I was becoming accustomed to this routine. It was comforting in a way. I never really imagined myself relaxed while surrounded by a bunch of people, especially when two of them were off kissing and touching all the time. Barely ten minutes into the movie, Caden and Xany were necking on the chair. I tried hard to ignore them and keep eating my rice. Mal seemed oblivious. I guessed he’d gotten a lot of practice ignoring both his best friend and his sister. I bet that if it were anyone other than Xany, he might be entertained.
Halfway through my rice, Vanessa sauntered into the room. I heard her purring before I saw her. She took a moment to watch the kissing before she joined me and Mal on the sofa, sitting between us. Mal greeted her by lifting his chin. He was picking up on cat language with ease.
“Hey, Ness.” I set my dish down on the coffee table.
She purred louder when I said her name, then leaned over to nuzzle me. Her eyes lingered on the others until Caden’s hand started to wander up Xany’s shirt. I was ridiculously uncomfortable over the scene, which made no sense because I wasn’t involved in it. Without warning, Vanessa slid into my lap, straddling my thighs in the same way I usually sat in her lap. I laughed a bit.
“Well, hi to you too.” I was secretly grateful that she was blocking my view. She smiled and hugged me. I gave her a squeeze. My affection for Vanessa had grown tremendously over the past few weeks, and I was beginning to enjoy her closeness rather than just feeling safe around her. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mal smirking while he demolished a rib—bone and all.
I had to shift my position so that Vanessa could sit more comfortably in my lap. I envied how easy it was for her to move me around. I guessed that was one of the perks of having werecreature strength. She gave me a gentle nip on my shoulder before sitting up again. Her eyes glistened in the soft light tossed off by the television. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, coated with a film of mischievousness.
“What are you up to, cat?” I lifted a brow at her. My hands had been flat at my sides, resting on the sofa. I didn’t know where to put them so I just left them there.
She snickered. Her purring turned into the wheezy sound again, and she nuzzled me, this time resting her forehead against mine. Feeling her breath against my lips reminded me of our encounter this afternoon. I bit my lip. Had we really kissed? I started to get nervous about it. My stomach churned, and I saw Mal’s gaze draw from the TV to linger on us.
“Ness,” I whispered, breathing in her breath, conscious of the fact that other people were in the room with us and to the fact that I was feeling something funny inside me.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered back.
“I…” I graduated from biting my lip to gnawing. I didn’t know what was wrong. I was just suddenly aware of the people in the room, something that never seemed to bother me until lately. She backed off after sensing my hesitation and sat quietly in my lap, purring and running her fingers through my hair. I felt a bit better and glanced over at Mal, who tilted his head at me. I shrugged at him and let my hands rest on Vanessa’s sides, finally getting up the courage to move them.
This is the second time I’ve seen you stop her affections. Mal’s voice suddenly popped into my head.
I jumped a bit which made Vanessa look at me curiously and stroke my cheek. I concentrated on my words and thought them instead of speaking. That’s the point. You can see us, in public, I told him.
Does it really matter? He lifted a brow at me. We can all sense it…from her and you.
Well, that just sucks! I tried to hide the heat that rose in my cheeks by slouching in my seat toward Vanessa.
Shawnee, you need to do what feels right, not what you think is right. Just like what you did for that little girl today.
That was different, I said. Vanessa was catching onto my distraction. She cupped my face, so that I would look at her.
No, it isn’t.
“Shawnee?” Vanessa finally spoke.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “Got scared for a minute.”
The smile that touched her lips was gentle, like the kiss we’d shared. “Want to switch?”
“Yeah, actually.”
She laughed a bit and slid from my lap, scooting around so that she was sitting beside me and I was able to rest my head on her shoulder. “Better?”
I nodded. She kissed my forehead and wrapped her arm around me. Everyone’s attention returned to the movie except mine. I kept thinking about Vanessa’s affection. Part of me wanted to understand it more, and part of me was terrified to find out what lay at the other end of it. I kept balling up my hand to avoid touching her.
You’ll contaminate her and cause her pain. Just like you always do.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
You’ve caused her so much hurt.
I shrunk against Vanessa while I endured the vicious attack of my thoughts. Xany looked up from her kissing, her gaze digging into me. I narrowed my eyes at her. She smiled. I reminded myself that I needed to have a talk with her tomorrow. Bullshit she wasn’t an empath.
What is it? Mal’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I was relieved to hear his voice in my head instead of the insulting ones that had been gone for nearly a full day. I glanced at him from over Vanessa’s chest. Caden seemed distracted by the movie and so did Vanessa, which to me meant that Mal was somehow tuned into me in a different way.
I’ll hurt her, Mal. I will, I told him, trying very hard not to become emotional or shift my position and tip off Vanessa.
The only thing you can hurt her with is a silver bullet. I got the impression he was laughing mentally.
No, I know I’ll hurt her or make her messed up like me. I got teary eyed and hated myself for it.
Irrational thinking for the win. He quirked a brow.
I don’t want to cause her any more pain, Mal, physically or mentally.
Has she ever caused you pain, physically or mentally?
