Silent Love

by Kenadee Bryant

  Because all of us were starving, the boys probably more so considering they got a ton of food, the next little bit was filled with silence and the clacking of silverware. Peace seemed to fall among us as we ate. All around us I could hear people laughing and talking with their friends. There was a sense of comfort, even though we didn’t say one word. We were like a big mixed and matched family. We might fight sometimes or tease one another relentlessly, but at the end of the day we loved one another.

  ***

  “You are wearing it!”

  “No I am not!”

  “Yes!”

  “No!” I protested against Macey. Macey stood in the middle of my room, her hands on her hips and a determined look on her face. For the last ten minutes she’d tried to get me to put on the skimpiest-looking dress I had ever seen. I was definitely not having it. I couldn’t even bend down without flashing someone in front of me or behind me. I was not comfortable wearing something like that.

  “Carter, will you just do what she asks?” Amy whined as she finished up the rest of her makeup in the full-length mirror I had in my room.

  “I am not wearing that…that thing!” I pointed at the dress that was in Macey’s hands. “I will go to this party if I can wear something that is more me,” I pleaded. I stared at Macey until I saw her sigh and her shoulders slump. Inwardly, I jumped in triumph.

  “Fine, but I have the final say.” With that, she turned back to my closet to find something else. I leaned back on my hands as I waited. I already had my hair and makeup done, courtesy of Macey and Amy. It seemed like forever when Mace finally picked out something for me to wear.

  “Put these on,” she said as she shoved them in my lap. I glanced at the clothes then back to her. “You will like them. Now go change.” She waved me off to the bathroom.

  Sighing, I grabbed the clothing before leaving the room. I could have changed in there with them, but it was just slightly awkward being practically naked in front of people.

  It took me a few minutes to slip on the super tight high-waisted black skinny jeans. After doing the skinny jeans dance for two minutes, I took off Luke’s jersey and slipped on the lacey crop top on. I had no idea I even owned it. Thankfully, it had two thin straps for my shoulders or else I’d be pulling the damn thing up every few seconds. I looked in the mirror and my eyes widened. The outfit was insanely cute. Although the crop top went to my lower breasts, it had a few pieces of fabric that went to my belly button, and the high-waisted jeans covered up the rest of the skin. I didn’t have that much skin showing, which made me happy. I also had my brown hair curled to hang down my back and simple makeup on. I looked really hot.

  When I finally stopped looking at myself, I made my way back to my room. Amy noticed me first.

  “Wow, you look…wow,” was all she said. I grinned knowing I made Amy speechless. If only I could do that to guys! At Amy’s response, Macey looked over at me.

  “Perfect. Aren’t I great or what?” I rolled my eyes but still smiled at her. “Now for shoes!” She held up the same pair of black booties I wore on the first day of classes. Grabbing some socks, because why wouldn’t you, I sat on my bed and slipped the shoes on.

  “Okay, bag check,” Macey exclaimed. I grabbed my bag that was behind me on the bed and looked inside. It wasn’t my usual bag; it was smaller and a little less casual. Every girl had two types of bags: the one she carried around on a daily basis, and another that would match every dress or fancy outfit she owned and looked almost high end.

  “Phones? Gum? Lipstick? Money? Keys? Rape whistles?” I glanced up at her as she said the last one. “What? You never know.” She raised her hand before continuing. “Advil? Condoms?” At that I stood up.

  “Okay, we get it,” I said, cutting her off. Like I would really have condoms in my purse. I was not planning on getting drunk or sleeping with anyone. As I made my way out the door, I heard both Amy and Macey laughing.

  When they finally stopped laughing and met me at the door, I looked over all of us. We all cleaned up pretty well. Macey looked gorgeous in her red and black dress. The deep red made her skin look tan, which made me instantly jealous. Her hair was curled liked mine, and she topped her look with bright red lipstick. And as always, Amy looked hot. Her tan skin stood out against her black dress. Her dress was almost silky and reached mid-thigh. The back was gorgeous, though; eight straps crossed along the back in an X shape. I loved the back, although it did show a lot of skin and it was clear she was not wearing a bra. Her blonde hair was done in waves, and her eyes were smoked out to match her dress.

