The Wish List

by Myrna Mackenzie

  He was here for a reason, and he wouldn’t be able to explain himself if he flattened the nose of one of Faith’s guests.

  Nathan ran one hand over his tense jaw and took a few steps closer. He was nearing the gate now. In another minute, he would be inside. He could see her, talk to her.

  “Cory, Scotty,” the dark-haired man called, finishing the stringing of the patio lights. “Come here.”

  And as Nathan watched, Cory and another little boy, curly-haired like the man, ran up to the adults. Reaching out, the man ruffled the other little boy’s hair and did the same to Cory’s. Then, as Faith called for someone to plug the lights in, he picked up both boys, one in each arm. He held them high so they could see as the red, green and yellow lights came on, glowing in the gathering darkness.

  Faith reached out and touched Cory’s arm. She smiled at her son and at the man, who was beaming back at her possessively.

  A family, Nathan thought. They looked like a family.

  He should leave them alone.

  But as he stood there, a present in one hand, the fingers of the other hand bunched tightly, Nathan could almost hear Faith that first day, chastising him for not trying. He took one more step forward. To hell with the man in the yard. There was a woman and a child inside that fence, and he loved them. He couldn’t just walk away.

  “Faith, I’ve got to try,” he whispered. He couldn’t give up without a fight. As sure as he’d lived when he might have died, as sure as he loved Faith heart and soul, he couldn’t walk away.

  Squaring his shoulders and narrowing his eyes, Nathan arrowed his way straight to the gate, flipping the latch in one quick move. The last time he’d been here, he’d been a patient struggling to retrieve his career. Now he was a man out to win a woman, the only woman that mattered. And nothing—neither man nor monster—had better stand in his way.

  ~ ~ ~

  Faith looked up when Nathan came through the gate. Tall, broad shouldered and imposing, his green-eyed gaze sought her out and pinned her where she stood.

  She started to step forward, then stopped, her heart beginning a slow, hard thud that felt as if it would tear her apart.

  Unable to speak, she simply stood waiting.

  Nathan took a step closer.

  Faith tried to breathe. She forced herself to reason with her pounding heart. He was holding a present, a gift for Cory that he would give to her child and then leave, this time forever. It was important to remember that, to kick away from the need to throw herself into Nathan’s arms. She couldn’t do what she wanted and ask Nathan to come back to her and Cory.

  Cory. She could hear his voice coming from the other side of the yard where he and Scotty had run off with Mr. Miller. Cory shouldn’t see Nathan. This wasn’t right. She didn’t want her child to end his birthday in tears, even though she knew that she was going to do that very thing.

  Her thoughts melted her frozen limbs like sunshine on ice. Quickly she moved forward to meet Nathan, to intercede, to stop her son from seeing him.

  “Hello, Faith.” Her name flowed from his lips like a husky caress, but of course that was only what she wanted to believe.

  “Come inside, Nathan,” she whispered, taking his hand and leading him away from the lights of the backyard.

  But as soon as they crossed the threshold of her house, as soon as they were safely locked away from Cory’s view, she dropped his hand quickly, as if she’d found herself holding a still glowing ember.

  Faith turned to face him, trying to ignore the mesmerizing heat of his gaze. “Why are you here? You can’t be here,” she told him, forcing herself to cross her arms and harden her features.

  A slow smile crossed his lips. He dropped the package on the counter, leaning closer, and she noticed that his long, blond hair was as shaggy as ever, as touchable, as enticing.

  She held out her hands as if to fend him off.

  Instead he leaned even nearer, ignoring her hands as he brought his lips close to her ear. “I love it when you turn to flame, Faith,” he whispered. “And don’t tell me I can’t be here. I am here, as you can see.”

  Stepping back to give her room to breathe, Nathan leaned against the doorjamb. He crossed his ankles and his arms, as if he intended to stay that way forever.

