When Nature Calls, Hang Up!

by Robin Mellom

  But when I think about it, he hasn’t been scary toward me this whole time.

  [scratches head]

  Maybe I need to rethink this.

  DO NOT DRINK THE JUICE. It’s salsa flavored. But also smoky flavored. It’s weird. It certainly wasn’t fruit flavored like our Viking cafeteria manager told us it would be.

  Which reminds me that there is no way we will find fancy enough food for Lucy in that cafeteria. And that also reminds me that I haven’t seen much of Lucy lately. But I did see a pile of feathers near my cabin door. Surely she’s not attacking birds or something. And she has also pushed away all the ribbons and lace I put on her bed. Now it’s just leaves and twigs.

  Is it possible Lucy has gone…WILD?

  [shakes her head in disbelief]

  No, I can’t accept that. As soon as I find some fancy smoked salmon with lemon zest and a well-fitted cashmere sweater, she’ll be back to normal in no time.

  I know my skunk—CAT, I mean cat!

  Oh, boy.

  Absolutely! I’m totally ready for the social. Trevor’s suggestion to just let things happen naturally was pretty brilliant.

  But I did go ahead and make a sign for the party theme since ALL parties need a theme.

  Oh, and I also went ahead and created a scavenger hunt activity. No biggie; it’s simple. It’s just that the Over Planner in me felt left out, and sometimes I have no control over my inner Over Planner.

  Gosh, that made no sense.

  Anyway, I just happened to have the perfect card-stock paper packed in my bag so I could write down scavenger hunt clues.

  This may turn out to be the best unplanned party I’ve ever planned!

  Wow, I’m really not making sense.

  THE STUDENTS GATHERED IN THE dining hall for the trip’s final social event. Libby stepped on a chair and held up Miss Plimp’s megaphone. “Our first activity is a nature scavenger hunt for objects found nearby. Grab your Sensitivity Buddy to find your object, and meet back here!”

  Miss Plimp cupped her hand around her mouth to form her own megaphone and called out, “What’s planned after that, Libby?”

  Libby was a little nervous to give her answer, but she took a deep breath and stood up a little straighter. “I have nothing planned, Miss Plimp.”

  Murmurs and whispers rippled through the group. The students had attended countless school parties that Libby had been in charge of, and all were planned down to the millisecond. So this “I have nothing planned” statement was practically front-page news.

  But she had been inspired by nature, along with Trevor’s suggestion to “do nothing.” Which led to her idea for a theme.

  It took a little brainstorming for her to come up with the winning one.

  Libby ignored the whispering and continued. “The theme of this party is…” She paused to create a dramatic moment. “Meander…like a stream!”

  It took a moment for this idea to sink in. During the awkward silence, Libby added, “We’re in nature. Just act naturally. Do whatever you want.”

  The concerned faces turned to relief, and happy murmurs filled the room. Miss Plimp joined Libby on the chair, teetering as she took her megaphone to speak. The room silenced as they waited to hear Miss Plimp’s reaction. The seventh grade class president not planning anything for the social would be disappointing to a counselor.

  But Miss Plimp smirked and said, “A wilderness theme…I like it.”

  Libby let out a sigh of relief and hopped off the chair.

  Trevor was on the side of the room and flashed Libby a quick thumbs-up.

  “Head off with your buddy to find your object,” Miss Plimp said. “I’ll be listening for compliments!”

  The students quickly skittered away in pairs to hunt down their objects.

  Trevor stared at his card.

  Corey suddenly appeared and snatched the card from him. “Easy. I got this.” He charged off through the dining hall, out the doors, and toward the woods.

  “I thought we were supposed to look around here!” Trevor called out after him.

  But Corey was already hauling it into the woods.

  Trevor quickly double knotted his shoes and rushed off after him. “Whoa. Corey, hold up!”

  Corey didn’t slow down, so Trevor broke out into a hike-jog to catch up to him. This turned into a run, and the run turned into a sprint, and finally, many trees later, Trevor caught up to him. “What…are…”—huff, huff—“you…doing?”

