Too Haught

by Leela Lou Dahlin

  Karessa stood up and threw on a T-shirt and her panties before turning around to glare at him. “Anything but what’s in the box?”

  He nodded, but felt like he should have probably put more thought into it. It was too late now, though.

  “Have you ever been to France?” She stood with her hands on her hips, looking fierce and powerful.

  “Yes,” he answered, watching her think about his answer.

  “You knew the soap and lotion you got were my favorite and the store closed down about five years ago?” She walked close to the box but didn’t stoop to pick it up.

  “I knew the soap and lotion were said to be your favorite. I didn’t know that the place closed down.” He felt pretty good about answering that question.

  “When you were in France, did you try to see me?”

  He took a deep breath. “Look, I came to see you on your second birthday there. I got to your apartment and found Luc coming out. You were in a robe, and he kissed you before he left.”

  “On the lips?” She turned to him, confused.

  “I’m not sure. I think I turned away for a few seconds.” He really didn’t want to talk about the clusterfuck that had gone on in his mind and how stupid he felt for coming all that way only to find out that she’d met someone else.

  “So you came all the way to France, after ignoring me for over a year, then saw someone leaving my house and left?” She looked like she didn’t believe him, that the story was too incredible.

  “You don’t remember Luc being at your house around midnight on your birthday?”

  She stopped suddenly and looked at him. “Did he say something to you?”

  “Yes. He told me the area is heavily patrolled, and you weren’t accepting any gifts from strangers.”

  “Why didn’t you tell him who you were? That was one of the hardest years I’ve ever gone through. I was twenty-one and missing you like crazy. I’d called to talk to you, and your number was changed. I didn’t have the heart to ask anyone what your new number was, because everyone knew you weren’t talking to me anymore.” Karessa leaned against the wall and shook her head. “That fucking box was for me. Wasn’t it?”

  He didn’t answer her.

  “It doesn’t matter what I’m saying to you right now or how you feel. You expect me to go. That’s what the problem is…isn’t it?” Karessa pushed off the wall and started pacing like she was a lawyer in one of those criminal mystery television shows she always watched.

  “I don’t know what you mean.” Beau leaned back against the bed, because he could tell she was getting herself all worked up and she’d not let up until she got the information she sought.

  She paced back and forth in front of him like she was Colombo working out a puzzle. “All those times when we were young, we’d talk for hours. I would share things with you about my life and you’d give me stories about your childhood? I could never figure out why you did that, but there was a reason.”

  He watched her and wondered where she was going with this.

  “You were telling me that the things you loved left.”

  “What? That’s not what I was saying,” he replied and wondered if she’d had too much to drink at the wedding and was tipsy, but she hadn’t seemed tipsy when she was rocking his whole entire world less than thirty minutes ago.

  “The dog you had to give back, the mother you lost when your brother was born, the father you clung to when you were distraught about your mother, your grandparents, and then… me…” She turned toward him, and he could barely breathe, but she didn’t say another word as she walked over.

  He could only shrug because he didn’t know what to add to her breakdown of his life of loss.

  “You don’t hold on to me because you think I’m destined to leave. I’ve always wondered why it was so easy for you to let me go, but for you, it’s just something that was always going to happen.”

  She couldn’t know that. He’d never told her that. “I would never keep you from the dreams that you wanted to follow. When you sat up nights and told me your plans on being a lingerie designer and how you’d be able to afford anything you wanted, I believed in you. I wanted you to have what you wanted for yourself.”

  “What about my wanting to be with you? That was also part of the dream. Did you know how hard it was to get on that plane knowing I wouldn’t be able to see you every day and talk to you every night?”

  “You told True that you were thinking of not accepting the internship if I wanted to be with you. The plan was to stay here and help with the bar and continue to take care of your mother.”

  The gasp that left Karessa’s mouth was harsh and loud. “That’s why you ignored me?”

  He looked at the face that he’d never have been able to turn away if she’d have come to him and told him she wanted to stay with him. “That opportunity was all you ever talked about, and when you got it, I had mixed emotions. Did I want to start the life we’d always talked about? Yes, but when we planned it and when you talked about it, they were mutually exclusive plans. They didn’t work together, and we never discussed how that would work. I wasn’t prepared to leave my brothers, and you shouldn’t give up your dream because of that.”

  “You sacrificed us…for me?” she whispered, and the pain in her voice cut him deeply.

  He didn’t answer that because he knew she was just working it out in her head.

  “I went to France thinking you didn’t really care about me. I barely even remember the first year. Maryse saved me so many times from just throwing it all away. I missed you so much it felt like I was missing a part of myself.”

  Beau pulled her into his arms and breathed in the soft, fragrant scent that seemed to follow Karessa everywhere she went.

  “I’m sorry I did it like that, but at the time, I didn’t know how I was going to give you up. What I did know was I wouldn’t be able to let you live your dream if you chose me. I wasn’t that strong when it came to you. I’m still not.”

