Silent Love
Page 11
“None of your business, stalker,” Gage snapped, his eyes flashing at me. I put my hands in front of me and forced myself not to lean away from him.
“Okay, I was just wondering. No need to get snappy, gosh.” I rolled my eyes at him. “I’ll let you go and be with Mr. Grumpy Pants,” I said to Dylan. I could tell Gage wanted to say something back to me, but Dylan opened his mouth first.
“Why don’t you come with us? Unless you have class or something,” he offered. For a split second I considered it, but shut it down immediately. No way could I go and be around Gage for more than a few minutes. The guy hated my guts anyways. I glanced up at Gage, who looked seconds away from blowing up.
“That’s okay. I don’t want to intrude. Plus my roommate should be here soon.”
“But you wouldn’t be intruding. You would be keeping me company while this one”—he pointed to Gage—“figh…works out.” He stopped himself from saying a different word. I picked up on it but decided to let it go. It was their business, anyways, not mine.
“As much as I would love to keep you company, I better not. I’m just going to finish up my thing and wait for my friend. But thank you.” I stole a glance at Gage from the corner of my eye and saw he had unclenched his jaw and fists. I made the right choice apparently.
“Well next time, okay?” I nodded in agreement. Dylan stood up, but before he turned to leave with Gage, he turned back to me. “Can I have your number?” I looked at him funny for a second.
“Sure.” He fished out his phone and handed it to me. It seemed slightly weird to give my number to a guy I literally just met yesterday, but I liked Dylan.
“Here you go.” I handed his phone back to him after I put in my number. “I’ll see you later.” Surprising me, he tugged me into a hug, my face smashing against his hard chest.
“I’ll text you later, Carter. Bye.”
“Glad your face is better,” I said to Gage before they walked away. I had no idea why I just said that.
“Whatever,” he muttered before walking away, leaving Dylan to run after him.
“What a jerk,” I mumbled before sitting back down at the table. In my defense, I was nice to him. Sighing, I turned back to my drawing of Gage. I didn’t want to finish it, but I hated when I didn’t finish my artwork. Pushing Gage’s rudeness to the back of my mind, I grabbed my pencils to start on drawing his face.
It took me twenty more minutes to get his face just right, but looking at it I couldn’t help but compare it to his face in real life. His jawline didn’t look as pronounced in the picture as it did when you were staring straight at him. Even his eyes didn’t look the same shade. Seeing that it was as good as I would get it, I dropped my pencil and rubbed my forehead. I hated that when it came to drawing, it had to be perfect.
Staring down at the picture I couldn’t help but think Gage was attractive, really attractive, even in photo form. He oozed sex appeal, but it was his personality that made me think twice about even liking him. Sure he had that bad boy vibe going on, as well as the don’t-fuck-me look, but that was what seemed to draw people in. I wasn’t stupid. I knew he probably got girls by the dozen, and he also probably humped and dumped.
I wanted to justify the reason behind drawing him, but I couldn’t. Something about him lured me in, and he stuck in my head like a bad song. If it wasn’t for how he acted toward me I would be like every other girl, drooling and making a fool of myself in front of him. I didn’t know what I’d done wrong because I only just met him two days ago.
Maybe he just wasn’t used to a girl not wanting to sleep with him. I definitely was not the type to just go and be flirty with some random guy to get him in the sack. Sure Gage may be undeniably hot, but I wasn’t like that. Hell, it took almost two years with my first boyfriend to even think about sleeping with him. If Gage was mad at me for not immediately wanting to sleep with him, then it was his own fault for being rude.
I let out a loud sigh at my thoughts. Here I was thinking about somebody I really didn’t care for. He was rude and didn’t like me. Why should I even care? It wasn’t like I was here to impress anyone, well, other than Ethan, but still. It shouldn’t matter that much to me, but for some reason it did. I didn’t like knowing Gage hated me. He didn’t know me, and he took it upon himself to think he did.
