Chapter Fifty-four
DREAMS OF SICILY
I was alone, really alone for the first time in my life. Katie would be gone for another day at Star, my parents had just left, and Doc and Joe were hanging around Portsmouth, not too far from Star Island. They would pick Katie up tomorrow.
I decided not to go to Star. It would have meant an extra trip back and forth for Doc, so I opted to stay in the main house rather than risk being alone with my dreams in Katie’s cabin. The rooms upstairs in the 1825 house were cozy with gingham touches everywhere.
Propped up in my four-poster bed, I flipped through some brochures from Albert, checked the reading list, and gawked at a book of photos of Sicily. Maybe I shouldn’t have done all three, since it only increased my need to be in one spot: either in a book, lost in some literary setting, or at Albert. Or in Sicily.
When I found myself dropping the books and losing my place, I shut out the light with the fringed lampshade. The wallpaper with illustrations of carriages and eighteenth century French ladies caught some light from the road, and I could almost imagine slipping into the paper to live in those times, but my eyes couldn’t stay open long enough to get very deep.
Just the same, the carriages must have transported me to Sicily, famous for its Carrozze with donkeys. I almost smelled donkey poop, masked by the aroma of thick tomato sugo with salsicce.
In my dream, I was finally in Giuliana, my grandmothers’ village! It really was a dream, growing from the ground up: my roots were here. My dreams came from here; they brought me back here…now…now that I accepted them, with their good news and their less than good news. The hard stuff seemed to be over, and everyone was celebrating, everyone and everything felt connected, like one.
The sun lit everything, making the off-white stones of this medieval hilltop village glistening gems. My father was with me again, and the stones we walked on sparkled back up at us. The walls held us snuggly in their brilliance. Walking through archways felt like we were putting on a cape of diamonds. The castle towering above was the biggest jewel of all. Here, the earth felt like it was stepping its way up to the sky.
My dad took my hand and said, “You okay? The steps are steep.”
“Yes. These the originals?”
“Yup, the same ones your Grandfather Pietro and my mother Francesca walked up a long time ago. Your grandfather used to play hooky and his mother Vincenza would come looking for him here.” My father was grinning from ear to ear as he sifted the grit through his fingers. I saw a tear glisten on his cheek.
In another segment of my dream, I followed Doc and Joe to witness new life unfold in their relationship.
“Che bella giornata! Giuseppi! Oh what a beautiful day!” said Ron
“Where did you learn that?” said Joe.
“I heard that woman leaning out her window say it. The sun, the warmth, I’m sold.”
“Yes. The sun – o sole mio!” said Joe, trying to sing the old Italian song.
“Stop!” said Ron. “I’m serious. I feel so good.”
“Right. But it’s not only the sun. Ron, you have a new warmth.”
“It’s you,” said Ron, slipping his arm through Joe’s as they strolled down Via Garibaldi.
“Just like Italian men. See, there is a certain joie de vivre about you.” Joe turned and looked at Ron with a broad grin.
“You again,” said Ron. “La dolce vita – I do know how to say that.”
“But it’s in you! See, you’re smiling.” Joe touched Ron’s cheek ever so lightly.
“I see all these people smiling, laughing, touching; the men, the women, holding hands.”
“Maybe they’re like us…” Joe laughed.
“No, I’m serious.”
“Then take my hand, Ron. They’d never know…”
“I can do that.”
It almost sounded like Ron was reciting poetry. His doctor’s voice was gone; he walked differently; he almost hummed.
“I feel the touch of these uneven cobbles on my feet, I brush the stone walls, and they give up their dust where many generations of shoulders have brushed. Let’s go through this archway. Oh, it’s almost painful, such grace! Look at it! How it opens onto the piazza behind the big church.”
“La cattedrale!” said Joe. “Yes, you’re so right. Here, under the arch, they say maybe Barney’s mother lived in that house and probably her mother before her.”
“Even Giuseppina, Pina’s mom, always so afraid people would know she was Italian.” Joe pointed down the narrow alley. “Look down in the doorways. She’s showing those women how to do that stitch, of course they would. They’re giving her cake and coffee!”
