Out of Patience Aphrodite

by S. E. Babin

  Hermes snort laughed and tried to turn it into a cough.

  Hades practically glowed with annoyance. “Can we just get this over with?” he said through clenched teeth.

  “Gladly,” Clotho said. “Follow me if you will.”

  My mother scurried up beside her and they dropped their heads toward each other whispering something urgent. I waited for my mother to make her way back to me.

  “Make sure you keep the vials you have in quick reach. We don’t know what to expect when we get there.”

  I nodded, fingering the numerous vials I had in the pocket of my loose linen pants. I had about forty shielded with a silencing spell and protected with a soft microfiber cloth. Otherwise I’d be clinking all the way to heaven and possibly covered in angel killing potion. Not a good way to start a revolution.

  When we reached the entrance, our motley gang stopped behind Clotho. She put up a silencing bubble, yet still spoke quietly. “This is your last chance to leave. What happens here today will go down in Olympian history, but I cannot yet say whether we will be on the winning or losing side of it. Based upon our choices in there, it could go either way.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from saying, “Magic 8 ball says…” Comparing Clotho’s prophecy powers to that of a children’s toy would definitely be offensive. Funny, but probably offensive.

  At her glance, she rolled her eyes at me as if she knew what I was thinking. She probably did. “We’re equipped with some spells that will enable us to take down angels, but there’s no way to know how many are in there.”

  I spoke up. “The last time I was here, the place was pretty empty. I can’t imagine he would make that same mistake again. So I think we should be expecting to encounter resistance.”

  I took a few minutes to tell everyone how much I cared about them, except for Poseidon, and that if I didn’t make it out, there were no other people I would have rather died for. Typhon’s expression darkened at that sentiment, but he gave me a stiff nod. Poseidon’s face was frozen in a death glare, but rather than get my feelings hurt, I chose to think that was just the expression his face was stuck in.

  We all embraced each other, except for Poseidon, and when I got to Hades, he gave my rear end a little squeeze which made me laugh. “Are we ready?” I asked.

  The Olympians and our token angel all nodded.

  “Let’s go kill some angels,” I whispered. I pulled out several potion vials and held them tightly.

  Clotho dropped the silence bubble and we entered Heaven.

  28

  God, perhaps a little butthurt over the times I’d managed to outwit him, was expecting us. And based on the massive army of angels two feet from the entrance, he wasn’t taking any chances. I stopped in my tracks and stared at the gaggle...herd...crowd...what did one call a shitload of angels standing together in full battle regalia?

  My choice was big bunch of assholes.

  They didn’t even wait for the last of us to get through the door. The first wave of the big bunch of assholes charged at us, with wings spread wide and weapons raised in the air. Poseidon, not even batting an eye or breaking a sweat, conjured a magical tsunami that promptly knocked them over like bowling pins and drowned the weakest of the bunch. The rest, unable to get their bearing in the stormy waters, bobbed and bounced and choked, much to Poseidon’s delight. His control was so finite that my walking shoes didn’t even get a drop on them. The water stayed at least a foot away from us, but Poseidon looked like he was having a spa day while whipping angels around like plankton.

  When he caught me goggling at him, he flicked his other hand at us. “I can’t do much else while holding this, so I’d suggest you catch up to the second batch before they catch up to you.”

  I snapped my jaw shut, nodded, and rushed around the perfectly concentric batch of water as it swirled around some very angry minions.

  “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen,” whispered Hermes as he came up beside me.

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “Too bad he’s such a jerk.”

  “He’s here to save his brother,” Dionysus added. “He can’t be too bad.”

  I would beg to differ that, but he did have a point. Most Olympians would delight at the opportunity to seize a sibling’s power base. A few months ago, Poseidon would have been the same. Perhaps the thrashing he got from everyone changed him a bit. I never would have thought I could change, but I actually considered myself a pretty decent person now. Still distracted by shiny, pretty things, but overall someone who had the potential to care about other people more than myself now.

