Fiancee By Mistake

by Walker Kate

  Her panic-stricken reaction was a mistake, alerting him to its importance. Leah's heart clenched painfully as she saw his considering frown, watched him turn it over to see the address on the front. His address.

  'What's this?'

  'A birthday card.' There was little point in denying it now. 'I—happy birthday for today, Sean.'

  Something crossed his face, some emotion she could not fully understand. It was raw and harsh and shockingly unconcealed.

  'But you didn't send it.'

  'I had second thoughts.' And third, and fourth. 'I thought perhaps it was wiser not to...'

  'Wiser.' Those blue eyes wouldn't meet hers, but stared down at his own name printed on the envelope. 'But you thought about writing to me. Why?'

  Suddenly he got to his feet in a swift, lithe movement, his hand taking hers, pulling her up with him.

  'Are you all right, Leah?' The question was sharp, urgent, seemingly out of all proportion to the very minor accident of a moment before.

  "Yes, of course...'

  'Believe me, I'm not usually so irresponsible, but that first time...'

  It was then that the reality of what he meant dawned on her. 'All right' meant all right physically. In the cottage, he had insisted on taking responsibility for birth control, but in the first rush of overwhelming passion neither of them had stopped to think.

  "There's no baby, if that's what you mean.'

  Of course he wouldn't want any repercussions, anything that would give the scandal rags something to write about.

  'Have you spoken to Andy?'

  'Yes.' She couldn't manage any more, totally bewildered by the apparent non sequitur.

  'You told him you couldn't marry him?' At her silent nod he continued softly, 'Was it very difficult?'

  'Very.' The suddenly sympathetic intonation was so unexpected that she could do nothing but answer him straight. 'I didn't enjoy it, if that's what you mean! But I knew I could never have made him happy.'

  'And what about you?'

  'I would never have been happy with him.'

  How could she be when the only man she loved, the one person who could make her happy for the rest of her life, was standing right beside her, his face wearing the same darkly brooding look that she had seen on it in the lift?

  'And you're sure you're not pregnant?'

  'Positive! You needn't worry. There won't be any "TV Hunk Fathered my Lovechild in Hideaway Love-Nest" headlines.'

  Deliberately she mocked his own words. Was it really no more than a few weeks since he had spoken them? She felt as if she had lived through a thousand lifetimes since then.

  What was there in those dark eyes? What had drawn his skin so tightly over the bones of his face? She couldn't begin to guess, and his response was so unexpected that her thought processes stopped dead.

  'Pity,' he murmured, or at least that was what she thought she'd heard.

  'Did you say...?'

  'I said it's a pity you're not pregnant,' Sean declared, 'so clearly that there was no possibility of misunderstanding.

  A faint, rueful smile touched the corners of his mouth for a second, and then vanished again.

  'Because if you were then at least I'd have a chance of persuading you to marry me.'

  'To marry...Sean, you're not making any sense. What do you mean...?'

  This time the smile was stronger, but worryingly sardonic.

  'What does it usually mean when a man wants a woman to marry him? It means he loves her more than life itself, that he wants to be with her for ever...'

  'But you don't believe in love for ever!'

  'I didn't.'

  Suddenly all trace of aggression had dropped away, and in its place was an open vulnerability that tugged sharply at Leah's heart. She had never seen Sean like this before, with all his defences down, no restraint, no concealment.

  He was still holding her hand too, she realised, his fingers curled round it softly but firmly.

  'I thought the idea of loving one person for the rest of your days was just a myth—pure fantasy. But then you came into my life and turned it upside down, and suddenly I didn't know what to think about anything any more.'

  'But you threw me out.'

  The look in those deep blue eyes seared over her skin, stilling her tongue when she would have said more.

  'I was scared—frightened of what was happening to me! I didn't recognise myself in what I was doing, the way I was thinking. I was afraid to open up to it, to accept the commitment it asked for—you asked for.'

  'I couldn't accept anything less.'

  Leah's grip tightened on his hand as she willed him to understand.

  'You know I want a marriage like the one my parents have. I believed I could love Andy, but then, having met you, it was as if an atom bomb had exploded in my face. I knew then that there was no one else in the world for me, that I would love you for ever, and I wanted you with me for the rest of my life. If I couldn't have that, then nothing else would do.'

  'Leah...' Sean began, but she couldn't let him stop her. She had to let him know the whole truth, no half-measures. She couldn't bear it if he believed that she had casually exchanged one so-called love for another.

  "The contrast between those two very different ways of caring showed me what loving really meant, and I knew that if you didn't feel the same about me then I couldn't stay, no matter how much I wanted to. I just couldn't take second best, couldn't stay and watch what you did feel shrivel and die—as it must, without commitment, but as it would never do for me.'

  'But it would never shrivel and die,' Sean put in. He laid his fingers over her mouth when she would have spoken. 'Hush, let me explain.'

  For a long drawn-out moment he was silent, midnight eyes fixed on her face. Then he drew in a long, deep breath and let it out again in a heavy sigh.

  'I didn't believe in love for ever, in promising to stay with one person for ever, because experience had taught me that it wasn't realistic. And I didn't think that I could ever feel enough for someone even to want to try. But when you left I was forced to realise that every day without you was an eternity. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. My only thoughts were of you—missing you. I dreamed of you at night and woke up aching, lonely and empty.'

  'I know! Believe me, I know.' All the long, miserable days since she had seen him put the emotion into Leah's voice. 'What happened to change things?'

