Jason never took his eyes from her still form, watching as her silent tears found a way past her closed eyelids. Looking at her beloved face, he acknowledged that the pain in his chest was a manifestation of his stupidity, and even though he accepted it, and was sorrier than he was capable of verbalizing, it kept expanding, bringing with it an almost overwhelming need to take his hand and massage his chest in an attempt to eradicate the ache.
“Tell me what I can do, my Angel. What can I do to make all of this right…to make us right?”
His words were met by silence.
“Do you want something to eat? A bath, I know you love your baths...or if that's too difficult, maybe a shower? I'll help. Just tell me what you need.”
Jason had been sure Aviva was awake, but as the silence stretched on, he began to have doubts.
“Go away, Jason, just go away and leave me alone.”
“Never.”
Aviva's eyes popped open in a flash. “You got to change your mind downstairs, remember? You don’t want me anymore. Now it's my turn to change my mind...piss off and leave me alone, I don’t need or want you anymore!”
“Yes, you do. Just as much as I need and want you.”
“I said go away, I don't want you here!” Aviva voice was cold, devoid of emotion. It was this lack of emotion that frightened Jason the most. She hadn't moved a muscle nor had she looked at him. He supposed he deserved her coldness, her withdrawal, he had hurt her, rejected her, pushed her away after she had gone through so much and exactly at the point when she needed him the most. For that, he was sorry and was therefore prepared to do anything to regain her trust.
“I'm sorry, Angel, I can't do that. You can ask me to do anything other than that.”
“Get away from me!” Aviva snarled, looking him in the eyes for the first time since he had sat down beside her. “Can you hear yourself…can you? You arrogant shit. Get away from me right this minute, Jason King.” Aviva locked eyes with Jason’s as she threw her barbs at him. She wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her downstairs in the kitchen. She even knew what he would say before the words were spoken. He was going to ignore her, always wanting his own way. First, he thought he could discard her and now she would bet that because he had changed his mind, she had no other option than to comply with his wishes. When he wished it.
“No.”
“What did you just say to me?”
“You heard me. I said no, and I meant it. You can be as angry with me as you need to, have a right to be, but I'm not leaving and nothing you say or do is going to change that.”
“This man has got to be joking!” Aviva mumbled as she pushed herself up onto an elbow that trembled from her slight exertion, her energy nearly spent. “Fine, if you won't leave, then I will. Move!”
Jason remained still, as though she hadn't just demanded that he give way. She wasn't fooling him, he could see she was as weak as a newborn kitten, but he understood. Everyone had their pride and he had diminished hers in front of his brothers. That would never happen again. He wasn't going anywhere, nor was she. She was back where she belonged and he was where he wanted to be, and the sooner she accepted that, the sooner he could take care of his outstanding business; followed by them getting the hell out of London and returning home.
“Aviva, you're not going anywhere, because I won't allow it. You know it and I know it, so accept it. Be angry with me, rage at me, I have strong shoulders, I can take it, but you're not leaving and neither am I.”
There it was again. He had called her Aviva. That fact alone was enough to tell her he was serious. He only called her that when he was serious. Well, he could bloody well piss off. She was serious too, or she would be if she had the strength to get of the sodding bed!
“Piss off!” Aviva said with as much feeling as she could muster in her almost exhausted state.
“You said that already, Angel. Come on now, repetition…that's so not like you.” Jason chuckled.
Allowing her forearm to fold, Aviva returned to a prone position, she was spent. “You’re such a shit and I'll get you back!”
“Now that's more like it…fighting talk,” Jason said with the gleam of laughter in his eyes, his dimples on prominent display.
“Don't think you can maneuver me. I know exactly what you’re doing, and I’ll get you back, and when I do, you won’t see me coming.”
“Promise? That sounds like fun. I'll await your endeavors,” Jason replied with a smile and his signature lift of a brow, accompanied by another show of dimples.
Aviva sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes at his comeback, but didn’t comment.
“So what do you need…food…a bath…a shower?”
“I need…you to get lost!”
“Not gonna happen. So what's it gonna be?”
Aviva closed her eyes in frustration, communicating with him when he was in this mood was tantamount to banging one’s head against the proverbial brick wall, and she just didn't have the strength.
“Bath.”
“I'll run it.
What would his reaction be to the scars she now carried? On the one hand, she was concerned at how he would react to what had been done to her, and on the other hand, she knew she was being completely superficial about her appearance, but both thoughts lingered. Only time would tell and she was through worrying.
Everywhere one looked, everywhere one went, the world was filled with images of perfection or rather an illusion of such. This thought kept popping into her mind with increasing frequency since meeting Jason. From the outside, his life seemed perfect. He was healthy, had great looks and probably more money than she could comprehend. Yet lurking under the façade was more imperfection and pain than anyone should ever have to endure.
