A Voice from the Field

by Neal Griffin

  Connor patted his stomach. “That was amazing, Tia. I had no idea you could cook like that.”

  “Thanks,” she said, giving the dog a final pat and standing up. “There are two things unmarried Mexican girls must be. Good cooks and verifiable virgins.”

  Connor smiled, rolling a toothpick to one side of his mouth. “Yeah? One outta two ain’t bad.”

  He leaned against the porch railing and Tia leaned on him, her arms around his waist. The silence was long and comfortable, but there was a question Tia still wanted to know the answer to.

  “What brought you to me that night, Connie? Did you listen like I told you to? Did you hear a voice?”

  He kicked his head back and the sound of his laughter filled the quiet night. “You just aren’t going to let it go, are you? The answer is no. I wasn’t following any voices.”

  “Okay, what then?”

  “Nothing as mysterious as that, I promise.” Tia poked him, signaling without words that she was waiting for an answer. Connor shook his head and said, “You know, if you want to keep slinking around at night like some secret agent, you ought to disable the GPS on your phone.”

  The laugh burst out of her, completely unexpected. Tia rolled her eyes and smacked her own head. Duh.

  “Sorry about all that, Connie. I should have told you. I thought Delafield was being straight with me and I didn’t want to involve you. I had no idea it would get that crazy.”

  He turned within the circle of her arms and took her by the shoulders, pushing her slightly away. He looked her straight in the eyes. She saw no condemnation there, nothing but honesty and warmth. “You got nothing to apologize for. Nothing you tell me will make me regret what I did. That wasn’t a hard call.”

  “So you’re going to come out okay??”

  “Well, both Sawyer and the sheriff made it pretty clear they’d rather not have civilians all kitted up and out on recon patrols, but they seem willing to make an exception this time.”

  Tia pulled him close for another hug, then took him by the hand. “Come on. I need to show you something.”

  She led him down the worn path, still holding his hand, convincing herself the time had come. She was really going to do this. Ringo followed them off the porch, then ran ahead.

  “Remember all that time I spent down in Mexico after the shooting? Convalescing, they called it.” She kept her tone light and he matched it.

  “Course. You were there what, two months? Called me twice, I think.”

  “Yeah. Sorry, it was a…” Tia paused. “I had a lot on my mind.”

  “I think we’ve pretty much moved on,” he said, sounding a little puzzled.

  “Yeah, but I need to tell you some things. About me.”

  They arrived at the trailer. Tia took a deep breath, looking at her old home. Ringo sniffed at the green grass, turned around three times, then dropped like a lead weight. He held his head high as if enjoying the peace that had returned to their lives.

  “I’ve never brought you down here before,” Tia said, “but this is where I grew up. I lived here with my parents from the time I was five until I joined the marines.”

  Connor’s face lit up with sentimentality. “No kidding? How come you’ve never showed me?”

  Tia shrugged. “I don’t know. Kind of embarrassing, I guess. Bunch of Mexicans living in a singlewide trailer behind the big house. I kept it pretty quiet growing up.”

  “Can we go inside?”

  She sat on the grass and pulled him down next to her. “Sit here with me first.” She looked at the trailer as she spoke, afraid that if she looked at him she wouldn’t go through with it.

  “My family has farmed blue agave in Jalisco for three generations. It’s not a big operation, but it’s quite a production. Some of the best tequila in the world comes from Rancho de Suarez. Not that I would know,” she said with a wink. “I don’t drink.”

  A smile crooked the corner of Connor’s mouth, but she could see a growing unease in his eyes.

  “There’s a saying in Mexico that the only thing harder than life is the land. Some years, it doesn’t matter how hard you work, the land gives you nothing. On most farms in Mexico, people don’t live; they exist. They eke out a life of some sort and they’re happy to have it.

  “When my father was still a young man, he wanted to offer his family more. So he did what lots of oldest sons do. He took his new bride and went north. They crossed the border at Nogales. He found work in the fields of East Texas. My mom cleaned houses in town. It worked for them.

