Magic Makes You Strange (The Brontosaurus Pluto Society Book 1)

by Noah K Mullette-Gillman

  He turned the statue towards the window. He opened the front door. Just as he disappeared through it, he turned her back to flesh.

  Once he was in the hallway, Edward ran down the stairs. He had to see if the names of the occupants were listed anywhere. He heard her scream once more as he descended, and then that was the last he heard of her.

  There was a list of tenants near the front door. It looked like there were about thirty families living in the building. None were an exact match for Jenny Wraithbone. Of course, she could have – certainly would have – changed her name. In fact, she might not even be the one on the list. It could be a husband, or her granddaughter. Or, Jenny might not live there. Rose’s body language had made him think she did. As Rose spoke about her grandmother she had glanced at the building twice, and almost pointed at it once. In Edward’s business these were usually tells, but not proof.

  There were four names which started with the initial “R.”

  R Stanley

  R Philips

  R Raymond

  R Hagberg

  He decided that he’d start with these. If he at least found out where Rose lived, he could turn her to stone for a little while and search her home.

  He stopped for a moment. Was he really thinking of turning Jenny’s granddaughter into a piece of rock? That was crazy! What if she was his granddaughter? What would Jenny say? He thought about all the warnings he’d gotten that magic would affect his mind and his body. He hadn’t checked his back in a while. He’d cast two spells just in the last five minutes. He wasn’t taking this seriously. He needed to stop using magic. He needed to start thinking clearly again…

  …after he found Jenny! She had to be quite old. What if she died before he got to see her?

  He buzzed R Stanley.

  There was no answer.

  So, he buzzed R Raymond.

  There was no answer. He buzzed a second time.

  Had Jenny had a friend whose last name was Raymond? Edward tried to remember.

  He buzzed R Philips.

  A moment later, a woman’s voice answered. It wasn’t clear, but it sounded to Edward like Rose.

  He didn’t reply. He just stood there quietly. She said, “Hello?” twice, and then gave up.

  She lived in Apartment 4C.

  Edward really didn’t want to turn her to stone. He stood against the wall and wracked his brains for another plan. He thought about the policeman whose fingers had snapped off after Edward had petrified him. He couldn’t do that to Jenny’s Rose.

  He walked up the stairs, being especially quiet as he passed the second story. He got up to the fourth floor, stopped and listened. When he didn’t hear anything strange, he opened the door and stepped out into Rose’s hallway.

  He didn’t want to turn her to stone.

  He walked past 4A, 4B, and up to 4C. He stood there for a while.

  A voice shouted at him, “I can hear you out there, pervert! And I’m calling the police!”

  Damn!

  Rose must have seen him through the peep-hole! How careless of him.

  Without thinking, Edward picked the lock and stepped into Rose’s apartment. He couldn’t let her call the police. He didn’t want to have to turn them all to stone.

  At first, he didn’t see Rose. Her apartment was nice. It was clean, not like the other one. Again, it seemed to be filled with oversized couches and fancy things. Either this was a wealthy neighborhood, or just an age of riches. She had another large black mirror in her sitting room.

  Was that a television?

  Rose came at Edward, swinging a vase. He ducked under it and watched the girl and her weapon tumble over into the wall. The vase broke.

  Edward closed his eyes. He imagined an inverted pyramid… then he stopped himself.

  “I didn’t come here to hurt you. I just need to see Jenny,” he pleaded with her.

  Rose turned around. She looked angry. More than that, she looked terrified.

  “Please, don’t be scared. I think… I think I may be your grandfather!”

  Rose’s eyes went wide and her jaw dropped.

  A voice came from behind them both, “Like hell you are!”

  He was old and maybe more wrinkled than any man Edward had ever met. His hair was pure white and crowned his head like a crescent moon. It had been about two days since he’d shaven and the stubble was grey. It hid in-between the crevasses of his jaw and cheeks. He wore a white bathrobe and stood with the assistance of a mahogany walking stick. A clawed reptilian hand, fisted around the top of the stick, projected from the end of his sleeve.

