Fallen Hearts (Casteel Series #3)

by V. C. Andrews

  "Okay, then," I said in my most cheerful voice.

  "We'll all get washed and dressed and have some breakfast, and then you and I will explore Farthy.

  That's what we call this house and the grounds, Farthy, short for Farthinggale Manor. You'll see a pool and a gazebo and gardens and tennis courts."

  "Can I go swimming?" Drake's eyes lit up.

  "Of course, darling, but it's too cold now. But we can explore the maze, although you won't be able to ever go in it all by yourself, because you could get lost forever and ever. After we take our walk, you can come back up here and play with some of the toys Logan found for you last night. Then, after lunch, we'll have Miles drive us into Boston in the limo, and I will take you shopping and buy you all sorts of clothes. How does all that sound?"

  He looked from me toward Logan, who was

  already shaving.

  "You should start with a nice warm bath," I said, standing and taking his hand to lead him to the bathroom in his room.

  "I don't wanna "

  "Sure you do," I said, looking around quickly. I saw the replica of the Queen Mary on a chair by his light walnut dresser, and I remembered that it could actually float. "You'll take your toy ship in the water with you and you'll see that the little lifeboats float."

  That caught his interest and from then on it was easy. He even let me wash his hair. Afterward, I dried him down and dressed him in one of his outfits. I put a sweater on him because the early days of fall were here and the wind was already reminding us that winter was not that far behind.

  He played quietly in his room until I got

  washed and dressed, and then we joined Logan for breakfast. He was reading through The Wall Street Journal, just as Tony always did at breakfast. I looked at his studious frown, tempted to tell him the truth I had learned last night, and all the other truths I had kept from him for so long. Suddenly he looked up at me. "A penny for your thoughts, honey." He smiled.

  Oh, did my thoughts show so easily on my

  face? I covered my shame with a smile.

  "You owe me a penny," Logan continued before I had a chance to say a word. "I know what you're thinking." My heart skipped a beat. He laid down his paper and gave me a big grin. "The baby, you're thinking about the new baby, aren't you?"

  I could only smile back at him. "I'm thinking about all my new children, especially this special young man," I said, tousling Drake's hair.

  The servants made an extra effort to make

  Drake feel at home. Rye Whiskey even created a fruit plate that looked like an elephant and brought it out himself. It brought the first real smile to Drake's face.

  I saw that he had inherited Luke's smile, a smile that began around his eyes and rippled through his cheeks, bringing the corners of his mouth out gently.

  Logan had to rush out right after breakfast to make his plane. He kissed me good-bye and then kissed Drake, who looked up with such surprise, I had to wonder if Luke had ever kissed him hello or goodbye. Perhaps Luke had brought with him that resistance to any show of emotion most men from the Willies had. Sentiment was a woman's way.

  After breakfast Drake and I went for that

  walking tour of Farthinggaie Manor I had promised him. The trees on the grounds and in the surrounding woods were beginning to wear their bright autumn colors. It was as if God had come along with a great paintbrush and stroked in ribbons of yellow and orange, red and salmon. Because the trees were still full, the sight was breathtaking. The morning air, although a bit cool, was invigorating. Nature filled us with such a strong feeling for life just before she retreated into hibernation before the winter when days could be cold and dark and gloomy, making us long for the first rays of the spring sun. I remembered how welcome were the sounds of the spring waters in the Willies freeing themselves from the grip of ice.

  The gardeners were working on the grounds

  and some men were winterizing the pool. I could see that little Drake was fascinated with all the activity.

  His eyes went everywhere, hungrily gobbling up the sight of men trimming trees and bushes, men painting the sides of the pool and repairing cracks in the patios.

  When we reached one of the entrances to the maze, I explained what it was to him and why it was dangerous for him to go in himself.

  "After you go in and make a turn here and then make a turn there, you can forget how to get back because all the turns and all the paths look the same."

