Seclusion

by Leanne Davis

  She suddenly took her foot back and kicked him in the thigh where he still sat on the ground. He cursed, and jumped to his feet. He grabbed at her arm as she turned to storm out of there.

  “You left me. Don’t for a second place all the blame on me, not again. You weren’t willing to stay. And I was supposed to what? Run off with you when you didn’t really know for sure if you wanted me? And if I had followed you? What then? What awaited me? It took you only six months to marry David.”

  “Why couldn’t you have loved me enough? Enough to accept me, all of me. Even if I was pregnant?”

  “You ran before I could think straight. Like always. Like you always will. What are you doing here? You and David have a fight? Let me guess, here you are, just in case, huh? See if I’ll take over if David leaves you?”

  She lifted her hand. He anticipated her move and caught it in his fist just before it connected with his cheek bone.

  “That’s enough. Quit hitting me.”

  Instead of hitting him, she fell into him. Her arms went around him, and clung to his waist, her head against his chest. He stepped back in surprise. She lifted her face to his, and pulled his mouth to hers. It was hot. As it used to be. His mouth crushed hers, lips moved over hers with the anger he so easily found toward her.

  She felt him move her back, shutting the bathroom door she was then up against it. Her back crashed into it as his body crushed her from the front.

  She hadn’t felt like this since him. The way he turned her entire body on fire, wild and crazy in abandon in seconds. His tongue came into her mouth. Hers came to his. His hands moved to her waist, to her shirt, shivers covered her skin as his warm hands slid up her back, up and down he rubbed, until his hands came around to the front of her, touching her through the cotton material of her bra. Her nipples peaked in tight, hard circles, nearly painful in desire for him. She could feel him, against her, hard and wanting her. It made her nearly faint.

  His hands came to her waist, turned her around back against him, his hands ran up the front of her, her bottom tucked to his crotch. His mouth was on her neck, his breath moist, hot over her skin, and hairline.

  “Mr. Langston? Is there any way the bathroom will be fixed before tonight?”

  The voice came through the other side of the door. They both stilled, quit moving, almost didn’t breath. He let out a deep breath, his heart raced against her.

  “Ah, yeah, sure, Ms. Smithson, I’ll have it ready in about an hour.”

  “Thank you, then I won’t worry about making other arrangements for tonight.”

  “Yeah, I’ll make sure I get it done.”

  Sean’s voice was strange sounding. He didn’t move for several seconds, as they both seemed to hold their breaths to see if the said Ms. Smithson had any more to comment on.

  Sean took his hands off her. They dropped from her flesh leaving her cold. Cold and ashamed feeling. She finally turned, enough so that she could look into Sean’s eyes. He stared at her coldly, and then he sighed, speaking quietly now he muttered, “More of the same? Leave me alone, I’m not interested in what you’re offering.”

  She froze, stunned into shamed silence.

  “Don’t look at me like I kicked a puppy. You’re the one who is married, not me. And this, right here, is my place of business, so let me do it. Grow up, Angie. Sex, mindless or otherwise isn’t going to solve your problems. It didn’t last time, and it won’t this time. Leave me out of your current identity crisis. That’s all I ask. Just leave me alone.”

  “Sean, I didn’t mean to—”

  “Sure you did. Snap your fingers and I’ll follow. Same as always. Now you know. But not this time. Don’t put me through this again.”

  “I wasn’t. I didn’t intend on seducing you.”

  “I don’t believe you. Even if you believe yourself. Go home, figure out your life without me. Figure it out alone. Figure it out before you run off again. Or run back again, or whatever it is you’re doing.”

  She slumped against the bathroom door. He stared down at her, surprised at her sudden passivity.

  She sighed. “You were right, a long time ago, when you asked me why I thought I wasn’t David’s mid-life crisis. I was. There were many before me and many more after me. I was nothing special. He…just happened to get caught with me. David only married me because his first wife left him and I was pregnant.”

