Unfinished Dreams

by McIntyre, Amanda

  “I was there, remember?” The side of her jaw went rigid and her lips formed into a thin line.

  “Was it fun? Did you enjoy your little game of testing out the ‘country boy’ to compare with your ‘city boy’?” He stood, pacing back and forth across the linoleum. Wondering if what emitted from his mouth was fact or fallacy. “What besides the house did he promise you, Tess?” He grabbed the nearest chair and gripped it tight as he bore his gaze to hers. The lump in his throat threatened to choke him.

  “Are you finished?” She brushed her own tears roughly from her cheeks. “First of all, I knew nothing about this until Betsy showed me the papers when she came down.” Her gaze locked into his and he could see she too, was remembering that passionate day.

  He blinked and gave her an expectant stare.

  She closed her eyes, then continued. “I planned to tell you, I wanted to talk to Jack first and find out why. What hand he played in all of this.”

  Gabe’s mind raced back to the scene that met him the day he burst into Jack’s office.

  “And?” He knew his voice sounded impatient, But the unexpected reminder of seeing her in Jack’s arms sent his insides to turmoil.

  “And, it seems Jack was hoping eventually, more would come of our relationship than just business associates.” She paused taking a sip of tea.

  He chewed on the inside of his lip waiting to hear the rest. Wanting to hear what she hoped for between her and Jack. Right now, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what she was going to say next.

  “I also wanted to find out what your intentions were.”

  He blinked again; stunned that she would even consider his intentions. Had he ever told her? Before he could answer she spoke again.

  “You were always teasing me, telling me or implying that I wasn’t cut out for farm life. How was I to know that you weren’t using my money to do repairs on what you hoped to recover one day? You told me once how much you loved this place—”

  “Well for cryin’ out loud—” He shook his head. “You really think I’m capable of scheming that?”

  She gave him a sad smile. “No more than you thought me capable of playing you and Jack off one another for pure entertainment.”

  Ouch. The truth stung. Unfortunately, she was right and he had to find some way to make her see how things had changed for him. He opened his mouth to speak, but she held her hand up, stopping the words.

  “None of this matters anyway.” She stood, walking to the stove and refilled her teacup.

  He frowned and came around the counter, leaning his hip against it. He folded his arms across his chest, in defense of what he was afraid was coming. Still, he ventured tentatively forward. “Why doesn’t it matter?”

  “Because,” she turned, “Jack came to see me in Kansas City.”

  His stomach dropped with every bit the speed of a runaway elevator.

  He wanted desperately to drag out of her what she was doing with Jack in Kansas City. More than that he wanted to take her in his arms and make her forget that preppy boss of hers. “You were in Kansas City?”

  “For an interview.”

  He swallowed, and glanced to the floor. This was not getting any better. “Job?” He couldn’t bring himself to ask whether she’d still have anything to do with Jack.

  “Yes.”

  He nodded, his gaze focused on a small-burnt spot in the planking of the wooden kitchen floor. “Isn’t that a bit of a commute?” He stared at the spot, trying to remember how it got there. A hazy image of his dad sneaking up behind his mom and kissing her on the back of the neck while she was cooking flitted in his memory. He remembered the surprised scream as she dropped the pan to the floor scolding his dad and laughing at the same time. It was one night he’d been saved from eating broccoli.

  “I won’t be commuting.”

  The image of Tess at the stove with him sneaking up and wrapping his arms around her, dissipated like an early morning fog. It took a moment or two for her news to sink in. She was moving.

  He raised his eyes to her steady gaze as she complacently sipped her tea. Did she know what she was doing to him? He glanced away. Maybe he didn’t deserve her, or he was destined to be alone. He closed his eyes, frustrated with himself, with the whole damn situation.

  “I’ve accepted a position in the Kansas City home office. Jack came to tell me his lawyers have straightened out the mess he made.” She paused, and cast a glance to the ceiling.

