She looked at his face, trying to work out what he wanted from her. Simple sex? She didn’t think so. If anything, she thought he needed companionship. It suddenly struck her that, in spite of being part of a large family, he might also be a lonely man. A man who seldom confided in anyone, who kept his feelings to himself. But he had revealed himself to her. The thought made her happy.
‘Ed, what you told me in Penny’s cabin. I’m glad I know more about you. Sometimes you come across as being brilliantly professional—but there’s always a reserve there. And I think I’ve got beyond that reserve.’
‘There are things one needs to keep to oneself,’ he said. ‘Apart from anything else—why should I trouble other people with my problems?’
‘Because they want you to trouble them,’ she told him. ‘Because they…I…think a lot of you.’
‘Perhaps. Maddy, I think I…think a lot of you.’
‘Good,’ she said. ‘And I think a lot of you, or we wouldn’t be doing this.’ A small part of her brain wondered if that was the most passionate declaration he was capable of. Still, she supposed it was something.
He smiled at her. Then he drew her to him and kissed her and she felt that whatever their problems, they could be solved. But now was not a time for problems in the future. Now was for now.
The night before their love-making had been at first tentative and then a desperate seeking for solace. It had been over quickly, because that had been what both of them had wanted—had needed. Tonight, even though they were more tired than ever, it was different. It was a gentler, more giving love-making. And she felt that it was love. He didn’t use the word, but all his actions were those of a man who would do all that was possible for the woman he was with. They fitted together so well! They could both anticipate, knew what the other wanted, knew what would give most pleasure. And then there was a final climax that seemed to roll on and on for ever.
One final kiss and then it only was a moment before she could feel his chest rising and falling under her arm, hear the deep breaths of a man whose exhaustion had led him instantly to sleep. She felt exhausted, too.
Perhaps it was this fatigue that allowed an idea to surface, a thought that she had not permitted herself even to consider. Ed Tremayne. She admired his medical skill, she enjoyed being with him, sex with him was wonderful. But there was more than all that.
Now she knew she loved him.
She thought of what she had decided, or what had been revealed to her, and then slept at once. It was a deep sleep, but somehow the knowledge of the love was with her and it comforted her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
IT WAS a mistake, a big mistake.
Next morning was different from the morning before. This time she woke up first, checked the time. They had twenty more minutes together. For a moment she just lay there, looking at him. He was still asleep, and his face had that peaceful innocence that she had noticed before. It was the face of a new, different Ed. An Ed who had been hidden from her before. The lines drawn by pain had disappeared.
She remembered the night before, an almost startling realisation. Had it happened so suddenly? She loved him. More than that, she now felt capable of love again and that made her so happy.
She just couldn’t resist. She knew he needed every minute of sleep he could get but…She leaned over him, just brushed his lips with hers. And his eyes flicked open immediately. She was so filled with happiness, filled with the realisation that her life had changed so much for the better, that she said it without thinking. It was so obvious to her.
‘I love you, Ed.’ It shocked her to hear herself say it. But, still, she waited for his reaction.
He had been asleep. But when he woke up he was alert at once. She saw him frown when he grasped what she had said. Why didn’t he smile? Why didn’t he say something?
He pushed himself up in bed, looked at her. ‘What did you say, Maddy? I must be still asleep. I thought I heard you say you loved me.’
It was the wrong reaction, she thought. If you told someone you loved them, they should say it straight back. Or kiss you or something. Not ask foolish questions. Faltering, she said, ‘Well, after last night…And it was so wonderful…I just thought that…’ And then it hit her. They had made an agreement. This affair was to take place on board only—then it was to end. Yes, they liked each other, yes they had learned each other’s secrets. But that had only been for a couple of snatched days.
She had made a terrible mistake. Shaking her head as if confused, she said, ‘Sorry, I was just waking up. Not knowing what I was saying, dreaming really. Forget it.’
