Like Jazz

by Heather Blackmore

  It took me several seconds to digest what she’d said, but as I recognized the pride on her face, it hit me. “Wait a minute. Pipeline’s profit was something like six billion last year. That would mean…” I did some quick math. “That would mean, Jesus, twenty million dollars to the Foundation annually!”

  She nodded and smiled.

  “Oh. My. God! No way!” I nearly jumped up and down.

  “Way.”

  I threw my free arm around her for a hug, trying not to spill our champagne. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so proud of you. My God. I can’t believe it.” I pulled back and beamed at her, holding out my glass. “Your accomplishment calls for a hell of a lot more than a toast, but for now, cheers to the most impressive woman on the planet.”

  She gave me a dubious look but clinked glasses. After a couple sips of champagne she said, “I was so excited by the news, I couldn’t wait until tomorrow to tell you. So I called Henry while we were en route and asked him to put some champagne in one of the rooms and figure out a way to get you up here.” Her eyes gleamed with mischief.

  “We?”

  “Oh. Philip and I.” She could tell I wasn’t connecting the dots. “Philip as in Philip and Donna Landrey. Philip’s the CEO of Pipeline and Donna’s his wife. After we sealed the deal with a handshake over dinner, I asked if they had any interest in getting gussied up and joining me here, since I wanted them to meet some of the Foundation staff and board members and get to know us better. Donna has an early morning tomorrow, but Philip said yes, and an hour later, here we are. I had just enough time to introduce him to the Crawfords before I ducked out to come find you.”

  My relief about Captain Philip was probably palpable, but I tried to feign nonchalance. “We should go back downstairs so you can introduce us. You should be entertaining him, not here with me.”

  “Don’t be silly. I’m sure he’s had enough of my company tonight, and since he’s here without Donna, I have a feeling he’ll be more than happy to pretend he’s available for the evening. Even though he’s very much in love with his wife, I’m sure he’ll enjoy a little attention. You should see him.” She rolled her eyes. “You should see both of them. They’re the most ravishing couple ever. Like they both stepped off the runway at a Madrid fashion show.”

  I sipped my champagne, annoyed with myself for having thought Sarah could show up with a date at an event she knew I’d be attending. As if she didn’t have class or tact. Iago was right: jealousy was indeed a green-eyed monster. Enough about Philip.

  “Not that anything could come close to topping your news about Pipeline Technologies, but you did mention there might be another thing to celebrate.”

  “I don’t know. I think Pipeline could pale in comparison.” Sarah kept her eyes on mine while she tossed back the remaining liquid in her glass. She refilled it and set it down, regarding me with an uncertain expression that was unusual for her. Biting her bottom lip, she surveyed the room. “Hmm.” She walked to the entryway between the bedroom and living room, scanning both areas.

  “What are you looking for?” I asked after a few seconds. She wasn’t much of a drinker but she’d finished her champagne quickly. Was she gathering the courage to say something I didn’t want to hear?

  She eyed me for several moments, crossed the room in a few elegant strides, and set my glass down. Pulling me to sit next to her on the edge of the bed, she held my hands.

  “I don’t know how to say this, or where, but I do know what I’m looking for,” Sarah said as she studied our hands and rubbed my fingers and knuckles with her thumbs.

  My delight at the Pipeline news quickly dissipated. I wasn’t her girlfriend, so she couldn’t break up with me, exactly, but was she trying to find an easy way to let me down? That didn’t seem likely, did it? We’d shared a brilliant morning together and hadn’t had any sort of argument since. Not that we ever did. And I was the first person she elected to share the Pipeline news with. Plus there was supposed to be something else to be celebrating, wasn’t there? It wouldn’t be like her to break out some seriously nice champagne moments before ending our relationship.

  I ceased my internal inquiries. Whatever was on her mind, good or bad, I had to let her know she could talk to me. She already had my heart, so it wasn’t as if she could hurt me any less simply because I might not want to hear what was on her mind. I refused to let my insecurities about what we were to each other—no, what I was to her—prevent me from having the fortitude to listen openly to whatever she had to say.

