by E. L. Todd
Now his carefree façade was completely gone. A somber and sad man replaced him. “I guess I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner.” He moved his forearms to his knees and rested them there. His fingers interlocked together. He stared at the hardwood floor beneath his feet.
I automatically rested my elbow on his thigh and wrapped my arm around his. “I can’t keep doing this knowing that’s how you feel. It would be wrong.”
“Why?” he whispered. “We’ve been fine up to this point.”
“Because I can’t hurt you, Kyle.” I didn’t want to. I may not love him, but I really cared about him. We had a lot of good times together. I’d had my heart broken before, and I never wanted someone else to go through that.
“If you leave, that will hurt me.”
“But it’ll hurt worse down the road.”
He turned toward me, locking his eyes with mine. “Frankie, why won’t you let me in?”
My eyes moved to the floor.
“You say you don’t love me, but I know if you gave me a chance, you would. For this entire relationship, you’ve had your walls up. How do you expect to feel something for anyone if that’s how you go about it? Give me a chance. A real one.”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, Kyle.”
He tilted his head slightly as he regarded me. “Please don’t tell me it’s because of him.”
“It’s not…but it is.”
He released a disappointed sigh. “You said you would never go back to him.”
“I still wouldn’t.”
“And you guys have been broken up for two years.”
“I know.”
“Then why do you keep living in the past, Frankie? Let it go and move on.”
“It’s not like that,” I said. “I’m over him. I just…he’s my soul mate. I’ve told you that before.”
Kyle didn’t have a response to that. He rubbed his palms together, fidgeting in place. “After all this time, you still believe that?”
“I know that.”
“But if you can’t be with him, what does it matter?”
“I just can’t love someone else. Maybe one day I can, but today, I can’t.”
He leaned closer to me. “What if I’m okay with that?”
I didn’t enjoy this at all. I didn’t enjoy seeing him fight for me. “You deserve someone so much better than me, Kyle. You’re the perfect guy. You could have any girl you want.”
“But I only want you.” He turned toward me and grabbed my hand. “I’ve been around—a lot. I’ve dated every kind of girl you can think of. No one has ever caught my interest and held it the way you have. I love the fact you’re such a beautiful woman but you act like such a tomboy. I love the fact you don’t wear make up to work and put your hair in a loose braid. I love the fact you don’t care what anyone thinks so you are always yourself. There’s no one else like you. I would much rather have the girl I really want—even if she doesn’t feel the same way.”
It was getting hard to keep my resolve. “You still deserve better, Kyle.”
“What if I don’t want better?” he asked. “Don’t throw this away.” He squeezed my hand.
“I’m sorry.” I couldn’t look him in the eye anymore. It was becoming too painful. As I sat there and ended our relationship, I realized how attached I’d grown to him. This was much harder than I’d anticipated.
“Are you telling me you want to be alone forever?” he asked. “Always jumping from guy to guy? You don’t want a husband and a family someday?”
“I do want that. Truly.”
“Then have it with me.”
“But I’m not ready for that. I need more time to move on.”
“I can give you all the time you need.” He pressed his forehead to mine.
If I didn’t pull away now, I would get suckered in. “Kyle, the bottom line is I don’t feel the same way. If I did, I would reconsider this. But I don’t.”
“But you might—”
“I don’t.” I hated being so cold. But if I didn’t keep a firm hand, Kyle would convince me to stay. Then I would keep dragging him through the mud, using him night after night. “And who knows if I ever will.”
Kyle finally released my hand, giving up. His eyes lost their light, and there was no longer a fight in him. He knew there was nothing he could do to change my mind. I was very stubborn, but this was a rare moment when it wasn’t the issue. “There’s something I want to say before I go.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Okay…”
“If you ever change your mind, will you call me?”
I didn’t see that as a possibility. And if I did change my mind, it might take years for me to get to that point.
“I don’t care how much time has passed. If you decide you’re finally in a place for something serious, I want to be the first person you call.”
He never once told me he loved me, but now it was obvious how strong his feelings were. All his cards were on the table, and his desperation filled the air. He was always so suave and cool. But now he wasn’t playing any games or hiding any emotion.
“Frankie?” he pressed.
I cleared my throat. “I will.”
Believe
Hawke
Axel sat across from me in the bar but he didn’t touch his beer. His fingers were typing away on his phone.
I wasn’t much of a talker anyway, so I drank my beer and enjoyed the silence. Sometimes, when I was alone, my thoughts drifted to Francesca. She went to a wedding last weekend, and I suspected she went with that guy she was seeing. Did she meet his family?
I shouldn’t be thinking about it.
It didn’t matter.
She was happy.
That’s what I wanted.
Axel sighed and kept typing.
The noise caught my attention. “Writing a novel?”
“I’m trying to get that fine piece of ass down here.”
“Your fiancée?” I would never talk about Francesca that way, not because it was disrespectful, but because I wouldn’t want any man ever thinking about her fine piece of ass.