  He barely heard the wobbly sound in her voice. “The farm will be yours again in thirty days. You can move in as soon as I’m gone.”

  He stood frozen in place as she brushed past him.

  She wondered about his intentions? Jack went to Kansas City? She was leaving his life for good? What was wrong with this picture?

  He turned, as she lowered herself into a kitchen chair. He wanted to say so much, but the words seemed stuck in his throat. However, his current life was a royal mess and his future didn’t look much better with each passing moment. Taking a deep breath, he figured things couldn’t get much worse.

  “Tess, I’ve been less than truthful with you.” He saw her body tense and his heart twisted. She’d already shared with him over the past few weeks what her experience had been like with Richard. The deception and lies he’d created, the betrayal she’d gone through. He had to find a way to make her understand.

  “When I was taking care of my dad, little by little I let go of my own dreams and acquired those of my father’s. I substituted mine for his. Maybe it was that I felt guilty that I was healthy and he was dying, maybe I wanted him to be at peace knowing the farm meant as much to me as it had to him. I don’t know.” He raked a hand through his hair, frustrated by all that was churning inside of him. When had he become so cynical, so bitter? His viewpoint of life was so narrow-minded that he’d not really been able to see his blessings instead of his trials. Was Tess his second chance? If this whole fiasco had never happened, would he have met her?

  Hope quickened in Gabe’s heart. He sat down quickly and grabbed Tess’s hand, ignoring her shocked look, “Tess, whatever the problems between us, surely we can work them out.”

  The sadness in her expression did not match the hopeful glimmer that flickered in her eyes.

  That alone gave Gabe the encouragement to keep pressing forward. “I admit when you moved in, I was bitter about you living here. I’d have felt the same about anyone living here. I didn’t know who you worked for and really I didn’t care. All I saw was a stranger living in the house that I promised my dad I would keep in the family. My childhood home, my father’s home, and his father’s before him. It was my legacy Tess, and I let him down by not being able to hang on to it.”

  She blinked once, her wide eyes taking in his confession. It was like someone had freed him from a self-imposed prison, he rattled on unsure if he made any sense at all, hoping at least some of it was getting through.

  “I admit that at first I was waiting for you to get the country life out of your system. To come to terms with how difficult it is to run a farm, but each obstacle you faced head on, finding a way to overcome it. I think maybe I was a little jealous. You seem to see difficult situations as a challenge.”

  He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles, noticing the blunt cut of her nails. No polish. Hands not afraid to pitch in and work to get things done. They were, he thought, a reflection of the woman herself. Small and delicate, yet they could be as gentle or as strong as need be.

  “Then I started to see the beauty of this place again, through your eyes. Not because of possession, but in how you cared for what you had, for loving what was right in front of you.” His shoulders slumped forward, partly from exhaustion of spilling his confession, and part in the realization he’d never fully appreciated what he had when he had it – more specifically, the wonderful woman seated across from him looking like an angel in her flannel bathrobe.

  He raised his eyes from their entwined hands to her face.

  Hug
e tears fell silently one after another from her beautiful eyes.

  “Tess, I’ve loved you since the day you opened that front door in those flannel boxers of yours.”

  She shook her head and pulled her hands free from his. “This isn’t necessary, Gabe. In thirty days you’ll get your farm back free and clear to do with what you wish.”

  Brushing the tears from her cheeks, she stood resting her fingers to the edge of the table. “It’s been a long day and I really should get some sleep.”

  She stared at him, aware that she didn’t want to carry on this conversation. He started to put on his boots. “May I ask when you start this new job?” He pressed his foot in the boot, and hit the heel to the floor, maybe a bit harder than needed.

  “Three weeks.” She offered nothing more. So had things gone better than she let on with Jack? Was this thing over between them then?

  “I’m sorry Tess, about everything. I wish you the best down in Kansas City with your new job,” he hesitated, “I hope you find someone that appreciates you like you deserve.”