  Corey spun around and faced Trevor. “You didn’t need to follow me.”

  “Sensitivity Buddies. Ring a bell? We’re supposed to be doing this together, according to Miss Plimp.”

  “And you always follow the rules, don’t you?”

  Trevor knew his truthful answer might sound slightly nerdy, but the truth was the truth. “Yes.”

  Corey shook his head and laughed.

  A feeling welled up in Trevor, and it made his stomach ache. Why was this guy so mean to him? What had he ever done?

  Corey pointed down the path. “Just search for bushes.”

  Trevor trudged down the trail a ways until he realized he wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for. “What type of bush?”

  “I dunno. Bushy and greenish. With berries. Blue ones.”

  Trevor took a closer look and started to remember the names of the plants and shrubs around him. Manzanita. Hollyleaf cherry bush. Sequoia gooseberry.

  All that wilderness research he’d done in order to show his mom he needed out of this trip was actually starting to come in handy.

  “Aha! Found it!” Corey waved him over.

  Trevor approached the bush but realized quickly what Corey had found. “That’s the California wild blackberry bush. Black is the key word there.”

  “Naw. They’re just intensely navy.”

  Trevor shook his head in disbelief that they’d come all the way out into the woods for a blackberry. And now the sun was just about to drop down, which meant it would be dark soon. Only one word came to his mind: nocturnal. And the word nocturnal led to another word: animal.

  “Let’s head back. We’ll grab a packet of blueberry jam from the dining hall and be done with this.”

  Corey slapped his forehead. “Jam! Why didn’t I think of that?!”

  Truthfully, Corey had thought of that. Pretending he hadn’t thought of that was all part of his Master Plan. Corey was certain the plan was finally going to be the one that worked since he’d titled it “Master Plan: to get Trevor lost—and then find him!” Corey would become the camp hero—and the camp hero always gets the girl in the end. It couldn’t fail.

  Trevor took a couple of deep breaths and said, “Just lead the way. Let’s go.”

  Trevor was close on Corey’s heels, and within moments, they found themselves at a dead end facing a hollow sequoia tree.

  “Other way,” Corey said. He sped up his pace because “losing him” was a crucial part of the Master Plan That Cannot Fail.

  Corey ran past some bushes and ducked behind a log.

  So did Trevor.

  Corey charged down the trail and in between a group of trees.

  So did Trevor.

  Corey hid behind a boulder and pretended to pick flowers.

  Trevor did, too. He handed Corey a dandelion. “Are you sure this is the way?”

  Corey sighed. This Master Plan That Cannot Fail seemed to be totally failing. “Let’s just head back.” Corey trudged down the trail.

  But Trevor noticed he was going the wrong way. “We went left, not right.”

  “Bro. I KNOW how to get us out of here. I came to this camp last year.”

  “But we crossed over this trail from over there,” Trevor explained.

  “Fine.” Corey marched back in the other direction and said over his shoulder, “Like I said, it’s the other way, numskull.”

  Trevor stopped and folded his arms. “You know, we’re technically supposed to be giving each other compliments right now.”

 
Corey turned around and said in a sarcastic tone, “So sorry. You are terrific at being a numskull. How’s that? Now let’s go.”

  Trevor could feel the heat rise up in his entire body, and all he wanted to do was tell Corey exactly what he was thinking. But before he could say a word, Corey spotted something.

  “Check it out. I think this is the way!”

  Trevor rushed up to join him but realized that what was in front of them was a tree stump. THE EXACT SAME TREE STUMP THEY HAD STARTED FROM.

  Corey looked up, and shockingly, his face had lost all its color. “Dude, we are totally lost.”

  Trevor flopped his head, regretting that he was a rule follower. Maybe there were times when ignoring a rule was best. But no, he had followed Corey Long out into the woods simply because he didn’t want to get in trouble.

  Maybe Corey’s right, he thought. I really am a numskull.

  COREY PACED IN A CIRCLE AROUND the tree stump. “What do we do? WHAT DO WE DO?!”