  Either way, Poseidon was here and so far had saved us from pretty immediate slaughter. The second wave of angels came at us from above. We barely had time to take cover before we heard the wind shift. I screamed at everyone to hit the ground, and as I did the same, I rolled and threw the vial at the ones coming directly for me. The potion hit the chest of one, shattered and splashed three other angels. They disappeared in a shower of golden light.

  “Cool,” I muttered right as another one hit me from the side.

  Pain slammed into my side as I tried to roll away. Loafered feet stepped in front of my field of vision before I could throw the next vial and the screams of angels filled my ears. A strong, warm hand lifted me up and when I was standing, he pressed against my side. Warm magic knit the skin together.

  “Thanks.”

  Ares gave me a short nod and turned back to the task at hand. That had been close. Too close. I pulled several more vials out. Clotho was holding her own against several angels and every few seconds I’d hear their dying screams as they winked out of existence.

  DIonysus was quite busy hacking things to death. But one thing was becoming glaringly obvious. We were outnumbered. Not to say we wouldn’t win, but how exhausted would our magic sources be by the time we made it to my husband?

  There had to be a better way.

  I made my way over to Clotho, tossing vial after vial as angels dive bombed me. When I reached her, she didn’t even bat an eye.

  “Kind of busy here,” she screamed.

  I kept tossing vials, feeling sort of guilty I hadn’t had to use much of my magic yet. “What do you think about joining our powers?” The noise level was so loud I wasn’t even sure she heard me.

  But she had. She yanked my arm sending me scrambling over to her. “Good idea,” she yelled in my ear. “We can use some of Hades’ juice. My power isn’t exactly equipped for fighting. I’m more of a benevolent life ruiner.”

  I wasn’t sure how much juice Hades had left, but I figured we couldn’t hurt him much worse than he was already hurt. I stepped closer and gripped her hand tighter. The angels, rightly sensing we were about to do something spectacular came at us in a fury. Seconds later, I felt Dionysus grip my hand. “Me too,” he said.

  Then Typhon was next to him. To the outsider, it might have looked like we were just a few ordinary people with a weird friendship, but to us, we knew power sharing was the one thing that could turn the tide of a battle.

  Clotho was extraordinarily powerful, but she wasn’t a battle goddess, nor was she equipped for a long fight. In fact, she shouldn’t even be with us. I didn’t use to be great in battle, but it had been thrust on me so many times, killing was kind of old hat for me now. But Dionysus and Typhon? Dudes took to battle like a seal took to water.

  I could see Clotho’s mouth moving before I felt anything. I gripped my friend’s hands tighter. My eyes locked with Hermes and when he saw what we were about to do, he gave a hoarse shout and promptly blinked out of existence to hopefully somewhere behind us.

  Seconds later, power tore out of all of us. The roar of it was deafening and as my magic melded with Hades, poured through my hands and into Clotho, I felt Dionysus vengeful magic and Typhon’s more cool rage pour into me as well.

  Clotho honed the magic into one powerful beam and one by one by one took each and every single angel down until there was nothing between us and Heaven except
a smoking, charred ruin.

  “God is going to be so pissed at us, “ I said gleefully.

  Clotho dropped our hands and staggered. I caught her before she fell.

  “Too much magic,” she groaned. “I haven’t done that in years.”

  Dionysus took the Fate out of my hands and gently scooped her up.

  Clotho waggled a finger at him. “You drink entirely too much.”

  The rumble of his laughter shook Clotho’s slight body. “I guess you could say I was born with it,” he said.

  Typhon looked a little bit green, so I walked over and patted him on the shoulder. “You okay?” He nodded, but he looked shaken. “I’ve never shared power like that before. Maybe let’s not do it again, okay?”

  “Okay,” I said, even though we both knew I was probably lying. If we needed to do it again, I would in a heartbeat.

  Hades came running over and skidded to a halt in front of me. “What the hell was that?” he demanded. “I could feel you pulling on my power the entire time.”

  Clotho gave him an odd look. “Your power?”