  He paused brushing his lips to her forehead before he turned and walked towards the front door.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Tess stared at the speckled Formica tabletop, listening to the echo of his boots fading down the hall. How could she have known his circumstances? The information swirled in her mind, a whirlpool, sucking her future in with it. Had Jack known what Gabe faced when he stepped up the eviction?

  She promised she would find out, if nothing else, for her own peace of mind. At least Jack had done the right thing. He’d gotten Gabe’s farm back to him. Still, if there was or ever had been anything of real substance between she and Gabe, wasn’t there the possibility they could work things out? A question popped up, left unanswered in her mind. Something he’d mentioned, about finding someone who would appreciate her like ‘she deserved.’

  “So you didn’t appreciate me, ever?” She spoke the words purposely loud enough so she knew he heard.

  The sound of his footsteps halted.

  She glanced down the hallway and saw him paused at the front door, his hand resting on the knob. His hat hung loose in his other hand by his fingertips as he stared at the floor.

  She folded her arms across her chest and walked towards him. Something between fear of what he might say and what he might not caused her heart to falter.

  “I deserve better? Than you? Is that what you’re saying? Who are you to tell me what kind of man I deserve?” She poked a rigid finger to her chest and glared at him.

  “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant—”

  “Gabe Russell, don’t you dare be sorry. Don’t you dare make me fall in love with you, then walk away, and break my heart.”

  She stood in front of him, speaking to his bowed head. “You don’t think I know what it’s like to want something so bad and when it doesn’t turn out the way you planned or even hoped, you feel like giving up?” Her hands dropped to her sides listlessly. “But maybe, I…what if, the way things turned out, actually gave us a second chance at our dreams?”

  His gaze met hers. She saw a man defeated in the depths of those eyes, a sadness, and yet—

  “What are you saying?” He turned placing his hat over the corner post of the stairs, then returned his steady gaze to hers.

  Tess was struck with how familiar, how very right, his hat looked sitting atop the post.

  She avoided eye contact with him, looking around the room to try to find a concise and simple answer to his question. What indeed was she saying? She was livid at him for snatching up her heart with his easy-going smile and gentle strength. Making her vulnerable again. “I’m not sure.” She swallowed, averting her eyes from his.

  “Are you trying to tell me we might have a second chance here?” The back of his fingers brushed her cheek and she shut her eyes, but not her heart.

  “I’m saying maybe there’s something we shouldn’t be so quick to discard. Maybe the beginnings of something worth exploring?” She darted him a quick glance.

  “What about your new job?” His thumb brushed over her lower lip as his hungry gaze studied the gesture.

  “I don’t know.” Her voice trembled. Being indecisive was not familiar to Tess. But the scars of mistrust, even trusting herself, ran deep. Gabe was not like other men she’d known and in many ways he seemed to be the kind of man she needed—if she could only trust herself to know what that was. His breath fanned across her face, his closeness sent her thoughts in a tailspin.

  “Maybe you need to be convinced of my good intentions.” He spoke quietly, every word melting another facet of her reserve.

  His hand circled the back of her neck, gently pulling her to him. He brushed his lips over hers, feather-soft at first, then again with increased hunger. Rational thought dissipated under a wave of heat. She was scattered between want and reason.

  “Is it working?” He whispered as he trailed hot kisses down the side of her neck, immediately covering her mouth with his before she could answer. His fingers brushed through her hair as he pressed his lips to her forehead, her temple, her cheek, and then again capturing her mouth.

  She sensed his desire increasing like hers, with every sigh. When her mouth was free to speak, she breathed deep, trying to form the words from her lusty haze in her brain. “You think seduction can make me love you?”

  He searched her eyes. “Is that an admission?” The corner of his lip curled, producing that loveable dimple at the corner of mouth.

  “I’m open to discussion.” Her breath hitched when he stepped forward.

