Untamed

by Shey Stahl

  Sitting in silence now, it’s unbearable because there are so many questions I have for him since he’s leaving and I might never see him again. It has me asking things I probably shouldn’t.

  “How old were you when your mom died?” I know how old he was, but I want to know him.

  His breath blows over my ear, a heavy sigh, and I can’t tell whether I made him mad or not.

  Twisting my head, I look back at him. “Sorry . . . I just thought . . . I clearly wasn’t. Ignore me. I didn’t mean to press.”

  He shakes his head. “It’s okay. I was five... I think. Dani’s sixteen now so, yeah, I was five.”

  “Do you remember her?” My mind goes to Jamie and how even when I don’t want to think of him, I can’t stop his memory. I remember everything about him from the way his hair smelled, to the silly smirk he always had.

  “Yeah. I do actually. She was the sweetest woman, good heart, beautiful, and loved us boys so much.” The devotion in his voice is thick. He’s speaking about a woman he loved very much regardless of not having her around most of his life.

  “And your dad never remarried?”

  He shakes his head again. “Nah, he loved one woman and he never moved on. He kept busy raising four kids on his own.” Grayer laughs, the motion shaking both of us. “It wasn’t easy.”

  “I can’t imagine that was easy on Dani having three older brothers.”

  “Ah, well.” His arms tighten around me, his lips pressing into the bare skin of my shoulder. “She managed just fine. She’s the meanest out of all of us.”

  I remember her reaction to me at the party, the spark of sass she had. I’m sure she held her own with them. “What’s Dani gonna do now that your dad is gone?”

  “She was living with my aunt after Pops got sick. She’s gonna finish up school here and then she’ll hopefully go to college and do somethin’ with her life. If she stays out of trouble. She seems to find it around every corner.” And then Grayer’s jaw runs over my shoulder, scraping my skin in the slightest touch. I sigh, my lashes fluttering closed. “I saw you taking care of Mac. You always been that good with animals?”

  “I’ve always had a soft spot for them,” I admit. “I used to work summers at a veterinarian hospital up the street. And then I didn’t. I was that kid bringing home every stray animal I could find.”

  He chuckles. “Kinda like Morgan sneaking bulls in her room?”

  “Yeah, pretty much.”

  “Why don’t you still work at the vet’s office?”

  “Well. . . .” I pause, not sure what to tell him and then I tell him the truth. “Dr. Peterson was the vet, Jamie’s dad. After he died, I stopped showing up. I didn’t think he’d want to see me anymore.”

  “Why?”

  I shrug. “I don’t know.” I do know, but I don’t want to admit it to anyone, let alone myself again.

  He laughs lightly, knowing there is more to that shrug than I let on, but he’s not forcing me to explain. “Your love for animals shows. Maybe you should go back to it.”

  “Maybe.”

  We’re quiet again, and I can tell it’s nearing four in the morning when I hear the chickens. Pretty soon Dad’s gonna be out running around on the quad, moving the herds from one field to the next.

  “Hey, so . . .” Grayer’s voice comes closer to my ear. “I drew Bushwacker for Biloxi.”

  “Are you serious?” I twist in his arms to look at him. From what I read doing my “Grayer Research” aka, stalking, Bushwacker is the bull he rode the weekend before the World Championships and hoped to ride then, in anticipation, but he never drew him. Now’s his chance at a rank bull no one has been able to cover.

  He nods, smiling wide, that same smile I saw the first night I met him. “I’ve been waiting a year to get another ride on him.”

  He taps my leg, nodding for me to get up. I do, and with a heavy sigh, Grayer stands and reaches for his jeans when he knows it’s time he needs to head out. “I need to get going.”

  Pulling his jeans up, he smirks, looking down at his buckle.

  I giggle and a slow blush creeps over my cheeks. I roll my eyes, smiling myself, but looking out at the dry land. “You aren’t coming back here again, are you?” I ask, propping myself up on my elbows. I’m completely naked. “Will you remember me?

  He drinks in my bare form, the hunger burning in his beautiful piercing blues. “I’ll remember tonight.” He shrugs, his defined shoulders flexing with the motion. “Well, last night I guess, huh?”