“Yeah. She just got off work, and I want her to join us.” Axel never went anywhere without her. He was obsessed to the point of insanity. He used to complain about clingy chicks, but he was the clingiest dude I’d ever known.
“Maybe she has other plans.”
“She doesn’t.”
I wondered if she got sick of him. Sometimes, I couldn’t get Axel to play ball with me because he wanted to stay home with her.
Axel finally smiled and put his phone down. “She’s coming.”
I was indifferent to her presence. I liked Marie and thought she was a good woman for Axel, but my true fondness stemmed from her friendship with Francesca. She was there for Francesca every single day, including the difficult time of our break up. I would always respect her for that. “Cool.”
“She’s wearing this black pencil skirt that makes her legs look unbelievable.”
Am I supposed to care? “Nervous about getting married yet?”
“Nervous?” He said the word like it was preposterous. “Why would I have asked her if I didn’t want to?”
“I didn’t say you didn’t want to. I just asked if you were nervous.”
“No, I’m not nervous.” He took a long drink of his beer. “I mean, we’re pretty much married anyway. Nothing will be different.”
I didn’t agree with that.
“Besides, I love her.” He shrugged off the words. “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
I understood that kind of devotion. I’d felt that way toward Francesca. Actually, I still felt that way. Different women visited my bed but they were just warm bodies. I never remembered their names or faces. They were insignificant, something to pass the time. “I’m happy for you.”
“Now every guy in the world will know I’m the one fucking her every night, not them.” He adjusted his watch and checked the time.
I reme
mbered how possessive I’d been of Francesca.
Still was.
Marie walked inside and headed to our table. She looked slender in her pencil skirt and tight-fitting blouse. Her long blonde hair was in open curls.
Axel whistled as he rose from his seat. “Hot momma.”
Marie rolled her eyes like his words didn’t impress her, but the smile on her face made it clear she loved the attention. She moved into his chest and kissed him.
Axel gripped her tightly like he usually did, craning his head down so he could kiss her. She was nearly a foot shorter than him even when she wore heels. “Missed my baby,” he said into her mouth.
“I missed you too.” She gave a final kiss before she moved away.
Axel pulled out the chair for her. “What can I get you?”
“A glass of wine.”
“Coming right up.” He kissed her on the forehead before he walked away.
My first thought was to make fun of him for being so whipped, but I held my tongue. I knew my comments only came from jealousy. I had that once before and I threw it away.
Like an idiot.
Marie dropped her smile and vehemently glared at me.
The temperature in the room elevated a few degrees, and I could feel the hostility radiating from her like the hot sun on a summer day. “Bad day?”
Her eyes were dark as coal. “I’m not your biggest fan right now.”
What? I just bought her a twenty thousand dollar wedding dress and she was mad at me? “Sorry?”
She glanced at Axel and made sure he was still at the bar before she turned to me. “I don’t know what happened between you and Frankie all those years ago because she refuses to tell me, but it’s clear the problem is with you, not her.”
Marie never once questioned me about my relationship with Francesca. Axel did a few times, but when he realized he wasn’t getting anything out of me, he threw in the towel. This confrontation was unexpected, and a little late.
“Hawke, just fix whatever the problem is and be with her.”
Where is this coming from? “Did she say something to you?”
“No.”
Now I was more confused. “Then why are you saying this to me?”
Her voice raised a few levels. “Because she had a great guy but she threw him away.”
What?
“Kyle was smart, sweet, and handsome. He kissed the ground beneath her feet and did everything to make that girl happy. But no matter how hard he worked to bring them closer together, she wouldn’t budge. When Frankie found out he was in love with her, she dumped him. Dumped him.”
Would it make me an ass if I said I was happy about that? “I’m still not following.”
Marie’s claws were about to scratch my face. “I guess I’ll spell it out for you. Frankie told me you’re her soul mate, and even though she’s over you, she can never fall in love again. Her one true love came and went, so how can she possibly love someone else? Her emotional capacity is completely stunted because of what you did to her. She’s out of her mind about it. I don’t want her to end up alone because of whatever happened between you. I want her to move on with Kyle and have ten damn babies or have ten damn babies with you. So, get over yourself and get her back. It’s obvious you’re still the only man she really wants.”
Axel came back to the table with the glass of wine. “White is okay, baby?”
Marie smiled like we were discussing rainbows and unicorns. “It’s perfect. Thank you.” She kissed him on the cheek.
He smiled like an idiot hopelessly in love. “So what were you guys talking about?”
“Nothing.” Marie took a long drink.
I eyed my glass. “Not a thing.”
***
The Muffin Girl was packed like every other afternoon. I sat at the small table on the patio and continued to look inside. The workers worked like bees behind the counter, serving the dozens of people in line. One half of the shop was reserved for meals, while the other side was for baked goods only. The place was chaotically organized, but that’s what made it such an interesting shop. People loved it.
They loved her.