  "Why did someone make that?" he asked, his eyes narrowing. He was a thoughtful boy, a curious boy. After having taught for a year, I could recognize that love for learning in a young child's eyes. I knew that once he became more comfortable around me and in these surroundings, he would ask many questions. I wondered if Luke and Stacie had been patient with him and had fed his appetite for knowledge. I made up my mind we would get hi- I a good tutor and give him preschool instruction.

  "It's supposed to be fun," I said. "A puzzle, but only a puzzle for older people, you understand?"

  He nodded.

  "Promise me you'll never go in by yourself."

  "I promise," he said and I hugged him to me.

  He looked into my eyes, a warmth appearing for the first time.

  "Is my daddy looking down now and smiling?"

  he asked.

  "Oh, I think so, Drake. I really do." I stood up.

  "Come on, we'll go see what the men are doing to the pool," I said and led him away from the maze.

  Right after lunch I had Miles bring up the limo and take us into Boston for the shopping spree. I reminded myself of the time Tony took me into Boston to buy my wardrobe for the Winterhaven School. He said, "I despise the way girls dress today, ruining the best part of their lives with shoddy, common clothes. . . . You will dress as the girls dressed when I went to Yale." Then he took me to the small shops where clothes and shoes cost small fortunes. Not once did he ask the prices of sweaters, skirts, dresses, coats, boots . . . anything. Only Tony had been wrong about the clothes. Not one girl at Winterhaven wore a skirt. They dressed like any other teenager: blue jeans and sloppy tops, too-large shirts or ill-fitting sweaters.

  I was determined not to make the same mistake with Drake. I would buy him nice things, but not stuffy clothes that would single him out and isolate him from other children his age. I wasn't about to make him over into something he was not, something Tony had attempted to do with me. I looked to see what Drake liked, what caught his fancy, too. I bought him some dress clothes, but a lot of clothes to play in—jeans, flannel shirts, sneakers.

  Miles followed along in the limo and took the packages from my hands as I emerged from store after store. Finally both Drake and I were exhausted from our shopping. We got into the limo and headed back to Farthy. The servants helped bring our packages up to Drake's room, but I dismissed the maids and put things away myself. I wanted Drake to feel my strong bond with him and everything that involved him. He sat on the rug playing with his cars and trucks as I organized his wardrobe. Every once in a while I caught him looking up and staring at me.

  I could see he wasn't quite sure yet how to take me, or what to consider me. Was I a stepmother, a half sister, a nanny? He had grown more comfortable with me, but he was still holding back, rationing his words, his laughter, even his tears. I knew it would take time and it was simply a matter of trust, and I, as well as anyone, knew what it was like to start over with a new family and a new home.

  He talked a let- more at dinner, telling me about the times he had gone with Luke to the circus, telling me about the animals and the acrobats. "Heaven, there was this woman who knew how to hang by her hair and spin around and around, and sometimes Daddy let me feed the elephants. My favorite, my always favorite was when Daddy let me wear my own clown suit and special clown nose and hair and I got to ride on the top hump of the camel. His name was Ishtar, isn't that a funny name, Heaven?"

  He wondered when he would be able to go back to the circus, and I told him that someday soon, I would
take him to a circus, maybe even a bigger circus. Talking about the circus reminded him of Luke, though, and of Stacie, and very soon he became melancholy. Rye Whiskey rescued the moment once again when he appeared with a three-layer chocolate cake with a clown face made out of strawberries on top.

  "Wow, what's that!" Drake asked, excitement enlivening his features.

  "This cake is called a Drake cake." Rye Whiskey smiled. "Tell me if you like it." With that he set the cake before Drake. "Can I have the piece with the nose?" Drake asked.

  "Of course, young man," Rye Whiskey said, pretending to steal Drake's nose, putting his thumb between his fingers as he chuckled. "Since I've got yours, you can have the cake's."

  Shortly afterward I took Drake up to his room and washed and dressed him for bed. He had had another big day. I let him play a while longer, until he grew groggy. Then I tucked him in under his soft blanket, kissed him on the cheek, and left him to sleep his second night at Farthy.

