They had taken Archie and Kaitlyn, but nae me, because they would be usin’ them tae gain power over me. I would never see them again, nae in freedom, and I would never ken peace again.
Mistress Hayley and Master Quentin fussed over Madame Beaty while she kept sayin’, “My fault. Always m’fault, I daena ken the rules of this place,” remindin’ me of Kaitlyn, I don’t know the rules... I never know the fucking rules.
Master Quentin pushed the hair back from Madame Beaty’s face. “It’s not your fault, Beaty, you just wanted to put a cool title on your photo, that’s all.” He helped her to sitting. She was covered in sand and blood, now drying in the cool winter sun.
I said, with my eyes on the horizon, “The blame is mine, Madame Beaty.”
We loaded Hayley’s bags intae the truck and returned tae the house.
We were quiet, nae one spoke. We carried Hayley’s supplies tae the house and left them scattered around on the floor of the living room.
Emma came tae me with Ben in her arms and put her arms around me. She buried her head against m’chest, overcome, as we all were. “Thank you Magnus, I thought Ben was — I’m so sorry about Archie and Kaitlyn and—”
I hugged her in return. “I am glad Ben is here and is well. Your gratitude is nae necessary, Madame Emma. He is a part of m’family.”
Ben looked up at me and asked, “Watee?” I kent it tae be his name for Archie.
Emma just hugged him and neither of us answered. She went over and settled onto the couch with Ben in her lap.
I stood starin’ around at the gear Hayley had been takin’ with her. I couldna decide what tae do, how tae proceed. My mind was a jumble of incoherent thoughts, a confused muddle of disparate images — my son and Kaitlyn, struggling, Kaitlyn stabbing a man, blood, then a storm. Kaitlyn sayin’, I don’t know the rules. The scenes from the future, the orphanage, the tent cities, Roderick standin’ over me, a knife held at my throat, Bella, with her breast exposed, sayin’ tae me, “I want Kaitlyn to die.”
Quentin was cleanin’ Beaty’s face as she wept.
Without plannin’ I asked, “Would someone please drive me tae church?”
Hayley said, “Of course.”
Beaty dabbed at her eyes. “King Magnus, could I please come as well? I be needin’ tae pray.”
“Aye.”
Forty - Magnus
I wasna comfortable with Quentin leavin’ Chef Zach and his family, they needed the protection, so twas Hayley that drove Beaty and me tae the church.
She parked and attended us in, sitting in a pew tae reflect, while Beaty and I approached the altar.
I knelt, and began tae pray.
My words rushed from me, surprisin’ me with their urgency. Twas nae often I gave up action tae kneel in prayer, but there was nae action afore me... I dinna ken what tae do. I had never been so lost.
My Kaitlyn and Archie had been taken so brutally and completely. They could be anywhere, in any time.
Only Roderick would ken. But which Roderick in what time? How much time had passed since I was there? I had tae be smart and understand the game. I couldna get this wrong...
So I prayed tae God, humbled by my fear, overwhelmed by the violence and the certainty — I had lost this.
I had lost my wife and child.
I prayed more, putting tae voice how my heart was emptied and m’mind tired. I dinna ken what tae do. I begged for help tae right myself.
And then worn and with an ache in my bones from the kneeling, the pain sharp through m’shins, risin’ from my legs, through my stomach, up tae my chest, washin’ the fear away with waves of pain, I continued tae pray — wantin’ peace for my family, and then when I was at the end of my abilities, I asked for guidance in findin’ them.
I was prayin for a verra long time.
When I raised tae my feet, my legs were unused tae bein’ upright and I believed I might fall. I grasped Beaty’s shoulder tae steady m’self.
I had been asking for guidance but if ye had asked me then, I would have said I dinna receive it.
I dinna believe myself tae be closer tae wisdom on it. I felt weak and small, unable tae protect my wife and child from this evil—
King Magnus, dost ye ken tae rule yer kingdom?
“Och? What did ye say Beaty?”
She was beside me as I strode down the aisle tae the doors. I had almost forgotten she was there.
