“I know it’s selfish, but I want to share my time with both of you,” Luke said. “I’m not saying the three of us will hang out together every day, and no, I won’t invite Finn to Friday night dinner if you don’t want him there, but I’d like to spend some time with both of you, together.”
He wanted to wince at the unhappiness in Ella’s face. “I won’t lie to you, El—I’m going to keep seeing Finn for as long as he’s interested. That means you’ll see him from time to time, too. I don’t want the only times I see him to be when you’re not around.”
“Seems like that’s been working fine,” Ella muttered and Luke fought the urge to roll his eyes.
“Up to now, sure, but I can’t section off different parts of my life on a full-time basis. I don’t want to, and Finn deserves better than to be my backup plan.” Luke ran a hand over his head. “We can figure this out, but I need your help to do that, okay?”
Ella studied him, her face solemn and her lips pressed tight. She stayed quiet long enough that Luke started to wonder what the fuck he’d do if she flat-out refused to even consider his request. Then she nodded, the movement small, and relief flared in Luke’s chest so sharp it ached.
Dating and unclehood? Still happening.
* * * *
An hour later, near-silence reigned over Luke’s apartment and he felt wonderfully, thoroughly relaxed. He’d seen his family off on their road trip—after Ella had made a point of saying a polite goodbye to Finn—then he’d gone to the fridge for two beers.
“Come watch the pregame,” Luke said. He beckoned to Finn and patted the space beside him on the couch. “I’m not asking you to love the Red Sox, but you have to tolerate watching the occasional game with me.” He froze then, startled by his own words. “I can’t believe I said that.”
Finn laughed. He took the beers from Luke’s hands and put them on the coffee table in front of them, then slid his arms around Luke’s neck. “Neither can I. Guess you like me, huh?”
“Of course I do, you silly man,” Luke replied. He smothered Finn’s laughter with a kiss.
Luke truly did love baseball and the Red Sox, and he’d been relieved to learn Finn was a diehard Chicago Cubs fan. However, the baseball and beer were just a pretense for snuggling on the couch. And to get Finn to rest. Because no matter how much Finn denied being tired, Luke knew he was.
Sure enough, Finn fell asleep as they watched the pregame with the sound off, his bare feet up on the table and Luke’s arm around his shoulders. Luke studied his face in snatches and fought the urge to run his fingers over Finn’s dark brows and golden skin and the sharp angles of his cheekbones and nose. Luke sat silent instead, satisfaction thrumming through him as Finn snoozed warm and lax against him until Luke’s arm went numb.
Midway into the eighth inning, Finn stirred and slowly surfaced.
“Mmm. I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he said, his voice hoarse. “You should have woken me.”
Luke nuzzled his lips against Finn’s temple. “You looked tired. And I don’t mind hanging out for once. It’s rare I get the chance to just be.”
“Okay. But I only have you to myself for a short while,” Finn murmured. “I want to spend as much awake time with you as possible while I can.” Uncrossing his arms, he slid his left hand along Luke’s belly.
Luke’s skin prickled at the touch, and he shifted so he faced Finn. But Finn stopped moving and stared at Luke. The silence between them stretched, and Luke knew from the way Finn searched his face that he had something to say.
Luke rubbed a hand over Finn’s chest. “What is it?”
Finn inhaled deeply. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Does it bother you to talk about your adoption?”
Wow.
Not in a hundred years would Luke have guessed Finn wanted to know anything about the big, blank spot in Luke’s life that he privately called ‘the time before’.
Luke blew out a gust of air. “Um. No, it doesn’t bother me. Why do you ask?”
Finn shrugged. “Meeting your parents today and hearing them talk about how you and Pete came into their lives made me think, that’s all. You and I talk about a lot of things but never about that part of your life. I thought maybe it was too painful or that you were…”
“Embarrassed about it?” Luke guessed. “I’m not. I don’t have much to tell, though. I don’t remember a whole lot about my time in foster care or before that.”
Finn’s forehead creased. “Really?”
“Yes. My story is a little like Pete’s. My birth mother surrendered me to the state before my second birthday. The records were sealed, though, and I don’t know what happened to her or my birth father. I was too young to remember them.”