  “You haven’t answered my question, Nathan.” Faith fought to keep her voice stern, to close her mind to all the wicked things his presence was doing to her nerves. “And I don’t want you here. We’ve said our goodbyes. I don’t want Cory to see you. He can’t see you here, Nathan,” she pleaded, closing her eyes as he shifted and the warm, male scent of him drifted close.

  “Faith...” His voice felt like a caress, and she steeled herself against leaning closer. “I couldn’t stay away, though heaven knows I tried. Besides, I promised Cory I wouldn’t forget his birthday. Did you think I’d break my word to him? Do you think so little of me?”

  She could sense the moment he moved away from the door frame, felt the second he arrived back at her side. His voice drifted near, slipping over her like warm fingers, pulling at her, hurting her because she knew he would be gone so soon. This was just a moment in time that would be snatched from her any second. She hated knowing it was so easy for him to leave her while it was all she could do not to beg him to hold her.

  Faith took a full two steps back from Nathan. She forced herself to look full into his face, wanting him to know how much she wished he would leave. Now.

  “Nathan, please, don’t you remember that last night when we said goodbye? Didn’t you see how it was for Cory? Have you forgotten that list? You can hurt him so easily, Nathan. So...please go. Aren’t you worried about hurting him?”

  He blinked, and she saw him falter once when she mentioned the list, as if she’d convinced him to go. But then he stepped forward, cupping her chin in his hand as he leaned close.

  “I am worried, Faith,” he admitted. “More than you know. And no, damn it, I haven’t forgotten the list. It’s been in my thoughts...constantly. That’s why I’m here, why I’m back when you know darn well I didn’t mean to come here in person and upset Cory again. I’m here because of that list you and Cory made. Because if I remember correctly, I happen to meet the requirements. And I’m here to apply for the position of father—and husband.” His voice was low. He slid his thumb over her lips as he spoke.

  Faith couldn’t control her trembling mouth. Nathan was touching her, stroking her.

  She tried to step back again, but found she was only inches away from the wall, and Nathan followed her there in a slow waltz.

  Swallowing, she shook her head. Only yesterday she’d given up all hope of Nathan ever caring for her. Now he was here, telling her he wanted to be her husband. But...why? Because he regretted hurting her son?

  It wouldn’t work. It wasn’t enough. With another man things would be different. But with Nathan—she couldn’t marry Nathan without love. No matter what she’d planned. No matter what the damn list said.

  Slowly, Faith slid her hands down to grip her skirt, clenching her fingers in the bright folds. She shook her head again. “I don’t want you here,” she reiterated. “I want you to go. I want you to leave now.”

  Nathan reached down and gathered her clenched fists in his own large hands. Gently he stroked, coaxing her fingers to uncurl. “No way, Faith. We’ve played this game before. The day you first came to me.” He slid his thumbs across the sensitive skin of her palms, caressing her flesh, warming her with his own heat.

  “And Faith,” he continued on a whisper as he leaned near, bridging the small space that had kept her body separate from his. “I hope you remember the next line. Only this time it’s mine. As you once told me in so many words, I came here tonight for a reason. A simple yes from you is all I need, all I want.”

  There was nothing in the world Faith wanted more than to believe that Nathan was offering to marry her because he cared. But she’d seen him step away from her before. She had witnessed his reaction to her naked feeling
s.

  “Nathan, if you’re worried that you’re somehow responsible for us—for Cory and me—I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. That list, please, forget it. You don’t have to be concerned. I don’t want you to be concerned. You’re not responsible for us. In any way.”

  He moved away then, far enough so that she could see his face clearly and could look into his eyes. He turned her palms up so that her hands rested on his own.

  “And what if I want to be responsible for you, Faith?” he demanded, his voice turning harsh. “What if I’ve found that the surgeon with the magical fingers has no magic at all without you?”

  She looked away to hide the hope in her eyes because she couldn’t allow herself to believe what she was hearing. She’d heard the same thing from other patients. It was gratitude again, she reminded herself, simply the first pangs of separation.

  “That’s just the reaction to trying to find your way again at the hospital,” she whispered, hating the fact that her voice sounded small and scared. “That’s all it is.”