  I gently placed my hand under her chin, tilting it up to get her to look at me. “Sweetheart, whatever it is, you can tell me.” She still wouldn’t meet my eyes, which troubled me, but I didn’t want to press. Opting to let her tell me when she was ready, I caressed her cheek for several moments before taking her hands again.

  When she finally brought her eyes to mine, they were moist and full of emotion. She gave me a small smile but her lips were trembling. “I…I wanted to thank you for being so patient with me,” she said in a quiet voice. “You haven’t pushed me into something I wasn’t ready for, you haven’t asked me to define our relationship, you haven’t once made me feel guilty for any of the time I’ve spent working, and you’ve been more supportive of me than I deserve. By not telling you how I feel, I haven’t made it easy for you to be with me, and I’m sorry.”

  Was she crazy? I had to immediately quash her ridiculous notion that she made it hard to be with her. There was no place I’d rather be. “Sarah, being with you is the easiest, most natural thing in the—”

  She pressed a finger to my lips. “You know I’m right.”

  I had to concede that wondering how she felt about me wasn’t supremely reassuring, so perhaps her notion wasn’t completely crazy. But thanking me and apologizing was starting to sound like good-bye, making whether she was right or not moot. I redoubled my efforts to gather courage to hear her out and simply nodded.

  She walked to the window, which seemed like a bad sign.

  “You were right,” she said. “What you said a few months ago. I have been afraid to love again. But it’s more than that.” She faced me, protectively wrapping her arms around her waist. “I’ve been afraid to love you again. You, specifically. I fell for you in high school, but like you, back then I didn’t realize it for what it was. All I knew was you were who I wanted to spend time with, and when you left and never contacted me…I felt some part of me had died. I know you’ve explained it to me and I understand why you did what you did. What I’m trying to say is that you terrify me because I feel…” Sarah’s voice cracked. “I’ve been down this path.”

  It dawned on me for the very first time that I had hurt Sarah. Deeply. I couldn’t believe I’d been so blind. She’d felt the connection we’d shared at Claiborne every bit as much as I had. No wonder, once I started working at the Foundation, she’d tried to distance herself from me after our first dinner at her house. No wonder, after delivering her searing kisses in the hotel room, she’d shut down emotionally after I told her I wouldn’t hurt her. No wonder she’d seemed so sad when I’d ascertained how much more she cared about grant-making than fund-raising, because while I knew her better than anyone else—the real Sarah, not the one-dimensional trophy others found attractive—she wasn’t about to let me hurt her again. No wonder she’d had difficulty trusting me, even when she’d had some hint as to the reasons I hadn’t come clean about my role at the Foundation. It made perfect sense. She’d been conflicted about letting me back into her life.

  And she’d been letting me in anyway.

  Not for the first time, I was completely in awe of this woman. Here I’d been thinking she’d made some strides by letting me in as much as she had. But I’d underestimated her. Sarah hadn’t only made strides: she’d moved mountains. If I’d hurt her like her former fiancé had, she shouldn’t even be speaking to me, let alone dating me. She’d been giving me a chance—a second chance—and all I’d been doing was feeling grateful for getting what I’d
uncharitably thought were mere bits and pieces of her: pieces that were nice to see and hold, but ultimately not vital. Now I’d learned I was responsible for inflicting onto Sarah some of the very scars I’d been trying to pry back open.

  How could she ever forgive me?

  Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe that’s what she was alluding to. Maybe she couldn’t go down this path again.

  Please, love. We’ve come so far. Please don’t walk away now.

  I couldn’t bear the distance between us and met Sarah at the window. She didn’t seem ready for me to touch her, but I stood before her and reached out a hand, hoping she’d take it. She did, and when she continued speaking, it was barely above a whisper.

  “I saw it another way, too, back then. When I was with you, a whole other part of me was alive. That part of me is alive again, and I don’t want to lose it. I keep thinking…” She swallowed hard. “I keep thinking if I don’t tell you how I feel about you, I won’t risk my heart again. But not only is that unfair to you, it’s untrue. You already have it.”

