I remember Katie’s last word before she started sawing logs.
“Pizza.”
“Yeah, abizz, as my father says.”
****
“Good morning, girls!” Doc knocked on Katie’s bedroom door, humming something about a red, red robin.
“Morning,” said Katie, half-awake. “You’re all dressed up?” I felt Katie raise herself up on her elbow, and the cozy, morning softness disappeared. “Going someplace again with Mom the way she is?” Katie asked, frowning.
“Just because I put a bow-tie on? Besides, we may all go together,” said Doc.
Joe poked his head in from the porch. He was also smiling. “Yes, girls, my father is so pleased about how things turned out that he wants to take everyone to Italy next summer.”
“Everyone?” asked Katie.
“Everyone,” said Joe.
“Ha, ha, Pina. You and your dream!” said Katie. “Pina had a dream she was in Italy with her father.”
Joe tapped his forehead and spread his hands to say, “Of course! That makes sense. There’s some deal my father worked out with your mother and father. Babbo is going to have your dad’s violin repaired and your dad will have lessons in Italy from the Maestri.”
“Yahoo! Thank you, Mr. Gallo!” I said. “Will we see your dad soon to thank him?”
“You’ll probably see more of my dad that you might want,” said Joe. “He really likes you two. I think you’re hot stuff too!”
I started to blush and kind of glared at Katie so she’d say something nice to Joe.
“We really do like you.” Katie’s voice trailed off in embarrassment, in shyness?
I laughed then and whooped it up. I was going to Albert and eventually my ancestral home.
Chapter Fifty-one
HARD TALK
That tense look on Doc’s face made me want to get up out of bed and take off. I thought I would wander around the grounds, find some of the newly born kitties to play with. As I got ready to leave, I saw Joe raise his eyebrows at Doc in silent communication. I hurried to get dressed and follow Joe out of the cabin. Only, I was going to stay put under the cabin window, maybe try to hear some of Katie’s and Doc’s conversation. Something was brewing.
“Katie, honey, we need to talk,” said Doc easing himself onto the porch glider. “Come sit next to me. You know your Mom is sick. She’s been diagnosed as dissociative. Usually, it just means that someone tunes out, more or less, from what’s going on around them. Sometimes, in more complicated circumstances, the person seems to have different personalities and may even behave in ways that other people can’t recognize them.”
“Dad, Pina tunes out all the time!”
“This is different, sweetie. Your mom is detaching more and more from us. It’s okay to cry. Come, let me hug you,” Doc said.
I heard the glider squeak as Doc shifted his weight to hold Katie.
“This is so unfair!” Katie protested.
“It must be lonely for you at times, given your mother’s condition. I’m trying to do something about that now. Your Mom has decided to stay by herself on Star Island. She says it’s best. With your going away to school, I believe it’s best too. She does love you, you know.”
“I know that. I wish she wasn’t so sad. But, I’m really angry.” After a few seconds, Katie asked in a shaky voice, “Is it me?”
“Oh, honey, no. This has been going on for a long time. I’m so sorry I couldn’t drag myself away from work to keep you better company.”
“Dad, I know you’ve tried.”
“Not hard enough, and not just with you.”
“Oh, Dad, I don’t know, but you kept being mean to Joe at the beginning. I get that he’s much more than a friend. Dad, I think you love Joe the way I love Pina. We’re almost sisters, but if she were a guy, I’d be going steady with her.”
“Well, yes, like that,” said Doc.
“I love you. It’s okay.”
“Come here, honey. What did I do to deserve you?”
I could hear Doc stand up and draw Katie to him. I heard Katie’s muffled sobs as Doc continued to hold her close.
“Your mom…we’ll go visit her.”
Katie sat back down and slid her chair closer to where Doc usually sat.
“Wait, I’m confused. You mean she’s not just going for a long visit?” Katie asked, after blowing her nose.
“No. She wants to spend the rest of her days on Star. She wants to compose music,” said Doc.