  I went down to the living room, planning to lie in wait for Tony and confront him the moment he returned. The world outside the Farthinggale world seemed to anticipate my anger and accusations. The sky was dismally dark and overcast, with flashes of furious lightning flaming through the sky. No stars dared show themselves on this night. Then the rains came, heavy and hard, sounding cold, like tears of ice.

  Suddenly I heard the sound of tires whooshing through puddles, a door slammed outside, then the front door opened. I heard Curtis bid Tony good evening. Then I heard him giving Tony all his messages and recounting all that had happened while he was gone. Tony wandered into the living room, as he always did, and smiled when he saw me.

  "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you and Logan returned," he said, coming to me. "Was it a very trying time?"

  "Yes," I said sharply. "For more reasons than one. There was surprise as well as sadness, mystery, and confusion."

  "Where's Logan?" he asked, as if looking for an ally at this moment.

  "He was called back to Winnerow over a labor crisis at the factory. Perhaps we should go into your office and talk, Tony," I said quickly. He stared at me a moment, his blue eyes narrowing now with suspicion and some understanding.

  "I was just heading there," he said. He gestured for me to lead the way and I did so, snapping on the light and going right to his desk. I sat down quickly in the leather chair in front of it and waited for him to go around his desk. He dropped some papers on it and then sat down. "So you met with J. Arthur Steine," he said, as if that conclusion explained it all.

  "Yes. And new I want to hear it from you, Tony. Why did you buy the circus and then give it to Luke for only one dollar?"

  He shrugged and sat back, lacing the tips of his fingers together to form a cathedral and then pressing his palms together. He brought his fingers to his lips before speaking. It looked as if he were offering up some prayer.

  "I was searching for ways to get you to come back to us at Farthy," he began. "I couldn't believe you were going to continue to give all this up for a teaching position in that small town, where the people didn't even appreciate you."

  "I wasn't there for the people, I was there for the children," I corrected him.

  He nodded. "I know. Anyway, I was at a loss for ways to win your love and your loyalty, and it occurred to me that if I did something for Luke, you might appreciate the things I could do for everyone you . . . you cared for . . and you would come back."

  "But you never even told me what you had done," I said, practically jumping on his words.

  "Explain what kind of logic there was in that? And you're usually a very logical man, Tony."

  "I realize that," he admitted. "But right after I bought the circus and gave it to Luke, I got cold feet. I thought you would think I was trying to buy your love and loyalty, and in the end I would do more damage by telling you this. So I just forgot about it. It was no big expense for me. It didn't matter, and then.. then the telegram came and the rest you know. So," he said, eager to leave the topic, "how's the little one? I'm sure that----"

  "I want to know all of it, Tony. I want to hear the whole story from your lips and I want to know why you did it," I repeated, my eyes fixed coldly on him. I knew that when I wanted to, I could affect his sharp, penetrating gaze. I hadn't only inherited some of his looks; I had inherited the steel in his backbone.

  We were facing each other down, Tatterton to Tatterton. For what seemed to be an eternity, he sat there, his blue eyes calm and unreadable.

  "What do you mean?" he finally said. "I told you why I did it."

  "You didn't tell me the truth, Tony." I wondered if in his own mind, he thought that he had. For so long now the inhabitants of Farthii ggale Manor had been living with illusions. Perhaps it was no longer possible for him to remember what was true and what wasn't. Sometimes, I thought, you could dream so hard, you no longer know whether it was a fantasy or a real memory.

  "What is not true?" he asked.

  "The reason you bought the circus and gave it to Luke."

  "What I told you is the truth," he insisted. "I did it for you."

  "I don't mean that, Tony. In some distorted way I think you did think you were doing what you did in order to win me back here. But I want to hear the whole story. What was Luke's reaction when you gave him the circus?"

  "What would his reaction be? He was grateful,"

  Tony said, shrugging. "At first he thought you had everything to do with it. I had to explain that you knew nothing of it, and I had to require that he not ask or tell you about it. He was confused, but he accepted that. And then, as I said, I forgot all about it. So . . ."

