Villains Don't Save Heroes!

by Mia Archer

  This had been so much easier when the whole system was tied to a person's student ID. The university had acted like it was the neatest thing ever to have some of the most dangerous secrets known to humanity hidden behind what amounted to a glorified magnetic strip in a plastic card.

  I pined for those days. It would be so much easier to get around security with a system that could be spoofed by a couple of frat bros with a magnetic card writer that they usually used to make fakes so pledges could fetch booze.

  It looked like I was going to have to do some more fancy footwork to get around the current security regime. Not for the first time since his betrayal I found myself missing CORVAC. Getting around computerized security systems had been so much easier when he was around to pull a hostile takeover of any system I wanted to no longer be in my way.

  A flash of green seen just out of the corner of my eye drew my attention over to a wall panel next to the elevator. My eyes came to rest on a display designed to look like the computer interface from Star Trek The Next Generation.

  “What’s going on now?” Fialux asked.

  “Nothing,” I said, suddenly very distracted.

  It had to be a coincidence that I saw a flash of green that matched CORVAC’s favorite shade of Apple IIe green that he used in anything he designed. Yeah, I was jumping at shadows because I missed my old computer. That had to be what was going on here.

  “Clearly there’s something going on. What’s with that panel and why does it look different from everything else you’ve seen?”

  “It looks different because someone out there has an appreciation for the classics,” I said.

  “Is this another one of your geek things?” she asked. “And no, that does not mean I want to binge whatever the heck that thing comes from on Netflix. That show about the cute girl who killed vampires was boring enough.”

  “Philistine,” I muttered.

  “What was that?”

  I ignored her nattering on in my ear and focused on the panel in front of me. Obviously the thing was meant to be decorative rather than functional. Or if it was meant to be functional then somebody in the department had one hell of a sense of humor.

  An obvious sense of humor, but any sense of humor from somebody studying here was more than you usually saw. A lack of a sense of humor was a big part of the reason why I’d been kicked out, after all.

  I swear. You accidentally transport someone halfway across the galaxy and do they thank you for revolutionizing humanity by inventing a method to travel among the stars? A mind bogglingly dangerous and frequently lethal method, but a method nonetheless?

  No, they cut off your scholarship and kicked you out of the program for dealing with powers beyond the understanding of man. I felt like Galileo was my bro on that dark day.

  Though if what I’d learned about the infamous Dr. Lana in recent weeks was anything to go on I’d be willing to bet good quatloos that there was a duplicate transporter buried somewhere in the depths below, and all I had to do was get through this stupid security to find the damned thing.

  I'd destroyed the original, of course, along with all records of how to build the damn thing, but I figured that didn’t mean jack or shit.

  I’d discovered, much to my displeasure, that Dr. Lana had a pesky habit of figuring out ways to recreate my designs even though I thought I’d wiped them from the system.

  “So is that from Star Wars or something? Do you think they have lightsabers somewhere in that building? That’d be pretty cool,” she said.

  “Are you kidding?” I said, and realized, too late, that I’d said it out loud.

  I looked around and sighed in relief. Anywhere else I would’ve been able to put a bluetooth headset in my ear and no one would think it all odd. The problem with that plan was there were strict rules about bringing that sort of tech into the Applied Sciences building.

  “What? Is it from that Battlesun show or something?” she asked.

  “Battlestar Galactica,” I said. She’d discovered the Blu-ray set I’d ripped for CORVAC once upon a time. “And no. It’s from Star Trek.”

  “Oh,” she said. “The one with the bald dude?”

  I sighed. It was a long suffering sigh. Fialux might be amazing, but ironically enough for a woman who I presumed to be from another world she had absolutely zero interest in quality science fiction. Doubly ironic since she was basically living the science fiction of a couple decades past.

  Then again with the information revolution weren’t we all?

  “Yes,” I said. “The one with the bald guy.”

  I sighed at the Next Generation computer panel and tried to tune Fialux out. She was going on about all the cute girls in the X-Men movies now. I guess mentioning Patrick Stewart had been enough to distract her from what I was doing which was a blessed relief.

  I needed to figure this out. Living tributes to ancient science fiction television shows were all well and good, but right now I needed to concentrate on far more modern science reality and how to get to it, and not on ancient science fiction.

  Though as I looked at what they had guarding the entrance to the deeper levels of the Applied Sciences Department I found myself looking at something that was a throwback to something straight out of Star Trek II. Or maybe Demolition Man.

  Though the demonstration of this technology had worked out far less painfully for Shatner in the former than it had for whoever the dude was who played the warden who got on Wesley Snipes’ bad side in the latter.

  Their grand security was none other than a retinal scan. The kind of thing that presumably wouldn't let somebody in unless they had the precise retinal pattern the thing was looking for.

  It was supposed to be more foolproof than a fingerprint. The problem for yours truly in that moment was it really was more foolproof and difficult to spoof than a fingerprint. Damn it.

  It was enough to make me want to make a histrionic show for the cameras. I cursed Dr. Lana for her cleverness.