We opened the doors and stepped out ontae the front stoop. The sun blinded my eyes. I winced, shieldin’ them in the crook of my arm. Twas always this way, the brightness of this time, it caused me tae lose m’sight.
Madame Beaty repeated, “I was wonderin’, King Magnus, if ye were given guidance tae winnin’ yer kingdom?”
I shook m’head. “I daena — I wasna askin’ for... what dost ye mean, Madame Beaty?”
She pulled me tae a stop with a gentle hand on m’arm and turned solemn eyes tae mine. Her face was bruised and swollen. It looked painful, and caused me tae wince tae look on her, but her shirt was clean and her bright blue hair was bright as a halo.
She was, as always, pale skinned and, as Kaitlyn called it, a sweet and silly dimple.
Now she said, “I was speakin’ tae God on our current troubles and worryin’ on Archie and Queen Kaitlyn, and God answered me.”
My brow drew down in concentration. “What did he tell ye?”
“He said yer wisdom was in how ye would rule yer kingdom.” She added, “I ken yer kingdom is lost tae ye, but I believe God was goin’ tae guide ye on winnin’ it again.”
I considered. “I daena think it can be won again, Madame Beaty, tis too long ago lost...”
If you’re lost, hold tight, someone will come and find you.
“Och,” I said again.
She frowned. “Maybe, but when I was prayin’ it washed over me, a feelin’ of calm, that King Magnus would ken tae rule his kingdom and Queen Kaitlyn would be beside him.”
Mistress Hayley approached. “Are you ready to go home? We have a lot to discuss.”
“Aye.”
On the way home, I was still thinkin’ on what Madame Beaty said. I stared out the car window as the sand dunes and beaches of my chosen home slid by.
Twas a beautiful land.
Kaitlyn told me twas unique, a type of sand and shell that wasna seen anywhere else. While I watched the scenery I deliberated, thinking through all that would happen, all that I needed tae do, and thinkin’ on what Madame Beaty had said — God was goin’ tae guide ye on winnin’ it again.
God hadna answered me, but perchance he was speaking through Beaty. The answer dinna lie in fightin’ for Kaitlyn, the solution wasna in rescuin’ Kaitlyn and Archie, twas in securin’ my crown and winnin’ my kingdom.
The trouble was I would be loopin’ ontae our lives. I would have tae give up on findin’ Kaitlyn, leavin’ her tae an uncertain fate, sacrificin’ Archie at the age of three, tae go tae a different time.
What would happen tae them?
Forty-one - Magnus
Kaitlyn made me promise tae never loop on my life. She said it would cause damage tae our timeline, take memories from us. How could I let go of any of our memories?
She would nae agree.
She wanted all of our memories, even the sad ones. Who was I tae make the decision for her? Tae lose what had happened between us?
She had once left me at an older age, and traveled tae me when I was younger. She had given me the chance tae live my life over without memory of the long years of war and brutal battles and... she had told me about it. I was glad tae have been spared.
Tae win m’kingdom again, I would have tae wage that war. I once begged her tae save me from that fate — now I would be choosin’ it.
I wished she was here tae advise me. I dinna ken what she would say.
When she left me as Old Magnus tae come tae me as a younger man, she did it because I asked her tae. I gave her permission tae steal those memories from me.
She wasna he
re tae tell me twas all right tae take memories away.
And Archie... Kaitlyn and I saved him. Kaitlyn loved him, he called her his mammy... How could I remove that from her?
She loved him.
If I played with time I might lose him.
I might. lose. him.
And wasna playin’ with time the sole dominion of God?
Beaty was sure God spoke tae her, but he dinna speak tae me on it, what if she was mistaken? Might it be the work of the devil, meant tae lead me astray?
Should I dismiss it and find a way forward from here?
You aren’t a god, you are only a man.
Yet I had once been also a king.
We pulled up in front of the house and walked in, still not speakin’.
We sat in a circle in the living room. Hayley leaned forward over her knees and spoke first. “I was headed to the year 1704, I had built up my nerve... but now I can’t leave. I have to know what happens to Kaitlyn.”