Well…no, she makes me feel better. I thought about what he was getting at. I knew that a lot of my pain was perceived and feared rather than actual. Of all the people in my life, Vanessa would be the last person to hurt me. I was beginning to believe that Mal would be the second to last. My fear over injuring Vanessa was getting in the way of being close to her, and I had a feeling Mal was trying to point that out.
So follow her lead, he instructed. If she’s done something to make you feel okay, or better, return the gesture. What’s the worst that can happen? She tells you to stop or tells you what else she likes? Again, he quieted.
When Mal talked to me like this it seemed like I had a conscience, but not in the moral kind of way. It felt like he was a guide who tapped into the logical part of me and helped me think instead of react.
Vanessa pretended to bite my nose when I looked at her, and she lifted her chin to me. I laughed and bumped my forehead with hers. I thought about what Mal had said. I’d always enjoyed her playfulness, the few moments I was sane enough to enjoy it. I thought about this afternoon and the kiss that we shared. It made my belly warm and tingly. Her affection calmed me and gave me a sense of belonging, like I was welcomed in her life instead of just tolerated. I remembered when she ran her hand down my body and how it had a similar feeling. I glanced at Mal and decided to experiment a little.
Very carefully, I reached up and brushed a bit of hair from her cheek, then slid my hand down her neck, over her prominent collarbone, down between her breasts to rest on her stomach where I rubbed in slow circles. Her T-shirt shifted. Her body lifted toward my hand, and she squirmed when a shiver ran through her.
“What was that?” I asked her, whispering.
“Enjoyment,” she replied with a smile. She’d known exactly what I was up to. I blushed when reminded of what she helped me decipher this afternoon.
I glanced at Mal, who gave me a wink. He looked to Xany who was huffing and puffing, for who knows what reason this time. Caden was rubbing her thigh to try and distract her when she suddenly looked at Mal. After a
few seconds, she shrunk into Caden as if Mal had reprimanded her somehow. I imagine it was something along the lines of “don’t you dare interrupt them.”
Vanessa turned her attention back to the movie. It was coming to an end, and the action scene was loud with the surround-sound. When she was distracted, I touched her cheek, then slid my hand down to rest on her chest for a moment. Her purring increased with each touch as I caressed her soft, long neck. When I moved my hand down her body toward her stomach, again her body arched up, then relaxed. I paid close attention to how my touch affected her and rested my hand on her stomach. She didn’t seem to be in any pain. Enjoyment was the word that slipped from her lips, and I wanted to see what else I could try. Knowing Mal was with me, telepathically, some of my fears seemed to slip away.
I continued to mimic the gestures she often did with me and decided to slip my hand up her T-shirt and caress her bare stomach. Her abdomen was firm with muscles that twitched when I tickled her. Daringly, I let my fingertips graze the waist of her skirt and felt that distinct flutter in her belly. My stomach had done that a few times, and although I didn’t really understand it, I knew it wasn’t a bad thing. Vanessa looked like she was chewing her tongue. She nuzzled me since I had drawn her attention away from the television when I started touching her. I had to admit I was more nervous when I knew she was alert.
“Is it okay?” Suddenly I found myself dreading the thought of rejection. I imagined it was something similar to what wolves experience when mates pull away.
“Very okay,” she whispered, brushing her lips against mine like she’d done this afternoon. I breathed in her scent, tensing my fingers against her stomach. I’d done it before, and it wasn’t difficult this time. I closed the gap between us. She accepted and guided me into the most sweet, tentative kiss I’d ever experienced.
My stomach trembled like it was going to explode. It’d be pretty horrible to puke from nervousness right now.
Her delicate lips parted mine.
The others had disappeared. Mal remained in the room, pretending to watch the end of the movie. Some may have thought that his staying was voyeuristic, but I was very glad that he’d stayed. In a way, I needed him to.
Vanessa engaged me in the kiss for a short while. I broke it when my heart started to race, afraid that it would get too fast, and I would black out again. I rested my head on her chest and heard her heart racing nearly as fast as mine. I rubbed her stomach again, smiling when she squirmed. I accidentally moved my fingers too close to her side and tickled her. She grinned, licking her lips as if savoring the lingering taste on mine. She purred eagerly and allowed me to explore her body.
I began a cautious search for that fluttering sensation I’d felt before. Deliberately, I moved my hand past her navel toward her lower belly, sneaking my fingertips again into the waist of her skirt. Her thighs parted automatically, her arousal growing. I’d be stupid if I didn’t notice the invitation to continue. Her chest rising and falling rapidly.
She urged me on as if testing to see how far I would go. I hadn’t felt the flutter yet. Suddenly, she took hold of my hand and pushed it right into her skirt until only half of my hand was visible. She sucked in her breath, shuddering at the same time. Finally, her belly clenched and fluttered against my hand. It was then that I was sure she liked what I was doing.
“Shawnee…” Her voice was breathless.
I started to worry that I’d hurt her. “I’m sorry.” I went to remove my hand, but she caught my wrist and held it in place.
“Don’t stop.” Her hand trembling on mine as she closed her eyes.
Don’t stop? Don’t stop what? I started to panic and looked over at Mal. If it were possible, he looked distracted and attentive at the same time. He nodded toward Vanessa as if saying, “Ask her.”