“Oh, if only she could play again. Then we could go listen to her play.” Katie clapped her hands together once, before adding, “But she really wants to be by herself, like forever? So…it’s like a divorce?”
“Oh, honey. Yes and no. Your mom has been in her own world in a way for a long time. Maybe I have too,” said Doc.
“When is she leaving?” Katie asked.
“Any day now. Soon as she’s packed.”
“Oh.”
I could hear Katie choke back a sob.
“I know it’s a lot to think about. She wants you to go with her for a few days,” said Doc.
“Jesus! This isn’t fair. Do I get a say?” Katie sighed heavily. “How long?”
“Joe and I will pick you up–with Pina if you like, after the weekend. Is that better? Katie, she’s your mom.”
“Shoot, Dad, I know that. I’m just ticked off. You and Joe, what’s that gonna be? I mean…that long trip this summer…like you were living together.” I heard Katie blow her nose. “What you said about me being lonely, I guess you were talking for yourself too. I think you were lonely. Joe keeps you company, he pays attention to you, and you let him tease you.”
Doc sniffled.
“Will he live with us?” asked Katie.
“We think so. You know, there are people who are not crazy about this idea.”
“Tough!”
“That’s my girl! But I’m serious.”
“Then that’s their problem.”
“I’m so glad I don’t have that problem anymore,” said Doc. “I used to, you know.”
“Does Mom know?’
“I think so. She seems to want it this way.”
“Yeah, she always seemed to love Uncle Joe. She used to tell me he was such a dear friend to you, Dad, more than you knew.”
“Well, I’ll be…” said Doc. “Give me a hug, sweetie.”
“Yeah, a big one. Can I tell Joe we talked?” said Katie.
“Yes. Yes. Tell him all you want.”
****
Almost on cue, Joe had drifted by on the path when Doc started the conversation with Katie. Now he stood on the shuffleboard court, stick in hand, narrowing his gaze at the distant triangle. It was the focus of someone about to ace a shot.
Katie, giddy with her father’s permission to say whatever she wanted to Joe, ran across the court doing pirouettes and plies. I had escaped my hideout and joined in the antics.
“Hey, what are you two goofballs doing?” Joe leaned on his stick.
“Oh, Joe, well… looking for you. We just wanted to make sure you knew we liked you,” I said, sneaking a peek over at Katie, who winked. She probably knew I had eavesdropped on her talk with her father.
“I never doubted it, but it means a lot,” Joe said, motioning for us to sit down. “What’s this really about?”
“Well, for me,” said Katie. “I want to let you know I don’t feel bad. I mean I’m not angry about my mother.”
“Why should you be, Katie? Your Mom doesn’t want to stay here.”
“No, I mean, like uh, well, you know, like Pina and me, and you and,” Katie babbled.
“She means if you and her dad get married.” I said.
Joe started to correct me. “You know that’s not possible.”
“Oh yes,” I said. “In Greenwich Village.”
“How do you know this?” Joe laughed, thumping us lightly on our backs.
“Well, Pina has a neighbor named Dolores who married a girl in Gree
nwich Village,” said Katie.
“Oh, and you think Ron and I should get married?” Joe was laughing even harder now.
“Yeah! Yes! Both of us do,” said Katie, who quickly added, “But, Joe, I don’t blame you for my mother. My dad said he and my mom, well, it’s kind of like a divorce.”
“I mean you know Katie’s mom is strange. I’m sorry, Kat, but it’s true. Your dad is always alone.” I gave my version of her parents’ divorce.
“He’s been weird with you, Joe. I think because he was afraid to show you how much he cared,” said Katie.
“Like Katie used to pick on me, right, Katie?” I said.
“Yeah. Even my mother knew how special you were for my dad. She told me.”
“Hmm. Well, I like your mom,” said Joe. “She’s an artist, not strange.”
“Well, artists sometimes get real strange when they don’t do their art. Like my father and his violin,” I said.