Luke thought for a few beats before he spoke again. “The state placed me in a group home in Rugby. My parents told me about the home when I was older, and I looked it up. It was small, with only five other kids. I was there for a little while because it can take time to find someone interested in an older child.” He sighed as Finn’s hand went still on his belly.
“You were two years old, Luke.”
“Most people prefer infants, and I was already a toddler,” Luke said gently. “All in all, I was in foster care about a year. I don’t remember anything solid about it. Just…impressions. Probably sounds weird, huh?” Luke bit his lip and thought. “A blue room and other kids. One of the kids had freckles. A tall person who smiled. Someone combing my hair. A smell like…like laundry soap and cinnamon. It was nice. I had something soft to touch. Maybe a quilt or a pillow.”
He shook his head, aware all the while of Finn watching him with those big gray eyes. “The way Pops tells it, we kids were all healthy and seemed happy and loved. After he and Mom decided they wanted me, things kicked into gear and, eventually, they brought me to Boston. They changed my name from Louis to Luke and that’s who I’ve been ever since.”
A soft expression fell over Finn’s face. “You never looked back, huh?”
“None of us did. I mean, I was three years old, you know? I had Mom and Pops and Pete—things were good for me. Really good. I can’t imagine having a better family than the one I got or being more loved.”
“That sounds like the Luke I know.” Finn’s chuckle made Luke smile.
“Pops says he and Mom gave me a stuffed giraffe as a gift when I met them, but I just wanted them to pick me up. I’d get mad when they tried to put me down.” Heat splashed across his face at Finn’s jagged laugh.
“Obviously, they didn’t want to let you go either.” He leaned up and pressed a kiss against Luke’s shoulder. “I’m glad you met them. And I get why you stepped up for Pete and Ella.”
“I never considered doing otherwise.”
“Of course not. You never would.”
Luke ducked his head. He didn’t focus much on that big blank past, but he didn’t resent it either. It just was. Luke had a great life and he’d known from a very early age how loved he was. He’d been extraordinarily lucky, not just in meeting the Ryans but to have landed in the group home in Rugby, too.
His breath caught at Finn’s kiss, and what started out sweet turned deep and dirty. Luke melted against the couch cushions as Finn settled between his legs. Finn grabbed at Luke, fingers pressing into his muscles through his clothes and pulling hungry noises out of him.
“Fuck.” Luke’s skin blazed.
Finn ground against him and the motion lit up the nerves in Luke’s body. Luke worked at Finn’s buttons and cursed the pins and needles that flooded the arm that had been trapped under him, but they laughed together when Finn finally yanked at the shirt.
“Careful,” Luke chided. He tried to calm Finn’s jerky movements, but Finn responded by shoving Luke’s T-shirt up and dragging it over his head.
Their ragged breaths echoed in the quiet as they stripped each down. Luke kicked off his shorts and Finn palmed his cock, and the lust that crashed through Luke made him shake.<
br />
“Holy shit.” He gasped as Finn ran his thumb over the head. “Jesus, Finn, love your hands on me.”
“Fuck, yes.”
Finn took Luke’s mouth in a ferocious kiss. The skin on his face and neck were flushed with color when he drew back again, his pupils blown wide. He watched Luke in a manner both predatory and pleading, as if he couldn’t decide between mauling Luke and begging to be touched. He caged Luke’s head with his arms, his lean muscles flexing, and his eyelids fluttered as Luke ran his hands over Finn’s ass.
“Damn, I missed this.” Finn dipped his head to suck at Luke’s collarbone. “Missed kissing you, touching you. Love the way you sound when we’re like this.”
Luke pressed his mouth to Finn’s ear. “I missed you, too, baby,” he murmured, and jammed his lips together as another set of words crowded onto his tongue.
I love you.
Luke went still. The terrifying ache that took hold of him made his eyes sting and his heart hurt, and it was all he could do not to bolt off the couch.
“Hey,” Finn whispered, his touch gentle on Luke’s cheek. “You okay?”
Luke drew in a shaky breath. Rarely had he felt so exposed. “Yeah.” He forced himself to smile. “Everything’s perfect.”