  “Yeah.”

  I suppose he would remember, wouldn’t he? We had spent all night out here and had sex three more times.

  I know he needs to get going, but I see it in the way he’s moving slower, he’s confused and doesn’t want to leave. He knows there’s something more happening between us. He looks at me, shaking his head slowly with that smirk never fading. “How’d you do this to me in a week?”

  “I’m pretty determined when I want to be,” I tease, winking. I’m not looking for him to say anything. He doesn’t have to. I know when he leaves me, his life will continue the way it always has. Something tells me he lives a wild life on the road. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m certainly not going to judge him if he does. “Once you get around those buckle bunnies, you’ll forget me.” I don’t mean for my words to sound insecure, but I suppose they take on that a little, don’t they?

  “You’re better than that,” he says to me, watching my face fall. I know exactly what he’s referring to. “Don’t let them touch you like that. Don’t let them take something that’s not theirs. You give, you don’t take.”

  “Unless it’s a bull you’re riding. Then you take?” I’m teasing again, wanting to draw out the moment.

  He grins, pulling his shirt over his shoulders. “Nothing’s the same when you’re on a bull. A beast decides your fate.”

  I think back to what he’s said, the part before the beast decides your fate. The part about me being better than I am. “You’re better than that.” I’m not sure I believe I’m better than that. But I do like the way he cares enough to say it. He’s the first one who has.

  I look up at him and wrap the blanket around my shoulders. “Would it be too much . . . too soon . . . if I said, I’m depressed you’re leaving?” It sounds so cheesy when I ask it out loud.

  He smiles and gives my shoulder a bump with his own when he sits back down next to me. “Well, I would have to say . . . you wouldn’t be the only one who was bucked off.”

  I think about the meaning. He’s not looking forward to leaving, right? I’m not imagining it. And it sends my heart a thrill. It pounds then evens out when I draw in a breath. It’s like a roller coaster that finally reaches the peak and then on the downward fall, that rush you get.

  The blanket drops off my shoulder a touch. I wink at him. I might remember this forever but George Strait’s “Baby Your Baby” comes on when I ask, “So I got to you, Eight Seconds?”

  He laughs at the name I’ve given him. “I guess you did.”

  I kiss his T-shirt-clad shoulder. Turning his head, he gives my forehead a quick brush of his lips. Standing, he reaches for his hat by my clothes. I’m still sitting on the hay bale and when he turns around to face me again, he drops to his knees and pulls me to the edge of the bale.

  His eyes trail over my body, no doubt remembering last night when both our eyes flicked to that belt buckle. I’ll never see another buckle without remembering the way he controlled my body.

  He wants to go again, probably because I’m naked still with only a blanket loosely around my shoulders. But after four times in one night, I suppose he needs to get going. “Fuck, this sucks.”

  I laugh. “Do you have a flight to catch?”

  He nods. “Yeah, flying out of Yakima this morning in like an hour.”

  I stare up at Grayer, wondering what it will be like when he’s gone. I smile at the thought of him and what he’s done for me emotionally.

  “You’re gonna b
e late,” I say, pushing him away, knowing he needs to leave if he’s going to make it to Yakima in less than an hour.

  He smiles, but he’s stalling. He doesn’t want to leave. “Honey, I’m a bull rider. We’re always running late.” Grayer senses my hesitation because he has it too. “Take care of yourself, Maesyn.” His calloused fingers brush over my cheek. “You’re a beautiful girl and you deserve better than the losers you’ve been with.”

  “I’ll be sure to hold out for a hero,” I tease, running my hands over his chest.

  “I hope you don’t mean me.” He laughs, shaking his head, then tips his hat up as he stands and reaches for my hand. “I’m no hero.”

  “Grayer. . . .” I stand with him, wrapping my arms around him and let the blanket fall away. Before I can say anything, he wraps his arms around me, his lips brushing my temple, our chests pressed together.

  He swears softly, groaning. “You did that on purpose.”

  My cheeks burn. “Maybe a little.”

  His hands don’t stray from my hips. They could go lower, but he holds back. “You’re killing me. I need to go.”