  “They were able to send some money home to help their parents keep the farm and stay ahead even during the toughest seasons. My dad learned English. Even after I came along, we bounced around a lot. Texas. Oklahoma. I actually picked cotton one summer in Georgia. I was four. Eventually, Dad got permanent work right here.” Tia patted the ground with satisfaction. “We settled in and I got to go to regular school. Mom made a bit on the side doing laundry and still cleaning houses. Life was good.”

  She could see she had Connor’s full attention. She looked down at her hands and went on. “But before all that, a couple years after crossing over, while they were still in Texas, my mom got pregnant. She said it was her miracle baby. She had begun to think she’d never have children, and then finally it happened. When the time came, she made a midnight trip to the Brownsville Hospital Emergency Room, where she gave birth to Tia Juanita Solis-Suarez. The first bona fide American citizen of the Suarez clan.”

  Connor smiled. “That’s you.”

  Tia squeezed his hand, looking at him now. “One winter, rubella went through the camp. My parents did what they could to protect their baby, but she got sick. A week later, Tia died. She was almost four. My mom still can’t talk about it without grieving.”

  Connor’s expression became a map of confusion and disbelief. He started to speak and Tia put her fingers against this lips.

  “After Tia died, a young woman who also lived in the camp came to them. My mom said the girl was just a teenager, maybe fifteen or sixteen, a country girl from way down south. Her husband had been killed earlier that week in a thresher accident and she had decided to return to Mexico. She had no family to speak of, owned nothing of value. She was beyond poor and she knew the life that waited for her.

  “When she and her husband had crossed the border on the way north, they had brought their little daughter with them. The girl was just a few months younger than Tia had been. The young widow knew that my parents’ child had had an American birth certificate. She knew what that represented: the opportunity for the life of an American citizen.”

  Tia saw tears in Connor’s eyes. She gently took his hand once more. “My parents took that woman’s child and raised her as their own. As Tia Juanita Solis-Suarez. An American-born baby. A citizen of the United States. That’s me, Connor.”

  Connor could barely speak. “So who are you … What is…?”

  She squeezed his hand. She understood his confusion. “You can still call me Tia.”

  “But you were a marine? You had a top-secret clearance. You’re a cop.”

  His tone told Tia he wasn’t ready to believe her. She understood. She had felt the same way for weeks after her father had sat down with her on the back porch of their adobe home in Jalisco.

  “Yep, I am. And except for my parents and a woman I’ll never know, no one knows the real story.” She shrugged. “And now you.”

  He sat in stunned silence and Tia waited. Eventually he spoke in a halting voice.

  “You okay with that?” He stopped and seemed to think more about it. “I mean, with everything? Are you okay?”

  “When my dad first told me, it was as if someone had taken a shovel, shoved it into my chest, and scooped out everything inside me. Emptied me out and just left a bloody hole. I felt so betrayed. Deceived. By the people who loved me the most.” Tia took a deep breath. “I’m not the person I thought I was. I’ve lived a lie my entire life.

  “I felt ash
amed, like I wasn’t a real American, whatever that means.”

  She looked into his eyes, hoping to make him understand. “I thought about staying down there in Mexico.”

  “Why didn’t you?” he asked, then seemed to regret the words in the next instant. He spread his hands. “I mean, I’m glad you didn’t. I’m glad you came home.”

  Tia smiled, ready to admit it all. “Because of you. Because, yeah, I do think of this as home.” She patted the soil. “At least, I want it to be. Then all the craziness happened. The courtroom, the booze, the pills.”

  Tia fell silent and drew a shuddering breath. Connor closed his hand over hers and stayed quiet, waiting. “I started doubting myself. Thinking maybe I was nuts.

  “Maybe I didn’t belong here.” She looked at her lap, shaking her head.

  “And now what?” he asked. “How do you feel about it now?”

  “After everything that has gone on? I see it differently. I think of it differently.”

  Connor tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, encouraging her to go on.