I guess my need to please people and have them like me applied to Gage as well. I did not want him to hate me for an unknown reason, and I also didn’t want him to be rude to me. I just never thought I would care so much, what someone thought of me. My whole life I had tried not to care about what people said behind my back or what they thought my life was like. I’d succeeded to an extent where I would just shrug off their comments, but now with Gage I couldn’t. I just wanted to know why he hated me when he only just met me.
“Why the loud sigh?” someone questioned as a big body flopped down on the bench beside me. For the second time in a day I let out a small shriek while clenching my chest. I looked over at the person who just raised an eyebrow at me. “Didn’t know I was that frightening.”
“Ethan, don’t do that!” I snapped trying to calm my racing heart, but of course it didn’t work whenever he was around.
“I didn’t do anything. I thought you would have heard me.” He shrugged. “So are you going to tell me what the sigh was for?” Ethan leaned his forearms on the table, looking my way.
“It was nothing, I just have a lot on my mind,” I said as I quickly shut my notebook. I did not want Ethan to see the drawing I did of Gage; that would not go over well.
“Well if you need someone to talk to, you know I am here,” he said seriously. I nodded and sent him a small smile.
“Thanks.”
“So how has your day been? No classes?”
“Not today. I have two tomorrow though. I’ve just been sitting here taking pictures and drawing,” I answered. “I take it you had class?” I gestured to his backpack which had placed on the table.
“Yeah, I had anthropology with Professor McLaren at eight, then had English 235 a few minutes ago.”
“Oh, how were they?”
“Eh, English won’t be bad since the teacher is pretty chill, but anthropology is going to be a bitch. A lot of homework and studying.” He let out a shudder.
“You never know, you may end up liking the class.”
“Yeah, right. Prof. McLaren is such a hard ass. He doesn’t let anything slide and has the most monotone voice ever.” Ethan groaned. “But let’s not talk about that. Got any plans tonight?”
“Probably not. I have class early tomorrow morning and I would rather stay at home anyways.” I shrugged.
“Same old Carter.” He sent me a grin which made my insides warm. His stupid perfect smile always got to me, with his straight white teeth and dimples.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, looking at him.
“Nothing, honestly. It’s just that you have always been the type of girl who would rather stay at home than go party.”
“You guys never want me to ‘go out and party,’” I reminded him.
“It is not a bad thing. It is something that I love about you. Not everyone likes to dress up nicely every time they go out. It’s nice to just stay home and relax.” At the mention of the word “love” I wanted to melt into a puddle. Sure he didn’t mean it the way I wanted him to, but it was still the word love! I continued to stare at him, processing everything he said.
“It is not a bad thing, I promise,” Ethan said again. He thought I was offended. I mean, I was a little bit, but when he said he liked that about me, that flew out my mind.
“Well…good,” I got out finally, not really knowing what to say.
“I hate when you meet some people and they just want to go out to do all these different things, when it is okay to stay home with a bunch of other friends. That is what is so great about you, Car. You are that friend who is fine doing that. You are like that friend you go to when you don’t want to go party.”
I knew I couldn’t be hurt that he only saw me as a friend. I knew he didn’t feel the same way toward me, but that didn’t stop my heart from crashing to my feet. For years now I had dealt with knowing that I would only be seen as a friend in his eyes, but now hearing that I was, was worse. I guess he had said that to some extent, but never so plainly.
Even though he said he liked that I was a “stay-at-home person,” it didn’t make me feel better. Sure, I liked to stay home most of the time in my PJs eating cookie dough and never partied as much as Macey or Amy, but that didn’t mean I didn’t know how to have fun and let loose. I could be a fun person if I wanted to be. Plus he and Ethan never wanted me to go out. Whenever I would, they would check up on me every minute and only let me have a sip of alcohol. They were like piranhas to any guy who came near. How was I supposed to go have fun when they both breathed down my neck? It couldn’t be both ways.
