gone.”

  “The hell?” asked Dom. She was trying to kill Kiko because her son was a klutz? Rage sizzled under Dom’s skin, but Kiko took Dom’s hand with his cold one and squeezed.

  “I’ve never wanted Chad to get hurt,” said Kiko.

  “I warned you,” spat Evelyn. Kiko flinched. Dom understood. The notes. The poison. Even the brick. All the unexplained things that he’d been thinking were Ben. Evelyn had come after Kiko.

  “You threw a brick at your own son,” said Dom, and Evelyn gave a truly tormented screech at that.

  “Chad’s all I have,” she said, crying again. “You have no idea. His father, off in Madison with a new girl every month. The only man I’m interested in is going out with a sleazy kid. And my son…He never brushed with death until you. He never wanted to move away. This is your fault. Yours!”

  Kiko winced. Dom squeezed his hand.

  “Evelyn,” said Kiko weakly, “stop talking.”

  “Why? Because you know I’m right?”

  “Because the police chief’s listening to everything you’re saying,” said Kiko. He sounded too shocked to be angry. Evelyn opened her mouth, snapped it shut, then turned a glare on Dom.

  “You,” she hissed. “What did you do to my car?”

  “Threw eggs at it,” said Dom. Kiko might be numb, but Dom wanted to taunt her. “Why? Did it startle you?”

  Evelyn ground her teeth. The eggs breaking across her windshield and plunking against the side of her car had been enough to shake her off course. Dom thought he liked Mother after all
.

  “Come on,” said Gordon, hauling Evelyn up and leading her to the police car. Kiko stared at her until she was shut inside.

  “You really thought to throw eggs because of the number four,” he said.

  “Yeah,” said Dom. “And my first drink when we get home is dedicated to Mother.”

  * * * *

  Chapter 20

  Kiko woke blanketed in warmth, Dom snoring softly next to him. He hadn’t bothered to set an alarm, but he couldn’t prevent his body from waking up when he got up early every day of the year. He lay there in bed for a while, watching Dom, smile slowly spreading over his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken on Christmas morning with someone in his bed.

  Dom abruptly stopped snoring and rolled over, back to Kiko, who took the opportunity to slide closer and wrap an arm around him. Dom snuggled back against him, pressing his ass against Kiko’s morning erection, and Kiko pressed back. When he kissed Dom behind the ear he heard a mumble.

  “Yes please.”

  “You awake?” whispered Kiko, trailing a finger down Dom’s throat before bringing the hand across his chest and down lower. Dom pushed backward harder.

  “This is a pretty good dream if I’m not.”

  Kiko grabbed him through his boxers and his pulse leapt as Dom groaned.

  “I’d love to open one of my presents early,” he said as Dom thrust against his grip.

  “It’s not early if it’s Christmas morning.”

  “Oh, shut up,” said Kiko, rolling him over. Dom let himself be flipped to his back, didn’t resist as Kiko climbed on top of him. Kiko covered Dom’s mouth with his own, kissed the sleep away. Apart from his erection, Dom was still relaxed from sleep, and Kiko wanted to make him tense, wind him up, and release him, take that sleepy relaxation and turn it to the satisfied ease that came from a good orgasm.

  “Hurry up and unwrap me then,” said Dom.

  Kiko grinned. He leaned back, pressing his ass against Dom’s stiffness, and pulled Dom’s tee over his head. He descended again, kissed his way from the corner of Dom’s mouth down his neck, across his chest, over his abdomen. He hooked a finger in Dom’s boxers and pulled down just enough to kiss the place where leg met midriff.