Silent Love

by Kenadee Bryant

  “It’s okay, Car, you got this!” I heard Macey yell to me. I sent her a smile at her encouragement. I grabbed my ball that was spit back out at me. I can do this! I thought. I couldn’t look stupid in front of Ethan. Sure, he had seen me screw up at bowling plenty of times, but this felt different. I was trying to actually make him notice me.

  Once more I pulled my arm back, letting my ball go. My grin widened as it rolled down the lane. But just like last time it turned to the right, only this time it didn’t go straight into the gutter; instead, it knocked down only one pin. This was going to be a long night.

  ***

  True to my word, that whole game dragged on forever. Everyone seemed to be doing good, even Macey and Amy. Don’t even get me started on the two boys. Their numbers were higher than any of ours put together, but at least they weren’t in the low forties. Forty-five was my final score for the first game. Every ball I threw just curved to the left or right, only knocking down a few pins if I was lucky.

  The second game was slightly better. My ball didn’t get in the gutter as much, and hit more than half the pins. While we played, the other lanes filled up with other teenagers and families. Popular music blared through the speakers, causing multiple people to start singing which was hilarious. The sound of pins being knocked down echoed all around.

  It wasn’t until the third game that things got fun. Since it was the last game, we decided that we should try different moves to bowl. I bowled between my legs, which actually got me my first strike of the night. Ethan and Luke bowled between each other’s legs. Amy did a running start and flung the ball, smacking it hard on the wood floor. And Macey lay on her stomach, pushing the ball down the lane slowly.

  Both boys thought it would be cool if they bowled at the same time down our one lane. It was cool when they both hit all the pins, but it wasn’t cool when one of the workers there had to fix our lane and we got yelled at. Apparently two balls couldn’t go down the lane at once. Even though we got yelled at, we all burst out laughing the minute the guy walked away.

  Our spirits were high, and my side was starting to ache from laughing so much. We finished the final game with a much better score than the first, or at least my score was better. Changing our shoes and gathering our stuff, we put our balls away and gave our shoes back before heading for the exit.

  “Not bad, little Car,” Ethan said as he slung his arm around my shoulder. We exited the doors to the parking lot. His bare arm made my skin tingle where my shirt had slid down my shoulder.

  “Why thank you. Bowling is my forte, you see,” I joked, tilting my head to smile at him. He grinned down at me with that gorgeous smile of his. I felt myself melt inside at the sight. Having it directed at me made me into a puddle of goo. I was pressed against his side, making me feel the heat coming off his body. My body warmed, and I felt myself leaning closer to him unconsciously.

  “Hey, E, unlock the car please!” my brother shouted, breaking the moment, well, my moment. Ethan had no idea I was drooling over him or craving his touch. His arm left my shoulders, making me feel suddenly cold as he walked to his car and unlocked it. I swallowed, hoping no one could see my red cheeks in the dark. Pushing aside all of my feelings, I slipped into the back seat with Amy and Macey.

  During ride back to the diner to get my car, I tried to keep up with the conversation, but my mind was elsewhere. I could still feel the heat on my side from Ethan’s body. I could feel my shoulders still slightly tingling from his touch. It seemed my cheeks were going to stay red forever, because I felt them burning.

  Thankfully, we reached my car a few minutes later. I gulped in the fresh air once I exited the car, trying to settle the butterflies in my stomach. I really needed to get a hold of my feelings around Ethan. Every time he was near or touched me, my hormones went crazy making me a mess. Fortunately, the fresh air calmed me down and I felt my cheeks returning to normal.

  “We will follow you back to campus,” Ethan called through the passenger window. I nodded along with the other two as we turned for my car. Once again, the ride to campus wasn’t long, since the diner wasn’t that far. Ethan’s car traveled behind us the entire time, almost like a steady line of protection.

  “So I’ll see you guys later?” Amy asked as soon as we parked and unbuckled our seat belts.