  I wondered the same thing myself earlier. Why would he feel it when the only person who should was the Hades we were going after?

  Clotho slapped at Dionysus’ hands to put her down. He did so gingerly and she stumbled over to Hades. “Hold still,” she snapped when he flinched away from her. She touched both his temples with her hands and things went whisper silent. When she stepped away from him, her eyes were somber. “Have you been feeling okay over the last several months?” she asked him.

  Hades shrugged but was giving her a curious look. “Well enough I suppose,” he said.

  Clotho cocked her head. “Answer my question. Have you been feeling like normal?”

  Hades gave a sharp jerk of his head. “I’ve been abnormally tired. More snappish than usual.”

  I nodded vigorously. “Way more snappy than usual.”

  Clotho’s lips thinned. “We have a problem.”

  “Well,” Hermes piped up, “that’s what we always want to hear when we’re in a situation like this!”

  I glared at him and marveled at his ability to come back with a smart ass comment every time something went wrong. Ever since he let go of the throne, his sarcasm was on fire. Maybe it was all the farmer jokes we’d been making.

  Hades, to his credit, gave Clotho a bland look. “Are we moving on anytime soon or are we just going to stand here enjoying the charred wasteland we created?”

  Clotho made a slashing motion with her hand. “I don’t think you grasp the seriousness of this.”

  I stood up straighter. “Clotho?”

  She rolled her eyes heavenward as if she were looking for a way to explain. “This...is Hades,” she said.

  I waited for the punchline, but there didn’t appear to be one. “Okay. We know that.”

  “No. You think he’s an alternate timeline. He kind of is...but he also kind of isn’t.”

  I tugged at my ear. “Clotho, I don’t know what you’re saying. Just rip it off like a band-aid.”

  “My belief is that God ripped an aspect of Hades’ personality from him and used it to ensure the Underworld kept going in his absence. My assumption is this was the way to secure his power base by making sure you were removed from the Underworld and to keep the fires stoked there.”

  I rubbed my chin. “So this is Hades, but only a part of him?”

  “I think so. I know it’s weird. But hear me out. God has close to infinite powers. It wouldn’t be a stretch for him to be able to create a golem and breathe it into life.”

  I stared at Hades. “A golem?” Did I just make out with a creature made of clay? I racked my brain to think about whether I’ve done weirder things, but nothing was coming to mind.

  Clotho snorted. “Yes. But none of us would be able to tell the difference because the magic used in the creation of golems is...unfamiliar to our pantheon. It makes him feel like flesh and blood. For all intent and purpose, he is flesh and blood. Well...ichor, I guess I should say. The golem is created to serve its Master. In this case, God.”

  Hades’ brow knit together. “Now wait just a damn minute.”

  Clotho’s eyes glowed. “Sleep.”

  The light in my golem husband’s eyes went out and his head promptly fell over to the side.

  A chorus of curse words rang out from the Olympians.

  “It’s an ancient art, most commonly referred to in Jewish folklore. If Hades hadn’t mentioned feeling us pull on his magic, I never would have guessed it.”

  “So we are pulling on his magic. Technically. Because the magic he possesses belongs to the real Hades.” What a mess.

  “Yes,” Clotho said.

  “Well, I guess that explains a lot, but it doesn’t explain why he was here helping us.”

  A booming voice belonging to the guy that looked like the Brawny paper towel guy spoke. “Because I told him to.”

  “You always were too smart for your own good, Fate.” With a whisper of power, everyone faded away.

  Hermes and Typhon both screamed my name, but it was too late. They were gone.

  It was just me, the unconscious golem, and my jackass father-in-law.

  “Hello, God.” He had the ability to look like anyone he wanted, so i wasn’t quite sure why he kept the Brawny Guy/Santa thing he had going on. Today he was dressed in a green flannel shirt and a pair of light blue jeans and those obnoxious yellow boots that were so popular in the 90’s. But the only people who wore them were the ones who couldn’t afford Doc Martens. Maybe this was a dig at fashion. Maybe this was a dig at me. Maybe God just didn’t know how to dress himself. Whichever way it went, his footwear was offensive.

