by Tara Rose
Leta and Nando had walked downtown, and when they left the bar Nando glanced around, addressing Graham. “Where’s your Jeep?”
“Home. I drove it there after I left your house and then walked around.”
“Which explains the way you look.”
Graham picked at the caked sand and seaweed on his shirt. “Yeah. Guess I should go home, shower, and change clothes.”
“If you do that you won’t come back to our house, will you?”
Graham gave them a sheepish smile. “Yeah, I will. I feel like an idiot. I’ve been wallowing in self-pity all day.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” said Leta. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”
“Thank you. You two are the best friends I’ve ever had.”
Nando clapped him on the back. “Likewise. Now go home and clean yourself up. You smell like dead fish.”
Graham almost laughed, and Leta grabbed Nando’s hand to give it a squeeze. She was so relieved that this evening had turned out to be positive.
“All right. I’ll drive back as soon as I’m more presentable.”
“If you don’t, we’ll come looking for you this time.”
“That won’t happen. I promise. You two are the best. I’ll be over in an hour.”
* * * *
Leta sat on the deck with Nando, tapping her nails on the arm of her Adirondack chair. “It’s been ninety minutes. Should we swing by his place?”
“No. He’ll be here.”
She breathed in the salty scent of the ocean and let the sound of the waves soothe her, as they had always done when she was younger. While living in Oxford, this is what she’d missed the most. The sound of the ocean, and being able to watch the tide roll in and out.
Nando stood. “I hear a Jeep.”
“Want me to come inside?”
“No, pet. I’ll bring him out here.”
“Do we have enough drinks and snacks?”
Nando leaned over and took her hands. “Relax, okay? It’s just Graham, and it’s only a talk.”
“Yes, Sir.”
When Nando went inside, she readjusted the pitcher and glasses. It was only sweet tea. She and Nando had decided not to offer alcohol in case the talk turned to more play. They both had a strict rule for being sober during play. The Hurricane they’d each had at dinner had long worn off by now. Even if Leta had drunk three Hurricanes tonight, this would have sobered her up. She hadn’t been this nervous in a long time.
She heard voices, and then rose to greet Graham. He’d changed into khaki shorts, a T-shirt, and sandals. It was an outfit she’d seen him in many times, but tonight it screamed sexy to her. “Do you want some tea? I made it earlier. And we have cheese and crackers, too.”
“Sure. Thanks.” He took the chair facing theirs, and after she’d poured him a glass of tea and made sure he had enough food, she sat down again. Nando smiled at her with a gleam in his eyes. He knew she was trying hard to make Graham feel welcome and comfortable, and she loved him for not minding that she did so.
“So, again, I’m sorry I left like that this morning.”
Nando waved a hand in the air. “Forget it, okay? Ancient history.”
Graham drained his glass of tea and Leta reached over to refill it for him. When he finally settled back in the chair, he fixed Nando with a determined look. “Last night was magical for me. There’s simply no other word. I know it was a one-time fantasy. We agreed on that. But everything I’d once felt for Leta came tumbling back in, and it was much stronger and more vivid than I’d anticipated. Truthfully, I didn’t know what to expect. I thought I’d be jealous. I thought you would be. I thought perhaps Leta would hate it.”
She grasped Nando’s hand while Graham took another sip of tea. “But none of those things happened. Well, let me back up. None of them happened while we were playing and having sex. I know at some point you were bothered. And I think I know why. Holding Leta like that…it felt so damn right. Like I should have been doing it all along. And on the heels of that was guilt. So much guilt.” He leaned forward and clasped his hands together.
Nando gave her hand a squeeze while they waited for Graham to continue.
“No one can ever take Bailey’s place. I finally acknowledged that today. She was my wife and will hold a place in my heart that no one else can ever fill. But I also figured out something else. That doesn’t mean I can’t have close relationships with other people as well. You two are my best friends. You have been for years. And I once had very strong feelings for Leta. I…”
He sighed and finally cut his gaze toward her. “I still do. I guess that’s not a secret anymore.”
She shook her head, but didn’t say anything because it looked like he wasn’t finished yet.
“But of course once I figured that out, I had even more guilt because you’re Nando’s sub. And he’s my best male friend.” Graham leaned back and crossed one ankle over the opposite knee. “Which brings us to now. I don’t know what to do. I only know that I can’t forget last night, and I don’t think time is going to help this one. I don’t think if I simply avoid you two for a while this will go away. It’s too strong. Too real. Too right.”
He and Nando made eye contact again, and Leta held her breath while she watched the two size each other up. How in the world did two Doms like Kade and Elliot, Estevan and Liam, or Arizona and Dallas share a sub without killing each other?
She’d known both these men long enough to know that the passive side Graham showed right now was only out of respect for Nando’s claim on her. Nothing more. He was as alpha as Nando was, especially at work.
Nando cut his gaze toward her for a brief second, and then he addressed Graham again. “What exactly are you asking of me? Of us?”
“That we give this a try. Both of us being Doms to Leta.”