She opened her eyes when I hesitated. Her eyes flashed from deep green to bright yellow, and she gripped my hand, pushing it lower down her body until my fingertips reached the top of her panties.
My heart was pounding so fast I thought I might die right there. I held my breath. We were both frozen. I had no idea what I was doing, and I imagined she was afraid that I was going to pull away, but I let her guide my hand down into her panties. The warmth of her arousal engulfed my hand as flesh met flesh. She guided me farther until I reached silky, slippery wetness that blossomed from her delicate folds. Her breath caught in my ear.
I shuddered; the unease in my belly had turned to an unfamiliar fire that navigated downward and seem to emulsify into my skin. She took my hand and guided me to stroke her, a gentle, barely moving kind of stroke. Her legs trembled; she tilted her head back and rolled her pelvis against my hand, pressing me to her. When the throb of her need ached against my fingers, my concerns melted away. Right then I knew what she’d wanted all this time, and I decided I would give it to her. I was in this completely for her. I wanted to please her.
My fear tumbled away like loose-fitting clothing, and I began moving my hand against her on my own. Her hand fell away, and I was left to discover her by myself. I was intrigued by her slippery wetness, which was something I had never experienced before. When her delicate lips parted against my fingers, she sucked in a quivering breath. The firmness of her clitoris pressed into my hand when she rocked her hips. She held me close to her, gripping the sofa cushion at the same time. Her breathing quickened. I could hear her heart racing and tiny beads of sweat formed on her neck and chest. I kissed her neck without thinking and continued using my hand to please her. She began moving her hips faster, gyrating until suddenly her entire body arched and a soft moan escaped her lips. The subtle tension and release of her orgasm surprised me, as did the additional wetness that seeped from her. She rolled her hips against my hand before finally relaxing back on the sofa.
Her purring was louder than I’d ever heard before. She wrapped both of her arms around me, pulling me close and pressing her lips to mine in a breathy kiss. I returned it and removed my hand from her panties. My smile interrupted the kiss. I hadn’t noticed that Mal had left the room.
“Hi,” I whispered to her. The blush in my face seemed eternal, and I seriously wondered if it would ever go away.
She curled up against me, draping one of her legs over mine. She hid her face against my chest. “Hi.”
“I’m sorry I never knew what you wanted before.” I continued to whisper while running my fingers through her hair. I kissed her cheek and forehead several times, unable to satiate my desire to touch her.
She melted into my affections like she’d been waiting for it forever. Her smile was endless as was the warmth radiating from her body. “Just you, Shawnee,” she said into my shoulder. “Just you…”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Vanessa stayed with me until morning. She was up before me as usual, and I awoke to the sensation of her running her fingers through my hair. She smiled at me when I blinked to focus.
“Morning.” Her voice was barely a whisper. The light coming in through the window told me it was just after daybreak.
“Hi.” I poked her cheek playfully. “You stayed.”
“Of course.” She nuzzled my hand, and then I hugged her. It made her smile and playfully bite my shoulder.
“I like when you stay.”
“Me too.” She leaned her forehead against mine. I pressed my lips to hers in a tender kiss. Her hand slid down my side to rest on my hip. My body quivered. I rolled onto my back so that she could put her hand on my stomach like usual. This time she pushed my shirt up to expose my stomach. I closed my eyes and let her caress my bare skin. I started thinking about how things had suddenly changed between us, or at least it seemed like they had. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I twirled her hair around my finger. She smelled sweet, like fresh air and lilacs. My stomach tightened as I paired the gentle touching with her scent. I never realized how my stomach played a role in my reactions to her. Maybe that was why she was always touching it. I wondered what it must have been like for her�
��a playful feline being unable to play with her closest friend. I had no doubts that she played with plenty of other people.
She moved her hand a bit lower when she felt my body respond but paused when she neared the waistband of my sweats. I didn’t say anything, though my body tensed. I felt her posture weaken.
“You don’t have to stop,” I said, nudging her chin when she looked away. “I can’t help how I respond sometimes, it’s automatic. But it doesn’t mean I want you to stop.”
Her voice was tentative when she responded. “How will I know then?”
“I’ll stop you when I want you to stop,” I reassured her.
She nodded and kissed my chin, purring the whole time. “I like that you’re talking now.”
“I always talk.” I looked at her oddly.
“Yeah, but not like this.” She put her head back down on my shoulder.
Vanessa was right. So many things were changing lately, including my ability to express myself—at least to her. She let her fingertips sneak into my sweatpants and panties to lightly caress my scar. I shivered at the touch, trying to place the sensation. It didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t quite like Xany’s tickles. When she felt my response, Vanessa stopped and stared at me with a risen brow.
“It tickles when you touch it lightly,” I explained, uncertain how to express the fact it was different tickles.
“It’s the only scar I couldn’t heal because you kept it hidden so often. I couldn’t get to it without being obvious.” She peeked up at me.
“I think it would be very obvious.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the truthfulness in that statement. Imagine what my reaction would have been if one day I suddenly awoke to Vanessa between my legs and my decade-old scar gone. That would have been a sight.
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