Normality had always been her reality. Before her abduction, she had been the same as millions of other woman throughout the world doing what they could to make a living and support themselves. Even though she knew Jason was rich, his wealth had nothing to do with her and she wouldn’t rely on it. She hadn’t worked to earn it so she would keep working and earning her own money. The events of the last week had shown her that line of thinking was sound. It had taken mere minutes for the cruel machinations of evil men to shatter her reality and send them all reeling.
Aviva was unsure of what Jason's reaction would be to the first sight of her scars, but they were now a part of her. Her reality. And if they were to be together, it was now his reality. As he moved into the bathroom to run the bath, she began to remove her clothing. No more hiding, no more second guessing his reaction. He wanted to see what she had gone through so she would show him.
When Jason returned to the room, Aviva stood in the middle of the room naked. He hadn't expected that. He had been sure he would have had to coax her to reveal what her captors had inflicted on her body.
Aviva was tired and resolved to put her fear aside. If Jason was unable to come to terms with her new scars, that might well be a constant reminder of what had taken place, it would hurt her, but she would survive.
Her body may have changed, but deep down where she resided, in that place where others had tried to diminish her, she remained the same. For the moment, her laughter and joy of life may be suppressed, but she would work through that. Those poor excuses who called themselves men, would not be the ones who broke her. Yes, she was hurting and questioning why...but they would not break her. Her humanity was intact and somewhere buried deep inside, she knew she still had the tools to survive. This attempt at robbing her of what it had taken her mother seventeen years to instill in her had not been diminished.
“Aviva, this life can be hard, other people will try to break you down. Always remember this; we have no control over what others think and do when they try to rob us of our spirit. What we do have control over is how we let them affect us. Do you understand the word 'resolve,' my baby?”
“I'm not a baby and if you're talking about that landlord taking my pussy, then he's made a sad mistake.”
“Oh Lord Jesus!”
“Don't worry, Mum, pussy belongs to me, you said so, and if someone thinks they can take her away, they're wrong.”
“Vee, I've told you too many times, you have got to give that cat another name. Anyway, I'm not talking about the cat, although that comes into it. I'm talking about life, and it not always being the way we want it to be...you need to understand that. Sometimes we have no control over the path life takes.”
“Why not?” The young Aviva asked her mother, perplexed by where the conversation was going. She didn't really understand what her mother was attempting to impart, but her young mind knew it was a lesson she should retain.
“We can only control ourselves, Aviva. The way others think, feel and behave is something outside of our control. Others may act or behave outside of the way that we expect them to...the behavior of others is something over which we have no control, always remember that. The only thing we have control over is our own behavior. Do you understand what I'm trying to say to you?”
Aviva looked at her mother, her brows furrowed in deep contemplation. Her reply, when it came, was not what Ruth had been expecting.
“It's okay, mum. I have no idea what you're talking about, but when the time comes, I'll try to remember. I promise.”
That time had come. What had happened to Jason as a child; what he felt he had to do in order to exact retribution, was something she now accepted without judgment. She held no illusions there wouldn’t be a price to pay for what she’d gone through. She knew Jason and he would attempt to keep the truth of what he would do to her captors from her, and she accepted that she may never know the full ramifications of the outcome. This type of situation was exactly what her mother had been trying to tell her. Her captors had gone too far, and whatever retribution Jason decided to exact was something over which she would have no control.
“I need to see.”
“I know.”
“Turn around.”
Aviva couldn't look at him. Drawing in a deep breath, she presented her back to him for the first time. There was no point in delaying the inevitable. At some point, he would want to see the evidence of her ordeal. That time was now.
Jason didn't want to look but knew he had to. He understood how difficult it was for her. He understood what she had gone through...he understood. His scars were only internal, hers were not. The certainty of her treatment displayed before him.
Jason's eyes roamed her back. They had hurt, humiliated and degraded her, for that they would pay. It didn't matter who they were or how they had become a part of Alexander schemes. Their participation alone was enough, and the forfeit of their lives was the price of their atonement.
“Say something,” Aviva said in a small voice.
“I love you… I'll always love you. You had no control over what those animals put you through.
Her silence had gone on for too long and Jason was unsure of how his words had been received. He was still treading water where she was concerned and his railroading tactic may be backfiring. Maybe he had pushed her too far too soon.
“Did you hear me, Aviva?”
“I heard you, and I love you too. I'll always love you.”
“Thank you. I needed to hear that. Now tell me what you need.”
“No...you tell me what you see, what you think.”
“I see the woman I love more than I ever thought I was capable of loving another human being, and I think my beloved needs to get into the bath before we flood this place.”
Slowly, and with tears still running down her face, Aviva turned to face Jason.
“Do you mind if I join you?” Jason asked.
“I'd like that...I'd really like that.”
Chapter 11
Standing before the bathtub, Aviva saw that it was nearly overflowing with bubbles, the sight of which made her smile. Yes, she liked a bubble bath as much as the next woman, but it was clear Jason had gotten his quantities wrong. But his actions were so endearing, she felt her spirits rise.