  “Abby,” he greeted and produced a table, two chairs and a full tea service. He gestured for me to sit down and as I did, he picked up the tea and poured it.

  “I hate tea,” I announced.

  ‘“I know you do,” God said. “Hades keeps repeating that in his dreams.”

  My nails dug so hard into the palms of my hands it drew ichor. I was not going to let this guy rouse me into a fight. Not until I was sure I had the upper hand.

  “One lump or two?” he asked as he picked up a delicate sugar bowl and a pair of tiny tongs.

  “How about fuck you?” I said sweetly. “Where’s my husband?” My language was really going to the dogs this past year. The fear of certain death would do that a girl, I supposed.

  He tsked and lectured me about ladies and language and how he created women to have soft tongues and sweeter bodies, and the sour feeling of rage just kept creeping up more and more until I was pretty sure I could rip his head out by the roots and use it as a soccer ball. I knew he was a misogynist, but I didn’t think he knew he was. And if he did, I was pretty sure he didn’t care. After all, the humans revered and worshipped him. I wouldn’t think they’d appreciate my visions of human head soccer.

  “What do you want?” I bit out.

  He picked up his tea, blew on it, and took the smallest sip. The scent of Earl Gray drifted up to my nose. “Give me the boy and walk away.”

  I laughed. “I’d like to make a counteroffer. You hand over Hades, and I blow up Heaven. You die. Hades and I live happily ever after.”

  He chuckled. “I’m afraid that isn’t going to happen. You see...I can’t die.”

  “Everyone can die,” I announced.

  “Almost everyone,” he corrected and his arrogant tone sent the first trickle of fear curling in my veins.

  “Even immortals die. It’s the way of things. Eventually everyone makes a critical mistake.”

  He shrugged. “Certainly. But the only way I die is if Hades died.”

  My palms grew slick with sweat and my heart dropped right into the pit of my stomach. “How is that?” I asked, impressed that my voice wasn’t quaking.

  “When I forced Hades from Heaven, I had what you might call a failsafe.”

  There was that word again. Trepidation stiffened my shoulde
rs. “Oh yeah?” I said with what I hoped sounded like extreme indifference.

  “Yeah,” he said and grinned at me with a wolfish smile. He looked like a total jackass wearing that grin and his lumberjack clothes and while holding a delicate floral tea cup. I wanted to smack the smile right off of his face.

  “So how does it work?”

  His smile widened.

  “Angels have what I like to call a spark. That tiny spark enables them to be what they are.” He motioned behind me. I stiffened and turned around, only to see three blond and blue-eyed angels walking toward us.

  He smiled benevolently at them as they stood shoulder to shoulder behind them. Their faces were stoic...but their eyes.... They were terrified. I looked back at God, confused about what was going on.

  “Okay. A spark. I follow that.”

  “But do you?” he asked me. “When the spark goes out, they puff into nothingness. As you no doubt have seen with your clever little potions.”

  I nodded.

  “But I am the one who put that spark there. So…” he motioned for one angel to step up to him. “When I decide it’s time for that spark to go out…” he snapped his fingers.

  To my horror, the angel’s eyes dimmed and he fell to the ground.

  “All I have to do is snap my fingers.”

  My gaze flicked back up to the other two angels. One briefly closed his eyes. “So you have an easily controlled army.” I shrugged. “Easy enough to understand, but I don’t know what this has to do with Hades.”

  “Hades, you see, is different. He was already different in that he is my true son, but when his soul merged with Hades, the Olympian, his magic became something...other. Something even I didn’t understand. And, you see, that is the one thing I always strive for. Understanding.”

  I nodded. “Are you telling me you understand him now?” I asked. I still wasn’t tracking with his train of thought.

  He bared his teeth at me in a feral grin. “No,” he said shortly. “And my policy is that if I do not understand something and I cannot use it, then it must be destroyed.”