The Ending is Everything

by Aaron M. Carpenter

  Conversations erupted like someone turned on ten different radios, tuned to ten different channels simultaneously.

  Finally, Kaitlyn broke the chaos of speculation from the back. From my vantage point, standing on the linoleum in the entryway, I could see the top of her head. “You can all come,” she yelled. Everyone stopped and turned toward her. “My parents own a piece of land and a huge cabin in the mountains. In an emergency or disaster, we were all supposed to meet there. I think this counts. But, more importantly, they were expert survivalist. Mostly for fun and, I guess, boredom. But, they wouldn’t mind all of you being there.” Again, everyone began to talk at once.

  “Hold on. Hold on,” I said with my hands in the air trying to grab everyone’s attention. “What we do three weeks from now won’t matter, unless we can get together now and secure this house tonight. We don’t want to be outside tomorrow.” That shut everyone up.

  “What about news? The TV?” Alicia, Drew’s wife, asked. “We tried it earlier, but all we got was static.”

  I explained that the only TV I received was from IPTV (Internet Provided Television) and we were too far from the broadcast towers to get anything over the air.

  “The electricity may not last. It’s on now. But, who knows, how long that will be,” I said, after another question. “So, we gotta look at ourselves as cut off from everyone else. We have enough water to last a couple weeks. If we are smart with rationing. I have a gas stove, that means the burners will work to cook food. We have plenty of canned goods. That doesn’t even include my emergency food-“

  “Where are we all gonna sleep?” Jenna asked, cutting me off before I could boast about my emergency food supply. Everyone immediately started throwing out suggestions and volunteering sleep scenarios.

  I, again, raised my hand and everyone turned to me.

  “I have a plan for that, and we need to hurry up and get to working on it.” I looked at my phone 9:30 p.m. 3%. Damn. I need to charge my phone.

  Zero was to sleep in the office, Kaitlyn in the guest bedroom and the Welles family in the Master bedroom. Sleeping bags for Zero and the kids. I was to sleep on the red couch, which wasn’t as sticky as it was a day ago.

  “What about us?” Jenna asked.

  “You, Ethan and Aaron are all sleeping next door.” My original plan was to have the Welles family next door, and I could sleep in my bed, but that went out the window the minute I saw our new arrivals.

  “Next door where?” Aaron asked.

  I pointed. “They left last night. The house is empty.” We would break in, provide them with the other water dispenser and a few jugs. Open a space in the fence, between the houses. Two homes for the price of one. While I thought, it was a promising idea, the others weren’t so sure.

  I went through the rest of my plan, as directly and as precisely as I could. We needed to board up the windows in the house. I had plenty of empty, cardboard boxes in the garage that we would use to seal the windows. I grabbed the guns from underneath the sink in the bathroom, which almost caused Alicia, to have a heart attack.

  “Those were underneath the sink?” she asked. I shrugged and moved them to the tall filing cabinet in the office. The shotgun and AR on top. The handgun, in the top drawer.

  We began to execute the plan just after ten in the evening, by sealing all the windows in my house, including the large slider in the master bedroom. The kids became the masters of the cardboard, and they seemed to enjoy carrying the cardboard around and handing it out as needed.

  Once that was finished, Drew, Jenna, Ethan and I went next door with our expert burglar, Zero. He tried the front window. No luck. They installed new windows, a few months back, and the locking mechanism was tougher to get around than the one at Ethan’s apartment. In the backyard, we began taking down a few of the vertical fence pickets to make a path from my house to the one next door. Once we got through the fence, you had to duck to avoid the horizontal post that the picket had been nailed into, and we tried the back door. Locked. Next up the kitchen window above the kitchen sink. No luck there either. Zero suggested breaking the window in the kitchen door, but I said, “That kind of kills the purpose of securing the house from radiation.” We tried all the bedroom windows. Nope, new windows installed. Finally, the master bedroom slider. While all the windows looked brand new, with a modern locking mechanism, the slider looked like mine, old and original. Probably forty years old.

  “Spent all that money to replace the windows, but didn’t want to splurge on a new slider,” Zero said.

  “The slider probably would’ve cost almost as much as all the other windows combined,” Drew said.

  Zero pushed on the slider door and started moving the large pane of glass back and forth with slow, deliberate movements. After thirty seconds, he turned to us and smiled. Sure enough, while he kept pressure with his right hand on the glass, he grabbed the outdoor handle with his left and pulled. We were in.

  The master bedroom we entered was slightly larger than my own. Even though the house was smaller with two bedrooms, the bedrooms themselves were more generous. We exited the master bedroom into the main hallway. On the left, was the entrance to the main family room and kitchen. On the right, the other bedroom and at the end of the hall, the only bathroom. The interior had plain white walls and was decorated sporadically with framed family photos of Mr. Enrique, his wife, and two daughters. It smelled musty and old, even though it had only been a day since the family deserted the home. We looked in the second bedroom and found their daughters’ room, with two small beds. Everything seemed to be in decent shape. The living room had a few more religious pictures on the wall, a smaller TV, and no red couch, but other than that, it was exactly like my home.

  Jenna didn’t look placated. I noticed the look on her face as we went into the kitchen.

  “What?” I asked her.

  “I don’t know. It’s kind of weird to be sleeping and living in some stranger’s house.” This was a valid response and, truthfully, something I didn’t even think of.

  “We can grab sheets and blankets from my house, or even wash the bedsheets that are there now. As long as we do it tonight.” She still didn’t seem to be satisfied, and for a moment, I considered there may be another reason she didn’t want to sleep in this strange home, which had nothing to do with the house itself, but more to do with her housemates.

