Guilty

by Karen Fenech

  He added another finger then crooked them both inside of her and stroked her. She arched up against him, moving her head from side to side on his shoulder. He went on caressing her, soft thorough strokes that left no part of her inner walls untouched. Shaking, shuddering, she moaned his name.

  Now he was trembling too. He moved his mouth to hers again. No longer so gentle. No longer as patient. She writhed against him. He lifted her out of the water and draped her legs on his shoulders. He braced her back against the lip of the tub, cushioning her from the hard porcelain with his hands. He put his mouth on her and took over where his fingers had left off.

  She bucked in his grasp and dug her hands into his hair. “Ryan.”

  He sucked her into his mouth. She went taut and then shattered in his arms.

  She was still shuddering against him when he lowered her into the water again and onto himself. She sucked in a breath then moaned. He moved inside her. She clutched his shoulders, her fingers opening and closing. He could feel the wave building in her again. It further fueled his own. His muscles bunched and rippled. His jaw clenched.

  His hunger for her was raw now, primal. He drove into her. Their breathing grew harsh, gasping. Ryan moved faster, harder. Her body clenched and this time when she reared up it was all the way up and into his arms. Ryan caught her against him and held her tight as her body rocked with her release. He drove into her once more, then with a gravelly, guttural groan found his own release.

  He kissed her tenderly. She was boneless in his arms. He leaned back against the tub, keeping her with him so she lay sprawled on top of him. Her hair was spread out across his chest, the ends floating on the soapy water. He still could hear every one of her soft sighs and sweet, sweet moans of her arousal. See her amazing eyes wild with lust, and then drugged with the aftermath of their passion.

  As he gently sifted his fingers through her hair, he thought of what he could do to keep her with him for the rest of his life. Fight. Yeah, he would fight. Beg. He would beg. Whatever he had to do, he would do. He was not going to lose her again.

  The water had chilled. So long he’d imagined being with her like this again, he didn’t want to let her out of his arms just yet, but her skin now felt cool. With reluctance he said, “I should get you out of this tub before you freeze.”

  “Not yet,” she murmured.

  Reaching back over his shoulder to the taps, he turned the hot water on again. She sighed and snuggled closer. Yeah, that worked for him.

  She didn’t say anything after that and he didn’t either. They didn’t need words in this perfect moment and Ryan knew a contentment, a peace he hadn’t known for so long. As the silence went on, though, he thought she’d fallen asleep, but she stretched languidly against him.

  “I’m starving,” she said.

  Ryan smiled. It was great to see that some things had not changed. Faith was always hungry after they’d made love. He glanced at his watch. Minutes before midnight. “I’m not sure if there’s still any place open this late on a Sunday night where I can drive to for takeout. Got eggs?”

  Faith looked up at him, resting her chin on his chest. “Not a problem. Dee came by. She stocked my fridge with homemade food.”

  “Dee?” Ryan nodded his appreciation. “Then we’re in good hands.”

  An instant later, he was appreciating the view as Faith left the tub. Water sluiced down her gorgeous curves. The chill air pebbled the peaks of her breasts. Though he’d been inside her just a short while ago, his body stirred again.

  He reclined further, continuing to enjoy the sight as Faith took a towel from the cupboard below the sink and dried herself. Once she had, she donned a blue robe from a hook behind the bathroom door, covering all of her splendor. Ryan sighed. With no reason for him to remain in the tub, he pulled the stopper for the drain and got out as well.

  He took a towel for himself, wrapped it around his hips, then followed her down the stairs. He hadn’t been here in a year but the house looked like time had stood still inside these walls.

  As they passed the rug in the hall, Faith glanced back over her shoulder up at him. “After tonight I won’t be able to look at that rug in the same way.”

  Ryan gave her a serious expression. “I’ll buy one in every color. We can alternate.”

  “We’d kill ourselves.”

  “Can’t think of a better way to go.”

  Faith laughed, a light-hearted sound and Ryan’s heart did a slow roll.