When I finally found the courage to walk inside, I headed to the front and peered in the back. People walked back and forth as they gathered more supplies from the rear. Eventually, I spotted Francesca. She wore a black shirt with the store logo on the front. It was covered in flour and sugar like always. Somehow, she looked more adorable when she was messy.
“Can I help you?” A girl behind the counter eyed me with interest, liking the designer suit I wore along with the expensive watch on my wrist. Hope was in her eyes, like she wished I were there just to talk to her.
“Is Francesca busy? I’m a friend of hers.”
Her hope deflated like a popped balloon. “She’s always busy. But you can walk back there and talk to her if you want.” The girl walked away and got back to work.
I took the invitation and walked to the rear of the shop. I’d been back there before so I knew where I was going. Shelves were full of bags of flour and sugar, and the door to the massive walk-in refrigerator was on the opposite wall.
As I came closer, I got a better look at her. Francesca was working on a wedding cake, and it looked nearly done. The top had two toppers, both of seahorses, and seashells decorated the different tiers.
I didn’t want to scare her, so I stopped a few feet away and watched her work. Flour was smeared on her nose, and she probably didn’t know it was there. She held the frosting bag in one hand and examined the texture of the cake, searching for something only her experienced mind could see. When she found a single imperfection, she made the adjustment with her tool. Then she stood back and checked her work.
“Hey.”
She spun around the second she heard my voice. Fear was on her face, like she didn’t want it to be me. But at the same time, a small amount of joy was deep inside, like she always hoped I’d be standing there when she turned around. “Hi…” She set her frosting bag down then wiped her palms on her jeans. “Didn’t hear you come in.”
“Sorry, one of your girls told me to come back here.”
“It’s okay,” she said quickly.
I eyed the cake. “It looks nice.”
“Yeah…it took me twelve hours but it’s another masterpiece.”
“I’m sure the bride will appreciate it.”
“I hope so. It’s why I do this every day.”
I put my hands in my pockets and tried not to stare at her too intensely. I tended to do that without thinking. “Did you plan on doing wedding cakes when you started this place?”
“No,” she answered. “But I haven’t found a cake decorator with enough experience. Arguably, wedding cakes are the most important aspect of the bakery. If we ruin one bride’s day, we’ll never recover.”
“Talk about pressure.” I gave her a slight smile.
“You joke about it but it’s a serious thing.” She moved to the sink and washed her hands of the filth under her fingernails. “So, what brings you here? Other than to gawk at my cake.”
Talking to her was so easy, and sometimes, I forgot how far apart we were. “I talked to Axel the other day…he said you broke up with your boyfriend.” Actually, that was a lie. Marie was the one who told me, but I didn’t want to throw her under the bus.
“Oh…” Francesca nodded slightly, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. I was the last person she wanted to discuss this with. She tucked her dark hair behind her ear, and when she moved her shoulder, her long braid moved to the front. “Yeah, it just didn’t work out.”
And I knew why. “Are you okay?” Honestly, I didn’t know why I was there. I didn’t know why I was asking her any of this. All I knew was she was in pain—over me. Marie’s words forced me to reconsider everything. I still loved Francesca and always would. I wanted her in my life again. I hated living without her. It was unbearable.
But would I hurt her?
Had I changed?
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She avoided eye contact, regaining her bearings. “It wasn’t working, and we thought it was best if we went our separate ways.”
Why was she lying to me? “I’m glad you’re okay. Just thought I would check.”
“Well…thanks.” She tucked her hair behind her ear again.
“So, are you done with that cake?”
“Yeah. Now it’s ready for delivery.”
I nodded, my hands in my pockets. “If you’re free, want to get lunch?” The words flew out of my mouth.
“Uh…now?”
“Unless you’re busy.” I kept a suave look on my face.
She fidgeted slightly under my stare. “Sure.”
She said yes?
She looked down at her dirty shirt. “As long as we go somewhere casual.”
I chuckled. “How about pizza?”
“That works.”
***
We sat across from each other in the booth, and we were both tense. It wasn’t because we were uncomfortable being around one another. In fact, it was the opposite. The pull was felt between us. Some invisible force was yanking me to her. When I got close enough, I felt the burn on my skin. But I wanted to get burned—as long as I got to be near her.
She eyed the menu. “I think I’m going to get plain cheese.”
“It’s a classic for a reason.”
When the waiter came over, we both ordered and handed our menus over. Then we were left alone again, just our sodas on the red and white tablecloth. The flour was still on her nose.
“You have a little powder on your nose.” I didn’t want to embarrass her, but I didn’t want her to look in the mirror later and feel worse.
“Oh.” She quickly wiped it on her forearm. “Thanks. Flour splotches are a hazard with the job.”
“It makes it more noble.”
She smiled slightly then immediately dropped it.
I didn’t know why I asked her, and now that she was here, I didn’t know what to do with her. Seeing her from a distance, always in the company of others, drained me. I just wanted to be in her presence, even like this.