Another Stupid Trilogy

by Bill Ricardi

  The cleric of Melflavin snorted softly. “What else is new, dear?”

  As much as I appreciated her attempts to soothe me, the floodgates had been opened. I pressed on, saying, “Toby was the only one to give me a chance. None of them believed my devotion. My passion. Now he’s gone and they all hate me. They look at me and they’re thinking what a rotten deal they got, losing Toby and gaining me.”

  Tara’s big hand shifted from the top of my head down to my shoulder. She gave it a squeeze, and then said, “Not all of them. Some of the masters tell me that your sword work is exceptional. They have no students that move with your speed and confidence. ‘The Dervish’, that’s what some of them call you.”

  I said, glumly, “I think that just means they want to banish me to the desert and never see me again.”

  “The eastern forests, actually.”

  I looked up at the minotaur, sharply. Her expression was somber, neutral. She wasn’t joking.

  “Well that’s great. I’ll just pack my things and those old, shriveled, ugly gods damned moro- mmph!”

  I was cut off when Tara covered my mouth with her meaty hand. She leaned down and whispered, “Do you know how hard I had to fight to keep you in this Order?”

  Tears of frustration rolled down my human cheeks, only to be soaked up by the cleric’s furry digits. I sniffled and nodded.

  “This is your future Wendell. No, the Order isn’t pleased with you. But there are extenuating circumstances, and the masters know it. It is up to you whether or not you can serve Aro-Remset to the best of your ability at this new post. If so, I’m sure you’ll thrive. If not, my door is always open. We’ll figure something out. Okay?”

  The minotaur slid her hand away so that I could answer. I swallowed and said, “Yeah. Okay. Thank you for fighting for me, Lady Tara. Not many have. It is appreciated, I swear it.”

  We sat in silence for a little while. The roaring fire warmed me to the core. I took the opportunity to slowly transition back to my wererat form, sprouting whiskers, tail, fur, and claws. I was bone dry now.

  After flexing my jaw a couple of times, I asked, “So the forest, you say?”

  “That’s where you can find your new master. I don’t know his name. He apparently lives in a wilderness outpost West of Ice House and South of the elf lands. So in the forested area bordering the tundra.”

  I sighed softly. “I’ve been exiled.”

  Tara couldn’t argue the point. She said, “Janet and I will visit as often as we can, dear. Caravans pass through on the way to Civilia, so I’m certain there are salt contracts to be had all around that area. But you need to promise me something.”

  “Anything.”

  “You need to learn self control with your new master. Anger is not a useless tool. Indeed, I see others expressing it and I’m somewhat envious… it looks like it could be quite a release.”

  I had to smirk just a little bit. I said, “It’s quite a release, yeah.”

  The cleric continued, “And yet, it is holding you back. So keep an open mind and allow your new master to teach you the benefits of being calm.”

  I murmured, “Yes ma’am.”

  Under Tara’s instruction, I replaced my buckler from the stores. That night I packed everything that I owned for the journey ahead. It wasn’t much. Tara asked if I would let Janet cuddle up with me tonight, as it might be some time before the little girl saw her favorite babysitter again. I knew all of that was for my benefit rather than the child’s, but I accepted the minotaur’s kindness anyway. With the little one held protectively in my arms, I slept and did not dream.

  The next morning I found myself walking out of Ice House’s North gate. I was due to join a small caravan company that normally ventures towards the western reaches before turning North towards the elf lands. My armor felt particularly heavy in the frigid pre-dawn air.

  Briefly, I contemplated turning around and walking down the road. There were half a dozen mercenary companies who could use a good sword, and didn’t much care what kind of body the sword arm was attached to. Aro-Remset would appreciate the battle, even if I wasn’t destined to be one of his chosen.

  I restrained the impulse and squeezed my eyes shut. There were answers in the darkness, if one knew how to look for them. I fought against the anger and the uncertainty. I boiled down my decision to a single question, and found myself asking it aloud:

  “What would Toby do?”

  Then, I listened. In the brief silence that followed, I felt that I had my answer.

  Straightening my shoulders, I trekked towards the waiting caravan. Deep down, I knew that if Toby was here today, he would make the journey into the West. I would not allow him to make it alone.

  End of Book 3

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  Bibliography

  ‘Another Stupid Spell’ - Book 1 of Another Stupid Trilogy

  Sorch is an orc mage in a world where orcs are cursed with stupidity every time they cast a spell. While foraging for food one fateful night, our hero happens upon two human mages who are in big trouble. He saves their lives, and in return they give him an amulet that will make his life easier. Unbeknownst to the humans, their gift grants Sorch the power to break the cycle of intelligence drain and physical abuse. With the help of his friend and mentor, Shaman, Sorch becomes a real mage.

