“So…you hear the divorce is final?”
“Yep.”
“Thank God she’s rid of that prick.”
My eyes widened. It had been ages since I’d seen a reaction like that from him.
“Sorry,” he said with his voice and his expression.
“No need. He was a prick.”
After short laughter from both of us, more awkward silence ensued. It broke when the waitress delivered our coffees. “That’s a beautiful watch,” the middle-aged blonde said to my dad. “You don’t see them worn as much anymore, but I just love when a man wears a watch.”
“Thank you.” His eyes darted to me before turning back to the server. “It was a very special gift from my wife.”
“She’s a lucky woman,” she said with a smile before walking off.
Neither of us corrected her, given he’d left off the word late.
“Did I know that, or did I forget?”
“What? The watch?”
I nodded.
Dad folded his arms, stared down at the watch, and exhaled a deep breath. “I’m not sure. Seems like you’d remember this story if you heard it.”
“Why’s that?”
A smile took over his face as he leaned forward. He rested his forearms on the table and touched the watch with his other hand. Then he looked up, his eyes alight with something. “When your brother was born…when we lost your mom, it was all I could do to just breathe. Losing the love of your life is devastating enough, but being responsible for a new life at the same time is damn near insanity.”
The direction this conversation took so abruptly had my fight and flight responses sparring for control. More than not wanting to fail or give up, I needed to hear this story of my mother. My expression must have given me away. “Should I continue?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. Yes, please continue.”
“Well, your grandma kept nagging me about going through Sara’s belongings. Said she wanted some things for herself and for the girls, and that if I didn’t do it soon, she would. So, one day she took you and Noah to the park, and I started packing some of her stuff in boxes. I found a wrapped present in the back of the closet behind her side of the clothes.” He shook his head with a genuine smile I hadn’t recognized or I’d forgotten existed. Baby blue eyes glistened from behind his slitted lids. “I opened the box and found this watch. There was a card, too…” His voice quivered. His eyes watered.
“What did it say?” I whispered.
“It said, ‘You’ll always be my main man.’”
My eyes welled up while I swallowed to stave off the forming lump. “That sounds like something she would say.” My heart ached, not for the mother I barely knew, but for a man who’d loved a great woman and lost her tragically.
“Anyway,” he said, flopping to the back of his seat. “I take good care of it, wear it when I go out. Never wore it when I was onsite during construction to keep it safe. Which is probably why you didn’t see it much.”
“Probably.” His words hadn’t caught up to me; my mind still lingered on my parents. A young couple in love and planning for a beautiful future.
We both drank our coffee, quiet and content, savoring a rare delicate moment. I examined the distinguished gray streaks in the hair that once was jet black. The deep lines around his eyes and mouth, many of which I claim responsibility for, portrayed a man older than his forty-nine years. And his wiry frame lacked the strength my memory conjured up when I thought back.
“Gray, I don’t know exactly where you see this going, but I’m glad you called. And no matter what has happened, all I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
“I know.” The words came out before I determined whether or not they were true.
“We’ve wasted a lot of years.” He shook his head in sadness. When my eyes flared, he turned away.
“You mean I wasted a lot of years?”
“No.” He panned back to me, brows pulling close. “That’s not what I meant at all. I made mistakes…too many to count.”
“We all have.”
His chest rose as he drew in a breath. “You know, Gray…Noah—”
“Please…I.”
His mouth stayed opened. Confusion played on his face.
“I know this was my idea, and eventually, I think we could talk about everything. Right now, I want to take it slow.” I took my gaze around the room. “And this place isn’t exactly family therapy friendly.”
His head bobbed with understanding. “Ahh. That’s why you picked this prime establishment.”
“That could be.” I gave him a smile that sought forgiveness. “More importantly, someone very wise told me to take things one step at a time.”
“Good advice.” He returned my gesture with a smile of his own. “You know, Gray. You look more like your mother every day.”
* * *
My legs shot me down the corridor toward Daniel’s office, filled with anticipation and elation. Thoughts of rejection or disappointment brushed to the side, I focused on seeing his gorgeously inspiring face and telling him the steps I’d taken since our night together.
Seeing the door ajar, I paused in case he had someone in there with him. He sat in the chair he typically used during our sessions, but no other seats were filled. I followed his forlorn gaze toward the window, the place I sought my own solace so many times before. Even from across the room, I sensed Daniel was distraught. It moved me to act. “What’s wrong?” I pushed the door open and went to his side.
He appeared stunned when he turned to me. “Oh…” He glanced back to the clock on the wall. “You’re early.” He rose from the chair, removing the black spectacles I hadn’t noticed and looking anything but a Superman. “No problem, we can get started now.”
Determined to get through to him, I planted my feet in the middle of the room. “Daniel, something’s wrong. Talk to me.”
He waited at his desk, like somehow the distance would be safer. “Thank you, Gray. But you’ve got—”
“Don’t you dare say it,” I shot over his sentence. Pacing over to him, I continued. “I’m not a basket case, and I’m not a piece of glass. I can help you. The way you helped me.”