“Now I’ve seen where the burns are, I'm going to lift you into the bath...are you ready?”
“I can get in on my own.”
“Let me do this for you...please.”
“I can manage,” Aviva reiterated with a small smile to assure him that his offer was appreciated but unnecessary.
“Angel, let me do this for you. I should have taken better care of you a week ago and I let you down. Let me take care of you now.” Aviva could see the sincerity of his words reflected in his eyes that were black with emotion.
She’d known this would come. She knew that he was blaming himself, and had been expecting the verbalization of such. But actually hearing the words were almost unbearable, so she relented.
“Thank you. I guess I could do with the help.”
Placing his large hands on either side of her waist, Jason lifted Aviva off her feet with little effort and placed her gently into the water and immediately snatched her out. “I didn't check it. Is it too hot?”
Aviva felt like an idiot suspended between his massive hands like a rag doll, her feet dangling off the floor.
“For goodness sake, Jason, I look like a complete idiot with my bare ass hanging in air. The water's fine. If it was too hot, I would have said so.”
“Oh, right...ahh...okay, sorry,” Jason mumbled as he once again lowered her into the bath.
Aviva had to bite her bottom lip to keep in her laughter. The whole situation was just too ridiculous for words, and the look of embarrassment on his face was priceless. Holding onto the sides of the bath as best she could, she folded her legs and slowly lowered herself fully into the water.
Once she was actually sitting down, bubbles up to her neck, she realized she could do no more. Her strength was all used up. She was also unable to recline to allow the soothing balm of the water to wash over her.
As Jason undressed, Aviva held on to the sides of the bathtub and winced in pain as she scooted down on her bottom in an attempt to submerge herself in the water. Her sudden jerk upwards pulled at the burns on her back and she was unable to hold in her yelp of pain. Jason was immediately by her side, having been tracking her every reaction.
“I've changed my mind. I think I'll have a shower.”
“Why, what's wrong?”
“These bubbles are stinging the hell out of me, and I can't lean back even if you help me.”
“Sure, Angel. Just give me a moment to turn on the shower and I'll come back for you.”
Aviva could only nod her consent, sitting completely still while awaiting Jason's return. He quickly adjusted the temperature dials in the shower, removed the last of his clothing, and bent over the bath and spoke in a no nonsense tone of voice.
“Bend your knees and lean forward.”
Although unsure what he was talking about, Aviva did as she was told without question. The sooner this whole bathing fiasco was over, the happier she’d be. It didn't take long for her to realize her position allowed Jason to lift her out of the water while protecting her back. Striding on quick and sure feet, he entered the shower cubicle and placed himself in front of the spray before slowly lowering Aviva to her feet. Reaching for a sponge, he lathered it, quickly and efficiently washing her. He took special care to avoid making any contact with her burns.
Squeezing all traces of soap out of the sponge, Jason carefully passed it over the sore areas of her back. Satisfied, he turned off the shower, and reached for a fluffy white towel and wrapped it around his waist before draping her with another, again lifting her into his arms with delicate care.
“Do you think you can sit up for a while? I know you like to apply lotion after your bath and it seems the only thing available in this place smells of lilacs.”
“That's fine. Beggars can't be choosers.”
“You're not a beggar and you never will be!”
“Come on, Jason, it's just a figure of speech.”
“I know that, Aviva, but it doesn't apply
to you. Do I make myself clear?”
Jason knew he sounded sterner than he had intended, but had no intention of retracting his words or apologizing for his tone. He also recognized just how wretched she must have felt otherwise she would have given him hell for speaking to her in such an abrupt manner.
Aviva sat without movement or comment as Jason applied lotion all over her body. The familiarity of his touch had a soothing effect and her eyelids became increasingly difficult to keep open.
“I know you're tired, Angel, but I need you to stay awake for just a little while longer. You have to eat something. You haven't had anything all day.”
“I'm not really hungry but thank you.”
“I know, but will you at least try...for me?”
His every action had been so sincere, Aviva felt unable to refuse his request, so she nodded yes. Her reward for her acquiescence was a flash of the dimples she so loved.
Jason opened a bag that had been brought to their room and remove one of his shirts, thinking that the bellowing folds would offer her less discomfort than something more restrictive such as a nightgown. There was also the fact that he rather liked the idea of her wearing an article of his clothing so close to her skin. However his immediate concern surrounded the need for some form of medication to ease her pain and something to apply to her burns.
“Jesus, I'm such a fool. I need to get you to a doctor. Those burns need to be looked at. Sorry, Angel, I should have thought of this well before now,” Jason said shaking his head at his lack of consideration for her needs.
“I don't need to see a doctor here. I'll wait until we get home.”
“I don't think that's a good idea. What if you get an infection? I can see you're in pain.”
Feeling slightly exposed, Aviva pulled the damp towel over her chest and held it in place. “If you would please pass that pouch on the table, I have some ointment and pain medication.”
For Love and Vengeance Page 9