  “No, Faith, it’s not.” Nathan slid his hands up her arms, beneath the fall of her hair, as he pressed closer, surrounding her body with his own. “That’s not gratitude. It’s not me finding my way. It’s love, Faith.”

  She tried to open her mouth, but he stilled her with a kiss. “Faith please,” he began, “let me say the words. I love you, completely. I realized how much that was true when I saw you yesterday, and I’ve been half out of my mind wondering if I’ve lost you. What’s more, I’m jealous, sweetheart, so damn jealous of every man who comes near you. I’m jealous of that man outside and I have to ask. Have I waited too long? Do you still care for me at all?”

  Faith jerked her head up. She opened her mouth, determined to deny that she cared now or had ever cared. If she could only protect herself, keep herself from hurting when he came to his senses—

  “Don’t,” he whispered, stopping her words with a touch of his finger to her lips. “Don’t say it. Don’t deny what was between us. I know there was something, Faith. I do, because I spent so much damn time trying to run from it. And then yesterday—” Nathan looked at her with such fierce desire that Faith leaned forward involuntarily, swaying against him.

  “Yesterday?” she choked out.

  Nathan brought her tighter against his hips, slipping his hands up beneath her hair. “Yes—in the hospital—seeing you looking at me like that, with love. And don’t say that you weren’t. We both know that you’re not a liar. In those few seconds, I knew that whatever you felt for me, no matter how powerful, you were going to ignore it. You were going to walk away to protect me from the pain you thought I’d feel. Do you know how much that scared me, sweetheart? It shook me, rocked me, completely. I’d worried so much about not deserving you, about losing you some day because I’d killed any feeling you might have for me. I—just never considered the fact that I could lose you because you cared for me.

  Faith sighed and raised her eyes to his. He’d found her out. He knew her secrets. There was no hiding this time. But still she pressed her hands to his chest, as though that small defensive gesture could protect her from her own emotions. “I never wanted to care,” she whispered. “Not again and certainly not this strongly. I didn’t want to ever feel something this overpowering, but—” She took a breath and shrugged, nearly managing a watery smile. “What can I say, Nathan? I just don’t seem to have much control over whom I love, or even how much I love, because—heaven help me—I do love you. So much, so very much. I’d hoped it didn’t show so clearly.”

  Nathan gathered her close. He wiped away the wet path of the tear that trickled down her cheek. “It shows, Faith,” he said, his own voice suddenly thick. “But only to someone who returns that love so completely. I’ve spent the last two days saying goodbye to the past, finally admitting that I didn’t have the power to save my wife and daughter and that I hadn’t really failed them the day of the accident.”

  Catching her breath with relief, and knowing that Nathan had taken a step away from his painful past, Faith rested her head against his chest and sagged against him.

  “Faith...” Nathan groaned, banding his arms more tightly around her. “Don’t be sad. Because—nearly losing you, knowing you would let me go in order to save me from myself—it made me realize a person can’t hide from the pain. There’s no way. Pain comes with the love. So, don’t walk away from what you feel for me. Please. I love you, completely. And it’s forever, love.”

  Faith looked up then, straight into his eyes, smiling through her tears. Sliding her arms around his waist, she moved as close as she could get. “Then that love must be the same kind I feel for you, Nathan, the kind that never goes away, no matter what. I’ll love you forever and always. And—” She paused, suddenly self-conscious.

  Nathan lifted her up to him. He teased her lips open with his own as he kissed her hungrily, nipping at the sensitive skin.

  “And?” he whispered, when he finally moved a breath away.

  Faith felt the hot color rushing into her face. “And you needn’t have been jealous of the man outside. Or any other man. That’s Scotty Miller’s father. Scotty is one of Cory’s friends.”

  “That’s good, then,” he whispered, bringing his lips to hers again. “I didn’t really want to spoil the party by planting my fist between his eyes.”

