by Jeannie Lin
He stared at his friend. What choice did they have? Ailey couldn’t stay here with a mismatched band of barbarians and nomads, but she had nowhere else to go.
The situation would come to a head soon. Family and honour meant everything to Ailey. Her anger would inevitably cool and she would want to reconcile with her father. Ryam didn’t know if he had it in him to do the right thing when the time came.
He wondered where she was. Miya had thrown a protective arm around her and led her away, glaring at him as if he’d ransacked the imperial palace.
‘Well, you returned to us just in time. Regardless of Shen’s daughter, I need to make a decision quickly.’ Adrian never showed any sign of weakness, but suddenly he looked as if he hadn’t slept for a month.
‘What is it?’
‘I’m sending a scouting party into the Tarim basin. We need to find another stronghold. Some place further away from the border and the politics of the empire. It’s becoming too dangerous here.’
‘We’re going to leave the Jade Gate?’
‘It may come to that.’
The news stopped him cold. His first thoughts were of Ailey. He could already see how she became more withdrawn the further they journeyed from her home in the mountains. The Tarim basin was a desert wasteland dotted with oasis settlements. Ailey would wither away.
‘The scouting team leaves in three days. The nomad has agreed to lead them. After that it may be weeks until we move. Months at most.’
Ryam shook his head in disbelief. ‘I could have come back to find this place abandoned.’
He had been Adrian’s bodyguard for over a decade. They owed each other their lives. For the first time, he considered that their paths might separate them.
Adrian must have been having similar thoughts. ‘The others may not agree. We’re no longer an army. No one is sworn to follow me.’
‘The men look up to you. They’ll go where you tell them.’
‘They look up to you as well.’
‘What are you trying to say?’
‘I’m doing this for Miya’s protection. The empire is too interested in her. But the men have their own families now. Some may wish to stay and they’ll need someone to lead—’
‘Look what happened last time I took the lead.’
‘It could have happened to anyone,’ Adrian said.
Ryam couldn’t accept that. It was only by accident that the blow to his head hadn’t killed him and that the entire party wasn’t dead. Luck couldn’t keep him alive for ever.
‘We need to keep the legion together,’ Ryam insisted.
‘And what about Shen’s daughter?’
‘I’ll think of something,’ he muttered.
There were hardly enough of them left alive to call themselves a legion any longer. Ryam had a duty to the men that remained. But then there was Ailey.
Already he missed having her by his side, but even if she agreed to go with them, he didn’t know if he’d allow it.
‘In any case, it’s good to have you back.’ Adrian started for the door, but turned before leaving. ‘Don’t get killed again.’
Ryam threw him a grin, but it faded as soon as Adrian was gone. They would be on the run again, struggling for survival until they found another safe haven. This time, they’d be skirting the edge of the Taklimakan desert, the abandoned place where people fought to the death for the tiniest scraps of food and the faintest trickle of water. He couldn’t put Ailey through that. It wasn’t the life she deserved.
The thought of leaving her cut even deeper than he had expected. He needed her warmth and the thoughtful way she took in everything around her. She could soothe him with a single touch. She made him aware of a world he’d never considered. Without her, he would be biding time until death came. He had never expected more than that until Ailey had put her faith in him.
But he couldn’t forget how she’d floated through the hallways in Longyou. Her face lit up like a festival lantern when she spoke of her brothers. That was the life Ailey deserved, surrounded by the protection of her family.
He had hoped that when they stopped running, he could give her some fragment of that sort of happiness. But he didn’t know the first thing about family or swearing to ancestors when he didn’t have any. He knew Ailey’s heart was pulling her back to her beloved mountains and further away from him.
Chapter Eighteen
Miya led her to a chamber located at the far corner of the fortress. Ailey followed her inside and found herself in a furnished salon. Painted scrolls hung from the walls and a rug had been laid out at the centre of the floor. If she hadn’t journeyed through the marshlands to get here, Ailey might have thought she was back in the capital city.