  Standing there, I was once again reminded at how simple-looking I was compared to both of them. If I wasn’t their friend, I would have been seriously jealous. Thankfully, though, neither had ever tried to push me to be different, and nor have either of them tried to change themselves for anyone. We were all beautiful in our own way.

  “You guys ready?” Amy asked, a grin plastered on her face. I was nervous and excited at the same time. This was going to be my first ever college party, and only the third I’d ever been to. I swallowed my nervousness and nodded.

  “Let’s party!” Macey yelled as we left our apartment. Trailing behind them, I sent a silent plea that tonight would be a great night and that it would not end up in a disaster.

  Chapter Sixteen

  We ended up walking to the party, considering it was only a few minutes from our building. Tons of people had the same idea. Girls were wearing dresses like Amy’s and Macey’s, leaving me feeling like I dressed too simply. It was a little bit after nine, meaning the party had started already, but according to Macey, we had to show up fashionably late. I silently thanked the weather for being nice tonight instead of cold. I really should have worn a cover up or something. My shoulders were bare, and I felt slightly naked.

  The only thing I was really looking forward to at this party was seeing Ethan. Maybe this was my opportunity to show him a different side. It wasn’t like I was going to get drunk or even drink for that matter, but going to a party showed I was going out of my comfort zone a little. Of course my thinking or wishing would probably never happen, but a girl could dream, right?

  It actually sounded nice, going out to do something after a busy week. My mind was on overload this last week, and I just wanted a night where I could forget about all the homework and studying I had to do. It might only be the second week of school, but it felt like it’d been a month.

  I could tell we were almost there; I could already hear the music. If it were any louder, it would make the ground shake. It probably was once we got to the house hosting the party. I had no idea who it was or if it was some kind of fraternity party, but it wasn’t my place to clean up.

  The only time I had ever had to clean up after a party was the one party Luke and Ethan threw at our house. Because they were both “big shots” at school, they wanted to throw a party when my parents were gone for their anniversary. Almost the entire school was there and trashed the place. Of course I was allowed to come since it was my house, but that also meant I had to clean everything up afterwards. The morning after, I had gotten up early and kicked out the random people passed out on the floor. I then got both hungover boys to help me clean up all the red cups, the trash, the empty alcohol bottles. With the help of Macey, we got the entire place cleaned up in a few hours, not leaving a trace. Thankfully, my parents never found out, or at least not that I know of. You can’t really hide anything from your parents.

  Within minutes we were at the house hosting the party. About ten people stood out front in the grass, most of them already drunk from the way they were swaying. A girl was lying flat on the ground, staring up at the sky. I didn’t know if she was passed out, dead, or just lying there. The front lawn was already littered with empty cups.

  It looked like an average house, but it had to be some kind of sorority because who would want to live basically on campus?

  As predicted, music flew out of the open door and the ground pr
actically shook with the bass. I couldn’t stop the feeling of wanting to turn around and go home. It already wasn’t my scene.

  “You ready?” Macey whispered in my ear. I looked over to her only to see Amy walking toward the door, leaving us standing there. Not wanting to chicken out, I nodded. As I held onto her arm, we made our way inside the house.

  Immediately, I was hit with music and heat. The place was packed with people, making the air sticky and hot. Alcohol hit my nose, making me scrunch it up; it smelled like a brewery in there. Macey kept a tight grip on my arm, dragging me past people. All around me college students were dancing, throwing their hands in the air, grinding on each other. Those not dancing were making out against the wall, or on couches pushed against the wall. Of course there were the few bystanders who stood off to the side with a drink in hand, watching everyone, mostly likely what I’d be doing.

  “Here you go!” Macey yelled over the sound of the music. She passed me a red Solo cup that was filled with something.

  “I don’t want any alcohol,” I yelled, handing it back to her.