He sat up, his mind churning with the need not to think. He desperately wanted to get closer to Finn, but everything in him felt scraped raw, so much so, he couldn’t bear to look Finn in the face.
Luke pushed Finn backward until he lay flat, then turned himself to face Finn’s feet. He straddled Finn’s waist and crouched over him, Finn’s dazed approval in his ears. This I can do, Luke told himself and grasped Finn’s hips with his hands.
Together, they shifted onto their sides. Desire crawled through Luke like a living thing. He eyed the tight abdomen and erection mere inches from his face, his mouth watering to taste Finn again. He pressed his face into the juncture between Finn’s hip and groin and kissed the hot skin, tasting a heady mix of soap and musk and man. He bucked helplessly when Finn took Luke in hand and licked him.
Pleasure buzzed through Luke’s body. He and Finn feasted on each other, creating a feedback loop of sensation. Finn used his hands to urge Luke to move and Luke thrust down into Finn’s mouth, his ears ringing with Finn’s guttural moan. Blindly, he brought a hand to his mouth and slid two fingers between his lips alongside Finn’s shaft.
Finn pulled off Luke with a gasp. “Oh, you…fuck!”
Luke pumped his fingers and goosebumps rose on his skin as Finn swallowed him back down. Once his fingers were good and wet, he slid them along the cleft of Finn’s ass. Tension jolted through Finn’s body. Luke circled the tight ring of muscle and Finn thrust harder and faster into Luke’s mouth, his movements desperate and his needy noises coming nonstop. Luke’s groin tightened.
He teased Finn until he trembled, then breached him, sinking one finger deep. He curled it just so and Finn came almost instantly, his shout muffled by the cock in his mouth. Luke’s orgasm tore through him with a white roar. He floated in that perfect moment, his body on automatic pilot and his limbs locked tight around Finn as they drank each other down.
Finn whimpered as the continued stimulation on his sensitized skin grew too much to bear. Luke pulled off and shuddered as his own dick fell from Finn’s lips. He shifted to unwind his legs from around Finn’s torso but couldn’t bear to let him go. He pressed his face against Finn’s taut belly and hid the emotions that reared up as his body trembled with aftershocks and more.
All the while, the three words Luke longed to say pulsed in his brain in between the beats of his heart.
I love you.
Chapter Fourteen
Finn stepped off the train at Kenmore Station in the midst of a thick crowd, his phone buzzing in his pocket. Baseball fans surrounded him, flocking toward Fenway Park to watch the Red Sox play Tampa Bay, and he waited until he was aboveground before he stepped out of the press of people and checked his messages.
Meet you outside the brewery restaurant place on Brookline Ave, Paul had written at six-thirty.
Why not inside? Mick had asked a minute later.
Because the music there is shit, Paul had replied. He’d included a poop emoji in his message and Finn snorted in disbelief at the exchange of messages that followed, every one featuring increasingly larger numbers of smiling cartoon poops.
Finn moved past Paul and Mick’s poopy thread to the most recent message, which was from Luke. The words soured Finn’s mood.
I’m really sorry.
It’s okay, Finn typed before he pursed his lips and backspaced over the words. He wasn’t okay with Luke canceling on him. Just like he wasn’t okay with Luke canceling their last several dates.
I know. I’m sorry, too, Finn wrote.
He stuffed his phone back into his pocket and forced himself to ignore it when it buzzed again almost at once.
Dammit.
From their first coffee date, Finn had known meshing his schedule with Luke’s would be complicated. They’d taken care to connect several times a week, meeting between work hours and when Ella was busy with friends or activities or her grandparents. All their careful planning had gone right out of the window after Ella returned to school.
Now, the sleepovers and evening play dates were gone. That time was instead devoted to homework and class projects, and the weekends disappeared in a whirlwind of soccer games and taekwondo. And as Finn didn’t have a place in that part of Luke’s life, he saw Luke less and less.
But that’s what you wanted—to keep Luke’s family stuff separate from your time together, Finn told himself.