‘Gifts,’ Miya explained. ‘From trade caravans and ambassadors.’
Ailey seated herself across from the former princess and folded her hands in her lap. They had only met a few times in the comings and goings of the imperial court. The princess had even come to Longyou as a child, but now that Ailey was sitting across from the young woman who once held the same title she did, she was at a loss. The only interaction she’d ever had with the imperial princess was to greet her and then back away and disappear.
Miya smoothed out her robe with graceful hands Mother would have envied. ‘How are your father and mother?’
‘They are well. The princess is kind to ask.’
‘You are very far from home, Ai Li.’
‘Not as far as the princess.’
Miya smiled, her lips curving like an orchid petal. Ailey glanced away, disconcerted by the woman’s gaze. Miya was only her elder by a year, but she had been born imperial princess and crowned as Empress at one point. She exuded a quiet, natural power.
‘The swordsman Ryam, what is he to you?’
The princess was also uncommonly direct.
‘He’s always treated me with honour,’ Ailey said hastily. She had the feeling that Miya might give an order of execution if she misspoke.
‘Has he?’ Miya’s eyes narrowed sceptically.
Ryam was more than honourable towards her. He cherished her and treated her as if he needed her more than anything, but all the world would see was her disobedience and shame. She started to explain to Miya, but stopped herself. She didn’t have to justify anything out here in the frontier. Her life was her own now.
‘The princess herself married a barbarian,’ Ailey said.
She hadn’t intended to sound so defensive, but the princess merely laughed. ‘It is quite arbitrary who we call barbarian, is it not? Our great empire is such a blend of people. I am actually glad that you’re here. It is so good to hear my native tongue and see someone from our land. Sometimes I get quite homesick.’
‘I feel the same.’ The quickness of her response surprised her. Ailey found herself longing for any connection to the home she knew and she had only been away for days. ‘Is it difficult for you to live here?’
‘There was nothing for me in the empire but death and deceit. Here, I have life. I have my husband and a future. In many ways, this was my only choice.’ Her expression grew serious. She leaned in close and took Ailey’s hand. ‘But tell me why you’ve come here.’
Ailey looked down at the way the princess’s ivory fingers laid over hers. Her own nails had become worn and ragged from the journey. Despite their outward differences, it was easy to sense a bond between them. Miya knew the Shen family and its generations of service to the empire. She understood Changan in all of its glory and treachery.
Ailey found the story spilling from her lips. ‘My parents arranged a marriage for me to Li Tao. Father insists I go through with it even though he’s betrayed our family.’
For the first time, she was able to explain everything about Li Tao and Fourth Brother and why she had no choice but to run away.
Miya listened calmly. Ailey had been surrounded by men all her life: her father, her brothers and uncles. She had never had another woman to confide in. Mother barely understood her a
nd Grandmother always forged her own path, listening to no one.
‘Governor Li Tao,’ Miya repeated the name slowly. She frowned and Ailey caught a glimpse of the careful calculation everyone spoke about. ‘Li Tao is a very powerful man.’
‘It is dangerous for you to shelter me here, isn’t it? I should go.’
‘Nonsense. I just need some time to work out what to do when Emperor Shen comes for you.’
‘My father has an empire to rule. He doesn’t have time to chase after a worthless daughter,’ Ailey said bitterly.
‘Shen An Lu is protective of his family. He would never let any harm come to you. And he would never sacrifice you to a man he didn’t trust.’
‘You’re wrong, Princess. Father has changed.’ Ailey thought of her father’s plan to make Miya his empress and the wound in her heart reopened. ‘He’s forgotten all of us.’
‘He hasn’t forgotten. Family is everything to Emperor Shen.’
The bravado drained out of her. She had been in denial the entire journey, fooling herself into thinking her father would disown her and forget he had a daughter. It was what she truly deserved for disgracing the family name.