She turned a sad face tae me, “Will she be okay?”
With one hand I was massagin’ the knuckles of m’other, calmin’ the fingers that itched tae do somethin’, anythin’. “I daena ken, I think Roderick will want tae use her tae bait me, tae do his biddin’. Bella dinna want her tae live though, she might nae...”
Hayley asked, “Why didn’t you go after her?”
“I canna ken where or when she is. They were gone afore I could get tae them.”
Quentin said, “It would be like looking for a hostages held in the caves in Afghanistan, except even more impossible.”
Hayley nodded.
Chef Zach went tae the kitchen, drinks were poured, he returned with a tray of glasses. “Cokes for everyone.”
We quieted, everyone starin’ in a different direction.
I said, “I need tae speak tae everyone on what I have tae do.”
They turned their attention tae me.
“I hae tae do it again.”
“What part?” asked Quentin.
“The part where I lose m’kingdom. If I daena lose my kingdom none of this happens, tis the moment where it went wrong. I have it in my power tae alter the trajectory of the world. I have tae use my power.”
I gave Beaty a sad smile. “God spoke tae Beaty on it. He said I was a king that needed tae rule. The more I think on it the more I ken tis the way of it.”
I massaged the knuckles on m’other hand. “I canna find Kaitlyn in the future, so I must fix what has happened a’ready.”
Chef Zach said, “But you can’t loop back on yourself.”
“I ken. Tis against the rules of the game. I also promised Kaitlyn I would never attempt anythin’ like this, but I am goin’ tae break my promise. I believe she will forgive me when she understands God has instructed me tae.”
Emma asked, “What about Archie?”
“If I go back in time, the three-year-auld Archie we ken will be gone.”
Emma said, “You could do that?”
“I canna, but I have tae. If I daena start it over he will be a captive of the soldiers. What are they doin’ tae him? I canna think on...” My voice broke.
Hayley reached out and held my hand.
Beaty said, “When would ye go tae King Magnus?”
“I am thinkin’ General Reyes took me away from m’purpose — tae rule m’kingdom. I should have been concentratin’ on Roderick. I had the castle, I wore the crown, and I took my eyes from it tae deal with Reyes and all that has come after...”
I looked around the room. “You were in the future, when Roderick was—”
Master Quentin said, “We were all in the Safe House, but Roderick was laying siege, then we jumped away. Even Lady Mairead was there. She left too.”
“Dost ye remember what day twas?”
Master Quentin said, “Not really. I was pretty worried about Beaty at the time. Your mom would know.”
“I can go ask her what the date was. Then I will go tae that time and fight tae keep my kingdom.”
Madame Emma said, “Archie was a baby, so yeah, you’d be able to protect him from that point.”
Mistress Hayley said, “But that wouldn’t change any of this, right? I’m confused.”
Chef Zach said, “It would totally change all of this, all the arena, the — you couldn’t come back to this point, none of this would...”
I said, “Aye, I think I would have tae loop back intae this time as well. I daena ken when...”
Master Quentin said, “So, like it’s an Etch-a-sketch, you’re going to shake it up and start over, Boss? How far back you going to go?”
Chef Zach said, “Whoa, nelly. No no no, you can’t, you can’t loop on yourself. I know Kaitlyn’s not here but I am, as the resident Doctor Who/Quantum Leap expert — you can’t loop onto yourself. I won’t allow it.”
Madame Emma said, “What are you going to do, take the keys to his car?”
“I will, I’ll take all the vessels and won’t let him have them.”
“God told him to do it.”
Chef Zach shook his head, “Oh, and I’m not allowed to argue with God? I argue with God all the damn time. You can’t loop.” He ran his hand through his hair. “It’s too risky.”
I said, “What if I loop tae a time when I am nae there? Tis nae a true loop if I wasna in the time, tis correct Chef Zach?”
“I mean, I guess, but what no one else is noticing is that Magnus means he’s going to loop back on all of our lives, to start them all over from a point he decides. That means we will forget all the shit that happened between whatever to now. Are we okay with that?”