  “Of course. Text us in between classes if you want tomorrow. I seriously hate that our classes aren’t together,” Macey said as she shut the door to my car.

  “Maybe next semester we will have a common class,” I suggested, locking my car hearing another set of doors close near us. Ethan and Luke trotted over to us as we all headed for Macey’s and my dorm building. I really didn’t know why we were all heading this way.

  “So, classes tomorrow?” Luke said randomly.

  “Yup, sadly,” I muttered. I mean, I was kind of looking forward to classes this week, but tomorrow was my class with Gage, and I didn’t really know if I should say anything to him about helping me earlier tonight.

  “Don’t worry, Car, it will get easier; well, not really, but you will get used to it.” Luke took my words to mean something else. He pulled me to him, giving me a tight hug. I breathed in my brother’s scent, smiling softly. He hugged just like my dad.

  “Well, I better head out myself,” Amy said.

  “I’ll walk you back,” Ethan offered. I pulled away from Luke to look at them.

  “Oh no, you don’t have to.” She declined, but something about her tone threw me; it didn’t sound too convincing.

  “No, it’s fine. I don’t want you walking this late at night alone anyways.” Amy nodded, accepting his offer. I frowned wanting him to offer to walk me home, but in a way, he did. We were in front of Mace’s and my building.

  “Text me when you get home,” Macey said first, pulling Amy into a quick hug. I did the same, a small voice nagging in the back of my mind, but I pushed it away.

  “Make sure you get home safe,” I said softly but I wasn’t sure who I meant it for—Amy or Ethan.

  “I’ll miss you too!” Ethan suddenly said, throwing his arms around me giving me a hug. I froze for a second before hugging him back.

  After saying goodnight to Luke and watching Ethan and Amy walk away, I headed inside to change into my PJs. The entire time I got ready for bed, I couldn’t stop the small sinking feeling in my stomach at the thought of Ethan and Amy walking away together. I just pushed it aside, writing it off as nothing. I was just tired from a long day, that’s all.

  ***

  “I…I love you. I know I should have told you sooner, but I am telling you now,” I said, my blue eyes meeting his blue-green ones. They stared back at me plainly.

  “And you think I feel the same way?” he asked, continuing to stare at me. His tone sent a knife through my chest.

  “W-what?” I stuttered out.

  “You really think I loved you back? You are not pretty, you aren’t smart, and all you do is take pictures and draw. You are just a boring person,” he said simply, as if he were just talking about the weather. Like he didn’t know his words were knives to my heart. His words pierced through me, making me breathless. Tears started running down my face; I couldn’t stop them.

  “Y-you don’t mean that.” My voice was quiet as I stared at the guy I had been in love with for years. The guy who I finally confessed my feelings to, and who crushed my heart in a split second.

  “If you weren’t who you are, I would have asked you out a long time ago. You are just too boring and worthless.” He shrugged. Those words were the final hit, knocking me down to my knees. I could not stop the sobs that were racking my body. This entire time I had a small piece of hope that he did love me back. All it took was a few words to make me crumble.

  “No, no, no,” I chanted, hugging my knees to my chest and rocking back and forth. “No, no.”

  I woke with a start with a sob about to burst free. Tears flowed down my cheeks and my body shook. I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. It wa
s just a dream. Just a dream, I chanted in my head as I forced my body to calm down. That was the most vivid dream I’d had for a while. It’d felt like Ethan was right there in front of me, telling me those things for real.

  When I had calmed down enough, I rolled back over staring up at the ceiling. My eyes burned from crying in my sleep, and I knew they were puffy, as well as my cheeks. I shook off my dream, wanting to convince myself that wouldn’t happen in real life. He wouldn’t say such cruel words to me. I turned my head on my pillow, my eyes taking in my alarm clock. It took me a good minute before it clicked in my mind. The clock read 7:45 a.m., and my first class started at 8:00.