  “Just hold it. It will make people leave you alone, and don’t set it down anywhere!” She sent me a firm look. I wanted to roll my eyes at her but refrained. It wasn’t like I was stupid enough to set my drink down where someone could slip something in it. This wasn’t exactly my first party, so I knew the basics. And what I didn’t personally know, I read enough about in books.

  I held the cup in my hand before glancing around for Amy. We lost her the minute we arrived. I wasn’t worried, though; she knew her way around. As my eyes passed over everyone, my gaze landed on a familiar figure making their way toward me. Inwardly, I groaned and faced Macey.

  “Two o’clock,” I muttered. Her eyes went in the direction I indicated. She didn’t even have a chance to say anything before the person spoke.

  “Carter, what are you doing here?” Clenching my tongue, I turned and faced my brother, putting a bright smile on my face.

  “Hey, bro!” Luke raised an eyebrow at me.

  “You are here because…”

  “Because it’s a party,” I said in a “duh” tone.

  “Carter—” he started, but I raised a hand to stop him.

  “Luke, stop. I’m here and I’m not leaving. Don’t try to guilt me into leaving or force me to go, because I won’t. I can do whatever I want for once,” I said, looking him square in the eye. I was standing my ground.

  Luke stared at me for a few minutes, as if he was having an internal debate. I stood there feeling my legs shake slightly. I was definitely not used to sticking up for myself against my brother. I knew he only meant well, but tonight I was not leaving. Just knowing that he didn’t want me here made the need to be here even stronger.

  “Fine.” He finally relented. “But don’t get drunk.” I gave him a pointed stare. Both of us knew I would not do that.

  When he was satisfied that I wasn’t going to do something stupid, he dropped his protective brother act and sported a smile. He even went as far as complimenting Macey on her outfit. Luke didn’t stay around us for too much longer; a few minutes later, some guy from the football team called him over. My eyes snapped from them to Amy, who was in the middle of the dance floor grinding on some guy. I shook my head but a small part of me was kind of jealous.

  I couldn’t just let go and have fun like Amy. I couldn’t do whatever I wanted and have guys drooling all over me. I did in a way envy Amy’s looks and personality. She was everything a guy could want, smarts included. Her ability to just let loose, have fun, and be herself was something I wish I had.

  “Let’s dance!” Macey yelled over to me. I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to dance, but I wanted her to leave me alone.

  “You go.” I waved her toward the makeshift dance floor.

  “But what about you?”

  “I’ll be fine. I’ll be right here, okay? Go have some fun! That guy keeps eyeing you anyway.” With my eyes I gestured over to my three o’clock, where a cute blonde guy was staring at Macey. He looked semi-familiar, probably from the football team with Ethan and Luke.

  Still having second thoughts, I practically shoved her toward the guy. I saw Mace glare at me, but I also caught the small smile on her face. She didn’t even need another invitation as she walked confidently up to the guy and started talking. Not even a minute later, I saw them dancing together. I grinned at my friend as I leaned back against the wall.

  Bringing my cup to my lips, I took a small sip. The taste of cheap beer erupted across my tongue. I forced the liquid down, trying hard not make a face. I’d tasted alcohol before, but I never really liked the taste. That of course never stopped anyone; people still drank it.

  With both of my friends busy and my brother and Ethan MIA, I had nothing else to do but people-watch. My gaze moved through the crowd, picking out certain college students. I watched a pretty brunette girl talking with her group of friends. Every so often, their eyes would snap over to a guy standing off to the side of the room. Even from here I could tell she liked him and wanted to go say something to him, but was probably too shy to do so.

  I left that group and looked over at two people making out on one of the couches in the room. The two of them were oblivious to everyone else around as they ate each other’s faces off. I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. Slightly disgusted, I turned away from the couple.

  Just as I was looking in a different direction, a large body stepped in my line of vision. I tilted my head up and met an all-too-familiar face. I felt my heart beat a little faster and my grip tighten on my cup.