  Sorch leaves his swamp and embarks on a series of incredibly exciting and dangerous adventures. During his travels he encounters horrible injury, magical treasures, love, snow, university admissions tests, a plot against the Kingdom, and then of course he saves the world. Or does he?

  ‘Another Stupid Demon’ - Book 2 of Another Stupid Trilogy

  Sorch is a former orc mage, and the prisoner of a demon worshiping cult that is trying to steal his nightmares. One jailbreak later and Sorch is unleashed upon the world once again. But this time, he's not so sure that he wants to go back to a life of magic and adventure. Being the smartest orc on all of Panos wasn't all fun and games.

  With the help of a new friend, Sorch rediscovers his purpose in life. He embarks on a quest to save his friends, who were trapped on another plane of existence. During his travels he encounters more horrible injury, more magical treasures, casual love, university midterms, a plot against Panos, and then of course he saves the world. Or does he?

  ‘Another Stupid Apocalypse’ - Book 3 of Another Stupid Trilogy

  After destroying the possessed Voodoo Engine that threatened to enslave his tribe and start the next Great War, Sorch took some much needed time away from the peril of adventure. In the two years that followed, Sorch finished his arcane education and learned to be a real father to his recently discovered son, Benno. But the world wasn't done with Sorch and his family just yet. Drought, flooding, and deadly creatures driven up from the depths of the earth itself threatened to destroy cities and towns all over the world. It would take the two smartest orcs on Panos, and all of their brave friends, to discover the forces that threatened to tear the planet apart.

  In a race against time, Sorch is forced to lead his family into unparalleled danger. During his travels he encounters even more horrible injury, even more magical treasures, yetis, the power of fatherhood, frightening school children, an ancient threat to all of Panos, and then of course he saves the world. Or does he?

  ‘A Princess of Last Resort’ - Book 1 of The Blackstaff Siblings

  16 years
after Sorch saved Panos, a new threat arises, and the next generation of heroes must answer the call. After escaping an invasion force in the northern elflands, young Sarah and her half brother Granite find themselves far from home. Neither she nor her brother were prepared for the harsh elements, or for a mercenary army's dogged pursuit.

  Now the clever young mage and her fiercely loyal brother not only have to survive, but they also need to find new allies that can help answer the questions that haunt them: Are their parents still alive? Why can nobody reach the elven royal family? Was the firestorm a natural event, or something far more sinister? Finally, who are these invaders, and what do they want with the Blackstaff siblings?

  Get ‘A Princess of Last Resort’ on Amazon

  ‘Rhythm’ - Book 1 of The Ihy Saga

  'Rhythm' follows Lucas Andrews, known as ‘Lucky’ to his friends. Lucas is a young man who managed to become legally emancipated from his abusive parents. On paper he lives with the family of his deceased best friend, but in reality they can’t afford to keep him. Instead, Lucas lives in an old station wagon parked in the Massachusetts woodlands. He endures constant bullying at school. He's able to muddle through the pain, work in a record store in order to earn food money, and quietly finish school as a straight B student.

  On the morning of his 17th birthday, Lucky gets the offer of a lifetime. He's invited to become a Host if he willingly shares his body with Ihy's son, Izadore. After weighing all the pros and cons, Lucas accepts the god’s offer and is merged with ‘Izy’. This fateful decision puts Lucas on a dangerous path. Being a Host also means being hunted. Will Lucas and Izadore be able to hone the power of their new partnership in time? Or will they be overrun by forces who will do anything, including murder, in order to maintain the religious status-quo?

  Get ‘Rhythm’ on Amazon

  ‘Cadence’ - Book 2 of The Ihy Saga

  Lucas Andrews is on the run. As a Host, he willingly shares his body with the spirit of Izadore, one of Ihy's 72 sons and daughters from Ancient Egypt. Hunted by religious extremists, their music-inspired powers spiralling out of control, the pair flees to New York City in order to pursue the only course of action that they've been given: Find one of the legendary Muses of Apollo.

  But the big city offers big problems and precious few solutions. Just as Lucas and Izadore start to find personal and financial success, they're plunged into metaphysical chaos and mortal danger. Will they be able to find the right help and training in time? Or will the nebulous Void or their dogged pursuers catch up to the pair and silence them forever?

  Get ‘Cadence’ on Amazon