  With a loud curse I jumped out of bed, nearly falling to the ground from the sheets being tangled around my legs. Muttering curses under my breath, I flew across my room to my bathroom. In record time I washed my face and pulled my crazy hair into a messy ponytail at the back of my head. I barely thought of Macey as I searched for an outfit. With little to no time, I just grabbed the first things I found. A pair of black ripped shorts and a white t-shirt that said Namaste in bed. It didn’t even cross my mind that I was wearing a dark bra underneath as I threw on some flats before grabbing my school bag and phone.

  I twirled around my room, making sure I had everything I needed before bolting out my door. I breezed past the kitchen, not having time to grab something to eat. As I reached the front door, I saw a sticky note on it. I quickly read the note from Macey telling me she had to get up early to finish some homework in the library. I tossed it, and I opened the door remembering to lock it after me. I really should have made it in the book of world records for getting ready that fast.

  My small legs ate up the pavement as I hurried to class. I couldn’t believe I slept in, making me almost late to class. First time that happened in a long time; usually I was so punctual. It had been engrained in my mind since I was young by my parents to always be on time or to be early; no one liked someone who was always late.

  When I saw the English building ahead, I almost yelped in joy. I was going to make it on time. I tore down the hallway and through the classroom doors in a matter of seconds. I stood there panting as I inwardly cheered at making it on time. Glancing up, I noticed the entire class staring at me. The professor wasn’t here yet thankfully. I did not want to be called out that I was late or almost late.

  Blushing at the stares, I looked down at my feet making my way to my seat. Gage was seated in his usual seat a few down from mine when I got to the aisle. Muttering under my breath for him to move, I didn’t give him time to answer as I shoved his legs out of my way. I plopped down in my seat, letting out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I did it! I cheered silently.

  “Nice black bra, by the way,” Gage said to me. I snapped my head in his direction, lifting an eyebrow in confusion.

  “What?”

  “Nice black bra. Pretty sexy for someone like yourself,” he said, smirking at me. Confused, I looked down and let out a gasp. I had put on a black bra underneath my white shirt that was practically see through. Red bloomed on my cheeks. People around us laughed. I slumped down low in my seat, wishing I had kept my long hair down to shield my face.

  Just kill me now.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ethan

  “I call her sweetcheeks while she calls me ‘Daddy.’”

  Those words kept playing through my head like a stupid mantra. For some reason I couldn’t get it out of my head. Just the thought of having Carter call a guy “Daddy” or even being with a guy was weird. Carter was Carter. The little girl with crooked teeth following Luke and I everywhere we went. The girl who was my best friend’s sister and who I thought of as the same.

  Sure, it bugged me that guy said that, but I knew he was joking from the way he sent Car a wink afterwards. That wasn’t the part that was really eating me alive; it was the fact that she seemed to know Gage Harper. While he didn’t say anything, his friend did most of the talking, I noticed how his eyes stayed on Carter. She didn’t seem to notice, but I sure as hell did.

  Seeing his interest in Carter made something stir in my stomach, and it wasn’t a good feeling. Gage Harper was not the person I wanted around Carter. I knew about him, aside from the common knowledge of his many “girlfriends.” So seeing him there at the diner, staring at Carter made me want to do everything to keep her away from him.

  “Hey man, are you okay?” Luke asked, glancing over at me before turning back to the video game he was playing.

  “Do you think we need to worry about Carter hanging out with Gage Harper and his friend?” I asked. I set my phone in my lap as I looked at the TV, watching Luke’s character kill people.

  “Well, she said she would stay away from him, and she has always kept her word.” He shrugged, not seeming too concerned. Maybe I was taking it too far, but if Luke wasn’t concerned about his sister getting close to the known “bad boy” of school, then maybe I shouldn’t be.

  “I guess you are right,” I mumbled. He was right about her keeping her word.