  But instead I whipped out a smartphone that wasn't a smart phone. Making something more difficult to spoof wasn’t the same as making it impossible to spoof, after all, and my little stealth smartphone with a healthy dash of superscience thrown into the design was going to help me out of this pickle.

  “Ooh. Is that the new iPhone?” Fialux asked.

  “Nope,” I said, grinning. I liked showing off bits of superscience and she was always appropriately impressed. “This is a little toy I brought along to help me break into this place.”

  “Ooh,” she said. “I love it when you get all scientific on me like that.”

  Her voice was basically a purr in my ear which caused goosebumps to rise all over me which wasn’t good considering they were probably monitoring me with all sorts of biometric scanners designed to pick up on cues like that.

  Whatever. It felt good and I figured it wasn’t going to hurt all that much. Maybe those biometric scanners would think the goosebumps were nothing more than excitement at pulling out a smartphone.

  I’d known a few girls who had more intimate relationships with their phones than they did with their significant others.

  Say what you will about the ubiquity of these things, but it made it a hell of a lot easier to deal with a piece of super tech if I could conveniently hide it in something that looked like a far more ordinary bit of technology that everyone carried with them.

  Yeah, the information age had almost made infiltrations like this too easy. Almost, but not quite.

  I hoped I looked like any other student zoning out on my phone. It seemed to be everyone's favorite pastime. It was something I'd noticed my first time around on campus when I was in grad school.

  I could still remember a time before everybody was obsessed with their phones, barely, but it was a distant memory these days.

  “So what are you going to do with that thing?” Fialux asked.

  “I’m going to use it to infiltrate their computer systems and figure out how the hell to get these eleva
tor doors to open,” I said, tinkering with the thing and fiddling with the interface.

  If I had a penny for every time I found myself wishing CORVAC was around so I didn’t have to do all this stuff manually like in the bad old days then I wouldn’t have to ever rob a bank again.

  It was the only way though. I was right in the middle of trying to brute force my way into the Applied Science Building local WiFi when I felt a presence behind me and my hackles rose.

  "Do you need some help?" a voice asked.

  Shit.

  3

  Man in the Middle

  I looked up and blinked a couple of times. A guy stared back at me. And he had a goofy grin on his face.

  “I don’t like this guy,” Selena said.

  It was almost enough to make me laugh. She had the telltale signs of jealousy, but if she knew anything about me at this point she should know that jealousy was the last emotion she should have looking at this guy.

  He wasn’t my type, for one. He was a dude. I’d tried that once and the relationship didn’t end well. Sure the reason it didn’t end well was way different from how other couples end, he got transported halfway across the galaxy and presumably there was a humancicle out there somewhere floating in deep space that would confuse any aliens or future human explorers who came across it.

  The point is Selena, Fialux, was the only woman for me. The problem was I couldn’t very well say that when this guy was looking at me. Talking under my breath was all well and good, but it might make mouth motions that would tip this guy off that something was going on.

  I bit back a couple of choice phrases that came to mind. Mostly telling him to go and bark up some other tree because I wasn't interested.

  “Come on Natalie. Tell this guy to get lost and get back to doing your tech voodoo. I’m getting bored here!”

  I was painfully aware that I was on a short timeline here. At any moment a living goddess could get so bored that she’d decide she was going to come out here and take care of things her way.

  She’d made it abundantly clear that “her way” involved using her super powered body that could withstand everything I threw at it to drill down into the ground beneath the Applied Sciences building and do the largest smash and grab in the history of Starlight City.

  Which was saying something considering the kind of super powered smashes and grabs that had happened.

  I acted like I was coughing and turned away from the hopeful looking dude for a moment. Just long enough to get a message off to the impatient goddess waiting in the wings.

  “Would you please cool it and let me do this my way?” I asked. “You’re going to screw this up.”

  “Does your way involve flirting with that guy?”

  I kept the coughing fit going. Not because I was actually having an asthma episode or anything. It was just that I really needed to talk to her and this guy was looking at me with the sort of rapt attention that only comes from a likely virgin checking out a girl who he hopes will help him get rid of that status.

  “Just cool it and let me work,” I said.

  “Fine,” she said.

  I could see her crossing her arms and jutting her lips out in a pout even though I couldn’t actually see her. I’d figured having a video feed in some specially designed contacts would’ve been too risky. I didn’t want to bring more tech than I had to on this trip considering I had no idea what the devious Dr. Lana may or may not be able to detect.

  At least the smash and grab was avoided. For the moment. I preferred to avoid that for a few reasons.

  The first was simply pragmatic. If she showed up and started ripping things apart it would be one hell of a warning for Dr. Lana. If she was tipped off that someone was coming then she’d likely hide all her best toys. If she hid her best toys I wouldn’t be able to figure out exactly what the hell was going on here.

  The second reason was worry. I’d seen Dr. Lana and some of her minions nearly take Fialux out the last time she visited the university with all her super guns blazing. And by super guns I mean the muscles in her arms which were the only set of biceps in the world that had a legitimate claim for being registered as concealed weapons when she wore a long-sleeved shirt.