Even to herself this sounded lame but she managed to press on. ‘Now it’s time to get up. I’ll go first in the shower and then we can…’
They were sitting side by side in her bed, he put his arm round her, pulled her towards him and kissed her on the cheek. On the cheek? This was a kiss you’d give your child or your grandmother. Not your lover.
His voice was kind, which made things worse. ‘Maddy, you weren’t dreaming. You said you loved me and you meant it. And I’m so sorry.’ He shook his head in distress. ‘I never intended this to happen. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I took advantage of you. When you’re working in a stressed situation like we are, you do not start love affairs.’
This made her angry. ‘No one took advantage of me. There were two of us involved—if anything, I made the first moves.’
‘Then I should have resisted them.’
Silence for a moment. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘That makes me feel great. Now, you stay in bed, I need the first shower.’
‘But, Maddy, I…’
She slid out of bed, ran to her shower and locked the door. She turned the shower on full blast so the sound of it would hide her sobbing. And then anger took over and she stopped crying. She had made a fool of herself and she hated it.
From outside she heard the sound of a door clicking shut. He had got up and left her cabin. Well, she might as well carry on with getting ready for the new day.
When she left the bathroom, wrapped tightly in her dressing-gown, he had, of course, gone. Perhaps that was the best thing. Perhaps it would be best if she just forgot what she had said to him, just carried on as if nothing had happened. Shortly he would leave the ship and they would stick to their agreement—what they had was for on board the ship only.
But she knew she couldn’t just forget Ed Tremayne. She did love him.
She had come on board this ship to be away from marauding men. She had never wanted to think of love again. But she had found a man and she had fallen in love with him and he didn’t want her. What to do?
She shrugged, smiled a bitter smile. There was nothing she could do but suffer.
She dressed, stayed in her cabin until she heard the sounds of the other staff coming into the medical centre. It was time for handover, the reports of staff who were coming off duty to those who were coming on. She’d be happier meeting Ed again if they were in company.
She went out, saw Ed talking to Dr Wyatt. ‘Morning,’ she said pleasantly. ‘How are things going?’
She saw the faint relief in Ed’s eyes, knew that he realised she was going to remain professional. Well, of course, she was going to remain professional. At the moment it was all she had going for her.
‘Things are now definitely improving,’ Ed reported. ‘There are no new cases, the worst are improving, those who are nearly better are complaining about not being able to go on shore. I think we can congratulate ourselves.’
‘In that case, may I have the morning to deal with the few patients who have problems other than gastroenteritis?’ Maddy asked him. ‘There are some dressings to be checked and changed, some injections to be given. A few people I just like to keep an eye on.’
‘Good idea. It’s too easy to forget that there might be problems other than the gastro.’
She wondered if there were also the faint signs of relief in his voice at her suggestion. This way they wouldn’t
have to spend time together.
It was good to get back to her old job, good to be able to do it well. Apart from the medical attention she could spare the time to chat for a few minutes, instead of being in the vast hurry she’d been in recently.
Most of her patients were eager to get ashore now, some were quite annoyed. Maddy managed to calm most of them, making them feel relieved that they hadn’t been infected themselves. It was all part of a cruise ship nurse’s job.
But as the morning wore on she felt worse and worse. At first she thought that it was misery because of her mistake with Ed. Then she wondered if she was going down with the illness herself. That wouldn’t be fair! She had been so careful with the necessary precautions. But then she decided that she was not showing any of the initial symptoms. She just felt dreadful.
Her last call was to Mrs Cowley’s cabin. Robbie’s dressing ought to be changed. Robbie’s dressings got dirty faster than anyone else on the ship.
He wasn’t in the cabin. ‘His friend Joey just came to call,’ Mrs Cowley explained. ‘Came with his dad and asked if Robbie wanted to go to the play area with them. Well, he’d been getting restless and I felt a bit tired so I said he could go. They’ll bring him back in time.’
‘Feeling tired?’ Maddy questioned. ‘You are sticking to the diet, aren’t you?’
‘Well, sort of…’
For what must have been the tenth time Maddy went through the dangers of binge eating if you were diabetic.
