Cloudy Mirrors

by Shane Robert

  Pulling into the driveway, and pulling the car into Scottie’s garage he asks me,

  “Hey man, can you put the car cover on the car for me? I forgot to the last time I used it. I’ll meet you inside.”

  “Yeah man, I got you,” I told him, as I grab a rag off of a tool bench in the garage and use it to wipe the blood from my hands and face quickly before covering the car.

  As I’m walking out of the garage, shutting the door behind me, Megan pulls into the driveway smirking at me as she parks. Walking over to the car, opening her door for her, she gives me a hug, thankfully not noticing the small blood splatters on my hoodie. As the boys start running into the house I shout, “Hope you guys are ready to go skiing next weekend!” My confidence has always been high; some may say I’m cocky but hey, I know myself the best. After what just happened, my confidence was boosted even more.

  Inside, I head to the bathroom, wash my hands up properly, cleaning the cuts on my knuckles. They’re already bruising and I know it’s only a matter of time until Megan asks me how I hurt my hand. I’ll worry about that issue once it arises.

  Changing my shirt, I catch my reflection in the mirror. I’m lean but muscular, the kind of shape any normal active teenager is in after playing sports throughout high school. But if Scottie wants me to help him out more often I’m going to have to start bulking up and hitting the gym a lot more. I’ll have to see if he wants me to be that guy for him though, then I can try to bulk up.

  I hear Scottie in the living room talking to Megan as I make my way back from the bathroom, “Hey why don't you go wait outside for Michael? I need to talk to him about some things; make sure he understands what it means, taking you on a date.” I find myself wondering what he means by that.

  “Thanks for watching the kids tonight, so I can take Megan out; we shouldn't be too late,” I tell him, as I round the corner and re-enter the living room.

  “No problem man, but listen, if you’re dating Megan and working for me, you have to make sure she doesn’t get involved. I don't want her or the kids hurt, you got it?” he questions.

  “Yeah man, I understand,” I state as I head out the door to go on this date and see what kind of adventure it turns into.

  Chapter 4

  Megan

  I can’t remember the last time I was this nervous. I’ve spent the last six years focusing on my boys and work that I can’t even recall the last time I went out on a date with someone. I tried once or twice but as soon as a guy finds out you have a kid, it feels like they instantly bolt. My boys always come first before anything and anyone. We’re a package deal—they can either take it or leave it.

  Being a single mom with very little help from outside resources I have to spend every free moment I’m not at home with them, at work making money to pay the bills and get by. Thankfully my best friend Sara owns her own dental practice, and after Austin died, she hired me to work as her office receptionist. The pay was good, hours long but it was Monday through Friday with one Saturday a month making daycare costs easier to juggle as a single mother since much of my work day Seth spent in school, and then Hunter too once he started. The best part, Sara basically lets me have any day off I need, for the kids or any events. Even though I hate where Scottie’s money comes from, desperate times call for desperate measures. Scottie stepped up and helped me stay afloat until I was able to get back on my feet. Still right now, whenever an unexpected expense pops up, Scottie’s right there helping however he can. I force myself to not think about how he earned the money and instead focus on how I’m doing what I can to give my kids a happy, safe home.

  I wish more than anything Scottie would grow up and get clean, maybe find a real job. It’d make my life so much easier not having to add worrying about him to my already full plate. He’s the only family I have, and the closest thing to a male role model my boys have had since Austin passed away. Right now, Hunter is too little to understand, but Seth, he’s at that age where he’s very impressionable. I don’t know what the hell I’d do if my son ended up getting sucked into Scottie’s world. It would destroy me, I’ll do anything I can to keep him out of that.

  That’s the reason I’m so torn about Michael. It doesn’t help that I’m already struggling with the fact that we have such a big age gap between us. But throw in the fact that Scottie is getting him mixed up in his drug world, and giving him coke, it makes it that much harder to justify seeing him. I’m trying to balance the pros and cons and sadly at this rate, they’re balancing with a tie. I can only hope if Michael and I start to get serious that he’ll be willing to walk away from all of that for my boys and me. Because if he can’t then I don’t think I’ll be able to take things with him any further.

  Hunter seems to really like him already, which melts my heart thinking about them interacting together. Watching him with Hunter and how he started playing with him so easily, shows he can be a great role model. The way he got right down there on the floor and played with him, making him feel special. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted for him. Seth at least got to have seven years with his father. Hunter never had a second. He craves that male attention, and sadly Scottie, no matter how hard he tries, can’t fill that position. It’s not his responsibility to either. He’s supposed to be the cool, fun Scottie who lets them eat too much sugar and stay up late. They need a man in their life, who’ll help me balance out their lives. Give them a role model who’ll show them that a man works hard, provides for his family and does everything he can to love and support his wife and kids. When I have those hard days with them, I’d have a teammate backing me up and supporting me in decisions. Helping me mold my boys into mature, respectable men.

  The only problem is I feel guilty wanting that from Michael. He’s so much younger than I am. He’s at that age where he should be out dating girls, going to parties, figuring out who he is and what he wants to do with his life. Not playing house with a woman twelve years older than him, and raising her kids.

