by Jeannie Lin
‘A descendant of warriors and generals,’ Dako drawled. ‘You astound even me. How is that hard head of yours?’
The nomad’s dry humour took him by surprise. The last they’d seen of each other was during the fight against the imperial soldiers.
‘You left me for dead, you son of a dog,’ Ryam accused lightly.
‘What? You left us, barbarian.’
The nomad took special pleasure in calling him that. Dako had lived part of his life in Changan and spoke the court dialect, yet he was considered as much a barbarian as the pale westerners of the legion.
‘You had blood pouring down your face and you were still fighting like a madman. Apparently nothing can kill you, ghost man.’
Ryam grew serious. ‘I heard several of your tribesmen were lost. I should have stopped it.’
‘Enough. It is done.’ Dako embraced him and lowered his voice. ‘Who else could have known, barbarian? We checked that shipment together. The men I lost, I took care of myself.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘They took payment.’ Dako made a cutting motion with one hand. ‘So I paid them as well.’
Betrayal. Adrian was right. The affairs of the empire were bleeding into the frontier.
‘What do you think about this plan to leave Yumen Guan?’ Ryam asked. Adrian wouldn’t make such a journey without consulting the leader of the tribesmen.
‘A wise idea. We’re not an army and this area will soon be in the middle of a war zone.’
‘War?’
‘War with the neighbouring kingdoms. They know the empire is weak. Tibet is gaining strength and there are many other kingdoms along the western border waiting to take a bite. Your prince thinks ahead.’
‘And you leave in three days?’
Dako nodded. ‘They say no one returns from the Taklimakan, but that rumour is only there to keep foreigners out.’
He laughed again, which meant that he was nervous. They returned to the centre of the yard and Dako gestured towards the battlements. ‘So does she know how to use those butterfly swords she carries?’
‘She can cut you to ribbons blindfolded.’
‘Then you know what part of you she’s going to cut off if you cross her.’
Ailey was speaking to the princess as they looked over the bailey. At that moment, her eyes met his and held across the span of the training yard. The thought of leaving the legion left him empty. But the thought of abandoning Ailey seized him by the throat and squeezed tight.
Dako had to raise his voice to get his attention. ‘Her grandfather, Shen Leung, was a great man.’
‘He was.’
‘Honour is everything to the Shen family.’
‘I know,’ Ryam said.
‘I owe Shen a debt.’
Dako’s message was clear. Though he had been cast out of the imperial court, his loyalty ran deep. Apparently Ailey didn’t even need her brothers to bully Ryam into behaving properly. Her family name was enough to draw strangers to her aid.
With his threat delivered, the nomad’s mood lightened. ‘So how did you manage to charm her?’
Ryam looked up again. The sun was behind Ailey, casting her face in shadow. The wind caught the edge of her robe and it fluttered around her. If she could only stay.
If she could only stay.
‘Hell if I know,’ he murmured. ‘I beat her in a sword fight.’
Chapter Nineteen
Shadows flickered from inside Ailey’s room and light spilled through the tiny aperture in the earthen wall into the courtyard. Oil for lanterns and candles were scarce at the Jade Gate. Pride told Ryam that she had left the lamp burning for him, even if it wasn’t true. Having someone waiting for him was a comfort he had never known.
He called at the window. ‘Ailey, it’s me.’
A moment later, she appeared in the doorway, her silhouette framed by the lamplight. Her pale, long-sleeved robe fell just past her knees. It must have belonged to Miya, who stood a hand-span shorter than her.
With an expectant look, she captured her unbraided hair and wound it to one side. He was stricken by the purity of her.
‘I missed you today,’ he said.
‘I missed you, too.’
The last time they had made love she had moved on top of him, riding him to ecstasy with her face radiant. At that moment he wanted to do more than make love to her again. He wanted to hold her, make her laugh if he could. If he reached out his hand a few inches, he could touch her.
‘You look beautiful tonight.’
