by Lisa Olsen
I hadn’t been kidding before when I said I wanted him to be the right person. We were married, and I wasn’t the sort of person to take that kind of a commitment lightly. At least, I thought so. For all I knew, Rob could be my first husband or my fifteenth. I had no way of knowing how old I was beyond the ID in my jeans pocket that was probably a fake, it wasn’t a completely bonkers idea to think that I could’ve been married before. I might have married Bishop before. No, something about that didn’t sound right. We might’ve had a brief fling, but it was easy to see that Carys had him wrapped around her little finger. Plus, I wasn’t about to come between a man and his Sire, no matter how dreamy his smile was.
Another memory struck, this one of Rob and me out in the countryside, late at night, without another soul around.
There was no hesitation in the way he kissed me back, only joy and relief mingled with desire. I closed my eyes against the doubts and fears, losing myself in his love. Somehow he found a tree to prop me up against, mouth plundering mine as his hands roamed with practiced skill. How I’d missed those hands! They played havoc on my oversensitive skin, teasing and kneading, and I did my best to reciprocate, tugging up his t-shirt to reach the chiseled planes of his back.
He made that little sound, more of a groan than a word, and just like that it all came crashing back. His hand was under my shirt the way it was with her, and he was pressing closer to my core the way he’d been when I walked in on them in that cabin on the yacht. At first I pushed it away, opening my eyes to the night sky to avoid the image of them together. But when his lips fell to my neck, I jerked away instinctively, tensing despite my best intentions.
“What’s the matter?” he whispered, pulling back to study my face.
The irrational feeling of betrayal faded quickly, the love flooding back at the concern I saw in his eyes. “Nothing. Sorry, just a weird… nothing,” I repeated, chasing after his lips with mine.
But the instant he got too close again I froze up. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” I murmured, pulling my lips from his.
He let me go, his confusion and disappointment palpable. “But you love me, what we went through proves it.”
“I do, Rob, I really do.” That was never in any doubt. “If I didn’t love you so much, it wouldn’t still hurt like this to think of you and Bridget together.”
Boy howdy, was there a lot to process from that one simple memory. The passion between us was impossible to deny, but so were the feelings of betrayal and pain. He’d said something about not being faithful to me in the past, hopefully he hadn’t been talking about another indiscretion. Who was Bridget, and why didn’t it bother me anymore that I’d walked in on them?
The next memory came fast and hard, just a flash. Rob stood between her legs, his mouth fastened to her throat, hand up under her shirt. Her hands were deep in his pants, too busy to notice me standing there for long seconds. The scent of blood hung heavy in the air, and shock gave way to so much hurt and rage, I blanked out for a moment.
I came back to the present with a gasp, more shocked by the image, than how I felt about it now. Because to be honest, I didn’t feel much of anything. I’d seen proof of Rob’s infidelity in living color, and I might’ve been remembering the end to The Empire Strikes Back – it was shocking to see for the first time, but not a personal tragedy. It was as if I was watching it, but it wasn’t happening to me at all. Would the pain come as I got back more of my memories?
It bothered me that it didn’t bother me more. Why wouldn’t I feel the same ickiness and betrayal when I thought about him and another woman, even with my feelings for Rob just starting to blossom again? Had we moved past this incident, or had we been separated? Was that why there was no ring on his finger?
No matter how strongly I felt the pull of the sun lulling me to sleep, I couldn’t close my eyes and fade away, not yet. I got up, tiptoeing carefully, though with a house full of vampires, I was sure they were all dead to the world at that hour.
But there were two others in the house who weren’t vampires, and I found Nelleke awake, still poring over the spellbook in the living room, and Jakob in the kitchen frowning over a jar of strawberry preserves.
“Need some help?” I asked, holding out my hand, and he handed the jar over with a long suffering sigh.
“I do not like this weakness,” he growled, his frown deepening when I popped the jar open in two seconds.
“Chin up, we’ll have you back to normal in no time. Then you can go around proving your strength, one jar at a time,” I grinned, handing it back.
“I understand why it is I turned you,” he said with a dazzling smile. “You are truly magnificent.”
“Just because I opened a jar of jam for you?” I laughed. “Boy, you’re easy to please.”
“It is your spirit of which I speak,” he chuckled, liberally smearing a saltine cracker with the preserves. “You have a kindness about you, a need to put others at ease. It speaks well for your character.”
“And that’s what you look for when you decide to turn a girl into the undead?” I raised a single brow at him as I got a mug down to make myself a cup of tea.
“I look for someone I would wish to spend an eternity with.”
“So what happened with Carys then?” Yikes, had I said that out loud?
“Carys,” he sighed, crunching mightily as he popped the cracker into his mouth. “She is a lovely creature, but I confess, I do not know what I was thinking.”
“It probably stemmed somewhat south of your brain at the time. Don’t worry, it happens to most men sooner or later,” I said, stealing one of his crackers and munching on it plain.
“Perhaps I merely needed practice before I got it right with you?” He gave me that charming smile again, and I felt a flash of his body heat, even with the counter between us.