  "What else did you ask of him?" I demanded. It was as if I had shot-him through the heart with my sharp words. His face whitened.

  "How do you know I asked anything else of him? Did J. Arthur Steine tell you something else?"

  "No, Tony. Mr. Steine is your man right down to the soles of his shoes. But after I heard what you had done and how much you were involved in Luke's affairs, I couldn't stop wondering about it. When Logan and I returned, I had hoped to find out from you why you had done what you had done, but you weren't here. I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it, so I came down here to your office and searched for the answers myself."

  "You did what?" Alarm claimed his face. I saw his eyes dart to the file cabinet and back to me.

  "Yes, Tony, I looked through your files and I found the agreement you drew up between yourself and Luke, and what I want to know, what I demand to know, is why you did such a terrible thing?" I said.

  My body was trembling now with my effort to remain strong and determined I felt my heart thumping and felt tears welling in my eyes.

  Stunned for a moment, Tony couldn't speak. He stared at me and then sat back in his chair. He looked down, unable to face me, to meet my piercing gaze, my eyes of blue ice.

  "It was a terrible thing to do," he confessed, speaking slowly, like a man lost in his own desires. "I lived with it all this time, promising myself that I would end it soon, and then, when that telegram came, and I realized it was too late, that I could never right the wrong . . ." He looked up. "I didn't have to go away on business. I simply ran away for a couple of days. I wanted to avoid you when you first came back from the funeral and from speaking to J. Arthur Steine. I hoped that somehow you wouldn't be wondering about all this, but of course, that was a silly hope. For you always seek to know everything, every bit of truth even if that truth will bring you to misery.

  "Some of the things you once said to me about the way I treated Jillian were true—I did permit myself to live in illusions, and I was trying to do the same with you. I should have realized there was too much Tatterton in you, early Tatterton, for you not to see it."

  "Why did you do it?" I pursued. "Why did you insist Luke not have anything to do with e?"

  He looked away for a moment, obviously

  gathering the courage to say what he had to say to me.

  "You don't know what it was like
when you left after Troy's death. You don't know how nuch I missed you. I never told you how much you meant to me, how important it was for me to have you here, to be able to see you and talk to you . . . That night I took you to the theater was one of the happiest nights of my life. . . I. . I had already lost Jillian, in a sense, and it looked like I had lost you, too.

  "Suddenly there was some hope you might come back, hope that I could arrange things in such a way that you would spend a great amount of your time here, and then . . . when I heard you had invited Luke to your wedding . . ."

  "How did you hear that, Tony? You weren't attending the wedding in Winnerow. You weren't involved in the expense. I paid for that myself," I said, my pride as strong and as straight as a flag in the wind.

  "Logan told me," he said.

  "Logan?" I sat back. "Logan?" He nodded. "But you barely knew Logan then. I don't understand."

  "I called him as soon as I heard you were getting engaged and we spoke. I spoke to him a few times. I begged him not to tell you I was calling him and asking him questions about you. I didn't want you to think I was trying to interfere. He understood. I thought he was an intelligent, sensitive young man."

  "And you asked him about my relationship with Luke?"

  "Yes."

  "So you learned I had invited him to my wedding," I said, eager for him to go on.

  "Precisely. I was afraid," he said quickly.

  "Afraid you would make up with Luke and the two of you would grow so close to each other, that you would want to remain in his world and I would be cut out of your life."

  "And then you bought the circus and gave it to him right before my wedding so he couldn't attend.

  You did that!" I exclaimed, realizing the significance of what he had done. "You actually planned it that way! Kept him from my wedding and then kept him from me!"

  "Yes."

  "You sit there so calmly and tell me you went ahead and used your great wealth to try to buy my love, not only buy my love for you, but buy my love away from Luke."

  "Yes," he said again. "I confess to it all, but you must understand my motives. You must—"