  His eyes were gold, like metal, and completely lacked pupils or any visible details.

  Edward addressed him, “My name is Edward Whistman. I was hoping to talk to Jenny.”

  “Yeah, you’ll talk to Jenny,” He replied in a resigned voice, as if following an order. “It’s all she’s been on about.”

  He turned and walked into another room. Edward glanced at Rose, and then followed the man.

  * ** *** ** *

  Romana and Mr. Grell left the pub an hour and fifteen minutes after they had expected to meet Edward there. The plan was to go back and wait at their spaceship, but Mr. Grell was convinced they could be followed, so the first thing they had to do was lose any potential hangers-on they might have acquired.

  They walked into a large bookstore simply so they could immediately walk out a back door. Then they did the same thing in a restaurant down the street. They rushed through the back alleys. As they did, they passed a shop which advertised itself as a “magic book shop.” At any other time, Romana would have loved to stop. In any case, it didn’t look like it was open.

  Eventually, they made it back to the building on which they had parked. The ship was still invisible. Mr. Grell walked towards it, leaning forward with his hands out, until they rested on it. The two of them carefully moved around to the opening, and only when their heads were inside could they see the ship at all.

  Septimus was sitting there, near the front window. His face was clearly bruised and swollen. One of his eyes was badly blood-shot. His blood smelled like rotten eggs. It took him a moment to notice he wasn’t alone.

  “Roma? Grell? We’ve got to go! London is lousy with aliens!”

  “What do you mean?” Romana asked.

  “The Plutonians. They’re everywhere. I walked down the street, and there were dozens. At first they didn’t see me… then they did. This isn’t a human city! Not anymore. The Plutonians have taken it!”

  “But there are no aliens, are there?” Mr. Grell turned his nose up. “That’s just a game you and yours play. You’re all devils.”

  “We’re all devils, if ‘devils’ just means ‘monsters.’ But Venusians and Plutonians are not the same. Look, normally I wouldn’t care about any of you, but you’re the only allies I have. The four of us have to leave London as quickly as we can. We can go to the Australian Outback, or maybe Canada, somewhere where no one will notice us. I’ll make us a shelter. We’ll order nice things in catalogs and live the high life in isolation…”

  “What are you talking about?” Romana asked. “I’m not moving to Canada with either of you – and we’re not leaving Edward behind!”

  “You lost Edward?” The devil sounded surprised. “He’s gone then. It’ll be aliens that got him.”

  * ** *** ** *

  Apartment 4C and 4E were apparently adjoined by a heavy metal door which could be locked on either side. It was not locked when Edward and the man went through it.

  Following behind the man, he couldn’t see it, but the way the robe fell made it look like there was a thick reptilian tail behind him.

  Was this Jenny’s husband?

  Was it her son?

  The second apartment had hardwood bleached floors. The living room was almost empty, except for two large crates. Edward couldn’t tell if they were empty or full. An old faded stamp on one showed that it had been in Germany at some point. He was pretty sure that a s
econd stamp was written in Russian characters.

  The door out to the hallway was barred in two places and held in place with two steel rods attached to the floor. It wasn’t a door that got opened often.

  For some reason, at just that moment, Edward thought about the alien in the graveyard who had told him that planets were Gods.

  The old man led Edward through another door. This deeper room contained a dragon’s horde of gold. There were piles of gold coins, golden lamps, a golden street sign, shining yellow-metal boxes, what looked like broken and cut metal girders of gold. It all spilled out and over-flowed onto the floor. There was a red Persian carpet beneath, but very little of the design was visible. There was so much treasure that it was a mess.

  Edward heard mice squeaking, presumably in the walls. With so much wealth, why were they living in a building with a rodent problem?

  Half-way through the room, there was a long and thick red velvet curtain. It divided the room, leaving only a small opening at the far end. The wall by the opening was decorated by an old full-length wrought-iron mirror. It wasn’t gold. It was old rusty metal. The mirror itself was shattered and the broken pieces had been taken away. Only one last shard remained near the top of the mirror. Eyes were looking at Edward from inside of the mirror.