  The kitchen was at the back of the house. Faith stuck her head in the fridge and began pulling out an assortment of deep dishes. “There’s lasagna, roast chicken, roast beef, vegetables. I’m going to heat everything.”

  The kitchen hadn’t been changed either, Ryan observed. The cupboards, decor, and appliances were original to the old house. “You haven’t changed anything since I was last here.”

  “I haven’t changed anything ever.”

  “Why is that?”

  She hesitated a space too long for him to believe her next words were true.

  “I don’t have time for decorating.”

  Or was it more that she didn’t want to change anything in this house, that she wanted everything in it to remain as it always had been. She’d moved forward in some ways while in others she was still living in the past. She still slept in her childhood bedroom, rather than the master room that her father had last occupied.

  Once the food was heated, they both filled plates, took them to the table and began to eat. With Faith on his mind, Ryan hadn’t eaten much of the steak Mitch had grilled earlier and now Ryan went back for seconds.

  A phone rang. Faith swallowed a bite as she left the table and went out to the hall. She picked her pants up from the rug and pulled out her cell phone. Her voice carried to Ryan.

  “That is great,” she said. “Give Tommy a hug for me.” She ended the call as she joined him in the kitchen once again. “That was Dee. Tonight she and Hector met with the parents of the boys Tommy fought with. They just finished. No charges will be brought against Tommy.”

  “I’m glad.”

  But Faith’s smile faltered. Ryan pushed his chair back and went to her. He tipped her chin up so she would look up at him. “Did Dee say anything else?”

  She pushed hair back from her face. “No.”

  “What then?”

  She blew out a breath. “Tommy shouldn’t have had to go through this at all. If not for me, he wouldn’t have.”

  “Tommy did what he thought he needed to do.”

  “And he could have been hurt in so many ways.” Her brows drew together. “And not just Tommy. You shouldn’t have gone after Colson.”

  Ryan was sorry the conversation had brought her encounter with Colson back for her, but he would not let her claim responsibility for his actions. He gave her the full force of his stare. “I did what I needed to do.”

  “He could make trouble for you.”

  Ryan wasn’t about to mention Colson’s threat about Internal Affairs. He winked. “Know a good lawyer?” Her face paled. “Baby, I’m joking.” When she didn’t respond, he pressed her. “Faith? What is it?” Certain that she was holding something back, he took her face in his hands. “What’s going on inside your head?”

  She stepped out of his arms and turned away from him. “Just leave it.”

  He caught her hand and gently turned her back to face him. “Not a chance.”

  She remained silent. Ryan ran his thumb across her palm and keeping his eyes on hers, waited her out. She must have seen the resolve in his eyes, that he was not going to let her go through whatever it was on her own.

  “James was afraid after he was shot,” she began quietly. “He trusted me to help him. Instead, he got shot and now he’s on the run.”

  “That wasn’t your fault.”

  “Wasn’t it?” She shook her head. “That’s the problem. Nothing is ever anyone’s ‘fault’. At what point are we accountable?”

  Ryan eyed her. “Gaines pl
eading ‘not guilty’ does not mean he is innocent.”

  “You don’t get to make that call.”

  “You’re right. A jury will do that. I’m just the guy who goes after men like Gaines.”

  “And I’m supposed to be the one defending men like Gaines.”

  “There is no ‘supposed to’ about it. You are defending him.”

  “I’m not sure about that. Not so sure that what happened to James, including the shooting, wasn’t my fault. That I didn’t push him where I wanted him to go.” She took her hand from Ryan’s and wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Ryan. Maybe I never have. I didn’t ask Gaines if he was guilty. It’s not my place to judge him. My job is to provide the best legal defense I can and to ensure he has a fair trial. I’m no longer sure what I’m doing is for the right reasons.”

  “Where’s this coming from?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “The hell it doesn’t.” When she didn’t respond, Ryan said, “I know you. Everything you do is for the right reasons.”