‘I am leaving tomorrow.’
Her hands twisted tight in her hair as she watched for his reaction. Straight for the throat, that was Ailey’s style. It took a moment for the coldness to set in.
‘Tomorrow,’ he echoed. ‘All right.’
‘I’ve told the princess,’ she said with a calmness that was almost eerie. ‘She has arranged everything.’
Her voice carried steady and soft over the pounding in his head. He found himself nodding, his body leaden. She was going as he had always known she would. The blade was falling quickly and he could do nothing but watch its plummet.
Ailey held her breath as she fixed her clear gaze on him. ‘Come with me.’
‘Of course.’ So he had a moment of mercy, just a touch. ‘I’ll make sure you get home safely.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’ She took a step closer before bracing her hand against the doorframe to stop herself. ‘Come with me and stay with me.’ She paused then. When he said nothing, she went on. ‘If you won’t stay, I would rather you did not go at all.’
He knew what he wanted. He wanted to make love to her until she lay exhausted in his arms and then blindly tell her yes to anything she asked of him. But that would have been another mistake, a mistake he could prevent for once. It was time to open his eyes.
She read his answer in his hesitation. A faint tremor crossed her face. Sadness and regret.
‘I’ve always gone where I’m told,’ he began.
‘Because you are loyal.’
‘Because I didn’t know any better,’ he bit off harshly. How could she continue to defend him, even now? ‘I can’t go with you.’
‘Why?’ She straightened and faced him with her chin raised, so stunning it hurt that he couldn’t have her.
Even if he could find a way to stay with her, Shen would never allow his daughter to spend her life with a barbarian. Certainly not with a man who had nothing, not even a name to offer her.
He crossed his arms over his chest. ‘It would be a mistake. I’ll only hurt you in the end.’ He could see he was hurting her now, but it had to be done. ‘I can’t be who you need.’
She folded her arms as well, mirroring him. Her expression transformed to steel and fire. ‘What is it I need?’
Ailey spoke softest when she wanted to cut deep.
‘You need your family. You need honour, tradition, love.’ He spoke the momentous words as if he had some inkling of what they meant. ‘You need someone who can give you everything.’
‘And you cannot?’
‘No.’
‘You don’t want to.’
He knew Ailey wouldn’t retreat so easily, not when she had committed. She was forcing his hand.
He fixed his jaw. ‘No, I don’t.’
The last answer was a lie. It hung between them, stark and final. The first sign of tears gathered beneath her lashes. He was making the right decision. He would say and do whatever it took to make it happen.
His gaze traced over every curve of her face, the rich darkness of her hair and those eyes of a colour he’d never seen anywhere in nature. He tried his hardest to commit her to memory before she closed the door and extinguished the light.
‘What are you doing up here?’ Adrian stared down at him.
Ryam reclined against the watchtower and shook his wineskin in response. Their banner flew above him. It flapped in the wind like the wings of a great, black bat.
Adrian steppe
d around his outstretched legs and sat down beside him. ‘I think I’ll have a drink with you.’
‘This grain alcohol will knock your teeth out.’
He handed the skin over and Adrian took a long pull before passing it back. Ryam caught his friend’s grin.
‘Why are you in such a good mood?’
‘Miya’s pregnant.’
Ryam sputtered.
Adrian’s grin widened. ‘I know.’
For a moment the drink was forgotten in his hands. ‘How is she?’
‘Scared, but she doesn’t want to show it.’
‘Well, that’s…that’s wonderful.’ Ryam drank again, grateful for the distraction.
They passed the skin back and forth for a couple of rounds. This far into it, the alcohol no longer burned down his throat, but it hadn’t yet dulled the memory of his parting words with Ailey.
Adrian eyed him as Ryam downed the rest. ‘Isn’t it going to take more than that?’
Ryam swore under his breath. The last thing he wanted to do was talk. All he wanted to do was get too drunk to go back to her. She was still so close, just down below. By morning she’d be gone.