  “I think of my parents. I see them in that workers’ camp, watching their child fighting for her life. I see them staying up night after night. I imagine my mother holding her baby as Tia takes her last breath.”

  Tia paused, lost in thought for a moment, her mind taking a new tack. “I think of that young mother who loved her baby so much, she gave her up so she might have a better life. Then I think of the girl in the van. What sort of life led her to that place?

  “She and I, we come from the same place, the same circumstances, really, and things turn out so … so unfairly different. It’s way too complicated for me. I just know that I’ve lived a fortunate life. And I have my parents, a young woman I’ll never know, and the first Tia to thank for it.”

  She sighed and looked steadily at Connor. She knew she was throwing a lot at him, but she wasn’t done. She hoped he could follow her the rest of the way.

  “That voice I kept hearing? It was her, Connor. It was Tia.”

  “Come again?” She could hear the uncertainty in his voice, see the fear in his eyes. She plowed ahead.

  “Ever since I got shot, she’s been with me. She’s been encouraging me, guiding me. At first, it really threw me off. I let it get to me. The shrinks made it sound like I must be a little nuts and I believed them. Then I started trying to shut her up with booze and meds.”

  “And now?” Worry clear in his voice.

  “I don’t fight it anymore. I accept it. I might not completely understand what’s happening, but I don’t need to.”

  Tia looked down. “In some strange way we came together, Tia and I. Together I think we have lived a life that matters. She got to live on, in a way. I got a life filled with opportunities I would never have had otherwise.

  “Am I okay with it?” She shrugged. “I have to be. What choice do I have? But I’m glad to know the truth. It’s a difficult truth, but I’m glad to know it.”

  She waited for his response. When he said nothing, she got to her feet and reached out a hand to pull him up. “Come on. I’ll show you the inside.”

  He looked up at her then and said, “In a minute.” He took her hand and pulled gently. She sat. Unshed tears glistened in his eyes.

  “I just want to stay here for a while. With you.” He wrapped an arm around her. “Thanks for telling me, Tia. It make sense to me.”

  “What makes sense?” she asked, perplexed.

  “That you would have a story like that. That a woman as amazing as you would have an amazing story to tell.”

  He lay back on the ground and Tia settled down alongside him. She took a deep breath of air that smelled of evening and of Connor and felt the cool grass and earth beneath her body. She lay as quietly as she could, breathing and listening to the world, trying to keep her heart open.

  There was no voice, no child calling for help. Her mind was still and filled with the peace that comes with knowing the satisfaction of a life well lived.

  EPILOGUE

  Like so many of the most important moments in her life, this one was private, almost intimate. The small gathering felt absolutely right to her. Tia hadn’t wanted to draw a lot of attention to the day. It was something she needed to do without fanfare or outside attention.

  Her parents had made the long journey from Jalisco, and for that she was grateful. The Sawyers had come and the Delafields, too—all five of them, Curtis still limping. Jake Sawyer and Ringo had teamed up to keep the Delafield twins entertained. Lars Norgaard sat in a wicker chair in the shade of an elm tree, holding his infant granddaughter, looking every bit the proud grandpa.

  A few guests still lingered around the long table laden with pulled pork, carne asada, homemade tortillas, beans, fresh corn on the cob, and half a dozen varieties of peppers and salsa. Tia walked over to Ben and they embraced.

  “You know how much I appreciate this,” Tia said. “I could never have gotten it done without you. It means a lot to me.”

  He shrugged. “I wish I could do more.”

  She stood shoulder to shoulder with him outside the trailer where she’d been raised. They looked at the young grass, the new headstone. It was a simple, unornamented slab of dark marble. The single engraved word read simply: Mija. There were no dates.

  Ben said, “The coroner tried really hard to identify her, but came up empty. Nothing in the national databases, nothing in Southern California, where Kane and Tanner picked her up. If she was from Mexico, she wasn’t reported missing there.” He sighed. “Eventually she would have been cremated and put in the county vault. It wasn’t hard to arrange a private-property burial instead.” He rested a hand on Tia’s shoulder. “I think this is much better.”