  A tear rolled down her cheek, and tears started to well up in my eyes, too. Sarah continued. “I’m hopelessly in love with you, Cazz. I can’t stand the thought that I might lose you because I never summoned the courage to tell you how I feel.” She wiped a tear with her finger. “I don’t want to be with anyone else,” she whispered. And then, so quietly I almost didn’t hear her, Sarah said, “Please tell me you feel the same.”

  I stepped to her and wrapped her in my arms. I didn’t know whether I was crying from relief or joy, but my throat was so tight I could barely swallow, let alone talk. This amazing woman was risking her heart in the worst way: she was willing to believe once more in someone who had previously disappointed her. She was forgiving me and trusting me. Loving me.

  “Yes. Yes. Yes. Of course I love you, sweetheart. Always you. Only you.” I felt her staggered intakes of breath and wasn’t sure if she was crying from relief or leftover anxiety. I’d never seen Sarah more vulnerable. I pivoted onto the balls of my feet and gently kissed her lips. Having been there myself, I knew how hard it had been for her to tell me how she felt. I was overwhelmed by gratitude and humbled by love. I wiped a tear from my eye and brushed one falling down Sarah’s cheek.

  I pulled her tightly to me once again. “I love you so much, Sarah. Thank you for telling me.” We kissed sweetly, and when we pulled apart, we both sighed, our hearts full. “One last thing.” I dashed to the table for our champagne, then quickly offered her flute to her. Once she took it, I held my drink in one hand and her hand in the other.

  “You’re right.” I beamed. “As special as the Pipeline deal is, it’s small compared to the other thing we’re celebrating.” I held up my glass, but since it had been Sarah’s idea, I let her do the honors.

  Smiling, she squeezed my hand and raised her flute to mine. “To us.”

  Who would believe that a two-letter word could instill so much joy in a person?

  “To us,” I said, as I clinked my glass to Sarah’s and linked my heart with hers forever.

  About the Author

  Heather Blackmore works in finance and accounting for technology startups, where she puts in her two cents then counts them. In a seemingly counterintuitive move, she got her MSA and CPA with the goal of one day being able to work part-time so she could write. She’s finally living her dream, thankful for however long it lasts. Like Jazz is her first novel.

  Heather is married and lives in California. She spends much of her leisure time reading and writing, interspersed with an occasional burst of exercise. She enjoys theater, traveling, hiking, and trying new vegetarian recipes. When she’s home, a four-legged friend is always nearby.

  Visit www.heatherblackmore.com or drop her a line at heather@heatherblackmore.com.

  Other Bold Strokes Books Titles Available Via Amazon

  Books Available from Bold Strokes Books

  Love and Devotion by Jove Belle. KC Hall trips her way through life, stumbling into an affair with a married bombshell twice her age. Thankfully, her best friend, Emma Reynolds, is there to show her the true meaning of Love and Devotion. (978-1-60282-965-7)

  Rush by Carsen Taite. Murder, secrets, and romance combine to create the ultimate rush. (978-1-60282-966-4)

  The Shoal of Time by J.M. Redmann. It sounded too easy. Micky Knight is reluctant to take the case because the easy ones often turn into the hard ones, and the hard ones turn into the dangerous ones. In this one, easy turns hard without warning. (978-1-60282-967-1)

  In Between by Jane Hoppen. At the age of 14, Sophie Schmidt discovers that she was born an intersexual baby and sets off on a journey to find her place in a world that denies her true existence. (978-1-60282-968-8)

  Secret Lies by Amy Dunne. While fleeing from her abuser, Nicola Jackson bumps into Jenny O’Connor, and their unlikely friendship quickly develops into a blossoming romance—but when it comes down to a matter of life or death, are they both willing to face their fears? (978-1-60282-970-1)

  Under Her Spell by Maggie Morton. The magic of love brought Terra and Athene together, but now a magical quest stands between them—a quest for Athene’s hand in marriage. Will their passion keep them together, or will stronger magic tear them apart? (978-1-60282-973-2)

  Homestead by Radclyffe. R. Clayton Sutter figures getting NorthAm Fuel’s newest refinery operational on a rolling tract of land in Upstate New York should take a month or two, but then, she hadn’t counted on local resistance in the form of vandalism, petitions, and one furious farmer named Tess Rogers. (978-1-60282-956-5)