  By the look on his face, he knows he’s potentially holding my heart in his hands. It’s too early to say something like that to him. I don’t know that I love him, but I also don’t want him to leave. I want to see where this could go.

  Reaching into his bag, he pulls out a dream catcher. It’s heart-shaped, with cream feathers falling, and turquoise and maroon beads. It’s beautiful and old and exactly everything I love about dream catchers.

  And then he hands it to me. “This was my mom’s. . . . I thought you might like it. Happy birthday.”

  I have no words. None. I’m not even sure what to make of my thoughts. Warmth creeps up my face like I want to cry at the gesture, the gift, but I keep the tears at bay. How can I tell him goodbye after this?

  He smiles softly at my speechless expression. “I know what you’re gonna say.” His words wrap around me like the warmth of his touch. He presses a firmer kiss on my forehead and pulls away, his eyes never leaving mine.

  “Then let me say it.”

  He doesn’t and starts to walk away. It hurts, a sudden pain jolts my heart. He looks back over his shoulder at me; he doesn’t want to leave. A smirk tilts his perfect lips and he pulls in a raspy breath. “Nah, how about you come see me in Biloxi and tell me then?”

  Holy shit. Go see him? As in, leave Ellensburg and travel halfway across the country for a bull rider? You can certainly think of worse options, can’t you?

  The words hang there between us, waiting, and I smile, probably way too eagerly.

  The rest of my summer just got a little more interesting.

  I don’t answer him, but as I watch him walk away, sometimes things don’t need to be said. They only ruin the moment. I didn’t want to ruin this with some cheesy cliché of a goodbye.

  This isn’t our goodbye. I know that much.

  He might break my heart and test my trust with those buckle-busted ways, but like I said, if it sets your soul on fire, be fearless. I bet it’ll be one hell of a ride for my bruised but believing heart.

  Our time together is to be continued, always wild, unpredictable, and meant to be untamed.

  A flank strap is a strap that goes around the flank of a bull. Its purpose is to enhance the natural bucking motion of a bull and to encourage the animal to extend its hind legs when trying to get his rider on the ground. The flank strap never covers or goes around a bull’s genitals, and no sharp or foreign objects are ever placed inside the flank strap to agitate the animal. Pulling the flank strap too tight would restrict a bull’s motion, making it uncomfortable for the bull to perform. The flank strap is designed for quick release and is removed immediately after the bull exits the arena.

  It takes every ounce of self-control I have to walk out of that barn and leave her. I want to spend days with her in a bed, worshipping her beauty the way it needs to be. Her smile plays in my mind, her laughter. This girl affects me just as strongly as she did the night I met her. I can’t get enough of her. It’s not just physically, though that’s definitely something I want more of, it’s every moment I spend with her.

  “Nah, how about you come see me in Biloxi and tell me then?”

  What the fuck was I thinking when I said that? Clearly I wasn’t. What if it’s the last time I see her? Can I handle that? That smile didn’t give me much to go on. She didn’t say she’d come.

  Running a hand through my hair, I let go of a heavy breath. Fuck, what if she doesn’t? And goddamn it, why do I care so much?

  Because I got hung up on the ride, that’s why.

  Morgan’s hiding in the damn bushes when I get in my truck and before I can leave, she runs up to the truck, her nightgown blowing in the wind and barefoot. “You leaving?”

  I nod. “Yep. You’re gonna have to get someone else to do your dirty work for ya.”

  She shrugs. “I got people for that.”

  I bet she does. “Take care of yourself and stay away from Lemon Lost.”

  I’m offered a scowl and hands on her hips. “Lemon. Lou.”

  “Bye, Morgan.”

  Her eyes narrow. “Bye, Gray.”

  Little shit. Winking at her, I pull out of the driveway only to have her look a little sad I’m leaving. Fuck, these Calhoun girls are something else.

  I drop Dad’s truck off to Dani and hand her the keys. “All yours, kid.”

  Dani rips the keys from my hand. “Where were you all night? I thought we were gonna hang out before you left.”

  Shrugging, I turn to leave. “Out.”