Ethan continued to ramble about that while I sat there wanting to sink into the ground. I knew he didn’t mean it in a bad way, but it hurt. To have the guy that you have been crushing on since high school basically tell you that you are boring really did nothing to help your self-esteem or make you feel any better about yourself. It almost felt like a punch to the gut.
“Oh shit.” I came back the conversation at that moment. “I am so sorry, Car, but I have to go. Coach wants to hold a meeting with the team.” Ethan looked down at his phone before sending me an apologetic look.
“It’s okay. Go. I’ll be fine.” I forced a smile on my face. I hoped it didn’t look as forced as it felt.
“I’m glad I was able to talk to you for a few minutes.” Yeah, so am I, I thought sarcastically.
“Good luck at the meeting, and tell Luke I’ll text him later.”
“Will do. Be careful going back to your dorm. See ya later, Car.” With a heart-stopping smile he stood and walked away, sending me a wave. Once he had turned away, I slumped into the bench letting my smile go.
Well that wasn’t painful at all, I thought, playing back everything he said. He was oblivious to how hurtful his words were. I wanted to play them off but I couldn’t, and really, how could I? He obviously believed I was boring. Maybe if it was someone else other than Ethan it wouldn’t be that big of a deal—I would have shrugged it off—but it wasn’t. It was my crush saying it.
I could feel tears pricking at the back of my eyes, but I forced them back by digging my nails into my hand. Not wanting to be here anymore, I packed all my stuff up before heading back to the dorm. Macey should be done with class by now anyways.
The entire walk back to my dorm, my mood kept dropping. I replayed Ethan’s words in my head a thousand times. It wasn’t like I prided myself on my adventurous life, but I wasn’t boring. I tried to convince myself of that, but it wasn’t working. When I got to my door and unlocked it, I was right thinking Macey’s class was over. She stood in the kitchen rummaging through the cabinets.
“Hey,” I said softly as I set my stuff on the counter.
“Hey, where have you been?” Macey turned to look at me.
“Oh just around campus taking photos and stuff. How was class?” I asked, grabbing a glass for some water.
“It was okay, kind of boring, but it was only the first day,” she said, shrugging. I nodded at her but stared at my water. “So…are you going to tell me why you look like someone kicked your puppy?” My head snapped up to her.
“I-I do not,” I stammered out.
“Car, I have known you my entire life and you wear your heart on your sleeve. So spill.” Mace took a seat at the bar, setting her elbows on the counter and leaning toward me. Instantly I told her everything Ethan had said, and I even told her about seeing Gage and Dylan. I couldn’t keep anything from my best friend; she was always great at listening to me.
“Maybe he didn’t mean it like that,” she offered once I was finished.
“I know he didn’t mean it that way. He would never intentionally hurt me, but he did. He thinks I’m some boring-ass person and that I am a great friend. I don’t want to be just a ‘friend’, Mace!” I threw my hands up.
“Carter, how is he supposed to know that saying that would hurt you when he doesn’t know how you feel? To him, you are his friend and he thinks you think the same thing.”
“Ma—”
“I know you aren’t going to tell him your true feelings.” She put her hand up. “But at least he thinks of you as a friend, that is better than nothing. You can’t let his words hurt you because we all know you aren’t boring, even Ethan knows you’re not. Hell, he even said that is what he likes about you. Don’t go taking it so personally, okay?”
“Of course you are right. I’m just reading too much into it.” After everything with Gage, I was just wound up; that’s all.
“Of course I am right. I’m always right.” Macey went to flip her hair over her shoulder but since she cut it shorter, her hand only flipped air. I rolled my eyes at her.
Macey was definitely right. I just thought too much about it and let it get to me. Maybe dealing with Gage’s rudeness put me on edge or made my emotions fall out of whack. All I needed was Macey to pull me back into perspective, which I was grateful for. I was glad she’d always done that for me and wouldn’t ever stop.
“Thank you.” I sent her a smile.
