by Gail Haris
Trent helps me to the dorm’s lobby. He has Alice wait with me, while he brings his SUV to the front door. Quietly, we drive to the hospital.
All mine and the baby’s vitals are healthy. I’m a little beat up, but we’re both fine. The police arrive, shortly after, Alice places the call. I explain, in detail, everything that happened, while Trent and Alice stay by my side. By the time the cops leave, Trent is pacing the room and seething. The hospital room is small, so Alice decides to make a trip to the vending machine to give us some space and privacy. She probably also senses the argument that’s about to erupt. He keeps insisting that there’s no way he’d ever take Maggie back after this. He claims that the relationship was over, even before Landon’s death.
“You are the father, Trent. It was stupid for me to lie to you to begin with.”
“Yeah, no shit. I mean, I knew. I knew deep in my gut that I was the baby’s father. It’s hard to be angry with you in this condition—but Rachel, make no mistake, I’m pissed.”
“I’m sorry. I thought I was helping you.”
“No, you thought I was stupid.”
“I never thought that. You’re free to be with whomever you want. You can be as involved as you want with this baby—”
“Our baby.”
“Our baby. But I don’t want you with me because you feel obligated.”
“Maggie and I hadn’t even dated that long. Rachel…I wanted us to be together, as soon as you turned eighteen. But I didn’t want you sitting around waiting. I wanted you to experience high school. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I’ve been waiting for you? You and Landon were on and off all the time. You were in high school. Rachel, try to see it from my side. You’re a minor and part of our family. You’re off limits. But I want to be with you so much my heart physically aches. Don’t let her get in your head and ruin us. It’s not worth it. We’ve gone long enough going back and forth. It’s time to stop and admit to everyone that we’re together.”
I believe him. This is a guy who could have anyone, but he keeps coming back to me. I am underage. We don’t have share a huge age gap, but I’m still a minor. He pushed me away, because he thought that’s what was best. I lied to him about being our baby’s father, because I thought that I was protecting him. We’re both still so young and immature. I love him, but right now, I’m not in a good place.
“Trent. I need some time. A lot has been coming at me, all at once, and I need to process everything. I don’t even know where my mind is right now.”
“Do you know where your heart is?”
“My heart has always been with you.”
“Then be with me.”
“I need time. I’ve gone so long convinced you didn’t love me, now you dump all these confessions after I find out I’m pregnant. And I was just trapped in an elevator and attacked by your ex-girlfriend.”
He slaps his hand against the wall, and I watch the veins bulge in his muscular arms as he holds his body weight up. His chin drops to his chest, and he slowly shakes his head. “I can’t believe this,” he mumbles. He straightens to his full height and turns those piercing blue eyes on me. “No matter what I do, it’s wrong. Every time. Maybe, someday, I’ll be able to prove my love to you, but know that I plan to make sure our child never once doubts my love.” He turns his back on me and walks out of the hospital room.
I want to spend the entire weekend in my pajamas and stay in my dorm room; however, I have a job now. Two jobs. I focus on scanning people’s cards at the gym at the crack of dawn. Then I pour my energy into school work. I go to the cafeteria for the dinner shift and stay in the back, running dishes through the dishwasher. The smells bother me, but I power through. At least at the REC center, I’m off my feet and get to sit and can even work on school work. I’m not sure how I’m going to keep this up, but I have to.
Sunday, Alice leaves for a study group. She promises to bring back takeout for us to eat together. A knock at the door has me groaning. Ugh. She must’ve forgotten her key again. I dread getting out from under my warm, secure blanket. The knock sounds again. It takes me a little while to get up because I’m so exhausted. I peek through the hole on the door, and I’m surprised to see Jonah.
I shouldn’t care that I look horrid, but I do. I barely open the door and call out, while hiding behind it, “Now’s not a good time. I’m not exactly feeling well.”
He tries to peek at me through the crack. “Hey, what’s wrong? Pregnancy issues?”
“You could say that.”
He gently pushes against the door. “Let me in. C’mon.” I open the door, and when he sees my face, a look of horror appears on his. Sheesh. Have I let myself go that bad? Fury is evident in his voice. “Give me an address.”
“Whose?”
“Don’t play naive with me. Give me their address.”
“I’m not playing! Who’s address?”
“The piece of shit that did that to your face!” He gently pushes my hair away from my right eye. His eyes are glassy and pain stricken. His voice is barely above a whisper, when he asks, “Who hurt you, Rachel?”
Realization dawns on me. My black eye. I begin to cry, which is not a good thing, because Jonah, obviously, mistakes the reason for my tears. He enters my room and wraps his arms around me. “I’m here for you, Rachel. I know you’re young and scared, but you have people who care about you.” I shake my head, but he shushes me.
I hold my hands up and finally find my voice to speak. “Jo, listen. Trent’s ex-girlfriend did this. Maggie blames me for him breaking up with her. And she knows that we slept together.” I indicate my eye with my hand. “She was a little upset, obviously.”
Jonah cups my cheek in his hand and rubs his thumb on my cheekbone. “Oh Rach.”