“We’d need specific ground rules.”
“I agree.”
“And we need to keep communicating.”
“Absolutely.”
He glanced toward her. “And of course, it goes without saying that Leta has to agree to the trial.”
“I will do whatever you want me to do, Sir.”
Nando shook his head. “No, pet. This doesn’t work that way. This isn’t something we’ve discussed before, or a limit I’ve asked to push, or protocol we already have established. Without your consent as well, we don’t do this.”
Leta swallowed hard. Every nerve ending was on fire. Nando had gone from total jealousy last night to seriously considering letting another Dom into their dynamic. How had this happened? Was it something he’d wanted all along but had never told her about? Or, had he only recently been able to unearth that desire in himself because of their experience last night?
“Sir? May I ask a question?”
“Yes.”
“Am I understanding this correctly? Is this something you want to try as well?”
He gave her a look filled with lust and tenderness. “Only if we have your consent. If you don’t want to, neither one of us will be upset.” He cut his gaze toward Graham. “Correct?”
“Absolutely. I won’t be upset. I’ll totally understand.”
She gripped Nando’s hand tighter to ground herself in case the earth started spinning too fast. “My only concern is the friendship you two share. I won’t be part of anything that threatens it.”
“We’re okay,” said Graham. “No matter what your decision is, and no matter the outcome of this trial if you say yes, Nando and I will still be friends.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because our friendship has weathered some pretty bad storms, Leta.” He spoke so softly she barely heard him over the pounding surf, but the emotion in his words and on his face shouted the meaning clearly toward her. Their friendship would remain intact because Graham wouldn’t accept any other outcome.
She glanced toward Nando. “Do you feel the same way, Sir?”
“Yes, pet. This won’t affect anything between me and G
raham, and before you need to ask, it won’t affect anything between you and me, either. I give you my word on that.”
He knew her so well. That definitely would have been her next question. Before last night, she’d never fantasized about playing with two men or making love with both. It was something she knew existed, and she’d recently watched three submissive friends welcome two Doms into their lives, but it wasn’t something she’d ever imagined her and Nando wanting to try.
And especially not after what had happened to her in grad school.
But these two weren’t posers. They were the real deal. She’d placed her trust in them last night and had been rewarded with the most erotic night of her life. Now, it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to keep trusting in what they had together.
Last night had changed everything. Her life would never be the same again, no matter the outcome of this. But before she agreed to it, she needed to come clean about her past. Not only for Nando’s sake, but for Graham’s. It wasn’t right that she’d never fully explained this.
Chapter Nine
“Sir, before we go any further, there’s something I need to tell you. Both of you. I should have explained the whole story before. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. “You weren’t ready before.”
“Thank you.” How did he do that? How did he always make her feel like he had her back, no matter what? If that wasn’t true love, Leta had no idea what the hell was. She scooted her chair closer to both men, let go of Nando’s hand, and clasped hers in her lap.
“Where do I start? When I went to Ole Miss, I had no idea what to major in. I was in general studies for almost two years and then finally decided I loved my art history class more than any of them. I went to the department and asked about majoring in it. They actually tried to talk me into making it a minor because I’d need so many courses yet to earn the degree, but I said that was fine.”
She knew they didn’t need a discourse on her history at Ole Miss, but it was important for her to set the stage. “Then when I also said I wanted an MA in it, they said no way. There was no such program. I could choose an MA in history or an MFA in art, but I didn’t want that. My own studio work isn’t that good, so I knew the chances of landing a spot in the MFA program were slim. And I didn’t want to study all of history. Only art history.”
She poured herself a glass of tea before continuing, because now her mouth was dry. Just reliving the conversations with the department chairs was enough to make her limbs tremble because if she’d chosen a different path, she might never have met him.
“Once I finally convinced them to let me design a program, and to combine my BA and MA degrees, I had quarterly meetings with a graduate assistant in each department to keep me on track. The art TA was a mousy girl who mainly wanted to talk to me about her shitty roommates, but the history TA was the wannabe Dom that Nando already knows about.”
“He was her official intro to BDSM,” said Nando, addressing Graham.
“Yeah. My official intro. If you could call it that. He ran a club from the basement of a frat house and I don’t think any of them had ever been inside a real club, or even knew any real Doms or subs. I was an idiot.”
“Don’t say that. You trusted someone and he violated that trust. Not the other way around.”
“Yes, Sir. But I wish I’d done my homework first. It’s not like there was no one on this island I could have called or e-mailed and said, hey, got a question for you. And I didn’t even start dating him until I was a grad student. I should have known better by then.”
Nando placed a hand on her upper back, and his touch calmed her down considerably. “Things didn’t get really dicey until we’d been dating and playing together about six months. A new so-called Dom joined our circle then, and he was older. He was a professional student, and he was cruel. He claimed to have experience in clubs in New York and Chicago, which was probably pure BS, so they all looked up to him as some kind of guru come to save their little community from not doing it right.”
“Oh no,” said Graham. “Not one true wayers?”