“That’s different. It’s my job.”
“You did not just say that to me.” I turned my hurtful eyes from his.
“God, Gray. You know I didn’t mean that.” His fingers brushed under my chin and turned my head back to him. “Look at me.” His voice was soft, but resolute. “I didn’t mean that.”
“It’s okay. If you don’t want to tell me I understand. But, we don’t have to meet now. Why don’t we reschedule?” I continued with the charade by pulling my phone from my purse.
His hand landed on my wrist. “Jessie’s back in the hospital. It’s pretty bad this time.”
“God, Daniel. No. I’m sorry.” It was all I could do not to take him in my arms, anything to ease his pain.
He shuffled by me and over to close the door I’d left open. “It happened so fast. She seemed to be getting better.”
I waited, following his path over to the window. “Why did they let her go back to school?” The frustration in his voice was palpable. “Dammit! She wasn’t ready.”
I inched up behind him, almost touching the fabric of his thick, long-sleeved shirt with my cheek. “You know, she really is a very strong girl.” My hand reached over to his, grazing against the top, testing his responsiveness.
“I know. She’s a fighter, but this disease is a killer.”
Both my heart and hand lingered, waiting for his acceptance. “If there’s anything I can do…”
His hands snuck inside his pockets as he pivoted to face me. “I think it would be best to try not to worry and focus on why we’re here. Please, have a seat.”
There was no sense fighting his brave front. Daniel had the wheel at this point. “Okay, but if you have to leave at any time, please, don’t worry about me.”
We eased into our usual spots, excha
nging cautious glances and tight smiles. Something felt off, besides the obvious bad news. Then, it dawned on me. “No notepad today?”
“I don’t think it’s necessary at this point.”
Whatever the hell that meant didn’t sit well with me. My stomach turned. “Oh.” If that were the brush off he’d been waiting to deliver, the wound would be significant.
“Gray, you know your allotted sessions are almost through. We haven’t really discussed how things would go moving forward. We can do that now if you like.”
“No, let’s wait on that. I’d like to talk about something else.”
“What is it?”
“I saw my father today.”
Daniel’s genuine smile told me I wouldn’t be getting the shrink’s response of “How do you feel about that?” His head bobbed at me first, examining the expression I offered. “You seem very at ease with it. I’m happy for you that you’ve taken that step.”
“Thank you. I don’t know if or when I’d have done that without your help.”
“Is there anything specific you want to share about the meeting?”
“He told me a great story about my mother that I’d love to share with you someday.”
“That’d be nice.”
“The only thing is…” I didn’t think Daniel would be disappointed in me, but the admission still pained me. “He tried to talk about Noah, and I wouldn’t let him.”
“I see. Why is that?”
“I’m not sure.” I quickly corrected after a jolt of panic hit me. “Wait, that’s not true.” My head dropped toward my lap. I picked at a random fingernail. “After Noah’s death, I screamed at my father any time he mentioned his name. I couldn’t even talk about him until I was in my teens. I’d throw fits or threaten to hurt myself. One time, not long after he died, we were in the kitchen. He accidentally said his name because of some old cup of his he found in a cupboard. I took a knife from the drawer and slid it across the top of my arm drawing blood. We both froze, unable to believe what I’d just done.” I paused and looked up, in desperate need of Daniel’s face. It was then that I realized I’d replaced the window with Daniel. He was my solace now.
“I can see there’s still a lot of pain there, Gray. It’s going to be difficult the first time you make that conscious decision to discuss your brother, but I promise you, it will get easier from there.”
“How can you possibly know that?”
“Because I know you. And when you’re ready to do it, you will. And when you do it, you’re going to be strong enough to handle it. I can see it in you now already…here, today.”
His steady confidence in my strength had me rapt with every word. When he finished, I stared at him in stunned silence. Daniel’s phone sounded behind us, coming from his desk.
“I’m sorry. Excuse me.” He rushed to the desk, mumbling something about telling Rita he’d leave his ringer on.
“It’s okay,” I said, knowing he probably wasn’t listening. I bolted up and over to him, the worry in his face gripping my chest.
“Rita...wait…I can’t make out what you’re saying, sis.” His eyes locked in on mine, pained and pleading. “Okay, I’m on my way.”
Daniel clicked his phone off and pushed it into his pocket like it weighed twenty pounds. A helpless confusion started at his face and pulled his tall frame toward earth. “Jessie slipped into a coma.”
Our bodies pulled together like two magnets, our arms swinging swiftly around each other. “I’m so sorry, Daniel.” My anguished heart pounded against his chest. I sent a silent prayer that Daniel and his family never feel the pain of staring down at a helpless and lifeless child.
He lifted his head from my shoulder. “I have to go to the hospital. Rita’s going crazy alone there.”
“Yes, you should go. Do you want me to drive you?”
He pulled back farther, but his hands stayed wrapped securely around my forearms as if he required them for strength. “No, thank you. I’ll be all right.” A moment passed between us where we spoke without words. An exchange of strength and support. A will I hadn’t known was there, but wanted Daniel to have. His hands slipped from mine. He paced to the door where he stalled after pulling it open. When he looked over his shoulder, I saw a different kind of worry. “I’m sorry I have to go. Will you be all right?”