‘I heard you volunteered to be in the scouting party,’ Adrian went on.
‘Due west,’ Ryam declared. ‘Nothing but sand and thorns between here and there. Even I can’t mess this up.’ His mouth twisted with wry humour. ‘I suppose my decision got easier.’
The wineskin was empty. He tossed it aside and it slid to the edge of the wall. Adrian stared straight ahead. He did the same.
‘I thought we could find another place,’ Adrian said after a long time. ‘A safer one, far from the influence of the empire. But nowhere is ever safe. We’ve been through enough to know that.’
‘What do you mean? Now we’re staying?’
‘I mean we’ve been worried about survival for so long. Maybe survival alone isn’t enough.’ Adrian looked directly at him. ‘You’ve saved my life more times than I can count. You don’t owe me anything. Go with her.’
Ryam rubbed his hand over his eyes and wished desperately that there was more wine. ‘I can’t.’
‘You said your decision got easier. You didn’t make one. You had it made for you.’
‘God’s hairy—’ he searched for an appropriate body part ‘—nose.’ He wiped his mouth against the back of his hand and glowered into the darkness. ‘I don’t understand what she’s talking about half the time. Everything is about honour and duty.’
‘You’re different with her.’
Ryam sank his forehead onto his knees. ‘Did Miya put you up to this?’ he asked.
‘Do you love her?’
‘Yeah.’
The answer spilled out of him. He kept his head down. The liquor must be getting to him.
Adrian was relentless. ‘I would have thought you’d fight harder than this.’
‘I’m going to disappoint her. Better to do it now.’
‘Sounds like fear.’
‘Shut up.’
Ailey belonged in Longyou and he belonged nowhere. Nothing would change that. She’d made her choice and he’d done what he had to so she could go freely.
‘What makes you so unafraid when there’s a sword in your hand?’ Adrian asked.
Ryam whipped his head up a little too fast. The stars blurred before his eyes. ‘That’s different,’ he grunted.
For one thing, cutting someone open with a sword was usually a clean end to things. There was no clean solution for Ailey other than for her to go and forget about him. He’d never forget her—God’s breath, this was why he came up here. To not think these things.
He was drunk enough to try to get into a brawl with Adrian, who would probably bash his head into the tower. It would give him something to do with the anger he had inside that he was going to have to let her go. He considered it for a moment before what little reason he had left won out.
Ryam let his head fall back to stare at the sky. ‘Just let me enjoy the quiet for a moment, will you?’
Ailey deserved the world and someone who could give it to her. He had slipped and admitted he loved her. Love was an uncompromising, unyielding beast that led to nothing. So, yes, he loved her. Ailey had got to him like a dagger in his heart. When it was removed, he would bleed out.
Chapter Twenty
It took all of her will for Ailey not to look back as she rode out from the still fortress of Yumen Guan the next morning. She hadn’t expected Ryam to come to see her off after their parting the night before, but she had held out a glimmer of hope. Now even hope was gone.
Miya rode beside her, surrounded by an escort of guards. The princess had been kind enough to offer to accompany her part of the way that morning through the corridor. Dako and his men would escort her the rest of the way home. Twenty men riding through the frontier for her, because she had been stubborn and impulsive.
‘I thought he would go with you,’ Miya said quietly.
Ailey had nothing to say to that. Ryam had fought to protect her so many times, but in the end he had given up this battle without a struggle. She had been wrong about him, about the both of them. That was the part that hurt the most.
‘Give him time,’ Miya soothed. ‘Not everyone can be as confident of the world as you are.’
A tight, pinching sensation hovered at the bridge of her nose. ‘He should be confident about something like this.’
‘I will write to the Emperor on Ryam’s behalf.’
‘There is no need. He has made his decision.’
Miya could not fix this, no matter how much influence she had. Ailey stared down at the rocky earth from her saddle. Her chest constricted with each step forwards. No matter how far away she travelled, it would still hurt like this, sharp and raw and open.
