I will lower the moon for you
Page 26
I made a promise to myself, I would never leave his side, even for a minute, ever again in life. I hated the feeling of separation and anxiety, it gave me constant heartaches, thinking, that Jake was out somewhere, suffering and coping from this trauma all by himself.
He was alone and shattered. I just prayed; he was safe too.
I didn't realise how long I sat there; my mind played tricks with me all through the night. It was a long battle I fought in my head.
My mind would first fill my instincts with all the worse possible scenarios, making me cringe in fear and pray for Jake's safety, and my heart would then be brave to shove them at the back of my head.
"Nothing would happen to him, Emma. He isn't that weak." I kept repeating this in my head.
It was morning again, and I could feel the house was hustling with staff members doing their regular chores. It was my second sleepless night in a row.
"Go home, Emma. You dig your own grave. Now go lie in it. I told you, Jake won't cope with this easily. It's time for you to face the consequences." Aunt Olivia's sharp, acidic words burnt me on the inside.
I realised my phone's battery was dead too.
After hours of waiting, with a very heavy heart, I headed back home.
My parents were waiting for me in the living area; they looked worried. As soon as I entered, mom came rushing to hug me.
"Emma. We were waiting for you to get home. How are you, baby? How is Jacob?"
The moment my mom hugged me, I didn't realise but I just silently cried my eyes out.
"I don't know mom. He never returned home. His phone is not reachable too. I am petrified. What if something happens to him? Something bad?" I stuttered the last words.
"Relax baby. Don't overthink; he will be fine. Give him time." Mom said as she stroked my back with her soft hands.
"I cannot believe Ben Murial killed his father. Any son would do what Jake did All of this must be very difficult for him. He needs some space to process." Dad came over and hugged me too.
"How did you know about what Jake did to Ben?" I was shocked.
"It's all over the news, Emma. Jason Richmond was the most powerful businessman in the whole wide industry. Convicting his murderer is huge, the biggest headline today."
In all this mess, I didn't realise how big this revelation was. I didn't think how this would get covered by the media too, and become the most scandalous news for them. It made me more anxious. I could only imagine how overwhelming all this must be for Jake.
"We are here for you, Emma. Just take it easy. Come freshen up; dinner is ready."
I forgot that I haven't eaten since yesterday. I headed to my room and quietly slipped in my bathtub. I could use the warm water to calm my nerves.
I just could not take my mind off, Jake. I kept wondering, what if I got back to my parent's home and he might have returned to his?
I couldn't be at rest. I grabbed my phone, even in the shower, and dialled again.
Voicemail.
As soon as I kept my phone back, it started ringing.
My heart raced, and my hand instantly grabbed it. I was hoping it to be from Jake. All the excitement and adrenaline rush died when I saw it was not him. It was Britney.
"Hey, Emma. Niki and I will be at your place in ten mins. Hope that's ok?"
"Hey Britney, yes, of course. See you soon." I whispered. By the time I got out of the shower and changed, both of them were already knocking at my door.
"We decided to come as soon as we saw the news. Your phone was off, Jake wasn't reachable too, so I called your dad. Barry and Max are downstairs as well. We were all so worried." Niki said as she squeezed me in a hug. Britney joined and hugged me too.
"How is Jake holding up? He must be devastated. I saw on the news that he beat that asshole to a pulp." Britney asked.
"I don't know how he is holding up. That's odd, right? Because out of all the people, at least I should have known. He went somewhere, and his phone is not reachable. I am so scared. It's all my fault; I left him alone." I started crying again, as my friends tried to comfort me.
"I will never forgive myself if something bad happens to him. I am the worst person ever."
"Shhh... Emma, you couldn't have known. Just think positive, I am sure he is taking a breather somewhere." Niki stated nervously but I could read worry in her eyes too.
"I have a horrible feeling, guys. I have a hunch that things are worse than they seem on the surface. I am scared I won't be seeing him again."
What if Aunt Olivia was right? Did I really commit a mistake unravelling the truth? What if he really won't be able to cope with it?
Chapter 45
Rock bottom
Emma
They say you can't break what's already broken.
My wait for Jake's return was the most insufferable time of my life. Hours turned into days, and days into weeks, but I didn't hear from him.
Instead, a week before, on a wintry December morning, there was a soft knock at my apartment's door. As always, my heart raced in anticipation, praying that it might be Jake. This had become my new normal ever since he left. The urge to see him or hear from him dominated everything else that mattered in my life. Every phone ring, every knock, and every single acquaintance in the last eighteen days made my mind swirl in hope that maybe Jake had finally found his way back to me.
As soon as I opened the door, I saw Augustin standing at my doorstep. His expressionless face made me nervous; I was sure he bought terrible news. As I welcomed him inside, he handed me a letter with apologetic eyes. My hands trembled as I took the piece of paper from him.
I opened it to read the contents:
"Dear Emma,
This is the most cowardly thing I am doing in my entire life, and I know this will rattle you in ways I can probably never imagine, but I just did not have the strength to say this on your face, because I know, if I see you, I will never let you go.