  He cradled her face his hands. “Marry me, Tess.”

  Her eyes flew open. They’d gone from kissing to marriage?

  He kissed her again, nothing sweet, nor gentle. He was giving her a preview of a lifetime of pure bliss. Pulling back, he rested his forehead to hers. Both of them were breathing heavily.

  Tess’s fist still clutched to his shirt, she felt the erratic beat of his heart. She tried to think straight.

  “I need to know if you think I would have made it on my own. Were you hoping I’d move back to the city?” For some reason, she had to know how he viewed her as an individual before they could ever marry.

  He sighed, his jaw muscle twitching as he stared at her. She sensed that he grappled with her challenge to lay everything out on the table.

  “In the beginning, honestly, I didn’t give you a snowball’s chance. I thought you’d hit that first major hurdle and zoom,” he raced his hand through the air, “You’d be outta here.”

  He stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked at her, fondness and respect in his steady gaze. “After that day on the porch, I told myself it was better to stay away. I wasn’t looking to fall in love, Tess. I told myself you’d eventually leave. I just didn’t want to take the risk of losing someone I loved again.” He rubbed his palm over his chest as though soothing an aching heart. She swore she felt it in her own.

  He glanced away, scratching a thumbnail across his forehead. “Truth is, the more I tried to stay distant, the more you dominated my thoughts.”

  Gabe returned his attention to her face. “When I figured out what was happening, that I was falling in love with you, I fought it. Then I stumbled over those papers in the kitchen and then a few days later I see you with Jack and that was it. I vowed I would never hurt that way again.”

  She reached for his face. “You saw the papers? When?”

  “When I came back for my hat.”

  She knew immediately which day he spoke of, and lowered her gaze.

  He grabbed her hand. “Now I’m sick to think I might lose you.”

  “What about Kansas City?” She spoke the words aloud, yet even as she did, deep down, it wasn’t where she belonged.

  He rubbed a thumb over the back of her hand. “I can’t make that decision for you. But if you stay, I can promise that I’ll do everything in my power to give you a good life.”

  “Maybe the position
is still open in Davenport? Maybe Jack could keep me on until we make ends meet?” she offered.

  “Work with Jack?” he said in disbelief. “Really?” He stepped away, narrowing his gaze.

  “He knows now I don’t have those kind of feelings for him.”

  “He does?” he tipped his head to the side, “And you’ve made this clear how?”

  She had to smile at the bout of jealousy. She understood where Gabe was coming from, that he needed some semblance of security from her, about their relationship.

  “I knew when he kissed me.”

  “You kissed…Jack?” Gabe gave her a stunned expression.

  “He really did all the work.”

  “That’s not much of a comfort, here. You just went along with it then, right?” He gave her a dubious expression.

  “It meant absolutely nothing.”

  He studied her for a long moment.

  “And so you discovered what from this…experiment?”

  She grinned seeing how well he tried to mask his emotions. “It was just a kiss.”

  “Ah, yes. Good deduction.” He nodded and reached back for his hat.

  Tess grabbed his chin and turned his face to hers. “It wasn’t at all like yours.” She leaned toward him and gently traced his lower lip with her fingertip. The electricity was instantaneous. “Not even a little.”

  He grinned, snatching her into his arms and kissed her full on the mouth. “When can you move in?” His grin stretched ear to ear. Apparently, the kiss had also affected his memory.

  “Whoa, slow down cowboy, technically I live here. At least officially for the next thirty days.” She arched her brow.

  He paused a moment as if reassessing, then he shrugged his shoulder. “No problem, I’ll move my things in tomorrow.”

  Tess frowned. “Nope. I don’t think so. I think this second chance thing calls for a proper engagement, of sorts. If I’m going to be living in a small town, I certainly don’t want folks to think we were cohabitating before marriage.”

  “You’re serious?” His expression was deadpan

  “Oh yeah, Mr. Russell, I am.”