  “So sure?”

  “Not a doubt in my mind. There shouldn’t be one in yours either.”

  “Do you remember my telling you that my major in college was paleontology?”

  Ryan did remember. When they’d visited Blake County they’d gone to New York City, to the museum to view the collections of dinosaur bones. He recalled her fascination and delight and how animated, how beautiful she’d looked telling him about them.

  “In my freshman year my father was convicted and I changed to pre-law. I made a promise to him that I would make sure he was free again. I didn’t keep that promise. I failed him.”

  Wanting to believe her father had been innocent for her sake, Ryan said, “Baby, the justice system failed your father. You did not. And Gaines is not your father.”

  “I know that. My father is dead. I became a defense attorney to prevent what happened to him from ever happening to anyone in Wade again. Always asking myself, what if the person I’m defending is innocent?” She drew a shaky breath. “Pretty words. I’m not sure I believe them anymore. I’ve put thieves and rapists back on the street, justifying all I’ve done by telling myself that if the police or the assistant district attorneys had done their jobs better, then I wouldn’t have been able to win against them. But is that the truth? Or have I just become better at working the system than they are? I don’t know if I can continue to justify my actions to the people of Wade any longer. Justify to myself what I’ve done. What if all of this time, I’ve been wrong?”

  Her crisis of faith was tearing a hole in her and seeing her waging this inner battle tore a hole in Ryan too. She had no one who would champion her cause, even to herself.

  He wrapped his arms around her and held her against him as if he could shield her. She shuddered against him. “You care. That’s never wrong.” Ryan pressed his lips to her hair. “What started all of this?” Then he remembered Birch’s summation of what Colson had said to her. Teeth clenched Ryan muttered, “I didn’t do enough to Colson.”

  She took his hand and brushed his knuckles. Softly she said, “My caveman.”

  “I am when it comes to you.”

  He kissed her. Hard and deep, possessive, protective. Everything in him shouted that she was his. Still his. Always his. Just as he was hers.

  He looked down at her willing her to see the truth of that in his eyes. “Faith—”

  Maybe she did see it because she dropped her gaze. “No more talking. No more talking. Take me to bed.” And she fused her mouth to his.

  * * *

  Ryan was awake when his cell phone buzzed. It was just two a.m on the Monday morning, but it was time for him to go into the station. Moonlight slanted through a break in the curtains on Faith’s window and across the bed where she slept in his arms. He hadn’t slept at all. After they’d eaten and talked, they’d made long, slow love until just moments ago. He’d gladly given up sleep to be with her.

  He eased his shoulder out from under her head and reached for his phone where he’d left it on the nightstand, silencing the alarm. Faith made a soft sound but didn’t stir.

  He went into the bathroom, picked up his clothes from the floor. Rather than risk waking her, he’d stop at the apartment to shower. Dressed, he returned to Faith’s bedroom and tunneled under the mound of covers where she slept. Her warm, womanly scent made him hard even before he touched her bare skin but more than desire, the need he felt for her that went beyond sex surged.

  He kissed her brow then took the notepad and pen from her nightstand and left her a note.

  Went to work. I love you.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Outside, Ryan nodded to Birch, in his patrol car, then got into his own vehicle. As he left Faith’s house, his phone buzzed again. This time with an incoming call. “Crosby.”

  “Ryan.”

  It was Galbraith. He was working the same long hours as Ryan.

  “A call came in to the station for you,” Galbraith said. “Dispatch ran it by me. It’s a woman. She says it’s personal but won’t give her name.”

  With Faith safely tucked in bed, his stomach went tight thinking of Jeremy. But if something were wrong with Jeremy, why wouldn’t Tina have called him directly? Added to that, if Tina had called the station, she would have announced herself and delighted in airing anything personal between them. “Put the call through, Frank.”

  “Ryan?”