“Oh yeah. They were like that to some extent before this man named Griff showed up, but once he got there, they took everything he said as gospel truth. Suddenly, the subs had to dress a certain way, and all kinds of weird protocols were put in place. It was like a cult. Then he told the Doms that they should share us so we’d get exposed to different training methods.”
“Red flags,” said Graham. “Big time.”
“I know that now. But at the time, I thought I was in love, and I wanted to please him.”
“What was his name?”
Nando shook his head. “She won’t tell me. As far as she knows, he’s still there, getting yet another useless degree, and she knows I’d risk the curse to fly to Oxford and kill the fucker.”
Leta always shivered violently when Nando spoke about defying the curse and trying to get on a plane to leave the island. It was one of the reasons she’d never told him this entire story. But now that she’d started down this road, she had to see it through.
“One night, with less than two weeks to go before I earned my MA, we all decided to have a group play party. This wasn’t the first time we’d done that, but several people showed up with bottles of booze. I refused to drink any. I knew that much at least. That play and alcohol, especially in a group like that, do not mix.”
She could do this.
“My so-called Dom and Griff were doing shots, and I honestly thought about just leaving and going home, but I knew he’d only come after me and then he’d be pissed off. I figured it was better just to endure the stupid party rather than upsetting him.”
Graham frowned. “Was he abusing you?”
“What I now recognize was abuse I only knew as punishment for more transgressions than I could keep track of.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea you’d gone through that. That fucking bastard. You’d better not ever tell me his name, either, because I’ll join Nando on that trip to Mississippi.”
Leta put up her hands. “Please stop talking about the curse while we’re out here, in the dark. It’s freaking me out.”
Nando rubbed her back. “It’s all right, pet. Finish your story. Get it all out.”
His voice was so tender and encouraging. She drew strength from it and continued. “Others were playing, and the drunker Griff became, the more he inserted himself into the scenes, giving what he called pointers, and topping the subs himself as well. When my so-called Dom finally called me over, he made me stand in the middle of the room. Then he told me to strip.”
She closed her eyes for a second, trying to tamp down the nausea that threatened. Every memory of that night was still so clear. The stink of tequila, the rap music, and the slightly musty odor the basement always had, even when no one else was in it.
“I did it, assuming he and Griff would start flogging me or something, but instead he tied my wrists behind my back. Then the two walked around me and started pointing out my flaws. My pudgy stomach, my fat thighs, and my round ass.”
“Those aren’t flaws,” said Graham, his voice full of emotion and indignation. “You’re beautiful, Leta.”
She gave Graham a look of gratitude. “Thank you. But all those years ago, I believed anything he told me. And he’d told me often enough that I was too thick. Being called fat by him was nothing new, but they didn’t stop there. They eventually tied me spread-eagled on the sofa, and picked at everything from the size of my nipples to the way my pussy lips were shaped. I was in tears by then from the humiliation, but they didn’t care.”
Nando gently pulled her to her feet and she crawled into his lap. He put his arms around her and stroked her hair.
“I begged him to let me go. I said I had to pee. I told him I was getting sick. All lies. But I hoped the words would break through the booze fog long enough to just get me out of the restraints because I was really frea
king out by then. The others had stopped playing and were gathered around, laughing.”
Leta took a couple of deep breaths. The memories were coming fast and furious now, and she was suddenly grateful they were outdoors. She sucked in huge gulps of sea air, letting it fill the dark spots in her brain.
“He finally let me up long enough to pee for real, and then when I came back out I thought it was over but he pushed me down on the sofa and…and he tied me up all over again. This time, he poked and prodded me with his fingers, and then with the empty beer bottles. Right there in front of everyone. The entire time, he let loose a litany of all my faults, real or imagined. I was crying like crazy, begging him to stop.”
“Pet, I’m so sorry.”
She heard him, but she had to get the rest of this story out or she knew she never would.
“It didn’t end there. All of the men took a turn. They grabbed me and poked everywhere, laughing, and calling out what they believed to be my worst faults while they were doing it. Griff actually called it group therapy. He told me this would make me think more about pleasing my Dom instead of worrying where my next Twinkie fix was coming from. He actually said those words, the idiot.”
She snuggled against Nando’s warm body. “When it was over and they finally untied me, I bolted. I don’t even remember where I went. I just ran down dark, rainy streets, looking over my shoulder. But no one came after me.”
“How did you get away from him?” asked Graham.
“I went home, packed my things, and showed up at the door of one of my female professors whose home I’d been to a few times before. She and her husband both taught in the history department. I told them what happened and begged them to let me stay there until commencement.”
Nando handed her the glass of tea, but her hands were shaking so badly he had to help her take a sip.
“They wanted to call the police but I begged them not to. I said no one would understand, and I couldn’t go through the embarrassment of telling anyone the story. I was afraid of retaliation, and I would have died if my family found out about this. They weren’t happy, but finally honored my request. I left the day I graduated and went to New York to live and work. That’s where I had counseling as well. And then I finally came back home because this is the only place I’ve ever felt truly safe.”