  “I know my sister. She can take care of herself.” I nodded, but the voice in the back of my mind kept whispering that I had to keep Carter to myself. At that I froze. Keep Car for myself? Where the hell did that come from? I’ve never thought about Carter as my own but for some odd reason I didn’t reject that idea. It was like I found something new inside of me.

  The bing of my cell phone jerked me out of my thoughts. A familiar name flashed across my screen, making me grin. The whole thing with Carter pushed to the back of my head as I replied to the text.

  I’ll be right there.

  ***

  Carter

  The entire class I kept my head ducked, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. Knowing that everyone could see my black bra made it seem like everyone was staring at me; they probably weren’t, but it didn’t help the feeling. I tried listening to everything the professor was talking about, but every so often I could hear Gage beside me snickering.

  When the bell did finally ring, I was up and out of my seat in an instant. The sooner I got out of here and headed to change my shirt, the better. I did not need any more people seeing my see-through shirt. I mean, it could be worse with me not wearing a bra, but still.

  Making my way to the end of the aisle, I was stopped by a pair of long legs. Looking up I sent a glare at Gage, who sat in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked up at me with those dark brown eyes, clearly proud of himself.

  “What is your deal?” I gritted out.

  “Nothing, just admiring the view.” My blue eyes narrowed even more at him.

  “Stop staring at my chest! I was running late okay.”

  “There’s nothing to really stare at anyways,” he said before standing up. I clenched my jaw, fighting the urge to yell at and hit him. How dare he make fun of something like that! Gage knew he got to me because he winked then walked down the steps to the door. I stared after him, feeling anger burn through my body. I wanted to smack him right across the face.

  Seething, I trailed after him. In my head I cursed Gage every which way. I could tell he was purposely walking slow down the hallway, so I would catch up with him. It was like he wanted me bitch him out, like he enjoyed it. Once I caught up with him, I decided I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of bitching him out. Instead, I walked alongside him staring straight ahead. From the corner of my eye I could see him smirking.

  “You are pretty proud of yourself, aren’t you?” I asked, shaking my head at him. “You love to get under my skin.”

  “It’s not my fault I do. You take things too seriously.” He shrugged.

  “Like I can’t take the ‘your boobs are too small’ personally? You are so stupid,” I grumbled. Gage was silent as we exited the building. I had a little more than thirty minutes to get to my next class, so hopefully it was enough time to change my shirt.

  As I headed in the direction of my dorm, I noticed Gage still following me. I ignored hi
m, hoping he would just veer off in his own direction. When he continued to stay beside me, I finally stopped and turned to him.

  “Why are you following me?” I put my hands on my hips.

  “Who said I am?” he shot back at me.

  “You little—” I started to say but was interrupted.

  “Hey cutie,” a new voice said, making me turn to look at the new guy standing right next to me. I watched as his eyes traveled over my entire body, starting at my face and lingering on my chest before sliding to my legs. I could practically see him undressing me in his mind. I held back a shiver of disgust. The guy opened his mouth to say something else when a hard arm snaked around my waist, pulling me back to a firm body.

  “Back off,” I heard Gage growl as his grip on my waist tightened. My back was pressed firmly against his front, making my skin tingle. I couldn’t see Gage, but I saw the guy nod before turning and practically running away. Even when the guy was out of sight, Gage kept me close to him.

  A part of me wanted to pull away from him, but the other, bigger part did not want me to. It kept me still against him, soaking in the heat radiating off his body. I tried to ignore the giant butterflies that were swarming in my stomach. It felt nice to be pressed against him, almost like we fit together perfectly. I made the mistake of clearing my throat, making Gage suddenly let go of me. He took a step back, letting me turn to face him once more.

  My cheeks were bright red, and I felt like I was on fire. Just his touch made me weak in the knees. I silently begged for my cheeks to return to their normal color, which of course did not happen. As I stood there awkwardly, Gage stared at him, the blank look back on his face. His smirk was gone now, leaving his face like a blank canvas. I almost wished he looked the way he did before.