I am incredibly sorry for doing this to you; after all, I ended up breaking your heart too, a guilt that I will live with my entire disgraceful life.
I know it will be painful, but trust me, in the long run, it will bring you love and happiness. Something that I could never provide, even though I tried hard.
I have seen the love that is cultivated in your family and the bond you share with your friends. You are loved Emma; and you deserve nothing less, but maybe a lot more than what God has already blessed you with. I am sure my scandalous present, unceasing conspiracies and loveless family would never be able to match up to you. I have caused you enough harm and will continue to destroy your peace if I act selfish and stick around.
You may hate me and believe that this was uncalled for because I know you love me more than anyone could ever do, but you deserve a chance to fall for someone better.
Move on, Emma, do not look back and do not wait for me. I will die a hundred deaths, every single day, but I refuse to bring you down with me.
By the time you get this, I would be gone already.
Goodbye Emma!
You are the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me. But you my love deserve better.
- Jake"
As I read his letter, my lips fluttered in pain, and the flimsy paper in my hand was now soaked with tears.
Augustin quietly watched with regret and hurt in his eyes.
"He left already? Didn't he?"
"Yes." He whispered with his head low, weighed down by the disapproving situation.
"Where?"
"He has moved to Richmond's head office in Netherlands, for now, he will handle the European business from there."
I nodded as I bravely wiped my tears off. I was devastated; my biggest nightmare come true. I had an inkling of this since days now; I thought maybe I was prepared for this. But now when it happened, it pained beyond words.
The prolonged yet deafening silence was broken by Augustin, "let's stop this madness, I will make the arrangements. We can fly to Amsterdam tomorrow m
orning. He is just flipping in grief; you can knock some sense into him and drag him back here. You know he doesn't want to leave you."
"No, I don't know Augustin, I just don't know anymore. All I know is that these hurts, a lot.
And if this is what he wants, I will give it to him."
"Come on, Emma, you know you both will never be able to live without each other."
"Never say never, Augustin. He is doing just fine since days now, and I will survive too, I guess. If he could, so will I."
"You are angry at the moment, but..."
"Can't you see? He made a thorough decision, Augustin. I am tired of holding on to him. I have lived in fear of him pushing me away on several occasions before. Why should I be the one saving this relationship, every single time?" I choked on my words as my voice lost its cord, and tears blinded my vision.1
"Emma, you know him..." He made another meek attempt which got shunned again, "please Augustin. That's it, I have made up my mind. If he ever bothers to ask, tell him, I am fine with this."
Helpless and dejected, soon Augustin left, and the moment he did, I crashed on the cold floor, crooked my legs to my chest, and wept my heart out. I could see from the big window in my living room, that it had started snowing outside. It was the first snow of the season, and my favorite time of the year, yet here I was, warped in the small corner of my apartment, with a throbbing pain in my heart.
I decided this would be the last time I would ever be pushed over like this. The last time, I will wince in agony, and struggle to cope up with decisions that people selfishly made on my behalf, and leave me to deal with, without any explanation.
I had gotten my feelings hurt, mercilessly, time and again, and no matter how painful the process be, this time, like Jake said, I will move on.
It took me a week to come abreast with the fact that he abandoned me; he left me behind so that I could find someone better.
How thoughtful of him, isn't it?
Life is not always rosing; you can never have rainbows without a little rain. He misunderstood me to be weak and fragile. He thought maybe my life should always be decorated with love, warmth and friendship because even if a trace of sorrow would hit me, I could break. This only showed, he didn't know me that well, after all. He crushed all my dreams because of his narrow understanding of what perfect life meant to me.
The most beautiful memories of my life were the ones that had Jake in them. Yet, he didn't trust our love, our bond enough, and was too quick to give up on us.
For this, I will never forgive him.
I decided I am not going to mourn for yet another failed relationship. I am not going to punish my family and friends by being a mess again.
I will be strong, for them, for myself and for the pure feelings that I had for Jake. I can never stop praying for his happiness, so wishing him best in my heart, I decided to stand my ground again.
What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger, right?
I had to move back to my apartment, as media personnel and journalists, hovered at my parent's house, round the clock, making all of our lives difficult. I settled to live by myself again, it was difficult, especially after all these months, but I decided to get on with my normal routine.
I also reached out to Benjamin a day before and requested him to talk to the HR team at S&M, to allocate me another client.
I just could not continue to work at Richmond Corp. Thankfully, Benjamin could pull some strings on a short notice, and finally, I was not placed at Jake's office anymore. As the last formality, I had to go to Richmond Corp for one last time to drop a letter to the HR team and pick my things.
I collected all my courage and stepped in that office again. I kept my head high amidst the trail of whispers and gasps that followed me until I made it to my cabin. I was the subject of scrutiny and gossips, again.
My heart was racing, and I felt knots in my stomach, as I started packing my things. Unknowingly my tears were flowing too as sitting right in this cabin, I have had numerous aspirations to work hard for his company. I thought of it as my small way of contributing to his success.
I didn't realise when, but after I was finished collecting my stuff, I saw Mark was leaning at my door, with his arms crossed against his chest.