‘Li Tao is a formidable enemy. I have no bargaining power with him. Your father, I may be able to speak to.’
‘No, Princess. I won’t let you take this burden. This was my choice.’
There was a look of determination on the princess’s face. ‘You are Shen An Lu’s daughter, so you must know about debt. It could be said that I owe your family a great debt for all they have done to protect me. Perhaps this is how I can repay it.’ Miya stood then, exuding command in every inch of her slight frame. ‘But first I need to speak to my husband about Emperor Shen and, more importantly, about Li Tao.’
Ailey rose to follow the princess. The moment she left the room, she was once again transported to the starkness of the fortress. Miya led her to a set of stairs formed against the wall. They climbed the steps to the battlements and a view of the pass emerged. Beyond Yumen Guan, the empire truly did disappear into a stretch of empty land and sky. In the distance, Ailey could see the remnants of the Great Wall, a dark line against the horizon.
‘Gansu is not as desolate as I first thought,’ Miya said, coming up beside her. ‘There are tribes that live in the mountains and roam all around the plain. Very different from Changan, isn’t it?’
A patrol passed by them to take their places at the watchtowers at the corners of the battlements. Legend told that these men came from a land far west, where the sun set. Ta Chin was believed to be a kingdom of tall, fierce warriors. Legends had a way of growing with each telling, but from what she could see there was some truth to it.
More men had gathered in the bailey. Of all the things that could have reminded her of home, it was the ring of swordplay in the training grounds that made Ailey think most of Longyou. Part of her wished that she could be revelling in her grand adventure surrounded by these exotic people, but all she could think of was her family.
Ryam was easily recognisable below by his crop of blond hair. He walked around the perimeter of the training grounds, observing the sparring matches. Her heart leapt at the sight of him.
‘He doesn’t look like the others,’ she murmured. The other men of the lost legion were darker in colouring like their leader.
‘Ryam was a wanderer in their land as well. My husband was impressed by his sword skill,’ Miya explained. ‘He also needed a bodyguard as assassination is a threat in any part of the world.’
Ryam looked up and his gaze found her. The rugged beginnings of a beard covered his jaw. It reminded her of how he had looked when they first met: primitive and masculine. He raised his hand to wave at her in a boyish gesture and she smiled.
‘What do you see in him?’ Miya asked.
Down in the training grounds, Ryam stopped to instruct one of younger soldiers. She could see the sense of brotherhood among these men. It was the same as the bond between her brothers and the men they commanded. Her answer came easily.
‘He fought for me. He was in danger and he didn’t know me, but he fought for me without a thought.’
‘And that was all you needed,’ Miya said gently.
It sounded so simple, but it wasn’t. Her heart overflowed with light whenever she looked at Ryam. Her feelings grew stronger towards him every moment they were together, even while she couldn’t help feeling a sense of growing loneliness as they journeyed away from the empire.
She couldn’t begin to explain this feeling to the princess or her family. Any words would fall short, they would fail her.
‘When I look at him, I know,’ she said.
Miya nodded and, for a moment, Ailey felt what it must be like to have a sister to confide secrets to.
‘I must write to your father to inform him that you’re safe,’ Miya said.
Ailey’s heart plummeted. ‘I suppose it is only right to do so.’
‘I could put in a good word for Ryam.’ Miya gave her arm a squeeze, making everything sound easy. ‘He is a talented swordsman. Your family honours the warrior tradition.’
‘Father would never understand. My brothers would line up to demand Ryam’s death.’
The princess wouldn’t back down. ‘Ryam fought alongside your father’s troops when they secured Changan. If he’s proven himself worthy, Shen An Lu could be reasonable.’
Ailey closed her eyes. Just the thought of how unreasonable her father had become brought out all the anger again. ‘I thought so once.’ She let out a breath and then turned to the princess. ‘There is another reason I don’t wish for you to communicate with my father. He plans to make you his first wife and Empress in order to strengthen his hold on the throne. As if Mother didn’t exist.’