“I am nae decidin’ without ye, Chef Zach. I am askin’ for yer assistance in it. Can ye consider it, for a moment, that I might have tae loop tae save the lives of Kaitlyn and Archie, tae protect them? Would ye please help me determine how it might work?”
I dropped m’head tae m’hands. “I daena ken how tae do it. I daena want tae play God and risk your lives. I need yer help in the deliberating on it.”
Chef Zach nodded. “Okay, yeah of course, sure...” He slumped back in his seat. “Yeah, I can help. I don’t really like being the voice of reason anyway. It’s exhausting and totally not my style. If you go back and fight for your kingdom — how long would that take anyway?”
“It might take years.”
Chef Zach gulped. “Okay, years. You would be willing to give up years of your life?”
“Archie and Kaitlyn are captives. There is nae way tae protect them. I canna imagine what is happenin’ tae them. I will be goin’ tae the root of the issue and creating a new branch of time. It will take years of my life but Kaitlyn will be alive.”
“I get you, you’re willing to make the sacrifice.” He rubbed his hands together. “If you solve all of that, in the future, why not just come back here, to now. Like last night. Won’t Kaitlyn be here, it will be a different timeline right?”
“But would Archie be here? If I am protectin’ him as a baby in my kingdom he winna be here... I think the loop would be unfair tae him, tae Kaitlyn. I daena understand, but I worry on him, he would be...”
“He would be looping on himself.”
“Aye,” I thought with my mouth propped on my fingers. “I have long been worried about him, that we have brought him here out of time, and created a certain terrible future. I wondered, with his body bruised by violence and neglect, if I have taken the easy way. Instead of protecting him from the beginning, I have neglected him and only rescued him once twas convenient. I daena like the implications. I have had grave doubts on it.”
I looked around at their faces, they were all considering what I said, their faces drawn.
Mistress Hayley’s mouth opened and closed, thinking of what to say, then she asked, “But then you need to come back here, right? When have you not been here?”
“I daena want tae go back too far, tis too many memories for all of us, tis too—”
Hayley said, “Because right off the bat, if you came back before Nick
Reyes came here, dated me like an asshole, and took you — that would save us all a lot of trouble.”
I leaned forward, my elbows on my knees. “Then I wouldna save Fraoch’s life. Twould be sentencin’ him tae a cruel death.”
Hayley clamped her mouth shut. “Oh, right.”
“It might be necessary, we need tae consider every implication, but I would like tae see if we can conjure up a better time.”
Emma said, “If you need to keep all that General Reyes business, then what about after your mother met with you at the bank? She kidnapped you for Roderick, right? Katie and I returned to the beach house after, we planned your rescue, but we waited because Quentin had to take Beaty to a doctor appointment. So we were here, all of us, and you weren’t. It would be perfect, you come and... I don’t know, what do you do?”
“I tell Kaitlyn nae tae rescue me. I tell her I am goin’ tae change time and ask her tae wait for me.”
Zach said, “You’d have to do that first. Tell her to wait, and then go to the future and change the trajectory, or else none of it works.”
Hayley asked, quietly, “So that means the battle of the arena isn’t going to happen?”
“Nae.”
“Oh. Yeah, I mean it makes sense, but then...”
“I ken.”
“I mean, that’s probably fine, I wouldn’t meet Fraoch, would I? Right?”
I shook my head
“Okay, that’s fine. It would be better actually, now that I think about it. I need to focus on the present, not throwing my life away on some guy in the past. Right?”
I nodded.
“And I won’t even remember him, right? He won’t remember me, so there’s that.”
I asked, “Ye would be willin’ tae accept that?”
“For Katie? Yeah, yeah I would.”
Chef Zach said, “Are we sure you won’t screw up our lives? Are we sure we aren’t going to end up dead or worse? When Kaitlyn was trying to save her grandmother it got worse and worse and worse.”
Again My Love (Kaitlyn and the Highlander Book 9) Page 18