  “This is impossible,” an old woman’s voice said.

  Edward knew the voice.

  “Is this a trick or a spell?” Jenny asked.

  Edward took a step forward.

  “Noooo! Don’t come near me! If you come near me, I’ll kill you! I’ll assume that this is an assassination trick!”

  “I’m not an assassin. I’m a magician’s apprentice,” Edward said, brushing off her ridiculous accusation.

  “How do I know that? How do I know you’re not an illusion?” She was crying.

  Edward took another step forward.

  “Even if you are Eddie, I’ll kill you if you look at me.” Her voice sounded very dark.

  Edward stepped backwards again.

  “The aliens took Dever and Walls and me up on their spaceship. I escaped, but when I got back to Earth, decades had passed and I was in America.”

  “You could have called.”

  “It was just a few days later that I found myself on the planet Venus. I know, I know how ridiculous this all sounds. You’ve had a life. You have memories and grandchildren and a servant with dinosaur-hands… but for me… it’s just been days since I last saw you -”

  “You don’t even know me anymore. You just have this idea in your head of who I am.”

  “Jenny, I know you. I know the real you. You could never change, not in your heart.”

  The mice started squeaking again. The sound sounded like it came from the other side of the curtain.

  “Who do you work for?” Jenny asked.

  “My last paycheck came from Nevil Dever, but it wasn’t recent, you know.”

  “No, who do you work for now. Are you with the Plutonians? The Venusians? I know you’re not with the Guild. Howling would have told me.”

  “Jenny. It’s been about a week. I’ve been on the planet Venus and in Massachusetts in the nineteen seventies!”

  Her eyes looked skeptical and angry.

  “I was stolen by aliens from the planet Pluto!”

  “Pluto isn’t a planet,” Jenny replied.

  “What do you mean?”

  “The scientists decided. It’s too small, so now it never was a planet. They re-defined it.”

  “It isn’t a planet anymore?” Edward was shocked and confused.

  “They decided that it never was.”

  “That’s very strange. I’m not sure they can do that.”

  “Well, if you think you see a dog and then you find out it’s a cat, that doesn’t mean it used to be a dog, does it?” She sounded like she thought she was being clever.

  “That had to be an attack on the Plutonians.”

  “Maybe. Maybe the devils just wanted to insult them, as payback for the brontosaurus.”

  “What happened to the brontosaurus?” Edward’s eyes were bulging. He ran his hand through his hair.

  “It never existed. It was the wrong head on an apatosaurus.”

  “What else - what else did they take away?”

  “Just you.”

  The way she said it, Edward really couldn’t decide if she meant to be sad or sarcastic. She sounded very bitter.

  “I honestly didn’t choose to go,” he said meekly.

  “You know, you’re the reason I started with the magic. I thought that if I contacted the spirit world I could find out the truth about the silver men. I thought I could find out what happened to you.”

  “You can’t imagine how sorry I am.”

  “You’ve met Henri?”

  Edward looked back at the door he had walked in through. It was shut, but he was sure the lizard-man in the bathrobe stood just beyond it. “I have.”

  “We’ve been married for thirty years. He was my third husband.”

  “Oh.” Edward felt himself shrinking.

  Edward asked, “Where does all the gold come from?”

  “I make it. No, honestly. I’m an alchemist. I take metal and turn it into pure gold. I’ve been doing it for decades.”

  Edward coughed. “I started casting spells a few days ago. My back… my back is turning blue, just a little bit – like a dolphin.”

  “That is to be expected. Stranger things will start happening to you in the months to come. Your dick might fall off.”

  “What!?!” Edward said with shock.

  Jenny laughed. “That was actually fun. No, I don’t know. Anything could happen to you.”

  “What…um… what happened to you?”

  A mouse squeaked.