Finally she left, telling Mrs Cowley that she’d find Robbie some time later. She still felt dreadful, so she decided to go back to the medical centre and have a drink of water. Was she dehydrated? She didn’t think so. Perhaps it was just fatigue catching up on her.
Just as she thought this Ed came into the room. He looked at her and frowned. ‘You don’t look too good, Maddy,’ he said. His tone was medical, professional, but she thought she could detect some touch of personal feeling there.
‘I’ll be all right. It’s catching up on me, I just need to sit down a moment.’
‘We’d better make sure you’re not coming down with the bug as well. Come into your cabin and I’ll examine you.’ There was a pause and then he said, ‘Do you want a chaperone?’
She managed a small smile. ‘I think it’s a bit late for that now.’
They went into her cabin so he could examine her. She noticed that he took rubber gloves out of his bag—and then dropped them back in. ‘You should wear gloves to examine every patient,’ she told him.
‘On this occasion I’ll manage without.’
She knew why. The last time his hands had been on her body they had…To touch her again with rubber gloves would be an insult to them both.
He said, ‘You know, Maddy, we have to talk and—’
She cut him off. ‘Not now,’ she said. ‘I just can’t deal with it. Perhaps not ever. Just get on with your work.’
It didn’t take long and she knew what the result would be. ‘Nothing too seriously wrong with you, Maddy. Nothing physical, that is. You’ve just done too much. A body can’t take stress indefinitely. Now, pay attention to me. You’re going to rest now. Just for three hours; I promise I won’t leave you longer than that.’
‘But, Ed, I’m needed.’
‘Things are a lot better. You’re not needed now.’
Telling her she wasn’t needed was the wrong thing for him to say, she saw that he recognised this at once. But he said nothing and neither did she. ‘I’ll do as you say,’ she said.
The moment he had gone she remembered her last task—finding Robbie and re-dressing his arm. Well, it would only take a minute. She’d do that now and then have her rest.
First she went back to Mrs Cowley’s cabin. No Robbie there. And Mrs Cowley was asleep. Having checked that she hadn’t fallen into a diabetic coma, Maddy went up to the children’s indoor play area. It was a large, glassed-in room with the usual games. There were ship attendants there and children being watched by their parents. The children’s room was busy. The storm had abated slightly but it was still too cool and windy for anyone to go out on deck.
But no Robbie. Maddy said hello to a few people she knew, and asked about Robbie. Everyone knew Robbie. She was told he had been there playing with Joey Billings and his dad but he had left half an hour ago.
Maddy was now feeling slightly worried. But probably Robbie was in the Billingses’ cabin. She went down to ask.
‘Left the play area with us about half an hour ago,’ Mr Billings said with a big smile. ‘The boys had a great game of pirates. I took him down to his corridor, saw him walking to his cabin.’
‘Did you take him into the cabin?’
Mr Billings looked uncomfortable. ‘Well, no. I’ve been in there before…Often Mrs Cowley doesn’t like to be disturbed.’
‘So you didn’t actually see him go into the cabin?’
‘No. But he was only three doors away.’
Maddy thanked Mr Billings and left. Somewhere Robbie was wandering. There were an awful lot of attendants on the ship so he couldn’t really get into mischief, could he? Possibly, yes. Robbie was gifted that way.
It would cause an awful lot of trouble and alarm to broadcast a request for people to look for a small boy in a pirate’s outfit. She might have to in time, of course, but where could he be? Then Maddy remembered. Robbie wanted to be a pirate. And the pirate ship he wanted was one of the lifeboats—he’d been stopped from climbing on them before. He had pointed out to Maddy that if the cruise ship sank, this would be the best one for a pirate.
Maddy climbed to the lifeboat deck, and went out onto the deserted companionway. The wind wailed around her, pushing her back against the railings. There was absolutely no sign of Robbie. She walked closer to the lifeboats. From a distance they looked small but nearer they were quite alarmingly large. She spotted the one that Robbie wanted and went to stand underneath the lifeboat, looked up at the davits, the complex gear for swinging the boat out and lowering it into the sea. One last look around—no Robbie. She’d go back to the play area.
