Another Stupid Trilogy

by Bill Ricardi

Blink at him again. “You crazy. You know curse! Smart sucked out after use spell, silly.”

  He poke in head. “Shush.”

  Shaman go digging in magic trunk. Take out book. I know book, has push spell in. He open to page and hold in front of me. “You read this to me.”

  I do. “In days past, orc live as one with world. These magics from time before great curse, when…”

  Shaman snap book shut. I jump a little.

  “Perfect. Was perfect. You never read nothing that perfect.”

  We both quiet for a while. Shaman best friend… only real friend. Don’t want to disappoint now and say something stupid. Think about offering amulet to him, he use better than me maybe.

  Before I say something, he say something. “You know I no use book much. Not any reason. Power come from Kenvunk, only know enough magic to teach new smart orcs.”

  I nod. Still glowing a little. Hope that wear off soon.

  Shaman tap book with finger. “Dis for you. You come here everyday after work. I tell chief need you to test healing stuff, he no care. You come, you study. And…”

  He put book back, take out lizard-hide. Has pages in between, but nothing on pages.

  “And you write. As good as you can, you write what happening. We figure dis out. Maybe Kenvunk send you to break ancient orc curse. Maybe you his baby or stuff and things. We see.”

  I nod. “For you, I do dis. Owe you everything. If… if you want amulet, I give. No one beat you, all look up to you. Could be great leader, greatest leader.”

  Shaman throw hands up in air. Cough some from smoke. Then say, “You dumb. Dis happen to you for reason. Smart orc don’t trade fate for muck. Kenvunk say so, and I say to you. He order you to not be dumb. Okay?”

  Me smile. First time smile in long time. “Okay.”

  ---

  Next day started same. Not feel like did night before. Feel slow… slow in head too. Maybe it all dream.

  Notice fist closed… tied closed with stringy vine. Wat is dis?!

  Untie hand. There piece of copper in it. Part of human coin, chipped, melted.

  Dat when I understand: Smart orc leave message to self.

  Check pouch… all human coins cut up. Shaman make Voodoo Engine do it real quick. Not for spending then, for magic. Remember now, Sorch supposed to cast one smartening before get to work. Get ready for day, but on way to Voodoo Engine, stop and cast smartening spell. Gotta ‘teach’ to amulet for day. Seem to work… not explode or nothing.

  Work seem to go by fast. Feed Engine, stuff get done, not too tired today. Don’t remember if get beat up. Maybe, but not bad if so. At end, feel like feel yesterday. Maybe better than that too.

  Go to Shaman tent… things look different. Little table in corner. He have some bread crust for me on little table. He have candles for me. Lizard book, ink, feather for me. Shaman make me tiny work spot.

  He wave me in. “Come, sit, sit.” He get magic book out of magic trunk, plop down on my table. “You start at start. You learn all about why magic work, then you learn everything about why smartening spell work. Then you write what learn, no fancy words. Kenvunk say you need eat more, so you eat.”

  I do what Shaman say, cuz he good guy. Learn about magic come from weave of strings of power. Not strings for boots, strings you no see or touch. They called ‘ley lines’. Something about volcano, and ocean, and metal, and salt, and other stuff and things. Don’t explain smartening, but write down real simple anyways. Dis big book, will take long, long time for read.

  When done, I go to fire to sleep. Don’t want to sleep. Want to feel like this, always. I tie piece of coin into hand, so dumb morning-me remember. I hug book I make note in, wrapped in cloak. Too tired to stay up, feel brain get smaller anyway. Have Voodoo Engine dream again. Not nice.

  Wake up, remember to use smartening because coin trick. Then look at book. Notes are simple. Even dumb-smart orc understand smart-smart orc’s notes. Go drop note book off at Shaman’s. Try quick read of spellbook… is all gobbledygook. Bah. Will read when smart-smart.

  Come back after work, and I read spellbook fine. Shaman look smug, he right about simple notes, he right about smarter after work. Sick of Shaman being right, but that his job.

  Make simple note on next bit. It talk ‘bout angels and demons, used to make war all over land. Then old gods make some kind of bet. Nobody know what bet was. But angels and demons banned from Panos, got to live in clouds or deep in ground. Human, orc, and elf all created. Silly orc and also orc battle god Kenvunk make magic girl-god, Omi-Suteth, angry. Put curse on all orc, that where magic-dumbness come from.