  The anxious female voice belonged to his former neighbor, Jenny Gardiner. Ryan had not been in contact with the Gardiners since he’d moved. Jenny and her husband Evan were good people. They’d become a casualty of the separation. What had happened that she was calling him in the middle of the night? “Yes, Jenny.”

  “Ryan, I’m so glad I reached you. I’m so worried.”

  Her voice was strident. “What’s wrong?”

  “I have Jeremy with me. Tina dropped him off. Said she had another appointment after her usual hair appointment but that was yesterday—well Saturday, now that it’s Monday—and she hasn’t come back since. I’ve tried calling her cell phone but she hasn’t answered. I’m sorry to call you. I know you’re in the process of getting a divorce but you being the police chief and all and Jeremy’s father—”

  Ryan tensed. “Is Jeremy all right?”

  “He’s fine. Like I said he’s here with me. He’s been spending a lot of time with me, getting used to me for when Tina returns to work after maternity leave and I’ll be looking after him during the day.” Her breath hitched. “I’m babbling.”

  “You’re doing fine. You did the right thing calling me. I’m on my way to your place now. What time did Tina bring Jeremy to you?”

  “It was after lunch. One o’clock or a bit after.”

  “Where was Tina’s appointment and with whom?”

  “Hair Today. That’s all I know. She didn’t say anything more. I just figured the next place she was going was some routine gig. Something we women do that she didn’t want to talk about.”

  “She left of her own free will?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t see her leave. She dropped Jeremy off in a hurry and then was gone. I didn’t see her drive away.”

  Ryan continued to question Jenny as he drove ending with, “Do you have a key to Tina’s house?”

  “No,” Jenny said.

  Ryan turned onto his old street and the house came into view. “I’m at Tina’s now. I’ll see you after I’ve taken a look inside.”

  Ryan ended the call. The streetlight in front was lit. Tina’s sedan wasn’t in the driveway. The house didn’t have a garage. The place looked locked up tight. He called Tina’s cell phone. The call went straight to voicemail.

  On the front stoop, he tried the door knob. He no longer had a key and since Jenny did not have one either, Ryan used the butt of his gun to break the glass in the back door.

  “Tina?” Ryan called out. “It’s Ryan.”

  He was met w
ith silence. Gun up, Ryan went from room to room. The blinds were all open, letting in light from the street and from the moon. A quick glance showed nothing out of place, nothing unusual. In the kitchen, he found a coffee mug with a red lipstick stain on the rim and a small bowl with a dried residue of what looked like salad dressing and a couple of lettuce leaves. Likely Tina’s lunch before she’d left the house. Lunch, that according to Jenny, would have been on Saturday.

  In the master bedroom, an assortment of dresses were strewn across the frilly bedspread. Shoes were all over the gray carpeting, as if Tina had been unable to decide on which ones to wear. It looked to him as if she’d chosen her wardrobe for her appointment with great care. No clue there, however. Tina loved clothes and dressed up even for a stop at the supermarket.

  He finished checking the house. Nothing there suggested foul play or gave him an indication of where she’d gone. She hadn’t been gone for forty-eight hours. She was an adult woman and was free to come and go at will. But she’d left Jeremy with Jenny and hadn’t returned. She hadn’t called to check on their son. Ryan felt a burst of anger at her irresponsibility, but was the reason she hadn’t called because she wasn’t able to?

  He went next door to the Gardiner house. The porch lights were on as were lights in the front hall, showing a house that was a mirror image of the one he’d shared with Tina and Jeremy. Jenny met Ryan at the door, dressed in a flannel robe.

  “Where is Jeremy?” Ryan asked.

  “I brought him down here with me. Right now he’s asleep in his carrier. Evan’s at a sales convention in Austin and Jeremy and my kids are sleeping with me in our bed.”

  Jenny’s spiky blond hair caught the light overhead as she led the way from the hall into the dimly lit living room where Jeremy lay sleeping, his tiny chest rising and falling with each small breath. Ryan bent over him and smelled the clean fresh scent of baby powder mixed with Jeremy’s formula.