  Hell, they weren’t concealed weapons. They were concealed weapons of mass destruction considering some of the damage she could cause.

  Finally, and most importantly, it was a matter of personal pride. I currently held the record for the largest and most spectacular smash and grab in the history of Starlight City and I didn’t want someone else coming after the Queen. If I had to use a little underhanded subterfuge to hold onto that record so be it.

  Besides, it’s not like I needed her here. I didn’t even need any of my tech toys, because it suddenly occurred to me that maybe I could get some use out of this guy.

  "I'm supposed to be down on the lower levels for a class and…"

  He rolled his eyes and let out a disgusted noise. "Let me guess. They didn't put your retinal pattern into the computer yet?"

  I blushed and looked down. Tried to act like I thought a freshman girl with a crush on an obvious upperclassman who knew his way around the big bad Applied Sciences Department might look. I wanted to puke putting on the act, but I was willing to put up with a lot of bullshit in the name of doing this job.

  Besides, next to putting up with CORVAC’s digital bitching in my ear for several years batting my eyelashes and pressing out the girls just a bit so he got a good view of my low cut top wasn’t all that bad.

  After all, I'm sure that's what this guy was hoping for. Social Engineering 101. Give people what they wanted, whisper sweet little lies into their ears, and nine times out of ten they’d give you whatever was in their power to give. Sometimes more than what was in their power to give.

  For the tenth out of ten I always had my wrist blaster, though something about the grin on this guy’s face told me it wasn’t going to be necessary to reduce him to his component atomic parts in this case.

  "Something like that," I said.

  I was careful to avoid any half-truths or lies. After all, I couldn't be certain they didn't have some sort of lie detector built into the monitoring they were no doubt doing on yours truly. Sure I’d long ago learned how to spoof most lie detectors through sheer will and control of my physiology, but I was wary around Dr. Lana.

  Not that I thought they were monitoring me in particular. Not if my disguise was working. I assumed I was always being monitored these days, what with the way society had set up a dystopia that would have Orwell spinning in his grave and all it took was appealing to everyone’s sense of vanity and desire for their fifteen minutes of fame.

  No overbearing oppressive government needed, though I was sure those assholes were leveraging the “share everything” social media trend for everything they could get.

  Best to assume I was being watched. Better to not lie at all. Better to pull an Aes Sedai where the truth I told someone wasn't necessarily the truth they thought they heard.

  "I think I can help you out," he said. "It's a good thing you didn't try to get in there though. Majel here can get really pissy if you try to get in without proper authorization."

  I arched an eyebrow in a fairly decent approximation of a certain pointy-eared green blooded scientist from the television show I was pretty sure someone was referencing tongue firmly in cheek when they named the computer for the Applied Sciences Department Majel.

  “What is he talking about?” Selena asked. “Is that another one of those nerd shows you’re always going on about?”

  I didn’t respond. I kept my eyebrow raised. She might call it a nerd show, but anyone with any taste knew it was a fucking modern classic which is why I’d spent so much time learning a decent approximation of the world’s most famous eyebrow raise.

  I knew it was a decent approximation because I’d spent hours in front of the mirror as a young girl working the muscles in my eyebrows, holding one down repeatedly until I figured out exac
tly which muscle to flex to get my eyebrows to raise independently of each other.

  "Majel?" the guy asked.

  "Ready," the computer said in a voice that sounded very familiar. "Retinal scan ID required.”

  The guy leaned forward and light flashed across his eyes. A moment later one of the elevators opened and he gestured for me to step inside.

  He wore a goofy grin, but there was an element of cockiness to it now. As though I should be impressed and ready to bear his children because he knew how to work an elevator.

  Great. One of those. I suddenly found myself regretting using him instead of my smartphone to circumvent their security. The smartphone wouldn’t think I owed it a night of forgettable fumbling passion because it did a nice deed.

  "Care to join me?" he asked.

  I pushed back on a sudden revulsion that washed over me. There was something about the smarmy smile on his face that and the lascivious grin quickly developing there that had me wanting to lose my lunch.

  I reminded myself that now was hardly the time to go losing my lunch. Especially not in front of the nice stupid college boy who was being good enough to let me down into the highly restricted part of the Applied Sciences Department without even so much as a retinal scan and a thank you very much.

  I'm sure he was expecting one hell of a thank you very much, but that was his problem. Not mine. He could deal with the inevitable disappointment that was going to result from his outsized expectations later.

  "Don't mind if I do," I said, forcing a smile.

  I stepped onto the elevator and I couldn't believe it was actually going to be this easy. I couldn't believe I was actually getting down into the bowels of the Applied Sciences Department.

  I guess the old adage was true. You could have the best security in the world, and it didn't matter a whit if the idiots with access to your highly secured system were vulnerable to an old-fashioned man in the middle attack.

  Though in this case I guess it would be more accurate to call it a low-cut shirt in the middle distracting the horny idiot who was allowing me to bypass all of their security.