  'My brother's wedding.'

  At her start of frank surprise his smile grew again, but this time there was a new and gentler warmth in it that soothed the ache in Leah's heart, lifted her spirits.

  'Yes, Pete finally married his errant fiancée. The ceremony was yesterday...'

  He slanted a questioning glance at her face.

  'You weren't there?'

  'No—I—pressure of work.' She couldn't bring herself to admit that she'd chickened out. That, knowing he must be there, she hadn't been able to face the prospect of seeing him again.

  'I missed you. And as soon as it was over I drove like a bat out of hell down to London to find you.'

  'But why?'

  'Why? I suddenly realised I hadn't been thinking straight I was Pete's best man, and as I stood beside him and heard him promise to love Annie until death parted them I saw his face—and hers—and the light in their eyes, the happiness they shared. And then I thought of the prospect of dying without ever having seen you again.'

  The convulsive, shudder he gave was a more eloquent testimony to his feelings than any words could ever be.

  'I knew I didn't want to live without you, but that commitment seemed so huge.'

  'It is.' Leah's voice was low. 'I'll admit that I was quite terrified by the enormity of it—that I was afraid of the full significance of what I felt.'

  She saw the flare of response deep in his eyes and knew how much the honesty of her admission meant to him.

  'But you had more courage than I did. You were able to say what you felt. Even Pete, my kid brother, was bra
ver than me.'

  'He hadn't felt the loss of' your father, as you had. And he hadn't known Marnie and...'

  'Shh!'

  Once more Sean laid his fingers over her mouth to silence her.

  'Don't talk about them; they're all in the past I want to make the future so very different. Do you think we can manage that?'

  Some tiny trace of uncertainty must still have shown in her eyes, because he suddenly led her to a chair and eased her down into it, sitting on the arm beside her.

  'Let me finish—tell you everything. I'd come so far and yet not quite far enough. But then my foolish brain finally put it into words even I could understand. I realised that for ever is just a series of days—one after the other, but taken one at a time. And I wanted to spend all of those days with you."

  'And I want to spend them with you,' Leah put in softly, earning herself a deep, lingering kiss that threatened to put an end to any further explanations. But at last Sean lifted his head with a sigh, cradling her against his shoulder as he went on.

  'I couldn't bear the thought of another twenty-four hours without you, and so I came to London and started working my way through every damn travel agency in Wimbledon. That photograph was just an excuse. Deep down, I knew that you'd had nothing to do with it, but I felt I needed something to give me a reason for looking for you in case you really didn't want to see me.'

  'I'd never have been able to say no to you,' Leah told him honestly. 'I would have had to see you just once more. Did you really try every agency?'

  'Why do you think I didn't find you until almost half past five? Can you even begin to guess just how many travel agents there are round here? And if I hadn't found you today, I'd have started again tomorrow.'

  'I'm glad my agency was on today's itinerary,' Leah said, heartfelt relief sounding in her voice. 'I don't think I could have borne to be without you for another night.'

  Looking up into Sean's face, she caught his sudden thoughtful frown.

  'What is it?'

  He was obviously reviewing their conversation, thinking back over all that had been said.

  'You said "the sort of marriage that your parents have"?'

  "That's right.'

  Her smile lit up her whole face, her eyes glowing like polished amethysts.

  'It's all sorted out. Dad's gone back to Mum and they're happier than ever. He says that it must have been some sort of mid-life crisis, that as soon as he'd left he knew it was the worst mistake of his life, but his pride got in the way and wouldn't let him admit it.'

  'Men!' Sean shook his head at the behaviour of his own sex. 'We're pretty thick sometimes when it comes to expressing our feelings. What gave him the push in the end?'

  'You did, in a way. When you rang up and told Mum I was with you, she used it as an excuse to ring Dad.'

  'She was worried?' Sean asked, and saw her smile grow, become mischievous.

  'She can't have been,' she said, laughter bubbling up under her words. 'Because she told Dad she was convinced she'd just been talking to the man who was going to become their son-in-law.'

  'She knew! But how?'

  'Something in your voice, she said. The way you spoke my name.'

  The glint of amusement in those blue eyes matched her own as Sean shook his head again, this time in bewilderment.

  'So I was hooked, even then? Even my prospective mother-in-law saw it before I did myself.'

  'Mother's intuition,' Leah assured him. 'She's famous for it.'

  'Well, I couldn't be happier that they're back together. That way, your father will be able to give you away when you marry me.'

  When, Leah noted, not if. This man of hers had taken a while to come round to the idea of commitment but once he had his undertaking was deep and total, a promise for life, with no prospect of second thoughts.

  Getting to her feet, she linked her arms around his neck and looked deep into his loving eyes.

  'My father will walk me down the aisle, Sean,' she told him softly. 'But he won't be giving me away. You see, I did that from the first moment that I met you. I gave my heart away to you then, and I never, ever want it back.'

  'I'll keep it safe.' Sean's reply was a huskily intent whisper. 'Just as you must keep mine, for today and tomorrow, and all the tomorrows after. I'm going to use all the hours I have to show you just what you mean to me, and how much I adore you—starting right now!'

  And as he swung her up into his arms, carrying her towards the stairs and his bedroom, Leah knew that the passion they shared would never eclipse their love, as she had feared. Instead, now that it was combined with honesty and commitment that would deepen and enhance it, that passion could only burn even brighter for the rest of their lives.