  I just need to push all these thoughts and anxieties into the back of my mind. The entire idea for this date is simply to get a feeling from him; so, I can know if my gut says I can trust him with my kids or not. Because even if things don’t work out with us, I’d love to have them be able to have Michael in their life to do fun things with them that Scottie won’t do and to simply help take the burden off Scottie so he’s not the only man I can turn to when I need help.

  “Hey, sorry. Scottie was just putting me in my place, hope you’re hungry. I made reservations at an Italian place,” Michael states as he walks toward me and his car, pulling me from my thoughts and instead bringing my attention straight to him.

  You’d never guess looking at him that he’s eighteen. His strong jawline, tall, lean body, and warm hearted personality, makes him come off as someone much older and far more mature. I think it’s why I’m so attracted to him. He knows what he wants and isn’t shy about it. He lays it all out there for you, showing you everything that he is. Either you take it or leave it. So far, I really like what I see. He’s not only extremely attractive, but he’s so laid back and chill, with a personality that pulls you into him and makes it so you can’t look away from him no matter how hard you try. It’s like he’s a magnet, pulling me into him, making it impossible to resist, like your favorite ice cream. The smirk he has on his face when you lock eyes is also irresistible and makes you want to kiss his lips.

  Believe me, I have tried. There’s just something about him that makes me throw caution to the wind.

  “Yes, that sounds great, I’m ready to eat.” My stomach rumbles right on cue, making both of us crack a smile. I playfully bounce my eyebrows while licking my lips, “As you can tell, I’m starving.”

  Michael opens the car door for me, allowing me to quickly slide into the passenger seat before slowly shutting it and rounding the car to climb into the driver’s seat. I notice he’s wearing the same pants and shoes from earlier; he’s sort of half dressed up but we’ll work on his style.
I don't dress up much, but tonight I did wear a nice tight black dress with a heavy winter coat over top, and curled my hair. Nothing too crazy but enough to show off what my mama gave me.

  “What’s on the agenda tonight besides dinner?” I ask as I glance out the window at the busy streets full of people bundled up trying to protect themselves from the cold winter air. I spot a couple walking hand in hand in front of a row of small shops with shopping bags hanging from their hands. My heart flutters in my chest and my stomach flip flops a little as I picture myself in her place—finally having the happily ever after every girl wishes for. I’ve been beginning to think I’m going to be one of those crazy cat ladies, living out her life with a house full of stray cats I’d rescue because I’m so lonely with my boys grown up and out on their own.

  “After dinner, I was thinking a nice walk around the park, hoping we can withstand the cold. That way we can just talk and really get to know each other. How does that sound?” he asks, reaching between us to take my hand.

  “Sounds great, I expect you to keep me warm though!”

  As we pull into the parking lot, I realize it’s not a restaurant…more like an apartment building. It seems for some reason we’re at Michael’s place but why? Taking a quick guess and assuming we’re not going out, I think it's safe to say we’re having a more private dinner. Which I’m fine with, because it’ll be more intimate and a lot easier for me to relax and get to know him.

  Going out to dinner at a restaurant, I think I’d be way too stressed and worrying if I bumped into someone I know what they’d think seeing me out on a date with him. Thankfully even though I’m thirty, you’d never know it by looking at me. I don’t look a day over twenty thanks to some good genetics and taking good care of my skin.

  The last thing I want to deal with at work or out and about is the town gossipers and naysayers. At least not until I know if things with Michael will go any further than tonight.

  Shifting in the seat towards the door, I glance over my shoulder and with a smirk tell him, “Smooth, I give you props for that!” He just looks at me and gives me this precious half smile while his eyes meet mine and light up like the fourth of July.

  “Glad you’re impressed, was hoping you’d enjoy it.” His eyes sparkle with pride and he seems to relax slightly.

  “I figure any guy can take you out to a nice restaurant. I wanted to do something a little more intimate. So that we can really get to know each other rather than trying to talk over a loud restaurant filled with people. Plus, this way, we both can drink as much as we want, without worrying about having to drive home and I wouldn’t be able to anyway. It’s a win win kind of deal.” He chuckles as he pushes open his driver’s side door, and races around to help me out of the car.

  Again, Michael walking over opening my door, such a genuine guy he is. Taking my arm, he walks me up to his place. Entering inside, it really is your basic studio apartment for an 18-year-old, the dining table is set up all fancy with candles waiting to be lit and an unopened bottle of wine. He must have had someone from work or something set this up for him because there’s no way he had time to do it. I don’t think he could have pulled that off. I’m looking forward to drinking a glass or two of wine. I deserve a night to let loose and enjoy myself. There’s something about Michael that makes me want things I haven’t in a very long time. One of those things being an orgasm not brought on by my favorite vibrator, but maybe that is a little much for the first date.

  It’s been way too long since I’ve been with a guy. Longer than I’d like to admit.

  “Welcome to my humble, palace,” he says, waving his hand out in front of him, as he points at his small yet cozy bachelor pad. His apartment enters straight into a small kitchen with an island bar with a sink built into it. The bar separates the kitchen from the living room. Two bar stools rest against the far end of the island, and beside them a small dining table with two chairs. The kitchen is small with only enough space for the stove, refrigerator and small counter space that holds a toaster, microwave and coffee pot. Michael begins to cook, making the entire apartment smell like an Italian restaurant as the aroma of pasta sauce slowly wraps around us as we make our way around the studio.