“Sometimes, we call that depression,” said Joe.
“Yes, that’s like my mother, too, only even more.”
“Yes, but it seems your dad seems will be happy now. He’ll be in Italy, speaking Italian, and I’m sure his professors will like him; my father says your dad is talented,” said Joe.
I really livened up at the thought of my father. “Yeah. He’s like my old dad. He always used to take me places with him and showed me canaries and how they sang like real people. He was always so happy with music. A long time ago, he took me to buy a canary for his mom on Fulton Street in Brooklyn on Mother’s Day. He named that bird Caruso.”
“Well, I think he will have us singing like canaries to accompany him on his violin. You know when they hold the memorial for Butch, he’ll play Mozart’s Requiem,” said Joe. “In the meantime, Katie, your mom will be practicing her solos on Star Island. You can do some piano while you’re there too.”
I watched Katie frown as Joe spoke. This was the first time someone other than Doc mentioned Katie leaving Maine with her mom.
Joe noticed the look, too. “Think I said too much.” Joe stood and patted us on our shoulders. “It’s only a few days; you’ll manage.”
After Joe had disappeared around the edge of the tennis court, I turned Katie towards me. She buried her face in her hands.
“Katie, I heard. I was listening under the window,” I said.
“No,” she sobbed. “They’re getting a divorce. I have to go with her. She’s looney-tunes.”
I looked around to see if anybody was coming and squished next to her in the double Adirondack. I put my arms around her.
“Katie, it’s just for a few days.”
“She’s so darn selfish. Crud!”
“Sweetie, your dad said he’d pick you up with me and Joe after the weekend.”
“Yeah, yeah. But…but he’ll feel guilty and…and…” Katie wiped her nose on her sleeve and looked at me. “You think he’ll break up with Joe, or make me live on Star?”
I shook her. “Katie, dammit, we’re going to Albert. He’s not going to make you live with her. She’s sick, can’t you see?”
She sniffled. “Yeah, but he didn’t say when! Who knows how long I could be trapped there?”
“You’ll see. It will all work out. C’mere…” I rocked Katie back and forth, fighting back my own fears. I hadn’t been alone, without Katie, in two months. I could feel the loneliness creeping in my every pore as I tried to fill Katie up with love and courage. We sat there rocking and rocking until the lunch set started to arrive.
Chapter Fifty-two
MOM AND DAD BID ME ADIEU
My parents had come back up to Maine as a surprise send-off before we left for Albert. I wasn’t totally thrilled since I wouldn’t be staying with Katie for a week, just as she was about to leave for Star with her mom.
I tried my best to get along and not argue with my mother, but she was watching me like a hawk. Actually, I think it was more that her little gosling was escaping from under her wing.
There really was so much I was grateful for, when it came to my mom, namely how she dealt with Fifi and my father. I was allowing myself to see that she was pretty cool.
I walked with her to the lake. The wind was up, and the aroma of pine needles wasn’t as heady as it had once been in July. My mom was wearing a windbreaker and smoothing her wispy hair behind her ears.
I took her by the arm. “You know, Mommy, you’re really being so great.”
“What, dear?”
I knew she was probably just trying to get me to repeat it, but I didn’t care.
“Mom, you’re tops in my book,” I said.
We crunched along the gravel and pine needles for several more minutes in silence. I peeked up at my mother. She was crying.
“I love you.” She sniffled. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Well, you’ve got me now!” I pulled her along to the row of metal springy chairs atop the hill.
I knew I needed to say more. We must have both been at a loss for the right words.
“I’m so proud of you…” my mother said. The words seemed to echo back at us from the lake. It was nice to hear them. I was totally fuchsia by the time she said, “You were so lady-like and polite with those old folks I saw you with earlier.”
I was about to say something jerky to cut through my embarrassment. I stopped myself and just squeezed her hand. I smiled at Mom and thanked her. I told her how much I appreciated her for letting me go to Albert and then, I just gave in to what I really wanted to say.