“But Trent and I… Listen, I need to tell you something.” I pull his hand away from my face and walk farther into my room. Jonah follows behind me. “Landon was my best friend and Trent’s brother. We were never intimate. Trent is the baby’s father, but we’ve never been a couple.”
“Because of her?”
“No and yes. She made a few valid points.”
“She got in your head is what she did. If you want to be with him and he’s the father of your child, don’t let a jealous vindictive bitch come between you two. Who traps and attacks a pregnant woman in an elevator? What kind of person does that? He’s lucky to have you and be rid of her.”
I shrug and go sit on my bed. He follows and sits down next to me, throwing his arm over my shoulder. We both smile at each other.
“Were you really going to go to someone’s place, if I gave you the address?”
“I’m a badass, remember? I would’ve gone with or without the address. I would’ve found who did this.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. I found your room, didn’t I?”
“Such a stalker. You at least knew the building and which floor. You’d be a terrible one, if you couldn’t have managed to find out the rest.”
We’re quiet for a moment. I nudge his shoulder with mine. “So, what brings you stalking the halls today?”
“No stalking. You seemed to have misplaced this, so I’m being a gentleman and returning it.” He pulls out the twenty dollars I snuck into his backpack when he pushed me on his motorcycle. Jonah offers to keep me company until Alice gets back. We kick off our shoes and get comfy on my bed, while watching television. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how he’s still single.
He turns on his side to face me. “Will you tell me the story?”
I turn my head to look at him. “What story?”
“The story of what’s with you and Trent. I’ve been sitting here guessing most of it and piecing parts together.”
I decide to tell him about Landon, claiming the baby was Landon’s, how I was going to keep claiming that, but realized how wrong that was, and catch him up to recent events. Jonah sits quietly and listens. I feel lighter, unloading my story, on someone who is not directly involved
in everything.
Alice walks through the door, and her mouth opens slightly. She stares at us on the bed together. I’m guessing she’s trying to process why I’m carrying her brother’s child but in bed with another man. All I can do is laugh at the expression on her face. The idea that I could snare another guy, while halfway through my pregnancy and after crying over her brother all weekend, is almost flattering. They both look at me as though I’ve lost my mind. Which I probably have by this point.
Jonah stands to leave and makes me promise he’ll see me in class tomorrow. “Don’t let her get to you. You’re letting her win. This isn’t good for you or the baby.” Then he leans in and whispers in my ear, “If you need anything call me.” He nods to Alice, opens the door and leaves.
Alice is ready to strike, as soon as the door latches shut. With her hands on her hips, she stands in front of me. “Care to explain? You’ve been depressed all weekend, and I walk in the room to you laughing in bed with Jonah. A complete 180.”
“I didn’t know he was coming over. He came by, and we got to talking. We were in bed because our dorm has no furniture. Did you want me to stay depressed?”
“No. Just wish you’d talk to me.”
Jonah is an outsider in all of this and that’s nice to have. Sometimes, Alice reminds me too much of Landon, not to mention that she’s Trent sister. She’s too close to the situation, and, before all this, she got along with Maggie.
“Rach?”
I snap out of my rambling thoughts. “Yeah?”
“You know you can talk to me, right? I miss our talks. I’m Trent’s sister, but I’m your friend, too.” She gives a shy smile. “In fact, you’re like a sister to me, as much as he’s like a brother.”
“Thanks, Alice.” I feel a tightening in my chest, but I still don’t feel up to talking. Maybe tomorrow.
The next morning, I wake up at three forty-five a.m. I hurry to get ready for work at the REC center. Once I clock in and am situated at my desk, I swipe my phone screen and google baby boy names. As I wait for gym members to start arriving, I read through all the list of names. I wonder if Trent has thought about names?
The door opens, and a couple of guys walk through. One of them winks at me as I scan his card. I wonder if he’d still be interested if I stood up? The guys head to the weights, and I go back to reading names. A few minutes later, the door opens again. I look up to see Trent and his friend, Parker.
“You work out here?” “You work here?” We say at the same time.
“Um, yeah. I started working here over the weekend.” Trent nods and holds his card under the scanner. It beeps, and his beautiful face pops up on my screen. “You’re good to go.”
I watch as he walks over to the weights. He nods to a few of the guys and then places his water bottle down. I watch as he brings the bells together and then stretches his arms straight out.
“Hello?”
I jump and look over at Parker, holding his card out. “I’m sorry.” He scans it, and his face matches the one on the computer. I nod, and he shakes his head at me.
“You both have it bad.” Parker takes off toward Trent. I look back over, and Trent is smiling at me.
I try to go back to reading the names, but my eyes keep creeping over to Trent, in a muscle shirt, lying on his back and pushing up a dumbbell in each hand. I quickly look down and swipe my phone to look up baby essentials. What will my first paycheck go toward?
The first group of guys walk by my desk and the one that winked stops. “Are you working tomorrow?”
“Yeah.”
He leans his elbows on my desk and gives me a crooked smile. “What time does your shift end? Maybe we could go get a coffee?”
“That’s really sweet, but I have to hurry to class, as soon as my shift ends here.”
“Well, what about lunch then?”