  “You shouldn’t have taken away my choice,” she said as she pulled away from him. She had every right to be upset, but if she could just think about what he’d done in a logical way, maybe one day she’d understand his reason and rationale.

  “Honestly, Karessa, if you’d have come to me and said you were going to stay here and be my wife instead of going to France, how long do you think it would have taken you to regret your decision? You are a passionate, fiery woman, but you needed time to think that through.”

  “What about now?”

  “I’ve committed to open up Two Haught, so I can’t leave, and you have four boutiques to open in France and legal obligations, so you can’t stay.”

  He watched her walk over to the couch and sit down with a slump. Damn, he hated to see her like this. Beau would have never agreed to this conversation if he’d have known that a dejected Karessa would have been the end result. Blaming True would be easy, but the way he and Karessa were together would have meant fireworks one way or another. He stood up, pulled on some pants, and went to sit next to her. He picked her hand up and kissed the back of it.

  “I’ll always be here for you, Karessa. I can’t see ever loving a woman the way I love you, and one day maybe our stars will line up so we can be together.”

  “I know you don’t like long distance relationships, so I won’t suggest that. Damn your whole kismet philosophy.” She tried to joke with him, but he could see how close she was to tears. It was time to go back to France, and never had he wanted to reverse time as much as he did now. He felt like that little boy sitting on the steps with the puppy he’d named Pepper—regardless of the owner telling them his name was Dougal—and waiting for it to leave him too. He was almost ready to say he’d try long distance just to keep a piece of hope, but that wouldn’t be good for either of them. Maybe her prince was in France, and she was destined to meet him there. It didn’t matter that the very thought made him want to beat something up and lose the contents of his stomach at the same
time.

  “Que sera, sera…” he said to her. They both knew what that meant and could even sing the song. It was the only song he could remember his mother ever singing to him, and when he found out the meaning of the song sung by Doris Day, he knew no truer words had ever been said or sung.

  Que sera, sera. Whatever will be…will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que sera, sera.

  That didn’t mean he liked what he saw, because most of the time he didn’t. He survived and he thrived, at least in business, but that would have to be enough for right now. “We have to get going if you’re going to catch your flight.”

  She nodded, and he felt like his skin was too tight. True had done it to him again. Somehow, there was no one to take her to the airport even though it had been arranged earlier. Watching her actually walk away was going to tear him apart, but he’d not let her see it. She had enough on her plate without having to deal with that.

  Chapter 14

  Karessa

  This was the longest and fastest car ride she’d ever had. There was nothing to say. They were all talked out. She’d always wanted to know how he felt about her, because she’d always thought they both had strong feelings for each other, but now she knew, and it didn’t seem to make it any better. It surely didn’t make a damn bit of difference. They loved each other, but that wasn’t enough. It was the story of his life, and she didn’t like being one more person who he loved but couldn’t keep. Unfortunately, she was wrapped up in so much legal tape with her business in France they would probably call for the US to extradite her if she decided not to return.

  He pulled up in front of the baggage check and hopped out so fast she would have thought he wanted her out of his hair, but she knew that wasn’t true. This was how he dealt with unpleasantness… rip the bandage off quick and heal later. Since she couldn’t come up with anything to solve their situation and he’d been the one who’d tried to give her what she needed in the past, it was her turn to help him.

  She got out of the car and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she turned to find the nearest bathroom to cry in. Karessa made it about six steps before she was spun around by a firm hand on her arm. The carefree Beau was gone, and in his place was a fierce looking man with an expression on his face that left her breathless.

  “What I didn’t say during our talk is this: I’ve always loved you, and although I’m sure you didn’t believe that when you left before, I want you to know it now. I don’t want to insinuate or hope you get the right message. I love you more than I’ve loved anyone, and I’m happy for the time we’ve spent together. You’re hurting right now, and that tears me up inside, but I want you to get on that plane and continue your panty pushing until I find a way to work this out.”

  “Are you saying you want me to wait for you?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. This man and his que será, será beliefs were hard to tie down, which was one of the reasons he was so sought after, but she doubted he’d change all that he was for her. She didn’t want him to do that.

  “I’m saying…this isn’t over.”

  She didn’t know what to make of that little speech, but she’d have to be happy that the man who rarely offered any explanations was attempting to give her something. The kiss he bestowed upon her was a mix of apology, passion, and somebody needs to find a room, but she wouldn’t have stopped it for the world. He didn’t stop it abruptly, ending it instead with light kisses all over her cheeks and mouth. She opened her eyes and watched him study her like there was going to be a test with a firing squad for a failing grade.

  “Do you want me to walk you in?”

  She shook her head because she didn’t think she’d be able to open her mouth without crying. He gave her one last quick kiss on the mouth before she walked off. Maryse would have told her to keep her head up and her back straight while she walked away from this beautiful man that she already missed.

  Karessa didn’t turn around until she was at the top of the escalator. Half of her hoped he’d run as soon as her back was turned but the other hoped he was still standing there so she could get one more glance at what love looked like. She’d never had anyone sacrifice for her. Her mother hadn’t done that for her, so she didn’t recognize it when she saw it. This man had been sacrificing for her for years.