  Trevor remembered the first thing to do in a nature emergency was to get calm. “Stop. Sit down,” he ordered.

  Corey did. Then he looked up and crinkled his forehead. “Wait. Why am I listening to you?”

  “Because if you’d put your ego aside for a second and listen to someone else rather than worry about your reflection in a mirror, then maybe this stuff wouldn’t happen to you!”

  “What are you so worked up about?”

  “Seven minutes. That’s how long you’ve been somewhat decent to me this entire school year. The rest of it, you’ve been trying to utterly humiliate me. You’ve tripped me. You made me go into the teacher’s bathroom. You made me slide on mashed potatoes.” Trevor shook a fist. “Why? Why, out of everyone at this school, did you have to pick on ME?”

  “Because you made me feel like an idiot in front of Libby!” Corey blurted. He pushed his bangs to the side of his face, and Trevor could see that he was blushing. Corey Long—the King of Cool—was embarrassed. Corey stared at the dirt and reluctantly continued. “And you’re friends with her, and she thinks you’re the most interesting person on Earth or something, and I couldn’t compete with that.”

  That’s when it hit Trevor. All this—Corey being nice to him, then being mean to him—was all because of Libby. “You picked on me because I’m friends with her. You realize that doesn’t make sense, right?”

  “How was I going to get her to like me if all she saw was you being awesome?”

  “I have no idea if you’re telling the truth or if this is some sort of weird reverse psychology trick or dark magic or—”

  “Look, last summer I had a swim class with Libby. She’s a year younger, but she…she felt out of my league.” Corey shook his head, like this memory was painful. “I was too nervous to say anything to her, so I just swam as many laps as I could, hoping she’d notice me. But it seemed like every time I came up for air, she was talking to one of her friends about another guy. She would go on and on about how great and funny and awesome he was and they all needed to meet him and on and on.” Corey looked away. “She was talking about you. Libby always talked about you.”

  “She was probably just trying to find me some friends before school started,” Trevor said. “She’s my social director, that’s all.”

  “All I knew was there was some guy named Trevor who was practically perfect, and Libby liked him. So when I spotted you that first day, I decided to pull you down a few pegs—make sure you weren’t perfect anymore.”

  “Which is hysterical, because the only thing I’ve done perfectly in life was be born on the correct due date.”

  “I just wanted Libby to think that maybe there were other guys out there that were cool. And making you look uncool was the only thing I could come up with. So that’s why I tripped you and embarrassed you and ridiculed you on a fairly regular basis.”

  “Very regular basis.”

  Corey looked away and said in a low voice, “I shouldn’t have followed the rules.”

  Trevor narrowed his eyes. “What rules?”

  “The book. The one that—” Corey stopped in his tracks and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Look, this next part is going to be embarrassing, so could you just look away for a minute?”

  Trevor slowly turned and stared at a manzanita tree. “Fine. Go ahead.”

  “My older brother has it all figured out. He’s popular and awesome and has a girlfriend, and his hair is even better than mine. I’ve been going to him for advice my entire life. But what do I get? Nothing. He always just says, ‘Figure it out yourself, man.’ So when I couldn’t figure out what to say to Libby at swim class, I had only one option left….”

  Trevor winced. “Just be nice to her?”

  “Go to the library. I found a book….” Corey paused for a minute and shuddered at the thought. “It was called The Cool Dude’s Guide to Landing the Girl.” It had all these lists and rules to follow. One of the rules was to make her think you didn’t like her—make her think you’re out of her league.”

  “This got published?”

  “So that’s why I pretended to ask her to the fall dance only to get algebra answers. That idea came from page seventy-two…‘pretend to use her.’”

  “You’ve written a complaint letter to the publisher, right? If not, I can draft something up—”

  “So now she doesn’t even give me the time of day, and it’s all my fault. I gave her that note asking if she wanted to hang out at the social tonight, but she never answered. She probably doesn’t even know who I am.”

  Trevor turned away from his manzanita tree. “Are you kidding? Libby talks about you all the time. She even made a pro-con chart about you.”