“Everyone seems transformed. Even you father. He’s making eyes at that woman,” said Ron. “I feel, I don’t know the right word, connected. The boys laugh and touch. Old men go arm in arm. Little, stooped ladies, faces like cucuzzas, gourds, you taught me that, kiss each other, smack lips with noise! Noise!”
“Me too! Smooch! Che me ne frega! I don’t give a damn who sees, or knows!”
“Shush!” said Ron, “You are shouting. That lady is laughing, waving her hand.”
Joe seemed almost giddy. He did a kind of dance, holding Ron’s hand and yelling.
“She shouts back, ‘pazzo - crazy’ and I say, ‘Si, pazzo inamorato, – yes, crazy in love!’”
“But she thinks you’re with a woman, Joe.”
“I scream, ‘che me ne frega! So what! I don’t give a damn!’”
****
I started coming to with the smooch. I heard it; I was repeating it; I felt it!
Then I was really awake. The house dog, a big shaggy thing, had pushed open the door to my room and was licking my hand.
I saw the carriages on the wallpaper and made the three thousand mile trip back from Sicily in a few blinks of my eyes.
Holy cow! What a swell dream. But no grandmas, no murders.
What did I mean, no grandmas? It had to be Grandma wishing everybody love and connection from her world to ours. Now I was a little less worried about Albert; she’d be watching over me, reminding me of my roots!
Yahoo! I had all the more reason to celebrate: Katie would be back today, and we would share a bed, maybe even a dream together tonight.
I threw on my new pea coat since the wind had really picked up, blowing across Sebago Lake. I sat by the side of the road, waiting for Katie’s dad’s Lincoln.
I reflected back on the good and the bad of the summer and wondered with some apprehension what Albert would be like. Would I fit in with those rich kids? A lot of them had already spent years there. Would they turn up their noses at my budget clothes? Well, I did have some nice stuff my mother picked up on sale when she actually took me to the Villager Shop.
I heard the car’s big engine. I didn’t even wait for it to pull off the road. Katie hardly let the car stop moving before she threw herself out of the car and into my arms. We hugged and hugged as if she’d been gone forever.
“God, I’m so glad to be here,” she said. “She was impossible.”
“Shush,” I said. “You’re here, c’mon.”
She snuck a quick glance to see if her father was looking and planted a kiss right on my lips. My knees were water; my stomach went swimming.
“Hey, Kat, we get to sleep together tonight.”
“Yeah,” Katie said, her happy voice trailing off.
“What?” I asked.
“Well…my mom really is a mess.”
“Yeah?” I did not want to think about Catherine McGuilvry, just Katie McGuilvry!
“And…it was like she was saying ‘goodbye’ forever…I just felt bad, but ticked too!”
“Uh huh. Yeah, she really is weird, but…” I was growing impatient.
“I know…” Katie said, still wearing a gloomy face, “but it’s hard to just turn off the stuff with my mother. I mean, maybe I’m crazy, too. You sure…about me?”
“About you and me? Natch!” I laughed and start
ed reciting Shakespeare. “How do I love thee?”
“Cut it out,” Katie said, a small smile crossing her face. “Me too, I love you five thousand and twenty ways! But I’m absolutely dead tired.”
“Bed sounds good to me…” I pretended to yawn.
We raced each other to her cabin, and yelled good night to Doc, who came in and asked for a welcome home kiss. Katie and I settled in under her comforter and held our breaths to see if Doc had gone for a walk with Joe.
I placed my hands gently on Katie’s shoulders, too shy to touch her. I had longed for her, and now I was almost afraid I’d break her; she was crystal, she was gossamer. She took my face in her hands and kissed me deeply.
“I missed you so much,” she said.
“I love you, Katie.” I bathed our faces in salty tears. I felt so moved, as if nature had placed me in trance. I lost myself in Katie.
When I awoke a few hours later, I had no memory of what we had done. We were both totally naked, wrapped around each other. I couldn’t tell at first whose arms were which. I thought to myself, this must be bliss.