  She turned slowly and couldn’t say she was shocked. He was standing there waiting, and for some reason, she thought about the story he’d told her about how he sat on the porch waiting for the family to take the little puppy he loved so much away. She was just one more thing he couldn’t keep.

  Lifting her hand in a wave, she couldn’t make out the expression on his face, but he lifted his hand in return. Que será, será, her ass. The future may not be hers to see, but she had some say in the matter. That man said he loved her, and she’d always loved him. No matter how bad it looked now, they would work this out.

  Chapter 15

  Karessa

  It had taken five weeks, but Karessa had opened all but one of the Karessable Intimate Apparel stores. One thing she hadn’t considered was how much the world would love Beau Haught. The men with the suits who funded this whole operation demanded she have a larger men’s section in each of her boutiques. That was good and bad. With Beau being the official face of her men’s line, there was a punch of arousal and excitement that came before the sadness.

  She’d talked to Beau every night since she’d been back, and although she’d not talked to him about what she planned to do, the closeness between them grew even though they were so far apart. After the last opening tomorrow afternoon, she would have some news for Beau that would hopefully knock his socks off. Her phone rang, and she looked down at the caller ID…thinking of the devil.

  “Hey there, lady, how was your day?” Beau asked when she picked up.

  She fell on the bed and wondered how he always called at the right time. It was almost midnight in Paris, making it about six pm on the east coast of the US. His voice sounded relaxed, and she could almost see him sitting in his living room.

  “Pretty good. What are you doing home so early?”

  “I usually call you about this time. You seem to get home around eleven thirty, and you are typically getting into bed about midnight.”

  “Well look who’s all observant and whatnot.” She tried to keep her tone light, but honestly, she was impressed. They hadn’t talked about what ‘this’ relationship was or how they were going to do things in the future. The talks they had were wonderful, and she was living in the now, but she wanted him to know that she wasn’t going anywhere.

  “I try.” He waited a few more minutes, and she was getting aroused just having him on the phone and listening to his breath in her ear. What was wrong with her? She knew what was wrong. Looking at a wall size picture of Beau in each and every store she entered, as well as billboards and magazines, kept her in a constant state of sexual excitement. Everywhere she went people asked about him, so his name was on her tongue all day. “Are you in bed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you snug as a bug in a rug?” He loved that phrase from the time he was sick and she’d tucked him in tight. Not that he would ever claim he loved it, and around his brothers, he claimed he’d needed help to get untucked, but she knew better.

  “I am, but I’m not tucked in as tight as I apparently tucked you in.” Karessa snuggled into her bed, listened to his voice and tried to get the huge smile off her face. It would have been awesome if he were here with her but the fact that he went out of his way to spend this time with her was enough, for now.

  “Good, because I want to make you come, so I’ll need you to have a bit of wiggle room.”

  “What?” They hadn’t done anything like this before. She normally would use her favorite toy after she’d talked to him. His deep voice would stroke and pluck her hot buttons like he was laying right next to her. Even when he’d talk about mundane things like getting the new place up and running or stories about family and frien
ds he’d arouse her. She normally waited until their talk was over, use the memory of his voice and what they’d done together when they were home to get her off. Then she’d go to sleep and hope she’d see him in her dreams.

  “I’ve missed hearing your sexy noises you make when you're aroused and ready. A few times you’ve sounded like you were almost ready, but then you got off the phone for one reason or another.”

  She listened to him talking, but now it sounded like he was walking somewhere. “I thought you were at home?”

  “No. I’m off for a few days?”

  There was absolutely no reason for that to bring out a touch of jealousy, but she wasn’t going to ask him where he was going. They didn’t have claim on each other, but she hoped he wasn’t dumb enough to tell her about another woman he was going to see. When she called him after she returned to Paris, it was under the guise of being friends and catching up for old times’ sake. They had talked every night, and although this is the first time he’d really gotten sexual, she was happy that they were headed back to the territory she knew they both liked. It would be hard to not have him with her, but him in her ear would be better than nothing.

  “What do you have on? I’m sure it’s one of the beautiful creations you dream up in your head. Let me guess…is it the boy shorts with the spaghetti strap camisole?” The smile in his voice reached her through the phone and she smiled with him because he, if anyone, knew that isn’t what she had on.

  “You know I don’t wear that to bed,” she said shyly, because if she was honest, she was wearing a shirt of his that she snatched when she was home. Home? That was an odd thing to call his apartment, but that’s how she felt when she was there.

  “Then I bet you have on a red, dark blue, or black T-shirt.”

  She had to laugh at that one. “How did you know?”

  “Well, I was missing a few of my favorite shirts, and I figured that you must have taken them. I’m sure they look better on you than they did on me.” It was official he was walking. There were street sounds they didn’t sound like home. She couldn’t imagine where he was in their small town that would have the noise she was hearing.