  “Nathan?” Faith pushed back and gave him her stern therapist look. “Don’t you ever go hitting another man for my sake. I absolutely abhor violence and I don’t want Cory to see something like that. Besides, I worked way too hard on those hands to see you mangle them on some other man’s nose just because you thought he was going to—”

  “Marry you, Faith?” he asked, trailing kisses down her neck. “That’s what I thought, and it’s what scared me so much,” he murmured. “The thought that some other man might have earned the right to hold you, touch you, love you the way I want to—I—” His hands tightened around her waist. “Be my wife, Faith,” he urged. “Say yes.”

  “I want to,” she agreed on a whisper. “But Nathan, I’m not alone. I need to and have to know what Cory is to you. I remember your fears about children.”

  Nathan cupped her face with his hands and stared into her eyes. “Cory?” he asked. “Cory is my son, definitely my son. Maybe not by blood, but by right of love. That is, he will be...if you agree to marry me.”

  “I—” Faith opened her mouth to speak, just as the kitchen door swung back in a wide arc.

  “Nathan! Nathan!” Cory hurled himself against Nathan, hugging his knees.

  “Billy Wilkins’s daddy told me that a man who looked like you was with Mom. What are you doing here?” the child demanded. “Mom said you couldn’t come, so why are you here?”

  Faith watched as Nathan smiled. He let his fingers drift over her son’s hair and closed his eyes tightly. Then loosening Cory’s fingers, Nathan reached down to scoop him high into his arms.

  “I’m here,” he said simply, “because I love you and your mom. If she agrees, we’ll get married. That means we’ll all be together. Forever, son.” He hugged the little body close as Cory wrapped his arms around Nathan’s neck as tightly as he could.

  “It means something else, too,” Cory said solemnly.

  “What’s that, Cory?” Faith asked, watching her son and the man she loved together, closer than clouds and sunshine, smiling, happy with each other. She swallowed over the lump in her throat.

  “I’ll show you,” Cory said, wiggling down and running from the room.

  Faith barely had time to exchange a puzzled look with Nathan before Cory was back. He held a shredded piece of paper, one she knew so well.

  “If you marry us up,” Cory said, his voice low and serious, “it means we can tear up the wish list. We won’t need it any more. Not if you’re our daddy.”

  Without speaking, Nathan reached over to take Faith’s small hand in his own large, strong one. His hand, the one he saved lives with, the one she’d re
stored to him.

  “Aren’t you going to say yes, Mom?” Cory asked, jumping up and down. “Aren’t you supposed to kiss Nathan or something?”

  Nathan laughed and with a tug, brought Faith tumbling against his chest. “Aren’t you going to say yes, Faith? Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

  She looked up at him, knowing that it was all right from now on to look her fill and to touch as much as she wanted. It was all right this time to love with her whole heart.

  “Say yes, Faith,” Nathan whispered once again.

  And rising on her toes as Cory tore the wish list into bits and tossed it in the air, Faith wrapped her arms tightly around Nathan’s neck. Her toes left the ground as he held her against him.

  “Yes, Nathan, definitely yes,” she said as a miniature confetti cloud drifted about them. “Yes, Nathan, I’ll marry you. I’ll always love you.”

  “Me, too,” Cory added.

  And she and Nathan moved apart, gathering Cory to them in a hug.

  Epilogue

  The wedding had been quiet and small. The only guests had been Dan Anderson, a few members of the hospital staff and Cory’s teddy bear. Now Cory had gone off to spend the night at Scotty Miller’s house.

  “You’re sure he was all right with that?” Nathan asked, after they kissed him goodbye and waved as Scotty’s father drove the boys away. “I don’t want him to worry that we’re squeezing him out.”

  Faith smiled up at her husband. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. He and Scotty have some sort of project they’re working on. Cory strongly hinted that grownups might be in the way. And not helpful. Especially since those grownups can’t seem to stop kissing.”

  “He minds me kissing you?” Nathan raised one eyebrow.

  She shook her head. “That comment was made for Scotty’s sake. Scotty’s already into the ‘kisses are icky’ stage. As for Cory, you know that he loves you kissing me. I think he believes that there’s some sort of magic in kisses that will keep you with us.”