The biggest noise was still the wind but suddenly Maddy thought she heard something else. A cry, a whimper? But from where? Then she remembered that Robbie had had to be stopped from trying to climb on top of this lifeboat. Had he succeeded this time? ‘Robbie,’ she shouted, ‘it’s Nurse Maddy.’
‘Nurse Maddy, help, I’m frightened,’ a little voice came.
‘Where are you?’
‘I’m on top of the boat. And I’m slipping.’
Maddy looked up at the launching gear, saw how a determined little boy could have climbed up. Quickly she climbed onto the railings, reached up to where there was a handhold, a place to wedge her feet. Then somehow she wriggled upwards and came to where she could see the top of the lifeboat. There was a covering over it, two smooth sloping surfaces. And on one of the surfaces Robbie was stretched out. He had boarded his pirate ship. But there was nowhere to hang onto and he was in danger of slipping off the edge and falling. Possibly even bouncing into the sea. He knew it and he was terrified.
Somehow Maddy struggled a bit further upwards—Robbie must have been like a monkey to get up here with a bandaged arm! She mustn’t alarm him, mustn’t let him panic. ‘How’s the pirate chief, Robbie?’
‘I want to get down!’
‘All right. Now, you just stay there and I’ll reach forward and grab your hands. Then I’ll slide you towards me. But keep still till I reach you!’
Robbie nodded.
Maddy looked down. She was in a difficult position, her feet braced on a rail, one hand clutching a thick wire cable, the other hand stretching out to Robbie. Robbie grabbed for the outstretched hand, missed it and started to slip. Maddy lunged, just managing to get a hand to him, to grip him by the collar of his jacket. But with only one hand she didn’t have the strength to pull him to safety. And now both she and Robbie were starting to slip. But she wouldn’t let him go!
What to do now? It was something
she had never done before. She cried out for help, hoping someone would hear her over the wind and sea.
Dimly she was aware of the rattle of feet on the deck below her. The strain on her arm was getting to be too much, she could feel her grasp on the cable loosening. She had to hang on!
CHAPTER NINE
ED’S morning had not been good. For once in his life he had absolutely no idea of what to do. And he didn’t like being in doubt. It was driving him crazy.
He had just sent Maddy to bed—the bed he had climbed out of not four hours before—and walked away from the medical centre with his feelings in turmoil. Of course, he’d realised how hurt Maddy had been but as usual he’d managed—he thought—to hide his own feelings.
He thought back over the past two days. What decisions had he made and why? First, why was he on the ship at all? He knew his father could have dealt with the situation just as well as him. But he had insisted. This job had to be his.
The worst time of his life had been spent dealing with an epidemic, so why had he wanted to experience it again? In fact, he knew why. He had to face up to things, he couldn’t go through his life knowing that he was afraid of something. And it had been hard but he had managed somehow.
Now he knew the crisis was almost over. He wasn’t needed any more. He could go ashore knowing that he had done a good job And he had faced down his devils. Well, some of them.
But while the fear of the outbreak was behind him there was another, bigger problem. No, not a problem! Maddy was the best, the most exciting…No way could he call her a problem. But what should he do about her?
He had tried to be fair to her by telling her there could be no future in their affair. And later he had tried to explain why—how, after his wife had died, he’d never wanted to fall love again. Because of the risk of being hurt again. And this was unusual. He’d never felt the need to explain his actions to any other woman. So why Maddy?
And why had he felt some kind of peace or relief when he had told her? They had had a hard couple of days—probably it was good that the work had been so hard because so many memories, feelings had been dragged to the surface. The outbreak itself, the birth of a baby which had reminded him of his own unborn child. Penny, who had the same name and fatal combination as his dead wife—gastroenteritis and a compromised auto-immune system. But this Penny had survived and there had always been someone with her.
Brides of Penhally Bay - Vol 2 Page 27