  “Carter?” Ethan asked, almost like he couldn’t believe it was me.

  “Hey Ethan.” I hoped it was dark enough in here so he couldn’t see me blushing.

  “What are you doing here?” I wanted to roll my eyes at that.

  “I’m here with Mace and Amy.”

  “Does your bother know that you’re here?” As he said that, I felt his eyes take me in. I felt like I was being scrutinized, and suddenly my skinny jeans seemed too tight, and my spaghetti strap crop top too small. I had worn worse around Ethan, like a bikini, but this seemed almost different. His eyes weren’t just gazing over me; they were taking me in and seeing everything I had. Ethan almost looked like he hadn’t seen me before, with the way he was staring. I shook myself out of my thoughts and answered him.

  “Yes, he does, and I’ll say the same thing to you that I said to him.” I looked at his face. “I’m not leaving, I’m not going to do anything stupid, and I’ll let both of you know when I’m leaving.”

  Ethan continued staring at me like he didn’t hear a word I just said. Even though it was dark in here, I could see the brightness of his blue eyes. They seemed to stand out amongst the darkness. I took that second to see what he had changed into. A pair of dark jeans hung low on his hips, with what looked like a grey shirt that had some kind of writing on it; basically his signature look. His brown hair was styled in a coif. He cleaned up well.

  “What?” I asked as he kept staring. It was starting to freak me out. He seemed to snap out whatever trance he was in. He cleared his throat and looked away.

  “Nothing.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking slightly embarrassed. We stood there silently, the music drowning some of the awkwardness away. A good two minutes had passed before I said something. And of course what I said was so stupid making me want to slap myself.

  “So when did you get here?” I asked.

  “A few minutes ago. Luke was taking forever to get ready.” He brought his own red cup to his lips and took a big gulp. Like the creep I was, I watched, fascinated at how sexy he made swallowing look. Realizing what I was doing, I jerked my head in a different direction. Damn, I really was a creep.

  “Same here.”

  “Why aren’t you out dancing with Macey and Amy?” Ethan asked, looking sideways at me.

  “I’m not much of a dancer,” I said lamely. I really wasn’t, especially thi
s kind of “dancing.” I didn’t think I could grind against someone like that without looking like an idiot. I would probably look like I was hip thrusting or something.

  “I beg to differ. I saw you dancing in your room once.” He shot me a smile.

  “What?” I turned to face him. “You saw me in my room dancing?”

  “Oh yes I did. It was a few years ago, though, so the handmade microphone has probably been scratched from the routine.” His smile widened as he took in my embarrassed look.

  “You did not see that!” My face was searing with heat. I knew exactly what he was talking about. I wish I could deny that I ever played music and danced around my room like a lovestruck teenager, but I couldn’t.

  Almost every night after dinner or when everyone had gone to bed, I would play whatever CD I had or whatever songs I had on my phone, and dance around to the music. I would even go as far as use a marker, hairbrush, or even my own hand for a microphone, pretending that I was a pop star. I hadn’t realized that Ethan, or anyone for that matter, had seen me doing that.

  I wanted to say that I hadn’t done that since my middle school days, but I couldn’t. I even did my whole pop star act through my senior year. I would make up dances for my Backstreet Boys albums, or pretend that I was in a music video like Taylor Swift’s.

  I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. It was beyond humiliating knowing that your crush had seen something so embarrassing about you.

  “You weren’t supposed to see that!” I cried, bringing my hands up to my cheeks. The beer in my cup was still slightly cold, which felt nice against my hot cheeks.

  “Don’t worry, Car, it was cute,” Ethan smiled at me. If I thought I couldn’t blush any more, I was wrong. “You don’t have a bad voice either, when you try.”

  My stomach exploded in butterflies. My heart was starting to beat a million miles an hour. Ethan just said I was cute—well, technically he meant my dancing was—but I was going to take that to mean I was cute as well. I took another sip of my drink hoping to calm myself down a little. Oh, who was I kidding? I wouldn’t be able to calm down!