Katie nuzzled me and stretched groggily. She opened her eyes, as if I were her siren and she had finally heard my call.
“Don’t say anything,” I murmured.
After a few twists and turns, we looked at each other. It was the middle of the night, and we were wide-awake. Just the same, we were unwilling to waste the rest of the night on Monopoly or cards. We decided to stay in a kind of dreamland.
“Let’s plan a happy dream together first,” said Katie.
“Right. Should we dream about your mom, make her happy? Star really is good for her.”
“You mean it’s like Heaven? She seemed the happiest sitting in a rocking chair, reading and looking out at the water.”
“Well, maybe that’s where she’ll always be for you. I mean in your heart,” I said.
“Yes, but I want to dream the ideal mother.” Katie’s face seemed soft and rested as she said, “I know that’s not who my mom is, but that’s who I want her to be, and that’s who she really wants to be.”
“Uh huh. Tell me what the ideal mom is like,” I said.
“Well, first, she would hold me in her lap, in a rocking chair.”
As Katie started describing her ideal mother, I began to drift off. “Uh huh.”
Katie spoke really softly. “She would be looking at me with a smile on her face and real soft, smiling eyes. She would touch my cheek with her soft hand with sort of plain, shiny nails, and she would hum and rock and call me her ‘wonder child’ sent by the angels.
“Pina, Pina, you’re sleeping…” Katie’s warm body and her gentle breathing seemed to form a cozy rocker for me. I drifted off again.
Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry, go to sleep, my little baby…I was moving my lips, but…
I felt myself being rocked in a big, 1920’s wicker rocking chair, greenish and light orange. Italian lullaby sounds floated by. I knew this rocker from my home in Queens, but the melody and the sounds were different now. I floated back and forth in dreamland.
“Pina! Pina! Wake up!” said Katie.
“Huh? Yeah. I’m awake. What is it?”
“Well, you were humming to me like my ideal mother – a song about ponies,” Katie said.
“I don’t know any songs about ponies,” I said. “How did it go?”
“Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry, go to sleep, my little baby. When you wake—” Katie started to sing.
“You will find all the pretty little ponies.” I continued the song.
“I thought you said you didn’t know it,” said Katie.
“I didn’t, but now I do. Wait…Your mom taught it to me.”
Katie looked at me as if I was bananas. “No, she didn’t.”
“Oh Katie, it must have been your mother. In my dream, there was this tall, thin woman who rocked us and hummed, and she had this kind of light, gauzy scarf that blew in the wind—” I said.
“and she wrapped it around both of us and stroked our faces—” Katie continued.
“and she smiled and smiled—” so did I.
“and I could hear the sound of little waves on pebbles…” we both said, “and we were really floating in the water—”
“but no, then we were on the shore, kind of grown up, waving,” I said, in tears.
“and the woman…yes, yes, my mom. She floated off and then turned and waved.” Katie sighed. “Oh Pina, I think it was my happy dream.”
I smiled back at Katie. “Kind of a message: She’ll be okay.”
Chapter Fifty-five
ANOTHER DREAM
Another night, our last night in Maine in Katie’s cabin. We were excited but tired.
Lying in bed together, Katie urged me to plan a shared dream. “About school, then college–of course, we’ll go to the same college, right, then back to Maine to work…right? Swear!”
“Whoa!” I said. “Katie, I just wanna sleep, but okay, I swear! Now, go to sleep. Just one question: will you marry me?” I giggled, but somehow I was dead serious.
“Yes!” Katie nuzzled my neck, and in a soft voice, she added, “Maybe someday…”
Soon, there were only voices from my dream.
“I, Pina, take this woman, Katie, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”
Ooh, she’s gorgeous in that gauzy scarf, and she folds it around my face with her long, thin hands, and a kind of clear, shiny nail polish and she rocks me, and we float…
“I do. I, Katie McGuilvry, take you Pina Mazzini…”
She rocks me and with her smiling eyes caresses me and touches my cheek with her long, thin soft fingers with the sort of plain, shiny nail polish…
“We witness and bless your union…”
“We hold the rings we have held for each other…”
“Ron, as my witness, I bring you dreams for your daughter Katie, my spouse and for your spouse.”