“Mom, thanks, thanks, for being my mom.” Her eyes reddened once again. “I really admire your courage, getting Daddy to do this musical training.”
She pulled out her embroidery. I patted it flat to admire it. I felt like we had never done so well together. Maybe my folks were not so bad.
She asked nonchalantly, “You going to miss Katie?’
I started to panic; this was usually the way a hard conversation started. One where she would tell me everything I was doing wrong if I wanted to be a good girl. I started to tell myself it was all a set-up. I didn’t have the guts for that fight.
I told the truth. “Yeah. It’s been like having a sister.”
My mother continued to work on her piece, smoothing it and counting. I could leave the comment there. No more; no less. My mother smiled and turned her face up in the direction of the sun.
After a few more rows, she giggled. “C’mon, let’s go get some fudge.”
We walked back to the Lodge quietly, arm in arm.
When my father saw us coming back up the hill from the beach, he called out to me.
“C’mon, Toots, I’ll take you for a malted.”
I kissed my mom and grabbed my father’s arm. We walked in silence, me in my mocs, him in his topsiders, to the spa.
I leaned across the table and with my dry hand squeezed my dad’s hand a bit.
“You know, Dad, I am really proud of you.” I paused a minute. This was hard. “I know sometimes I say Queens is ugly, and why do we have to live in such a boring place. You and I have had arguments about the church and narrow-minded people.”
“So, Toots, you want to have a fight now?”
“No. I don’t want you to think I’m turning my back on you and Mommy.”
“I don’t.”
My father reached out with a napkin and wiped the malted from my chin. He smiled and brushed my cheek with his fingers. “I’m so proud of you and what you’ve done. Your grandmother would be proud too.”
He changed the subject so the tear in his eye would not cascade down his cheek. “I see your girlfriend is going to leave us to go visit with her mom on Star Island. You going to miss her?”
I could feel myself stiffen. I looked away from him, pretending to check out a man passing by. Where was my father going with this question? God, I’ve got to bolt.
My thoughts were interrupted by my father’s saying, “Nice girl. I’ve always liked Katie. Respectful too.”
I peeked a glanc
e at him sideways. He wasn’t starting anything. I had to relax. He liked her. That was the important thing. He wasn’t asking anything. No need to talk about queerness now.
I smiled at my dad. “Yeah. She’s got to help her mom. Her mom wants to stay and do music on Star. Kind of wish I could play.”
“You want more gifts?” He joked, pinching my cheek.
I would be sad to see them go home, but at the same time, I needed them to leave. I was getting a bit scared about Albert. It all seemed mixed up. Life was good but not tidy, kind of out of sync – like we all have to figure out how and where to fit in.
Chapter Fifty-three
KATIE LEAVES
It was a hard morning to face our last day together. I managed to sneak back over to Katie’s cabin from my parents’. We snuggled a bit longer than our usual morning ritual. I would see Katie in a few days, but after spending almost every minute together all summer, even this separation seemed enormous.
In the chill of the early New England fall, we pulled the comforter around our legs and retold each other the story of our summer. We laughed about early June and how we felt like imitation Nancy Drews. Now we were the real thing in many ways.
I wished we could have just gone from celebrating Carney’s confession straight to the beginning of our life at the Academy; our sleuthing work was over.
“So glad you chose me,” Katie said, as she buried her head in my arms.
“No. My grandmothers chose you for me!”
We sat like that until our tears risked flooding the bed. Doc was almost ready.
I watched as Doc put Katie’s suitcase in the car taking her to Star Island, a good hour-and-a-half away. Her leaving, this time, was totally different from those times at the beginning of the summer when she would run away from me or wouldn’t show for our morning ritual at the rec hall. I trusted she wanted to see me as much as I did her.
I started to wonder about the call I had tried to place to my parents, when I had decided to tell them I wouldn’t go to the Academy. What would have happened if it had gone through? And Katie? And the real me?
Death and Love at the Old Summer Camp Page 20