She still loved Ryam, still wanted him more than anything. But she had to bury this emotion in her heart. Fate without destiny, that’s what they were.
The ride took them through mud-caked marshland and yellowed grass. Long-beaked birds swooped through the reeds, their white-tipped feathers brilliant in the sun. High against the mountainside, the ruins of earthen watchtowers marked the distance.
‘I am sorry to see you go,’ Miya said as they reached the bend. ‘Please say you’ll return. I think I’ll want to have a “little sister” by my side.’
The princess’s hand rested over her stomach. Miya had told her that morning of the news. Ailey wanted to be nothing but happy for Miya, but she couldn’t help feeling the ache of regret. She would never have the same happiness or freedom for herself.
Miya reached over the saddle to take her hand in farewell, but her grip tightened suddenly. Hoofbeats pounded in the distance, growing louder by the moment. Dako halted the entourage and reined his steed in.
‘There’s too many to be a trade caravan,’ Ailey murmured.
Dako’s mouth pressed into a grim line in agreement. A cloud of dust rose around the bend, billowing higher in the wake of the riders. Ailey glimpsed patches of red on black.
Her fingers went numb. ‘Li Tao.’
‘Protect the princess,’ Dako commanded to his men, positioning himself at the head of the party.
‘Go, Miya,’ Ailey urged. ‘Get to safety.’
Li Tao’s soldiers had come for her, but they would change tactics if they knew the exiled princess was within their grasp. Miya calculated her odds before she broke away, digging her heels in as the escort surrounded her to race back towards the fortress.
Ailey brought her horse alongside Dako’s as she stared at the approaching storm. They were outnumbered more than two to one from the looks of it. Miya wouldn’t be able to make it back unless they bought her some time.
‘The Shen bloodline flows strong in you,’ Dako said, lifting his sword high.
The riders thundered closer. All around her, the tribesmen prepared for battle, steadying their mounts. She freed one sword into her right hand. The hilt slid against her sweat-slicked palm. With her other hand she clung
on to the saddle, wishing she had some training for fighting on horseback.
‘Stay close,’ Dako shouted and then the fight was upon them.
The riders surged around them in a wave and the dust rose in a choking cloud. Her horse gave a snort, clomping backwards against the onslaught of riders. The first connection of her sword against another blade vibrated up her arm and nearly knocked her from the saddle. From the shouting, she knew she’d been recognised.
Ryam would not allow fear to set in if he were there. They had fought Li Tao’s soldiers once before, side by side. His presence had given her courage, but he was no longer with her. She willed herself to breathe, attempting to control her heartbeat, trying to let the energy flow through her as she had been trained all her life.
The black swarm circled closer. Dako positioned his mount to cover her back. Behind her, the clash of his blade rang out again and again while she concentrated in front. One of the mounted soldiers galloped alongside her and tried to grab the reins. She slashed at him, her blade slicing through skin and jarring against bone.
Her horse turned itself to face the next approach, rearing to hold the attack at bay. The animal knew what to do better than she did. She hugged her knees against its sides. Without a centre to sink into, her sword swiped through the air without power. She might as well have been waving a silk scarf at the soldiers. They ducked away from her before charging forwards again.
Metal clashed all around and the air grew thick with dust and the sour smell of sweat. Her horse tossed his head in protest and strained to break free from the battle. She had to fight for control of him, slashing at anyone who came close as her body jerked around violently in the saddle. Her heart threatened to explode and it seemed the shouting around her would never end.
Out of the corner of her eye, she glimpsed the leader of the attack. His broad shoulders towered over the field as he galloped astride a coal-black stallion. Beneath his cloak, Ailey caught the glint of studded armour. His face was hidden by a helmet. The long cast of his shadow fell over her as he singled out the strongest threat. Dako. He raised the broadsword overhead and the cry of metal jarred the heavens as he struck.