He bit back a frustrated sigh as he walked up Brookline Avenue. Much as Finn hated to admit it, sectioning himself off from parts of Luke’s life had become a problem, even with Luke trying to bridge the gaps. He showed up at Finn’s door for lunch, when time would allow, where he first fed Finn then wrestled him into bed. He’d scored tickets from a client to tonight’s Red Sox game to celebrate Finn’s first six months in Boston, too. Finn had looked forward all week to visiting the historic ballpark in Luke’s company, but now they were across town from each other while Luke did something that had nothing to do with Finn. As was typical.
A piercing whistle cut through Finn’s moody musings. He glanced up and caught sight of Paul and Mick on the opposite side of the street, standing outside the restaurant Paul had mentioned somewhere among the poop messages. Quickly, Finn stepped out of the stream of Fenway Faithful and waited while his friends crossed the road.
Paul and Mick were wearing Sox caps and custom jerseys, and Finn cracked a smile at the oversized red foam finger on Paul’s hand, emblazoned with the team’s logo.
“You let him out in public with that thing?” he asked Mick when they drew near.
Mick huffed out a laugh. “You try prying it away, son.”
Paul jerked the foam finger out of reach of Finn’s outstretched hand. “No touchy.” He checked Finn over and smiled. “I like a man who’ll wear a Cubs hat into enemy territory.”
Paul used the finger to poke at the bill of his weathered, much loved Cubs cap until Finn batted it away. “Did you guys eat already?” he asked. “Or would you rather grab food inside?”
“Grab food inside, duh. I’m in the mood for overpriced hotdogs and beer! Who’s with me?!” Paul shouted and waved the finger over his head as cries of agreement echoed all around them.
They were still laughing when they stopped outside of Gate A, but Finn’s good humor faded as Paul glanced around.
“Hey, where’s Luke meeting us?”
“He’s not coming,” Finn replied. “He canceled this morning.”
“What? Why?” Paul asked. “He’s the reason we have tickets at all!”
“I know.” Finn knew he sounded sulky. “He had a thing to do with Ella, and their babysitter couldn’t cover. For what it’s worth, he seems pretty bummed out about the whole thing.”
“I’m sure he is,” Mick said. “Luk
e wanted to see this game with you, Finn.”
Finn’s stomach tumbled. Luke had said the same thing and while Finn believed him, he’d been short when they’d spoken, in part because he’d been juggling patients but also because he’d been really fucking disappointed. Now Finn was at the ballpark feeling shitty, Luke across town and probably feeling just as bad, and they wouldn’t have a free night without Ella again for God knew how long.
So make a free night with Ella.
Finn wanted to roll his eyes at himself. A free night with Ella wasn’t built for romance. There’d be a lack of adult foods and Ella would probably eyeball Finn while she and Luke slogged through her homework. Finn would fall asleep like he did any time he’d been on duty and sat on Luke’s couch for too long. Any fooling around he and Luke got up to would happen in secret and oh, so very quietly. And Finn would be out the door before eleven because he was working nights all week.
Still, he and Luke could be together for a while, and wasn’t that the point?
They’d managed just fine over the summer and Finn hadn’t cared what they’d done—dinner out or a night in—he had fun if Luke was with him. Finn had spent regular time around Ella, too, because they’d kept up the habit of meeting for Saturday brunch at Luke’s. Those afternoons weren’t Finn’s idea of dates, either, but he’d enjoyed himself. He got to know Peter through the little video chat windows that kept the family connected. Finn and Luke took Ella to meet friends at the park in fair weather or watched movies if it rained, and Finn nearly always caught a catnap as he lazed by Luke’s side.
Ella still acted wary of Finn, but he’d made peace with that. He’d stopped expecting more—like an invite to the weekly Friday dinners at Two Men and a Grille, for example—and concentrated on just getting along. Gradually, Ella had grown accepting of Finn’s presence, and every once in a while, it was almost as if she forgot she’d decided she didn’t like him. Finn would do or say something that brought a small smile to her face and he’d feel a bubble of satisfaction before she blinked and went back to looking bored. But if she tolerated Finn because Luke asked her to, Finn figured it was fine because Luke’s interest in him hadn’t wavered.
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