One of his friends snickers. “Dude, stop. This is embarrassing. She just blew you off.”
Romeo looks back at me and smiles. “Are you blowing me off? Is he right? Tell him he’s wrong.”
I can’t help but giggle. The guy is adorable, but even if I wasn’t already too busy for a boyfriend, my heart isn’t ready. Before I can stop myself, I look over at Trent, who is watching the whole interaction with great interest. The guys don’t miss it either. “I’m just really busy right now.”
The guy nods and taps my desk, before walking away. As soon as they’re out the door, Trent walks up. “I see you have gained more admirers.” I shrug and go back to swiping pictures on my phone. Trent leans over the counter. “What are you looking at? Did you sneak a couple of photos of me working out?”
“You’re ridiculous. I’m just looking at stuff.”
“Nursery?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t you want to look at that together?”
My finger stops swiping, and I raise my eyes up to meet his. “Do you want to?”
Trent smiles, and my heart melts. “Of course, I do. I have some great ideas actually.”
“Oh?” I can’t stop the grin from spreading across my face.
“Yeah. I saw some really cool Harry Potter nursery themes. And guess what some of the decorations included?”
“What?”
“Dragons.” His grin spreads from ear to ear.
“We can talk about it some more. I think we should think on these ideas.” We both start laughing. Trent’s watch beeps, and he looks down at the time.
“Crap. I gotta go. Maybe for dinner we can discuss nursery themes?”
“I’ve got to work.” Before I can suggest after or tomorrow, he nods and waves bye. He probably thought I was trying to blow him off like the other guy. I could stop him, but I don’t.
Bexley holds her hands up. “So you love him…and he loves you…she wanted to beat your ass—”
“She pretty much did.”
“Because he has confessed his love…for you…”
I nod for Bexley to continue. Mrs. Wilkins still hasn’t showed up for class, and Bexley and I have both completed our assignments anyway. We show up for this class, only out of fear there might be a pop quiz.
“But you told him no. Literally, the man you’ve wanted since you were a child, and the one whose child you’re carrying, has confessed to wanting to be with you…but you said no.”
“I said I needed time.”
“But you’ve had the majority of your life. Isn’t that enough time?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Only because you’re making it complicated.”
“I thought you were on my side?”
“Oh, that’s right. You like hypocrisy. Sorry, I forgot.”
My jaw drops open, and I cross my arms. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You want a friend, but only a friend who will agree with you and tell you what you want to hear. But then, you complain about fake friends. That’s not me. I’m going to tell you right now—careful, Honey, your age is showing. Stop acting like a whiny teenager.”
Where is Mrs. Wilkins. Bexley hurt my feelings, so I’m going to give her the silent treatment…Oh no. Dammit. She’s right.
Jonah strolls in and takes the seat next to me in class. “How ya feelin’ today?”
“I’m good. Thank you for last night. I needed the company more than I thought.”
“Anytime. How about I come by again tonight? I have a movie that I think you’d love.”
I hesitate. Jonah is a gorgeous, sweet, and sensitive guy. I’m struggling to figure out why he’d be interested in a pregnant freshman, whose life is a complete mess. Before I can answer, the person who usually sits next to me walks in.
“Hey man. That’s my spot.”
Jonah turns and smiles at the guy. “Yeah, I’m sorry. Would you mind swapping with me? I’m having a really hard time focusing, and I thought maybe sitting in the front might help.”
“Yeah, right. Look man, if you’re trying to get laid, I think someone’s already beat you to it.”
I stand up and cross my arms. “Save your breath. You’ll need it to blow up your date tonight.”
He smirks at me. “Spreading rumors is better than spreading your legs, I guess.”
Jonah stands up, forcing the guy to take a step back. “Make another comment like that and the next thing to come out of your mouth will be your teeth.”
The professor walks in. The asshole and Jonah stare at each other, neither one moving. I lean toward them. “Run along, douche. He asked you nicely, but you had to go and be an ass about it. Now there’s no way you’re sitting here. Yeah, roll your eyes a little further. Maybe you’ll find your brain.”
The guy walks off, and Jonah chuckles and sits back down. “Wow. That escalated quickly.”
“I can’t stand guys like that.”
The professor jumps right into today’s lesson about mapping the stars. When he finishes, he tells us we’ll need partners for our project. We need a printout of the constellations, and then, using only maps, we need to determine which stars to use to navigate to three different surrounding cities. We have to make a chart of our data and make sure we indicate a presence or lack of for each navigational star. He explains more, but I begin to get lost and confused, so much so, that while I’m trying to process what the instructions are, I didn’t register that the professor ended class. Jonah turns his head toward me with a lopsided grin.
“Guess it’s settled then. I’ll be by Sunday around seven, partner.”
With that, he stands and leaves the classroom.
The rest of my week doesn’t exactly go smoothly, but it goes. I make it to REC every morning, all my classes, the cafeteria in the afternoon, and catch up on all my studies at night by sheer force of will. Now, I’m in my room, lying in bed, exhausted, and contemplating just what I’m going to do. How can I finish school and raise a newborn? I realize I do have help, probably more than most people do in these situations. All I need is to ask or reach out for it.