  “Uh-huh.” She snorts, laughing. “Love you!”

  Walking backward, I wave to her. “Love you, too.”

  Kade takes me to the private airstrip in Yakima and before I leave, part of me wants to tell him to look out for Maesyn because the idea of leaving her in this town with these fools pisses me off. It’s enough that I damn near consider taking a later flight, driving back to Ellensburg and kidnapping her. I don’t suppose that’ll go over well with her dad, or anyone else for that matter, so I get my depressed ass back to Texas before I really fuck things up.

  When I make it back home to Decatur, Britany says she’ll meet me at my place with Wyatt. It’s been well over a week since I’ve seen him and my stomach’s in knots waiting for him to get there.

  I live with Ty at the moment, because that kid can’t manage to pay his bills on time nor actually take care of shit. He’s there, lying around on the couch, probably the same thing he did the entire time I was gone. At least he’s motivated on a bull because other than bull riding, you can’t keep him dedicated to anything.

  Maesyn’s still on my mind for sure, but my thoughts have turned to, what happens if she meets me in Biloxi? Can I stay focused with her there? I couldn’t ignore her in Ellensburg so what makes me think I’m going to be able to remain dedicated to my responsibilities when she’s at an event with me?

  Pro bull riders these days, they don’t just show up to a rodeo, ride, collect their prize money and leave. We’re treated like professional athletes. We have commitments, sponsorship obligations, endorsement appearances, autograph sessions . . . there’s not a lot of downtime.

  Then I think about Wyatt and what this means for him. Is it irresponsible of me to bring a girl I just met into his life? I think of Britany, too. I know what her reaction will be. She’ll roll her eyes, tell me I’m crazy, and befriend the girl. And I can guess what Reid’s will be. Nothing but a shake of his head. He thinks I’m reckless, and I guess given I just asked an eighteen-year-old girl I met a week ago to follow me across the United States, it’s looking like Reid’s assessment might be pretty damn accurate.

  Given I didn’t sleep last night, and had about an hour nap on the plane, I’m half asleep when Britany shows up with Wyatt. I should have told her I’d take him tomorrow night, but I was so excited to see him I agreed to just about anything.

  He’s all smiles when
he walks through the door carrying his blanket and the bull I got him before I left. Looking around with big blue eyes, he sweeps his honey-blond hair from his eyes, like he’s waiting for me to jump out at him. Rolling off the couch and onto the floor, I crawl on my hands and knees to the entryway. When he spots me, his grin widens, the dimples in his cheeks deepening.

  “Daddy!” he yells, dropping his toy and blanket to the ground and running full speed at me. A hug from a two-year-old, there’s nothing else like it in the world. The way they squeeze your neck like they love you more than anything, that’s unconditional love.

  I pick him up, holding him to my chest, my hand cupping the back of his head. “Daddy missed you,” I tell him.

  His grin widens, his pearly white teeth showing. “Daddy.” We’re still working on words. So far it’s only a handful he has down, but you gotta admit, as long as he has daddy down, I’m good.

  Britany smiles and holds up Wyatt’s overnight bag. “There’s diapers and wipes in there. Along with a few changes of clothes.”

  She acts like I don’t have all that here for him already, but I understand her need to be prepared, and let it go. Nodding, I glance down at her small bulge to her stomach. “What are you eating, pizza every night?”

  “Asshole,” she mouths, glaring. She’s pregnant. This time it’s Reid’s. And I feel like an ass thinking like that, because Britany and I certainly didn’t plan on becoming parents. Especially when I knew all along she had feelings for Reid. Goes to show you friends shouldn’t get drunk and sleep together.

  Ty pops his head up and lays it on the back of the couch, winking at Britany. “Am I next in line?”

  Ignoring him, Britany walks forward and hands me Wyatt’s bag, knocking it into Ty’s head. He laughs. “You know you want to cover all three brothers.”

  She doesn’t find amusement in Ty, and he shuts the fuck up the moment Reid enters the house, his burly presence intimidating. He stands in the doorway, his broad shoulders nearly taking up the entire space. Most bull riders aren’t big guys. Reid’s the exception.