  Her eyes went dark and then filled up with tears. “You shouldn’t have left me all alone, Eddie. I’ve done terrible things. You don’t know me. I mean it.”

  “Your middle name is Rebecca,” Edward challenged her.

  He looked again at the metal frame of the mirror. “It’s from the theatre, isn’t it? The last place Nevil Dever performed all those years ago.”

  She didn’t answer.

  “What’s all this gold for?” Edward asked, running his hand through the coins. He picked up a handful and let them fall back down like running water. They made a pleasant sound.

  The mice cried out again.

  “What’s gold for?” She asked him back.

  “This is a lot. This is like a treasure from a fairy story. If we tried to take it back to Earth it would all turn to rocks,” Edward mused.

  “This is my job. I make the gold.”

  “What do they pay you with?” Edward asked uneasily.

  “It… isn’t that kind of a job. As you can see, I have all the money I could ever use.”

  “Who do you work for then? What’s Howling?”

  “Werner Howling. He owns the Delirium Guild. We’re the only chance Earth has. We’re not with the aliens or the devils. Howling is our monarch.”

  “Monarch? That’s a bit antiquated, isn’t it?”

  “We don’t have the luxury of democracy. You should help Howling. He’s – well he’s not a good guy, but he’s human. The Plutonians and Venusians are our natural enemies.”

  “I can’t see you, Jenny. But the magic has obviously hurt you. Howling made you do this?”

  She started sobbing. Her face disappeared from the mirror.

  Edward leapt forward, swinging around the curtain. Partly, he was seizing the moment when he could get a look at her, but his instinct was also to comfort her. He wanted to hold her and make her stop crying.

  When he saw her, he recoiled. There was no way he could take her in his arms.

  She was very old, and very fat. Her face was still her face, but it sat on wide and round gluttonous shoulders. He saw mice crawling all over her. They were on her lap, in her hair, and seemed to be crawling by the dozens underneath her clothes.

  Jenny looked up a
t Edward. Her eyes were red and sore and ashamed.

  It was then that Edward realized what he was looking at. The mice weren’t crawling on her. They were growing out of her skin like hairs. There was one by her wrist, just the face and the front paws protruding from her pink-grey wrinkled skin. Some were covered in fur, and others were hairless.

  With a repulsive mannish grunt, Jenny forced herself to her feet. She opened her shirt, displaying her breasts to him. The rodents grew thickly from her flesh. Some were only faces with whiskers and teeth. Some were almost fully emerged, as if they might eventually free themselves. They made a thick brownish-black thatch across her skin.

  In among the mice he saw two snakes. One was about two or three inches long. The second was twice that. The longer snake was chewing on one of the mice. It had eaten the head at some point in the past, but continued to suck the juices out of the dead flesh. All of the flesh, the rodent, the serpent, and the old morbidly large woman were of a single body. It was all Jenny. It was all the ruins of the woman he had held and loved and shared his bed with so recently. Days, it had only been days for him.

  Edward tried to look away from the vermin, and from her massive pendulous breasts, and back to the round face he could still recognize. He saw the horror that she felt in her expression. She was ashamed of herself. She was repulsed by what she had become. She wished she were dead.

  “Jenny...” Edward tried to find something compassionate to say.

  She fell forward onto one knee, and then that knee shattered, tumbling the mass of flesh to the ground. Her face was against the floor. Except for the after-shocks in her fat and the panicking animals jutting out of her, she wasn’t moving.

  One three-legged mouse seemed to find its freedom and ran a jagged race into a black crack in the wall.

  Edward grabbed her by the shoulders and wrestled Jenny onto her back. His hands were bitten by the rodents. A snake on her arm made a swipe at him, and then bit her in what looked like an old pink scar.

  Her face already looked green and hardened and seeped with mucus. She was dead.

  The mice were howling.

  17

  Yes, Edward filled a pocket with gold. It was the same jacket pocket which Septimus had ridden in. He did it without thinking, without greed or enthusiasm. It just seemed the practical thing to do.