"Hi Mark. When did you come?"
"Been a while, you were so lost in shedding those precious tears, you didn't notice me."
I didn't say anything to him in return; honestly, I didn't know what to say.
"I am sorry, Emma. I heard what happened. Boss moved to Europe until further notice."
"It's fine, Mark, don't be sorry. Things happen." I murmured as I picked my bag and box full of stuff, ready to head out. I scanned my cabin for one last time before I walked out.
"Hey, let me help you." Mark said as he took the box from my hands.
"It's fine, don't worry. I can manage."
"Of course, you can. I still want to help. You took the subway?"
"Umm yes, why?"
"Let me drop you home."
"No, don't trouble yourself, and stop sympathizing with me, alright? I said I will manage." I was irked and let it out in a rude tone. I know it was unfair on him, but I couldn't help the frustration I felt.
Mark was taken aback, but he responded politely, "stop being ridiculous, let me help."
"Don't you freaking get it? Now that Jake isn't here, and I am left all by myself, don't think you have a chance okay? Stop this pity party and let me be." I retorted by channeling all my pain towards him. The moment my words left my mouth, I felt guilty. Extremely guilty. It was so wrong to take it out on him, but I still did because I was a walking mess.
He inhaled sharply before his jaw stiffened at my harsh words, it took him a minute or two, before he replied softly, "okay noted. I will remember this, don't worry. My feelings are my problem, not yours. So now if you are done, you will let me help you as a friend, we will have lunch, and then I will drop you home." He was adamant, and honestly, after my rude behavior a minute ago, I just couldn't say no.
I nodded.
We were seated inside the warm restaurant, and slowly it started snowing again. Mark tried to be considerate and was intentionally talking about general things, ensuring not to touch any sensitive subject. As I half-mindedly listened to him, I was staring outside the window at the snow again, and that's when I saw him.
It was him, wearing a long black overcoat, walking across the street, right outside the restaurant.
The moment I saw him, I jumped up from my seat, "Oh my God. It's Jake!" I stated in shock as I ran out of the restaurant to stop him. My heart was racing in anticipation of confronting him.
He won't be able to hide away from me today; he could not be a coward today. He will face me and answer me.
I will make him.
It was frosty and slippery, and the snowflakes were blinding my vision as I managed to run against the wind in Jake's direction. I could hear Mark calling my name from behind, but I gave no heed, as days of wait was now over, and Jake was just a few steps away. I was panting and breathing vapors in the chilled outdoors, as I paced to get a hold on him.
"Jake! Jake!" I called his name as there were still a pool of people between us.
"Emma! Emma! Stop! What are you doing?" I heard Mark was closing in from behind, but ignoring him, I continued the chase.
As I was about to get a hold on Jake, Mark reached me first, and gripped my left arm from behind and jerked me to turn around.
"What are you doing, Emma?" He held my shoulders and shook me a bit.
"Leave me, Mark, I saw him. He is here; I need to meet him."
"You are mistaken Emma, that's not him. He is in Amsterdam."
"No. He must have returned. I cannot be mistaken. It's Jake." I jerked off Mark's hand and screamed behind the man I was following.
"Jake, Jake!"
Suddenly, that man stopped and turned around, and the moment I saw his face, I slipped and fell on the snow beneath. My hands
protected me from falling on my face, bruising both my palms in the process.
Mark immediately rushed to pick me up.
"See, I told you it couldn't be him. I spoke to him an hour ago." Tears started escaping my eyes again, a newfound routine that they obediently followed.
"I thought... I thought… it was him…" I could barely stutter, I felt my body was drained of all its' energy, and helplessly, I collapsed. Mark caught me in his arms, saving me from another fall.
"Shh...Emma, I am here. Shit, your palm is bleeding." He hugged me softly circling his one arm around me, while gently holding my bruised hand in the other.
The cold was petrifying as my clothes were half soaked from the fall. However, nothing mattered, as I continually wailed in Mark's arms. He stood there silently and just listened. He held me and allowed me vent it all out, "it hurts a lot Mark, it hurts so very much. He left me. How will I ever live without him?"
We both stood there in the snow, and the brave mask that I was adorning, just fell off.
Truth be told, I was nothing without Jake.
Chapter 46
Merry Christmas
Emma
"I will be looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, sharp at seven pm, don't be late."
"Yes Benjamin, I can never miss the girls' birthdays. I anyway don't have any specific Christmas eve plans. I will be there on time."
"Great. See You."
Nothing was more difficult than meeting your lowest low, and then putting your pieces back together, but this time, you must do it differently, only to emerge stronger than before.
It took me sleepless nights, ocean of tears and buckets of ice creams to accept the fact that I won't be able to see Jake again. I won't be able to run my fingers in his hair, feel the warmth of his body, inhale his addictive scent or look into those mesmerizing blue eyes again
Somehow, I had managed to keep all our beautiful memories together, safe and sane in my heart. The abundant love and support from my friends kept my sanity intact. I did not feel bitter; I just felt alone, the void he created in my heart, could not be filled by anything or anyone.