  Lizzy read over shoulder. Sometimes wonder flying lizard understand better than me.

  Next night get to real magic stuff. Smartness spell made by Glogur the Defiant. He angry orc. After first big war between human and elf, but before next big war between elf and orc, Omi-Suteth curse Glogur, and Glogur curse Omi-Suteth. He say he use magic, ‘cuz he smart orc. So he make spell that make him smarter before being dumber. Not useful, ‘cept as insult to Omi-Suteth. She ignore him.

  More important: How spell work. Copper have some value, is kinda rare. That sacrifice. Also make you little tired. That sacrifice. Human and elf use for hard study, cuz spell make them too weak. But orc tough, it just make them feel like running hard for while. Can cast many times before sleep. Not useful without Voodoo Engine though.

  I make all simple notes, then talk to Shaman before bed.

  “Don’t see how this help. Still work like dis: Cast and get smart, then get dumb again right away.”

  Shaman pace. He think. “You keep going in book. There more spells.”

  I blink. “But if spell don’t make smart, I no cast. It eat my brain!”

  “Aha!” say Shaman. “But brain bigger right now, yes? ‘Cuz you can read stuff and things now you can’t in morning.”

  I nod slowly. “Yes. Guess brain bigger now. So?”

  “So you not shrink normal small brain. You shrink big night brain, which shrink anyway in morning. Yes?”

  Shaman logic flawless.

  I say, “But I shrink brain, I not know how to do hard spells no more. Not ‘til next night.”

  Shaman nod. “Yes, you have one, maybe two magics you can do before it eat your normal brains. But that more than any other orc in thousand years!”

  That really heavy thought to think. I stay quiet.

  Shaman thump me on shoulder. “You keep reading. More spells in book. Not just push and hurt. I not smart ‘nuff to read them. You, maybe. You read more, we try something when you know next spells.”

  So I do that. Next few days the same. Same dream, same work. Only not-same thing: Read more book.

  Read about hard spells, but not get past start. Then read easy spells. Took many hour, but understand some. Lots need stuff and things we don’t got… goat horn, marble bowl, live seagull? Silly stuff.

  But three new spell, I get. Three new spell, I gots stuff for already. I spend two week with Shaman after work, just putting new magic in brain while brain still big. I make simple notes I can read in morning, helps some. When pretty sure I got new spells in brain, talk to Shaman ‘bout them.

  “So you knows smart spell, hurty push, and three new things?”

  I nods. “Yes, yes. First make place bright like brightest day.”

  Shaman snort. “Boring!” He think for minute. “But could be useful, maybe. Some stuff don’t like daytime. Still boring.”

  I roll eyes. “Uh huh. Next is cold spell. It make big spray of cold, deadly stuff.”

  Shaman slap his knee. “Dat’s the stuff. You freeze heads off, you doin’ good. What else?”

  I roll neck til it make popping sound. Feel good. “Last makes fire sword outta burnt stick.”

  Shaman’s eyes get real wide. “What?! Fire sword? You no kid me? Try dat one!”

  I not sure. “Uhhh, we sure ‘bout dis? It just gonna make me dumber out of added smarts, yes?”

  Shaman nod and wave hand i
n air. “Yes, yes. You worry too much. It like smartness spell, use extra smarts up first. You done notes, yes?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then show!”

  I take deep breath. Grab old dead torch from trash. I close eyes, make magic finger wiggles, say magic words. Only take couple seconds. Suddenly, feel the drain, in head and in gut.

  But dis time, got cool flame sword for trouble!

  Shaman jump out of seat and stare at it. Hilt look metal, but blade on fire like covered in pitch. “Real magic.” he say, softly. “Praise Kenvunk.”

  I look at sword. Is curved one, like see from picture of desert folk. Feel light in hand, good balance. Not much of sword guy, but still like.

  Shaman have many question, answer what I can. Yes, can be any kind of blade I see in brain. It last a few minutes. No can’t give away or throw, it go away when leave hand. Stick gotta be burnt, but can be smaller. Last question important though.

  “How smart you feel?”

  Hard question. “Think… think maybe smart like at noon break. Couldn’t read book right now, don’t think. But not morning-dumb.”

  Shaman nod. “So two spell at best. No try more, don’t want brain eaten. Still. Two spell a night, think what you do with that?!”