  Sean sighed, backing up a safe distance; he sat on the tub rim. “Why are you telling me?”

  “I don’t know who else to tell. You were and are one of my only friends.”

  “I’m not sleeping with you. You’re married, I don’t need the headache of that. I’m also not your friend, not anymore. I can’t do this with you. So please, just leave.”

  “I thought maybe—”

  “What? That I’d tell you to leave him and come be with me? When are you going to figure out your life begins and ends with you. Learn to complete yourself, quit looking for answers from other people, from new towns, from different men. If you ever learn that, then call me.”

  She stood there stunned. Her mouth open. He stared up at her, the anger and regret in his face. The sorrow she saw for her, in his eyes. He felt sorry for her. And suddenly, ashamedly, she knew why. He was right. All of it. She had been looking for external validation for so long, she’d never learned to give it to herself. And suddenly there was no one left to give it.

  She backed out of the bathroom, suddenly clearly, sure of two things; she’d made a fool of herself today, and it might have been the best thing she’d ever done to herself.

  “So, you want to become a teacher?”

  She grinned at Luke’s presumption. “No, I wanted information from you, as you suggested. I’m not sure I can do it.”

  Luke’s smile dimmed as he flipped the hamburgers on the grill. “Angie, you should become one. There is no reason you can’t, if you’re motivated. You are still one the most intelligent people I know.”

  She stared out toward the rolling waves and dimming twilight. She was at the Tylers for a BBQ, and it was going surprisingly well. Inside she could hear the girls playing and squealing together in abandon. Amy was getting a huge kick out of how eagerly Marie followed her around and mimicked her in adoration.

  Kelly was preparing a salad in the kitchen. “I used to be one of the most intelligent academic people you know. I was never all that smart about practical life. Do you realize the mistakes I’ve made? They are huge and monumental. I’ve twice gotten pregnant by accident, by different men. I twice ran from Seaclusion because it was easier than dealing with my life. I married a man twenty years older than me who always cheated on me. Not a surprise considering I met him while he was married to someone else. So, I am not, as you say, so intelligent. I lack the most basic of ingredients: common sense.”

  Luke shook his head and joined her leaning against the railing of the balcony. “Nah. You were just young. You had a few things to work out. Looking at you now, I’d say you’ve done that. Now, it’s time to believe in yourself. Become the adult you obviously want to be.”

  She turned her head and smiled up at his profile. “That’s always been the problem; I’ve never known how to do that. Or what I want.”

  “Well, I think you want you to be a good mother. And you don’t want your cheating husband. And you need to support yourself and your daughter. Start there, Angie, and you’ll quickly figure out common sense.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “I think it will be, once you commit.”

  Once she committed? He was right. She didn’t usually fully commit to anything. She floated. She tried and failed. She hid things. She ran from all those secrets and her failures. She rarely stuck with anything. Except Marie. She was totally committed to her daughter. Maybe Luke was right, maybe, for Marie, she could figure out what to do and commit to it. Maybe it was time to act her age, and quit running from life.

  “You’re right, Luke.” She took in a sharp breath, straighten
ed her spine and steeled her nerves. “How do I become a teacher? I think…no, I want to do this. It’s something I want to commit to. It allows me to keep the schedule Marie will have when she starts school. It’s a logical choice for me as a scholar, and for me as a single mother.”

  Luke grinned and eagerly nodded. She almost felt like he wanted to pat her head in congratulations, she had finally made a sound decision based on the facts of her life, not her fantasy of what could be. “First, are you going to lose the too old, cheating husband?”

  “I am. I am going to lose the cheating husband.”

  He rubbed his hands together. “Okay then, let’s get started.”

  Luke spent a lot of time talking about his job. He spent even more helping her figure out how she could become a teacher in a way that was doable for her circumstances. He helped her form a logical plan that involved an on-line teaching programs that would get her certified to teach in the state of Washington.