“No problem. I will always be here to help. So, what should we do for the rest of the day? It’s only two.”
“We could go to the gym?” I suggested. We both shared a look before bending over laughing.
“How about something funner?” Mace said, wiping a tear away from her eyes.
“Like what, though? It is the middle of the day on a Tuesday. Nothing is really going on.”
“Let’s call Amy and see if she knows of anything. If anybody knows, it would be her.” I nodded at her. I wasn’t too sure if Amy would even answer. After last Saturday we hadn’t heard anything from her, which was weird.
“If she answers.” I quietly stood there sipping my water as Macey waited for Amy to answer. On the last ring she must have answered, because Mace perked up and started talking. Only being able to hear one side of the conversation, I didn’t even try to understand what they were saying. While I waited I scrolled through my social media.
“I’ll text you when we are about to leave.” Macey’s voice brought me back to their conversation.
“Where are we going?” I asked after she hung up.
“Apparently Amy was invited to go to something a few miles away from here and she said we could come along.”
“She doesn’t even know what it is?” I asked raising an eyebrow.
“Well, she didn’t say exactly, but a lot of people are going. We should go!”
“But we don’t even know what it is. Plus three girls there alone probably isn’t the best idea.” The idea of going somewhere I wasn’t familiar with wasn’t a thrilling thought. Plus, who/what were we going to be surrounded with?
“Car, you just said that you were afraid you were boring. Doing this would be a step in a different direction for you,” Macey said.
“But I have—”
“We won’t be out late and will be back in time to get plenty of sleep for classes tomorrow. Come on, Carter,” she pleaded, giving me puppy dog eyes. I could feel myself caving. I did kind of want to go out and do something other than sit around.
“We can see if Ethan and Luke want to go.” For a split second I considered it before I realized they wouldn’t even let me go, or they would be stuck by my side the entire time.
“Let’s go. It will be fun to go and do something,” I replied.
“Really?” she asked, clearly surprised I said yes without more pleading.
“Y
eah, it will be fun. But let’s not invite Luke or Ethan. They’ll just ruin it for us.”
“Good idea. This is going to be so much fun.” She clapped her hands, smiling at me.
“What time is it at? They couldn’t have anything going on around two in the afternoon, right?” I asked.
“Amy said it starts around four, so we have a little bit before we have to get ready to leave. We’ll just let Amy drive since she knows where it’s at.” I nodded trying to ignore the pit in my stomach.
An hour and a half later, us three girls were piling into Amy’s car ready to go. I had yet to find out what event we were going to, but a part of me didn’t want to know because I would probably chicken out. The ride didn’t take too long; it was only seven miles away from campus. The entire time I tried to calm my nerves. I didn’t even know why I was so nervous anyways. It wasn’t like I’d never gone out to do something with Amy or Macey before. It must just be the nerves of doing something for the first time as a college student. Plus I didn’t even know where we were heading.
“This must be it,” Amy said making me look out the window. We were in front of a building. Since it was light out, you could see the brick was faded and whatever paint it had on was worn off. Cars were parked all along the road and the parking lot in the back. As we searched for a parking spot, I noticed people walking into the building. Most of the girls were dressed in short skirts or even dresses. It was only four and they were dressed for a night out. Where the hell were we?
It was just our luck to find a parking spot near the entrance of the building. Stepping out of the car, I tugged on my shorts trying to get them to go down. Somehow, I had let Macey dress me to come here, which resulted in me wearing really short denim shorts that made me feel like my ass was hanging out, a white tank top that had Los Angles on the front, and a denim long-sleeved shirt tied around my waist. When she tried to get me to wear heels, I refused and went for a pair of white Vans instead.
Amy had gone for something a bit dressier, if that was what you wanted to call it. Amy wore a short black leather skirt that showcased her long tan legs and a crop top that showed her belly button ring. Macey had kind of what I had on: a pair of black shorts and a tight strapless shirt along with tall heels making her slightly taller than me.