His concern for me in his own time of need crippled any defenses I had left. I nodded, fighting back tears that could possibly keep him from his family. “Yes,” I whispered. “Go.”
CHAPTER 27
--------------------------
The pounding I heard was in my head and in my heart, not from my knuckles on the front door. That sense of dread deep in my chest dwarfed any anxiety I’d felt meeting with my father earlier that day. My fist floated, parallel to the wood, at first unable to make a connection. Fruitless stalling wasted precious time, so I banged on the door with urgent purpose. The door flung open, bringing me face-to-face with a red-eyed, dirty blonde in need of an ironing board.
“Laurie, I need to see Alyssa, please.”
Keeping the door in place, she arched her back and yelled to someone I couldn’t see. “Speak of the devil. Here she is now, Teddy. Demanding to see my daughter.” Her attention came back to me with an exaggerated brow lift. “My daughter.”
Laurie and I rarely crossed paths and typically were civil. She understood I picked up the slack, and I didn’t rub her incompetent face in it. Tonight appeared to be a different story. The only explanation I can think of is that she found out I lied to her last week when she’d asked if I was in her apartment. Alyssa had watched one of those chainsaw movies and wanted me to come over to check the place out in case one of them had escaped out of the television.
I kept my voice low and calm. “I’m sorry to bother you. I wouldn’t if it weren’t extremely important.”
“More important than homework? You know, that thing she hardly ever does because most of the time she’s hanging around your place.”
Alyssa appeared behind her mother, a playful defiant grin on her face. “Hey, Gray.” Her expression dropped as soon as she noted mine. “What?”
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Oh, don’t mind me,” Laurie said, throwing her arms up and pushing the door wider at the same time. She disappeared into the apartment to the sound of the television in the background.
“What is it?” Alyssa repeated, the desperation in her voice apparent.
My head shook while I searched for the words to lessen the crushing blow to this sweet, innocent teen. I reached an arm to her and pulled my lips taut before saying, “Come here.” She ran to me and locked an arm around my waist.
“You’re freaking scaring me.”
“I need to tell you that Jessie is not doing well.”
“What happened? Where is she?”
“She’s at the hospital…and she’s in a coma.” Her angel eyes looked up at me for answers I didn’t have. “I’m sorry, Alyssa. I don’t know anything else.”
“Will you take me?”
I glanced questioningly to the empty space where her mother had been standing. “I, uh. You should ask your mom.”
“Ask me what?” Laurie came back into view, hand on hip, and a greasy bearded male not far behind.
Alyssa stepped mid-way between them and me. “I need to go to the hospital.” Her mother sighed and rolled her eyes, setting Alyssa off to the kitchen before she could answer. She swiped a sweatshirt off the back of a chair. Laurie snaked her arm as she tried to pass.
“Did you hear me say you could leave?”
“I have to, Mom. Please!”
“That sick girl always seems to be sick. How do I know you’re telling the truth? It’s just like all those homeless creatures you keep bringing home.”
Alyssa wrenched her arm away; the sweatshirt fell to the ground. “Are you freaking serious right now?”
I took a step forward. “Laurie…would you like to come with us? See for yoursel
f?” I’d meant to be reassuring, but my own words escalated my anxiousness. “Because right now, there’s a tiny fourteen-year-old girl lying in a hospital bed in a coma. And you’re looking at her best friend.”
Time ticked away. Silence broke by the person I least expected to hear from. Teddy stepped around Laurie and swiped the sweatshirt from the ground. “Oh, let her go see her damn friend.” He handed it to Alyssa who smiled and then glanced to Laurie who shrugged. We were out the door a heartbeat later.
* * *
“Let’s go.”
“I can’t.” Alyssa stared out the windshield with her seatbelt still securely in place.
“I know you’re scared, but I also know you’re a tough girl.”
She turned to face me. “No, I’m not. It’s all bullshit, Gray. I’m scared all the time.” Her eyes watered in front of me. I steeled myself, knowing where this conversation could go and wanting to be strong for her.
“Hey, that’s okay. Being scared shows that you care.”
“I hate it. I hate feeling so helpless.”
I reached over and placed my hand on top of hers. “I know, but you have to have faith that things happen for a reason. Sometimes, we don’t know why. Or at least not for a long time.”
“What if she doesn’t make it? We barely had any time to be friends. And I’ve never been close to anyone who died.”
“I know this is hard to understand, but sometimes we only get to have people in our life for a short time. And no matter how much we care about them or want them to stay, they can’t. It’s frustrating, and sad, and painful.” Alyssa’s hand shifted under mine. Her fingers took hold of me. “We still have to see them as a blessing.” My voice shuddered as I spoke those final words.
A tear slid down her cheek, and she rubbed it away with her arm. “I’m sorry, Gray. I wasn’t thinking.”
Compulsive (Liar #1) Page 19