  Tia remembered what the priest had said during the short, simple service. He had spoken of the tragic death of one so young and so alone. It seemed likely, he said, that somewhere a family would wonder what had become of their little girl. Someday the issues that cause such isolation and desperation must be resolved, the depravity that preys on the poorest and most vulnerable among us must be stopped. But for now, this young woman was at peace. He hoped that someday her family would find peace as well. “She’s welcome here,” Tia said. “She’s part of my family now.”

  Together Tia and Ben walked toward the farmhouse. Ben asked, “Are you ready? I mean, for the case against Kane. Sounds like it will be quite the production.”

  “Yeah. He’s not interested in a plea deal. Then again, the district attorney hasn’t offered much. She’s bound and determined to see that he spends the rest of his life in a Wisconsin prison. But yeah, I’m ready. They can come at me with whatever they want.”

  “I got a call from the office of the Director of National Security this week. Nice guy. Pretty high up the food chain. Assistant to the assistant director or something like that.”

  “And?” Tia sounded unfazed.

  “Apparently DTAT has been disbanded. Stahl’s been reassigned. He’s working for the U.S. Postal Inspector sorting suspicious mail in Nome.”

  Tia shook her head, feeling nothing, not even a mild sense of satisfaction. “So be it, I guess.”

  “Yeah, sounds like a good job for him. But anyway, the guy from ONDI. He just wanted to pass on that if there was anything we needed in the case against Kane we’re welcome to it. He also said they’re not the least bit interested in seeking jurisdiction over your shooting.”

  Tia wasn’t impressed. “Big of them.”

  “You know, Tia. It’ll be a little while before the trial. If you want to take some time off, I’d completely understand. You can have all the time you need.”

  Tia stopped and looked at him. “What do you mean? Like, to go see Gage or something?”

  “No. Of course not.” Ben sounded pained. “I’m not saying that at all. Just if you need to decompress, you know? Maybe you and Connor could take a vacation.”

  “Thanks, Ben. But I’m good. Really.”

  “All right.” Ben nodd
ed. “And, I gotta say, you do seem pretty much like the old Tia.”

  She laughed at the irony of his words and laughed even harder when he looked puzzled. “It’s nothing, Chief, trust me. Some things are left best unsaid.”

  They’d reached Connor and Alex, eliminating any reason for Tia to explain further. It felt good to be surrounded by those she was closest to. Alex took Ben by the arm and said she wasn’t getting seconds unless he came with her. He smiled and she dragged him in the direction of the food.

  “I saw your dad,” Connor said. “He said he thinks you should move back to the farm. In Mexico. Did he tell you that?”

  “Oh yeah. That’s my dad. He keeps saying it’s time for us all to be a family, home in Mexico.” Tia walked back toward the trailer, Connor at her side.

  With a hint of anxiety in his voice, Connor said, “I thought we agreed. I thought you and I were—”

  She put a finger on his lips, a gesture that was quickly becoming a playful habit. “Shhh. Take it easy, Connor.”

  He pulled her hand away and held it tight. “I don’t want to take it easy. I thought we agreed that there was no reason for you to leave. Nothing’s changed. Has it?”

  Tia turned her head to look at him directly. “You ready to walk around with this secret for the next thirty or forty years, Connor? The cop who’s a ‘you know what’?

  Connor wasn’t amused. “I already told you, I’m holding on to bigger secrets than that, Tia. Some of ’em would make pretty good bargaining chips if need be. But yeah. I say it’s nobody’s business what happened twenty-some years ago. I say we look forward. To the future, Tia. Not the past.”

  Tia took a knee by the gravestone, thinking of a little girl dying in a Texas labor camp. A mother, somewhere in Mexico, praying for a daughter she had given up. Another, praying for the return of one who had somehow lost her way. A young marine holding on to life in a foreign desert, ten thousand miles from home.