“Joe, as you bring me your dreams of our work together…”
Joe the perfect witness and observer, Joe who will tell our stories and engrave our dreams.
“I now pronounce you Man and Man.”
“I do, you do, they do do do do!”
“Pina! Pina! Wake up. What’s the do, do?” Katie asked as she shook me. “You’ve been saying, ‘I do, you do, they do do do.’”
“Oh, Katie, it was the dream of our wedding – in ten years. Guess what else?”
“We were pregnant?” said Katie.
“No, not yet. Your dad and Joe got married with us! I heard bells, but I don’t remember anything else. Isn’t it great? You were so beautiful, and we were both doing the ideal mother thing for each other,” I said.
“Oh, Pin, I love you! It’s a dream come true.”
“Like a nightmare has become a beautiful vision. I do love you, Katie!” I closed my eyes and made a wish.
Chapter Fifty-six
GOOD BYES TO SUMMER - SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS
We were up at first light, running around Katie’s bedroom, wrapped in blankets against the really chilly air. Fall was here in Maine. Our suitcases lay gaping open, ready for just a few more items. We had already packed some heavier things, like the gorgeous Fair Isle sweaters from the Bridgton collegiate shop, a surprise from Doc and Joe.
Chocolate and cookies found their way in, thanks to my mom and dad who had stopped at the Shaker Bakery at Sabbathday Lake before they left. Other unexpected last minute gifts included the camera Doc gave Katie and the leather notebook Joe presented me to record our memories and dreams. In a way, our tears at the thought of leaving were also unexpected. They were salty and mixed with joy and sadness.
School would start in four days, and we were ready, sort of. For now, we were set to jump in the car and share a few more happy tears with Doc and Joe. Miles and farms and shops rolled by, escorting us along the route to the airport an hour away.
****
We were now waiting for our flight to Andover at the Portland airport. The down-home
feeling in this tiny terminal was perfect for our good-byes.
“Will you send me letters, too?” Joe asked me.
“Of course. When will you start writing the article about this?”
“Well…Ron and I have a lot to plan,” said Joe.
“Hmm. Yes. According to my dream, you do,” I said.
“You’re asking a lot of questions for this early in the morning. Lots of coffee in your dreams last night, Pina?” Doc winked at me. “Come here a minute before I let you two go through the gate. I want you to write it all down. Every dream, including last night’s.”
“How do you know?” I asked, my eyebrows doing multiple push-ups.
“Huh? Just promise me you’ll record the dreams. We can make it happen, you know. We can!” said Doc.
“Come here, girls, I love you both,” said Joe.
“Love you, Joe. I love you, Dad.” Katie and I said together. I said, “I mean Doc.”
“Love you, my sweet Katie. Pina, I love you like a daughter. Be safe.”
“We will. See you in my dreams, Doc!”
We found a note from Joe waiting for us at Albert. He said he was starting his writing at the end of the story, even though it was really just a beginning.
He wrote, “I feel like I just gave birth to two daughters, and already I had to let them go.” In his letter, he continued, “Ron agrees it’s just the beginning of many comings and goings and farewells and reunions.”
Joe ended his brief note with Doc’s dream.
“I saw Pina in my dream last night, and I saw my dream man too. I walked down the aisle with you, Joe. They, Pina and Katie, were our witnesses, and we were theirs. Pina called you her witness-observer who would write all this. She recited the loveliest tribute to Katie as they exchanged vows. That gauze veil that Catherine used to wear, Katie and Pina enfolded each other with it and, in a dream-like manner, raised up our collective hopes and dreams.”
We were sitting on the edge of Katie’s bed in the dorm at Albert, our cheeks glistening with tears. I asked Katie to close her eyes while I turned around and pulled something from my back pocket. With a flourish and an abracadabra, I swirled a gauze scarf around Katie and then myself.
Death and Love at the Old Summer Camp Page 21