  Hours later, when she left there, for the first time, possibly ever, she had a plan that just might be the first adult, rational decision she had ever conceived of committing to.

  It didn’t take as long as she thought it would to start divorce proceedings from David. There was something strangely freeing about finally making an agonizing decision. She went home from her vacation in Seaclusion and told David she wanted a divorce. She didn’t want to talk or work on it, she wanted a fucking divorce and she wanted it now.

  And so, after nearly three months, she was well on her way to a nasty divorce. She was also ready to move on with her life.

  “I want to move home, to Seaclusion.” She proclaimed it to David while he dropped Marie off after one of their visits.

  He dropped her pile of toys, bedding and suitcase. He raised his eyebrows and sneered. “Why? You hate it there. Unless…oh, yeah, Sean Langston still lives there. Always nice to have a back-up plan.”

  She bit her lip to keep in the nasty retort about his back-up plans. He was already dating a young student.

  She shook her head in denial. “I don’t hate it. And it has nothing to do with Sean. But…I can’t move if you don’t agree. We haven’t fully worked out the custody agreement. “

  He sighed and patted Marie’s head. “You want to take her?”

  Angie’s heart froze in fear. Why would David let her move across the state? She would never allow him the luxury of taking her daughter so far from her. “I would like your permission to take her with me. I’d like your blessing, David. I’d like to work this out.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “No more throwing my clothes out windows, embarrassing me in front of my colleagues and gouging me for money I don’t have?”

  She pressed her lower lip into her mouth to keep her smile of glee inside. She had done all that. David had paid dearly for his infidelities, and in more ways than one. “I’ll quit. I’m done. I just had a little bit of revenge to work out. Will you let us move?”

  “Tell me why there if it isn’t Sean.”

  She smiled. “I have a job opportunity lined up. I found an accelerated teaching program that will certify me to teach in about a year and half. I have a friend there who I can student teach with.”

  He frowned and then nodded in agreement. “Seems like a good idea for you. You did decent enough helping out my classes.”

  She gritted her teeth not to react. It wasn’t worth it. Not anymore. If he let her go back to Seaclusion with full custody of Marie, that was all that mattered. Besides, he’d soon realize just how much she did for his career. Without her, David’s life would do nothing but decline in quality, as hers was on the cusp of being transformed into the positive.

  And this time, it would be all at her hands, and no one else’s.

  David’s new girlfriend resented Marie. Angie also knew his oldest daughter was about to give birth to his granddaughter. Marie didn’t really fit into the life and image David wanted for himself. Even though, he truly did love her.

  David tapped a finger against his leg as he stared her down. “Will you get her to me at least once a month? And I get a month with her in the summer. We’ll trade off all the big holidays.”

  Angie let out a breath. It wasn’t perfect. It was a pain in the ass. One she’d have to contend with for another fifteen years. But it meant Marie got her father in her life. It meant Marie might not be scarred by the mistakes Angie had made. It also, allowed Angie to move on with her plans. It was the least she could do for her daughter.

  “Yes, David, I will do all that.”

  “We’ll get it all in writing before you go. And then, it’s over? Right?”

  “Yes, then we are done.”

  “Okay, then.” He hugged and kissed Marie, squeezing her tightly. He paused in the doorway with one last glance at her. “Hey, Angie?”

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She stepped back in surprise. It was a shock he apologized. It wasn’t enough. But…it was far more than she dreamed he’d offer her. She nodded and let out a deep breath. “Just be a good father to Marie and I don’t care about any of it anymore.”

  He nodded slowly. “I will.”

  And so, she now had permission to go home. It would take her a few more months to get everything in order, and all the proper paperwork filed for her and David. In that time, she worked on her new degree while figuring out all the details of her new life.

  Her plans were far from the career she always dreamed of. But it was a start. There were, she noticed, degrees in education to become school counselors or administrators. There was, she was beginning to see, a whole long life to live, and things to do. Nothing was set in stone, and she was, she realized, almost giddily just beginning to realize what she could do.