  I tilt head. “Uhhh. What I do with that? You wanna freeze a head off after I done with work?”

  That stumped Shaman. “I… no. Guess not. Guess three hour after done with work not big time to do much.” He look annoyed.

  I sit there quiet. Still got fire sword. Awesome.

  Then Shaman thump table hard. “Aha! You got all that stuff in book. How magic work, right?”

  I nod. “Yes.”

  “Then you use better smarts spell.”

  I shake head. “No, it not in there. Read titles of all spells, only one smarts spell, we know dat one.”

  Shaman look like he wanna thump me. But not with fire sword in hand. “No, dummy. You makes better smarts spell. Use all new stuff you know, and you makes better one.”

  I nod, slowly. “I try, for you. But may take long time.”

  Shaman shrug. “I got nowhere to be.”

  So for weeks and weeks, me go study magic. Study how make new magic, study how to make big smarts. End of every day, Shaman make me show a spell. He say it get me use to drain. I think he just wanna see cool magic.

  Sometimes being tired help me sleep. Sometimes bad dream. Like sleep better. But had good dream too. Same one since young. Was in mountains. Very cold. But kept warm by something white, fluffy. People need me there, and I need them. Have friends, and no bashers hurt smart orc. Seemed real.

  See good dream almost never. When hungry and tired, when catch beating from basher, that dream keep me going.

  Food getting more low. Bashers go out hunting, more and more far. Less come back. Some family sneak away at night. Some not so lucky. Shaman don’t got extra scraps for me no more.

  Shaman no like it, but skip one reading time during week. We go out to small lizard nest. Dangerous. But starving orc more dangerous. At night, we take cart. Me, Shaman, and Lizzy. We go where muck meet hills, place where eyes-that-shine gather. Leave cart on low hill, go toward muck. We climb big rock though, can look down and count eyes. Six eyes.

  Shaman got plan. I think not good plan, but got none better. First he bless me. I no worship Kenvunk, but always make me feel better. Then he climb to tall rock. Gray-green skin, hard see at night. He point rattle at biggest pair of eyes, ask Kenvunk for creature help. Big eyes go glassy. Lizzy fly above third and hisses, angry. Get lucky, two eyes get spooked, swim off.

  Now know what two eyes are dinner.

  I slide down side of rock, into muck. Big lizard get closer. Get closer very quick. Hand shake. Grab water flask and squeeze, spray water at eyes-that-shine as I chant. Wave of cold hit so hard, can hear scales crack. Lizard’s roar stop half way. Muck turning to ice-muck, need to step back.

  Shaman keep chanting, need to keep other lizard sleepy. But I in trouble, he know it. Cause my lizard cracking ice, and still coming. It mad now.

  Mad, but slow.

  Maybe it cuz brain got smaller, but I not ‘fraid. Lizards gots cold blood. You make colder, they no like. They move super slow if get cold.

  Is okay. Gonna warm it up.

  Few chanted words, and kindling stick become big honkin’ sword on fire. I no basher, but I grab with both hand and start bashin’. Now lizard don’t wanna come get me, wanna run. But I hack it good, twice, and it sizzle. Maybe good bashing from Kenvunk blessing. Maybe ‘cuz I angry and dumb after second spell. Anyway, good bash.

  Big eyes is spooked by sounds, turns and swims away. My lizard also turn. Know I can’t chase out there, die for sure. Start to reach for trusty Rock for final try. No need. Lizzy see real good, warn Shaman. Shaman now got new chant. Kenvunk give him big spell at night. Moonbeam shine on lizard. It flop around like just hit with mallet. Then lizard lay real quiet.

  It take both of us long time to get big lizard on cart. Lizzy snack on one of lizard’s eyes. Take hour to roll it back. Nobody question big dead frozen burnt lizard in camp. And bashers get lucky on hunt too, everyone eats good. One good day mean nobody starve, not for now.

  In morning, Shaman got all kind of test for me. Then again at break, again at night. He say that Kenvunk say I just as smart still. Two spell work good.

  I tell Shaman, “Hunt was good, but we get lucky. Need more than two magics, if unlucky.”

  He point at writing book. “Well you get smarter! How close for smarter smartening magic?”

  I admit, “Almost done but… problem.”

  Shaman tilt head. “What problem?”

  “Need silver.”

  Shaman shoulders fall. He sigh. “We no got it. No use it. North tribes use for fight undead, we no got here. What bits we get on raid, we trade.”