“What makes you think you turned her before you turned me?”
“Why ever would I need to turn another once I had you?” he replied without missing a beat, and I had to laugh.
“You’re only saying that because you’re trying to butter me up into going through with the ritual tomorrow. You can relax, I promised I’d help you, and I will.”
“That is heartening to hear, petal,” he eased, putting another blob of jam on a cracker.
“Why do you keep calling me that?”
Jakob munched on the cracker, his brow furrowed with thought while he chewed. “I don’t know, perhaps because your skin is petal soft?”
“You haven’t touched my skin.”
“But I have in the past,” he countered, coming around the kitchen island to my side. “You said you remembered me. Do you not remember what it was like to be my woman?”
I felt the heat of him even more, especially when he covered my hand with his. “I do,” I admitted, before gently pulling my hand free. “But I also know it didn’t work out.”
Disappointment flashed across his features. “What makes you say this?”
“It’s just something I feel. Besides, I’m married to Rob now, that seems like a pretty big indicator that we’re not with each other.”
Jakob grumbled something in another language that I didn’t quite catch, stabbing viciously into the jam to spread another cracker. “Why did I allow you to be with another? Clearly we belong together.”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I guess maybe you wanted me to be happy?”
“That doesn’t sound like me,” he frowned, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Maybe it does, you don’t know. You can choose to be anyone you want to be.”
“Do you truly believe this?” His head came up, his expression a mixture of hope and dread. “Some of what I remember, I’m thinking I have not been so good of a man in the past.”
“Of course I do. The past is the past. All we can focus on is today. Be the best man you can for today.”
“Be the best man,” he nodded, a new light coming into his eyes. “And if I am this best man, will yo
u reconsider returning to my side?”
I hated to crush that hope, but I didn’t want to lead him on either. “I’ll be your friend, Jakob, I can’t promise anything more than that. Besides, you shouldn’t do it for me, you should do it for yourself. And you never know, you might have another lady waiting in the wings for you,” I added with a twinkle in my eyes.
His brows rise with interest. “Who?”
“Oh, only the girl who’s out there studying until she passes out trying to restore your health.”
“Nelleke?” It was clear to see from the look on his face that he’d never considered it. “I feel kindly to her for helping me, but that is all. There is nothing between us, I am confident of that.”
“How do you know? You might be getting ready to turn her, for all you know. She seems pretty taken with you.”
Jakob shrugged. “I don’t feel that pull when I look at her, not the same way I feel with you. We are not bound the way you and I are, she is not my progeny.”
“All I’m saying is, give Nell a chance. Get to know her better. She might surprise you.”
“And perhaps some day I will surprise you as well, älskling,” he smiled with just enough charm to make me wonder that myself.
Chapter Twenty
“G’nite,” I murmured, biting my teeth together to keep them from chattering, but I still whimpered when I felt the first clods of dirt hit the tops of my feet. It’s stupid, I know, but the more dirt Lee piled onto me, the more trapped I felt, even though it was a shallow grave at best. Even that small amount of weight pressed against me, and I went into full panic mode as my lungs constricted.
“I can’t do this!” I squeaked, pushing the tarp free and taking in great gulps of air as I sat up. The sun stung my exposed face and arms, and I could hardly see through the protective tears my eyes produced. “Just cover me with the tarp and weight it down with some rocks or something,” I wailed, still shaking from head to foot.
“That’s not going to be good enough,” Bishop frowned. At least his voice sounded all frowny, he was little more than a blur to me. “Give me that shovel.” I felt the dirt cleared off of my legs and breathed a sigh of relief, waiting for him to help me out of the hole. Instead of giving me a hand up, Bishop climbed in beside me, pulling the tarp over both of our heads as he held me close in the confined space, his knees drawn up to make room for his longer legs.
“Go ahead, Lee,” he called out, and almost immediately, I felt the thud of dirt on my legs again.
“No, I can’t do this,” I gulped, dragging in a painful breath as my lungs seized up.
“Anja, look at me,” he commanded, his stern voice penetrating my terror. To my surprise, I could see the outline of his face even with the tarp over our heads. “I’m here with you and you’re going to get through this.”
I heard the words, but the fear didn’t completely recede. “But… I can’t… can’t breathe…” I managed to get out, and he reached up to brush the tears away from my cheek.
“You don’t need to breathe, remember? Just relax. The only air you need is if you want to talk, and you can recycle the same air over and over again. It’s physically impossible for you to suffocate in here.”
My mouth popped open as I realized he was right, but it didn’t lessen the burning in my chest. “It still hurts,” I hiccupped, and he laid his hand over my heart where it ached the most.
“Hold your breath with me and count to ten inside your head.”
I did as he said and the pressure did ease some, though I still trembled with every new shovel of dirt that hit, especially when it landed directly over our heads and the dim light faded.
“Are you still counting?” he rumbled in the darkness. “Switch to German.”
I nodded, and he led me through a half dozen languages, leading by example when he hit upon one I wasn’t familiar with. My brain occupied, it got easier until I realized I was getting weaker, and that sent my panic into overdrive again.