  So she’d owe more money for college. As Sean had said three years ago, what was a little more when she was already in so deep?

  When David moved in with the twenty-three-year old student only two months later Angie finally, completely let it all go. She let go of why she’d ever had an affair with David. She forgave herself for being just like that twenty-three-year old student he was now living with. She even forgave David for needing to keep on with girls half his age. At David’s quick turnaround, she finally let it all go.

  When she forgave herself for being needy, insecure, and craving love in all the wrong places, she found something inside herself she’d never had: total and utter acceptance.

  And with this strange, comforting new knowledge of herself, she climbed the steps of a beautiful, restored Victorian house that looked over an ocean beach. She rang the doorbell of the ten foot, glass paneled red door and waited.

  Chapter 24

  Sean glanced at the clock; it was two o’clock on a Monday in March when he heard the doorbell chime. It was a gray day, of streaming rain, and winds gusting over the trees, swirling fallen leaves and the ocean crashing gunmetal gray to the beach. He wasn’t expecting a guest tonight. Mondays were usually the emptiest night.

  He wondered to the foyer, and could see two silhouettes through the leaded glass. He opened the door, and then, merely stood with his mouth hanging open as he found Angie standing there holding the hand of a dark haired little girl.

  “I was wondering if you had a room I could rent?”

  “What?”

  “A room? I’d like to rent a room from you.”

  “What the hell is this?”

  She smiled, extending a hand to him, devoid of her wedding ring he noticed. “This, Sean, is my daughter Marie. Marie, this is an old friend of mine, named Sean.”

  Sean finally took his gaze off of Angie’s face, toward the small pretty face of her daughter. Marie looked up with the brown eyes of David.

  Angie nudged Marie. “Say hi.”

  “Hi.” Marie’s girlish voice squeaked as she swung her head into Angie’s legs and buried her eyes into Angie’s pants.

  Sean softened his voice. “Hi, Marie.”

  “So, can we come in? It’s cold out here?”


  He nodded, totally confused what Angie was up to. What the hell did she want? He thought he’d been pretty clear last fall he wasn’t interested in being her leftovers anymore.

  Angie looked around, as if it were the first time she’d ever been there. She seemed to take her time noting the details, the antique table in the center holding fresh flowers his mother saw to, the rosebud wall papering his mother had chosen and he’d hung as she specified. The house had, he’d admit, an almost girlish feel, but also, it appealed the most to the wives who stayed, the wives who usually re-booked their romantic getaways here.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I told you. I’d like a room.”

  “Here? With me? At the ocean?”

  “Ocean is kind of growing on me.”

  “You hate the beach.”

  “No, it’s kind of becoming, not so bad.”

  “Go to Sarah’s.”

  “I don’t want to mooch off of Scott and Sarah. I want to stay here. In this house.”

  “Why?” he asked crossing his arms over his chest.

  “Truthfully?”

  “Might be a nice change.”

  “I need a vacation.”

  He started to say no, get out, when his mother came in from the kitchen. Tina stopped in the hallway when she recognized who was there.

  “Mrs. Langston, it’s nice to see you. I’d like you to meet my daughter, Marie.”

  Angie came forward shaking his mother’s hand, as she swung her daughter up to her arms and showed her to Tina.

  Tina’s smile returned, warm and kind to the little girl. Tina told Marie she had just made fresh cookies, would they like some? Angie and Marie agreed easily and started to follow his mother down the hallway. Sean grabbed Angie’s arm. “What exactly are you up to? You and David have a fight again?”

  She smiled and then had the gall to pat his cheek like he was the two-year-old. “Nothing like that. I’m really not here for what you think. Relax. I heard you last time I was here. Actually, I really wanted to stay in this house. When I spent time here while I was pregnant, it always calmed me. Despite the beach, I liked it.”