  Battle of Forces: Sera Toujours by Ali Vali. Kendal and Piper return to New Orleans to start the rest of eternity together, but the return of an old enemy makes their peaceful reunion short-lived, especially when they join forces with the new queen of the vampires. (978-1-60282-957-2)

  How Sweet It Is by Melissa Brayden. Some things are better than chocolate. Molly O’Brien enjoys her quiet life running the bakeshop in a small town. When the beautiful Jordan Tuscana returns home, Molly can’t deny the attraction—or the stirrings of something more. (978-1-60282-958-9)

  The Missing Juliet: A Fisher Key Adventure by Sam Cameron. A teenage detective and her friends search for a kidnapped Hollywood star in the Florida Keys. (978-1-60282-959-6)

  Amor and More: Love Everafter edited by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman. Rediscover favorite couples as Bold Strokes Books authors reveal glimpses of life and love beyond the honeymoon in short stories featuring main characters from favorite BSB novels. (978-1-60282-963-3)

  First Love by CJ Harte. Finding true love is hard enough, but for Jordan Thompson, daughter of a conservative president, it’s challenging, especially when that love is a female rodeo cowgirl. (978-1-60282-949-7)

  Pale Wings Protecting by Lesley Davis. Posing as a couple to investigate the abduction of infants, Special Agent Blythe Kent and Detective Daryl Chandler find themselves drawn into a battle over the innocents, with demons on one side and the unlikeliest of protectors on the other. (978-1-60282-964-0)

  Mounting Danger by Karis Walsh. Sergeant Rachel Bryce, an outcast on the police force, is put in charge of the department’s newly formed mounted division. Can she and polo champion Callan Lanford resist their growing attraction as they struggle to safeguard the disaster-prone unit? (978-1-60282-951-0)

  Meeting Chance by Jennifer Lavoie. When man’s best friend turns on Aaron Cassidy, the teen keeps his distance until fate puts Chance in his hands. (978-1-60282-952-7)

  At Her Feet by Rebekah Weatherspoon. Digital marketing producer Suzanne Kim knows she has found the perfect love in her new mistress Pilar, but before they can make the ultimate commitment, Suzanne’s professional life threatens to disrupt their perfectly balanced bliss. (978-1-60282-948-0)

  Show of Force by AJ Quinn. A chance meeting between navy pilot Evan Kane and correspondent Tate McKenna takes them on a roller-coaster ride where the stakes are high, but the reward is higher: a chance at love. (978-1-60282-942-8
)

  Clean Slate by Andrea Bramhall. Can Erin and Morgan work through their individual demons to rediscover their love for each other, or are the unexplainable wounds too deep to heal? (978-1-60282-943-5)

  Hold Me Forever by D. Jackson Leigh. An investigation into illegal cloning in the quarter horse racing industry threatens to destroy the growing attraction between Georgia debutante Mae St. John and Louisiana horse trainer Whit Casey. (978-1-60282-944-2)

  Trusting Tomorrow by PJ Trebelhorn. Funeral director Logan Swift thinks she’s perfectly happy with her solitary life devoted to helping others cope with loss until Brooke Collier moves in next door to care for her elderly grandparents. (978-1-60282-891-9)

  Forsaking All Others by Kathleen Knowles. What if what you think you want is the opposite of what makes you happy? (978-1-60282-892-6)

  Exit Wounds by VK Powell. When Officer Loane Landry falls in love with ATF informant Abigail Mancuso, she realizes that nothing is as it seems—not the case, not her lover, not even the dead. (978-1-60282-893-3)

  Dirty Power by Ashley Bartlett. Cooper’s been through hell and back, and she’s still broke and on the run. But at least she found the twins. They’ll keep her alive. Right? (978-1-60282-896-4)

  The Rarest Rose by I. Beacham. After a decade of living in her beloved house, Ele disturbs its past and finds her life being haunted by the presence of a ghost who will show her that true love never dies. (978-1-60282-884-1)