“I’m slipping away,” I murmured, fighting against it, and I felt his lips against my cheek as he spoke.
“It’s just the sun rising higher in the sky. You face this every morning. Can you feel your body growing heavier?”
“Yes, I feel it.”
“Your body wants to sleep. Let it drift away.”
I was already drifting. He sounded farther away, but I couldn’t let go completely, not yet. “What if I don’t come back?”
His lips curved against my cheek. “Then I’ll find you and bring you back. You trust me to keep you safe, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
Bishop’s lips brushed against mine in the lightest of kisses. “Sleep then, Anja. I’ll be here when you wake.”
I woke from the dream (or was it a memory? I couldn’t be sure), and lay there, thinking about Bishop, and the way I’d felt with him lying next to me. Safe, still afraid – I was being buried alive for goodness sake, but I believed heart and soul that he’d take care of me. Was it only a dream? It didn’t feel like it, but maybe that’s because I didn’t want it to be.
The thing was, I had to push it back into the realm of dreams, because my reality was lying right beside me, and we had a future to plan together that didn’t include Bishop as anything more than a friend. And it wasn’t like I didn’t like Rob. I rolled over to watch him sleep, taking in his strong profile, and those sinewy hands. Everything about him was hard, but with me he was tender. Rob loved me, and I knew deep down I’d recover those deep feelings of love for him, I just had to be patient.
“Rob,” I said softly, shaking his shoulder when he didn’t so much as twitch. “Rob?” Nothing. It stood to reason that if he’d fallen asleep earlier than I had, he’d probably sleep in later too. If we had some stims I could probably get him to wake up, but there probably wasn’t a pressing need for that, and stims could be dangerous.
Stims.
Rob cut over to the far aisle on the other end of the parking garage, lighting a cigarette as he kicked back to wait for someone. What were the odds of that?
“That was close, I don’t think he saw us though,” I whispered. While we watched, another man joined him, a guy I’d never seen before. They shook hands, but Rob didn’t seem to be on very friendly terms with him, despite the guy’s prominent smile.
“What are we doing hiding? Isn’t that the guy you came into the police station with before? Or do you not want him to see you steppin’ out with this guy?” Mathis chuckled.
“Shh!” I shot him a deadly look, but the detective was blasé about my concern.
“Relax, they can’t hear us.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Trust me, if I can’t hear them, they can’t hear us,’ he said with utter confidence and I had to take him at his word that a werewolf’s hearing was sharper than mine. “Anyways, I don’t think he’s worried about much more than his next fix.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That guy he’s meeting with is a specialty dealer. Whatever he’s looking to score is the only thing he’s thinking about right now. Why do you think I chose this location? This is the place to go if you don’t want to be seen by the cops, all the supes know about it. There ain’t a surveillance camera around for blocks.”
“He’s not on drugs,” I hissed, keeping my voice down despite the assurance that we couldn’t be heard.
“Are you sure?” Carter said from over my shoulder. “Looks to me like he’s got the shakes.”
There was a definite tremor to his hands as money was exchanged for a small box, but maybe that was a case of nerves? Maybe he was buying information, like I was? Or some kind of a special gun? A specialty dealer didn’t have to mean drugs. Rob shattered those slivers of hope a second later when he tore into the box and downed the contents of a tiny vial, a shudder going through his body as he swallowed.
The dealer slunk off in the direction of the stairs, leaving Rob, who slumped against the car, the heel of his hand pressed against his
eye socket. Whatever it was packed a big punch.
Rob had a problem with stims? I lay there, my brain spinning all sorts of scenarios as to why he’d felt the need to take them and why I’d been spying on him in the first place. Carter sounded familiar to me. I had a listing for him in my phone, and now I could drive somewhere that had a signal, but I wasn’t sure how close I was to him. I couldn’t call up a random acquaintance and be all – hey, I don’t really remember you, but could you maybe tell me why my husband has a secret stim habit? Could I?
Stims. Maybe that explained his explosive temper? I was tempted to search through his stuff and see if I could find any of the vials, but decided against it. If this marriage was going to survive, I couldn’t start out going behind his back like that. I’d have to pick my moment and talk to him about it – after we got through all the Jakob ritual drama.
For the moment, I decided to shower and change into my Big Damn Heroes t-shirt and jeans. The power seemed to be holding steady, and there was plenty of hot water, I considered that a good sign. Aubrey, Carys, and Bishop were already up and hanging out in the great room, with Carys lounging on the loveseat with one leg draped dramatically over the arm, and Aubrey sitting on the floor beside it. Bishop sat by the fireplace swiping through the pages of his cell phone. That reminded me, I needed to stick my phone on the charger now that we had the power back on.
“Hey,” Bishop said, looking up as I walked in.
“Hi,” I smiled back. “Where’s Nelleke and Jakob?”
“Still asleep.”
“Together?”
That threw him for a loop. “I… don’t know. Are they a thing?”
“Of course not,” Carys said with an indelicate snort. “She’s far too common for an Ellri. If that’s what he is.”
“How do you know? Nelleke might be an Ellri herself.”