  I notice the lack of pictures on the wall, but there’s a few along a mantel where a flat screen television hangs with a game system sitting beside the tiny frames.

  The only other furniture in the place besides the table is a couch and end table where a game controller sits and a half empty Gatorade bottle.

  I find myself suddenly curious about his family. Hopefully he’ll open up to me more about them as the night goes on.

  “Come sit, and I’ll get the wine opened and make our plates.” I slip out of my jacket, handing it to him to hang up. Pressing his hand against my back, warmth trickles through his hand and into my skin, causing a tingle to trickle down my spine and my heart to beat a little faster. I slip into my seat, and watch as he gets to work popping open the bottle of wine. I don’t know what has me salivating more, watching Michael's arms flex as he works the corkscrew into the wine bottle or the smell of dinner.

  Filling our wine glasses, he hands me mine, before taking our plates into the kitchen and getting to work on making our plates. Makes sense why he brought me here so he could drink since he is only 18. He brings over the cheesy, tasty looking pasta and breadsticks he claims were homemade. I don't think he realizes I’ve been cooking for a while and I totally know these are store bought. Honestly though, it’s the thought that counts and this has already surpassed my expectations of the night.

  While eating, we engaged in small talk and I learn a lot about him in a short period of time. I have come to the conclusion his parents raised him right on how to treat a lady. He definitely had what he needed growing up, and that’s great. I can only hope my boys will think the same when they’re older. After getting to see this side of Michael, I feel a lot more confident that he can really be a great positive role model in my boys’ lives.

  The crazy thing though, is Michael pretty much already knows everything there is to know about me. He knows I have two boys, and about how their dad passed. Scottie filled him all in on my love life or at least that is what Scottie told me…or rather the lack thereof.

  Finally, as we’re finishing up dinner, which was amazing, Michael asks, “Tell me about your childhood, how was growing up? Who raised you?” Before responding, I down what I believe is my third glass of wine, and yes, I’m feeling it everywhere, starting to overcome with being too drunk I’m starting to get loose. Naughty thoughts have most definitely crossed my mind a time or two or multiple times since I’ve been here. Especially when we got onto the subject of first times. Now I can’t stop thinking about how Michael would be in bed. I need to push these thoughts out of my head. I can’t sleep with him on our first date. No matter how badly I may want to, so instead I focus on telling him about my childhood growing up like he asked.

  “I was raised by my grandparents; I never knew either of my parents really, they both passed away when I was three. My grandparents never told me how they died. I assume it’s because it’s too hard of a subject to talk about for them, so I tried my best to just not bring it up. But I still wonder about my parents every day, and if they’re proud of the woman I’ve become. It pains me knowing my boys will never have grandparents to see on holidays and birthdays, or to spend summers with like normal kids their age.”

  Reaching across the table, Michael laces his fingers through mine and tells me sincerely, “Are they proud of you shouldn’t ever be a question you have to ever ask yourself. Look at you, Megan, you’re an amazing mother to two amazing boys. You’ve been thrown more in this lifetime than any one person should have to endure, yet here you are, raising your kids on your own while working full time. How could they not be proud?”

  I don’t know why but hearing him speak the words out loud that I’ve said to myself so many times eases my worries. I fight back the tears threatening to well up in m
y eyes, which would make me embarrassed in front of him. I don’t want to get emotional. No one wants to have their date end the night crying. That’s just awful.

  “I want nothing more than to believe that to be so for both my parents’ and my grandparents. They didn’t have a lot and they were nowhere near as young as my friends’ parents but they worked hard to give me a good life. They supported me in everything I did. Brought me to dance classes every week and soccer games on the weekends. In high school put up with my rebellious teenage years. Even when I got pregnant at 18 they supported me. Sadly, my grandma passed when Seth was 3, and my grandpa shortly after. I am who I am today because of them. After their death, I moved here because Scottie was the only family I had left, that I had any contact with. Thankfully Austin didn’t mind moving a few towns over, he wasn’t that close with his family, and they rarely try to see the boys. They are more of the buy your love rather than express their love types of people. They shower my boys with gifts on their birthdays and Christmas, but other than that, they’re just strangers in pictures hanging around our house with their daddy. My only guess is maybe seeing the boys and I is too hard for them? Kind of an everyday reminder of the son they lost. At least that’s what I tell myself to justify their behavior; makes it hard to explain to the boys though, that they really have no grandparents.”

  “I can tell how strong of a woman you are, and how you were raised has transferred into you raising two amazing boys. Both are so well behaved. Seth just needs that push of guidance from a man, and Hunter the attention,” he responds. “Let’s head over to the living room, we can throw on a movie and just unwind, as I am sort of drunk from this wine. I don’t think I can safely navigate a park in the dark with this buzz. I don’t think dragging my ass up off of a patch of ice sounds like a good way to end our date,” he jokes, standing and getting to work cleaning up the plates.