Miya laughed. ‘Wen Yi will have my heart cut out.’
‘My mother is willing to go along with his plan. She is happy to sacrifice herself for the sake of the empire.’ Ailey’s throat constricted and frustration poured from her anew, bitter and vile. ‘If this is what duty demands of us, I don’t want any part of it.’
Her vision blurred as the powerlessness sank in. She tore her gaze away to stare out over the distant plains.
‘Marrying me would not help Emperor Shen. There are as many people who hate me as love me. And I’m already married.’
‘Everyone listens when you speak. It’s not the same for me.’ Ailey wished she didn’t sound so hopeless. ‘No one would listen to my protests. There was nothing I could do but escape.’
They fell silent as the swords rang out in the yard below.
Miya finally spoke with her usual steadiness and confidence. ‘There was an insurrection in the palace and Adrian and his men came to rescue me along with your father’s army. Shen saved my life and I made him Emperor.’ Her lips pressed together cynically. ‘Punishment by reward. When you are Emperor, no man is a friend. Everyone is a conspirator.’
Ailey had never thought of it like that. Her father had taken on a duty greater than he had been born into. He had taken on that monumental task because he had always served the empire. Her anger began to fade. She couldn’t find the fuel to sustain it. She had hoped to forget the pain of leaving her family behind, but now she knew that she couldn’t.
‘Do you miss Changan?’ Ailey asked.
‘Every day. But there is nothing left for me in the empire.’
‘If you had the choice, would you return to the throne?’
Miya’s expression brightened as Adrian entered the yard. ‘I made a choice and I have never regretted it.’
She admired the princess. Even in exile, Miya had created her own place with the man she loved. She was happy and in complete command of her surroundings.
Ailey found Ryam again. She followed him with her gaze, her heart beating faster just looking at him. He was back among his men, his family. Could she stay here with Ryam and forget that she was Shen? She could make a new life and be happy with the man she loved, just as Miya had done.
&n
bsp; As soon as she thought it, the spirit of her homeland reached out to her. Grandmother, Mother and her brothers were still within the empire, protecting it as they had for three generations. Her grandfather had sacrificed himself for the empire.
She couldn’t hide in the marshland for ever. There was no way to remain loyal to her family, yet still be true to her heart. The two parts of her battled with one another. She could have honour or love, but not both.
The packed dirt of the training grounds lay firm beneath Ryam’s boots. The men still trained every day. The sword had kept them alive and allowed them to claim this patch of land from the bandits that roamed the corridor. For many years, the fortress had provided security. They’d become allies with the surrounding nomadic tribes and received payment for providing protection to the caravans that came through. They were scavengers, but life wasn’t bad when they fed off the scraps of the wealthiest empire in the world.
He hadn’t realised how it would feel to finally know a place, from the feel of the ground beneath him to the taste in the air. Something inside him had refused to believe he belonged anywhere. He had sought out the promise of adventure. That was why he’d agreed to go back into the empire. No one had forced him to take that command. It had been his own restlessness pushing him to it.
He observed the men as they sparred and instructed them after each match. His father had put a wooden sword in his hands when he was five and this sort of training came naturally to him. That was the one thing he was good for, keeping his comrades alive as long as he could.
A figure moving along the battlements continued to lure his attention away until he had to look up. It was a compulsion to see her, to know precisely where she was and that he could go to her if needed. His Ailey. The curve of her waist and the slope of her hips took hold of him and he went hot all at once, his body tightening instinctively.
This was the first day they hadn’t spent every moment together and it was a long day indeed.
‘A princess, of all people.’
Ryam followed the familiar voice to see Dako shaking his head in disbelief. The tribesman wore a fur-lined jacket and cap over his head as was common among the Xianbei, the nomads of the frontier. A sword hung from his belt with a curved dagger tucked beside it. Ryam was never certain of the nomad’s age. His skin had been darkened and worn by exposure to the sun and the wind.