  Corey rushed up to him and put his hands on Trevor’s shoulders. “Dude, are you serious?”

  “Don’t worry…your hair is on the ‘pro’ side.”

  He clamped down harder. “She’s actually considering going out with me?!”

  Trevor recoiled. “Wow. You really like her.”

  Corey stepped back, scuffing the dirt with his shoe. “Yeah, but it’s cool. I’m cool. I’m relaxed. I’m cool.”

  Trevor smirked. Nervously repeating words…it was something he was all too familiar with. “Relax. Libby thinks you’re cool. And trust me, you are way cooler than me.” That was a sentence he never imagined saying out loud.

  But somehow, it felt right.

  With a mischievous look in his eye, Corey approached the stump and sat down next to Trevor. “You know how Miss Plimp said we are supposed to give each other compliments?”

  Trevor nodded.

  “Well, I’m about to give you one. But you have to look away again.”

  “If I have to look away, then you have to look away, too.”

  Corey sighed. “Fine. Back to back. Ready?”

  Corey took in a bunch of air, puffed his cheeks, then blew it out up at the sky. “You may not be the most athletic or coordinated person—”

  “That is technically not a compliment.”

  “Let me finish. And you’re also afraid of stuff you shouldn’t be afraid of…”

  “Again, not a compliment.”

  “Just wait for it. You remind me of what I was like when I got to Westside last year. But I changed, and I thought it was a good thing—the hair, the coolness. But it’s not like it got me a ton of friends. Dudes copied my haircut, but that was about it. No one started to call me and ask to hang out. Honestly, I wish I’d stayed the same.” Corey’s voice cracked. “I’d rather be more like you.”

  Whoa, Trevor thought. That is a sentence I never imagined Corey Long would say.

  Trevor fiddled with a stick as he contemplated all the things he wanted to say to Corey. That Corey had been mean to him for all the wrong reasons. That he was a jerk, but sometimes he wasn’t a jerk, and it made everything confusing. And that he shouldn’t follow rules in a book. Maybe there are times when rules aren’t good to follow.

  But instead, Trevor turned around to face Corey and sa
y just one word: thanks.

  Except in that moment, all that came out though was, “Th…th…th…”

  “Dude, you’re stuttering.”

  Trevor shook his head because he wasn’t stuttering at all—he was freaking out. Because just a few yards beyond Corey’s shoulder was his worst nightmare.

  A black bear.

  And it looked hungry.

  This is what you would call a MEGA-DISASTER.

  Even if Princess Kate rode in on a neon pink horse and asked me to move into the royal palace, my life would still be a mega-disaster.

  Savannah Maxwell is not talking to me.

  To. ME.

  Hold on…gotta take care of these tears. Talk among yourselves.

  [pats her eyes with tissues]

  It’s just that I’ve been so busy with my wilderness emergency, and it’s all-consuming to keep Lucy happy. It’s like people don’t understand how hard my life can be.

  And now even Lucy won’t even come inside the cabin to snuggle, because she seems to like her new freedom or something. She thinks she’s some sort of…animal.

  But don’t feel sorry for me…I’m going to take care of this problem ALL BY MYSELF. I plan to ask Marty to feed her some super fancy food tonight.

  I’m a survivor.

  “DON’T. MOVE.” TREVOR SQUEEZED HIS words out of the corner of his mouth. “There’s a bear behind you.”

  “WHAT?!”

  “Shh!” Trevor covered Corey’s mouth. “Be quiet,” Trevor whispered.

  Corey nodded. He then cut his eyes back and saw the bear sniffing around a tree. He looked over at Trevor and said in a low voice, “RUN.”

  But then Trevor remembered it. All his Get Out of This Trip research—there was a lot that was bear related! He clamped down on Corey’s shoulder and calmly explained what was about to happen. “We will not run. That shows the bear we’re vulnerable. We are going to stand our ground.”

  “Whoa. Dude. WHAT?”

  At that moment, the bear looked up from its sniffing and noticed the boys.