  I nod. “Yes, that problem. But… know where some is.”

  Shaman stare at me. He know what I mean. “NO! I forbid. Kenvunk forbid!”

  I hang head. Not like make Shaman mad. Not ‘cuz he strong… he friend. “Silverfish got much-much silver. Is only way I know.”

  Shaman almost hiss at me. “Is deadly beast. Kill horse, kill ape, not even hurt after. In cave, no moon magic. Insect, no animal magic. I no help for you!” He sound mad, and sad too.

  “Is only way. Need silver to try dis. I do, or we stop. We be happy with two spell.”

  Shaman stomp foot. “Fine. We happy with two spell.”

  I snort. “Yes? Two spell not feed tribe. Two spell not stop beatings. Already know: I live brave now, brave for you, for me, for tribe. Brave only chance now. Ask Kenvunk. Ask Kenvunk now, is two spell enough?”

  Shaman gnash teeth. He walk to his bones and toss in air. Knew answer before bones even fall. Shaman shoulders slump. “He say… he say you need best plan.”

  “Then we start tonight.”

  Chapter 3

  Plan done, been done for days. Make some trips to spot outside cave, set up plan. Shaman come one time when Chief away, help with big part. He look awful next morning… Shaman really need beauty sleep. Also I make sure sneak off plan working. Tomorrow full moon, short work day for Kenvunk praying. Start magic late in morning, end magic before dark. If late, chief not get wise. If dead he get wise, but I no care then.

  Shaman let me sleep after work, wake me on night guard change. He still argue that he need to come, but if he late for Kenvunk praying, plan ruined. Taking Lizzy though, that part of plan. Gonna be three hour hard hike. Lizzy good night eyes, help me move quick, help me dodge wild stuff and things.

  Walk into hills never simple. First dodge orc patrols. Not just our tribe, all tribe. See many Fistuntuls with blue war paint and long spear. They loud, easy to hide. Deep into hills, see lone Nightbane orc. And she see us. She move hammer hand to hand, but then walk on. Is good, want no part of hammer-maiden, bad news there.

  As move away from muck, trees change. Look less healthy. Everything more dry, branches t
hin, leaf rubbery or baked. Sap thick, like old blood. Less moss, less grass. Whole middle of hike feel dead. Up and down hills, not matter. Like forest just give up. Not used to be like this, not when young. This part just as green as near muck, many seasons past. Not now.

  Last hour walk pretty quiet. Start get more green toward mountain river. Hear more chirp, more click, more alive. Raise mood some. Lizzy not being mean, mostly. Even caught small rat. We split rat.

  Get to camp outside one of caves that goes to Silverfish lair. Is next to river. River flow down hillside, between rock and dirt. Remember when young, go way high in hill. River start with many tiny stream. Then all stream meet near warm spring, and all water gush together. River not as big as seasons back, but still big. That mean cave will be wet, Silverfish like wet.

  Camp pretty big. Tree all over outside. High part cover with dirt. Slope down to low part, all bare rock. Flat rock on ground from stone wall near river, to opening for cave. Lizzy perch on stone wall by river, grooming. I get wood, left last time visit. Still dry... doesn’t rain much now. Use rock and metal, start fire on dirt way off to side of camp, on high side. Build fire is okay here, beasts no hunt near Silverfish, and Silverfish no like fire.

  Go over things, in case bad stuff happen. Three cave can go to Silverfish lair; this smallest, tightest. Basher in armor or Silverfish barely fit through thin bit. Take no metal, Silverfish smell metal good. I strip off most gear, not gonna need much. Keep Rock though. Rock important.

  Go over escape plan. Camp pretty safe, but chance Silverfish chase anyways if I screw up and it angry. It always angry. Orc tribe close to here say it hunt for sport. Find dead… parts spread all over. No reason. Never see in day though. So if it chase, get close to fire as can. Leave two bigger branch hang out of fire. Good for burney bashing.

  I mutter plan to self, over and over. See Lizzy staring, like I crazy. I snarl. Lizzy snarl back. I sigh.

  Time to go.

  Loop long rope around thick tree. Tie off. Run rope end into cave, twenty pace, leave as guide. Realize how much of plan just use rope and string… scary thought. Tie piece of long string around pinky. Lizzy fly over, let me tie string to tail. Start to think Lizzy know plan better than me.