Young Frankenstein

by Gilbert Pearlman

  Rising, she went to the bed. "Did you see?" she said. "I put a special hamper in the bathroom just for your shirts. The other one is for socks and poo-poo undies."

  "Mmmm," the monster replied, nodding.

  He switched off the light, then got into bed with Elizabeth.

  "Still happy married to me?" she asked teasingly.

  "Mmmm!"

  "Love me oodles and oodles?"

  "Mmmmm."

  Elizabeth sighed. "So this is what it's like to be absolutely and completely happy . . ."

  The monster looked deep into her eyes. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" he told her.

  Halfway across the world in the master bedroom of Frankenstein Castle, Dr. Frederick Frankenstein sat in an easy chair near a roaring fire. He was perusing the front page of the local newspaper, The Transylvania Tribune.

  From the bathroom came the sound of Inga humming a cheerful tune.

  "Did you have a nice day today?" she called out to the doctor, breaking off the humming.

  "Oh, the usual. Sore throats, a few colds, two bladder transplants, and some joker who thought be was a werewolf."

  "Did you notice the new drapes I put up?"

  The doctor glanced toward the windows. "Yes. Very nice."

  Inga began humming again. This time, the tune was familiar-it was an eerie old Transylvanian lullaby.

  The doctor's eyes glazed over. He sat transfixed.

  Inga appeared from the bathroom. She was wearing a sheer nightgown-period. Going to where the doctor was seated, she stood in front of him.

  Slowly, Dr. Frankenstein lowered the newspaper. His glazed eyes focused fixedly on the big bazooms that appeared to be about to tumble from the bodice of Inga's sheer nightgown.

  "I was hoping you'd like them," Inga said.

  "I adore them!" he told her passionately.

  "Drapes?"

  "Oh . .. drapes ..."

  "Ach-" Inga said suddenly. "Listen to what I was humming. We haven't heard that song since before the troubles started." She moved on to the bed and folded back the covers.

  Dr. Frankenstein rose from the chair, as if in a trance.

  "Mind if I turn out the light, sweetheart?" Inga asked, getting into bed.

  "Mmmmm," he replied, going toward her.

  "Come Schatzi," she said coaxingly.

  The doctor got in beside her. They cuddled in each other's arms.

  'You know, darling," Inga said, "I've always wanted to ask you something about that operation. During the transference, the monster got a part of your wonderful brain. But-what did you get from him?"

  Dr. Frankenstein pressed closer to her. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

  Inga cried out in delight. "Oh, that's what you got!" She sighed pleasurably. "Sweet Schatzi . . . ah . . . wait . . . ahhhh . . ." Then, moments later, she broke into gentle song. "Ah, sweet mystery of life . . ."