  As it was getting late, I went back over to my home, through our new pathway between the houses, out the kitchen door in Mr. Enrique’s home, through the fence opening, and into my kitchen door. Eight feet between the two doors. Inside my home, I gathered everyone to grab what was left of the cardboard boxes and a tarp from my garage.

  While everyone was working, securing the secondary home with cardboard, the kids again helped by carrying the empty boxes to and fro, I was gathering supplies in the kitchen. Mr. Enrique wisely took most of the canned goods. But, I found some crackers and some fruit in the fridge. I placed on the kitchen counter the portion of survival products for Jenna, Aaron, and Ethan. Twenty cans of a variety of soups. Ten varieties of canned vegetables. Ten canned fruits. A flashlight.

  As I was going through the kitchen, I noticed that Jenna seemed to be randomly inspecting different items in the home. Opening drawers. Testing the couch. Looking at the pictures on the wall. As if she were a prospective buyer of the home at an open house. I turned to her as she opened the dishwasher and was absent-mindedly removing leftover clean dishes and putting them in the correct cabinets, which she identified by opening each and every one.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “No,” she said.

  “Everything’s going to be okay. As long as we stay indoors for the next three to five days.” I was beginning to sound like a broken record.

  “I am not worried about that.”

  “Then what?” At this, she nearly burst into tears.

  “I can’t.” She turned away from me quickly and walked into the living room leaving the open dishwasher.
I shrugged it off. Maybe she couldn’t process what happened? I don’t know. But, I wasn’t going to push it. I went back to rationing out the canned food we scrounged. Every now and then I would cast a look at Jenna and see her wandering or half-heartedly helping out, here and there.

  “Her parents live in El Segundo,” Ethan said while I was in the middle of my count of canned goods.

  “What?”

  “Her parents, that’s why she is upset. After what you said about the Santa Ana winds blowing the fallout over the ocean, she has been pale as a ghost.” El Segundo was a few miles west of Los Angeles right on the coast. Right in the path of the fallout. I looked again at her and saw she was quietly talking to Aaron, over in the corner of the living room, while he was trying to duct tape some cardboard to the window sill. He seemed to be listening, but not intently enough, because Jenna slapped him on the arm and he dropped what he was doing. Aaron, instead of reacting angrily, as I anticipated, turned toward her and put his arms around her tenderly and she began to cry.

  At that moment, Zero burst into the room with a box. “Look what I found.” He didn’t seem to notice the unsaid, moment of silence.

  “Cartoons!” Immediately Natalie and Jane dropped the cardboard in their hands and ran over to Zero.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  11/11/2024

  1:12 a.m. Tuesday morning. All the cardboard had been exhausted, and we had to use my one and only blue tarp to cover the glass slider in Enrique’s master bedroom. Now, I suppose, it was the house of Jenna, Ethan, and Aaron. I tried to come up with a clever acronym, using their names, but it never came to me. The two homes were secure. Well, as safe as could reasonably be expected to secure a home using cardboard. We put new sheets on the beds. They even borrowed some of my Blu-Ray’s (hand me downs) so they could watch some movies if the electricity stayed on.

  At midnight, Aaron and Jenna decided to drive to her apartment as she needed some clothes and a few personal items, which I protested, but they were adamant. I wouldn’t say I was worried, but I did begin to wonder if they would return at all.

  Alicia and the kids went to bed just after midnight, Kaitlyn shortly after that. Which left the four of us seated on my living room floor in a circle. Drew, Ethan, Zero, and myself. The light from the TV lit the room, which kept recycling the DVD menu Janet and Natalie had finished watching an hour earlier, Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown. Not one of the better Charlie Brown films, but they seemed to enjoy it. The four of us were finishing off the last of the keg from my party, which now felt like it took place weeks ago.

  I couldn’t remember the last time the four of us were together like this, just sitting around talking. Maybe after our high school graduation, eight years ago. It’s hard to stay in touch with those you care about, after high school. It’s an awkward time, and we had to figure out what each of us wanted to do with our lives. I doubt any of us could even answer that question now. We just drifted further from each other’s life. I know this is not a new development. Lots of people with friendships in their youth barely spoke after high school. But, we did manage to keep in touch. It wasn’t the same. But, we each tried and that must mean something.

  Zero tried the hardest. I don’t think he had many other friends in school, besides us. We often wondered who he hung out with in junior high before we met him, but we could never get a clear answer. He was the one who always knew when we were all in town and tried to get us together. At Drew’s twenty-first birthday party, he begged me to come to the party, while I was in my junior year at Cal State Santa Barbara. I did manage to make it, but not without Zero promising things he could never deliver.

  Drew got married a year after high school. So, he felt the furthest away, yet the most grown up. He had a respectable job, at his father’s accounting firm. Which pissed his mother off to no end. “I raised you by myself, and gave you everything, now you are gonna go work for that asshole?” I don’t think Drew felt he had a choice. As soon as Alicia was pregnant, he knew he had to get his ass in gear. And that he did. Now, he makes more money a year than my parents probably brought home in the first ten years of my life. While Alicia didn’t seem to care for the three of us at first, she eventually allowed him his time with the boys. But, only on special occasions. She would have none of this, I am going out drinking on a Wednesday with the guys. For the first couple years, we gave him a hard time about it when we saw him. But, we also saw how well he was doing. And Drew would get drunk beyond any of us, and that was always fun.

  Ethan, meanwhile, reminded me of my brother. He just went where the wind pushed him. A job here. A job there. Hanging out with Zero after work. Or with the people he worked with. If you wanted to find Ethan, just head to the Roadhouse. He was a regular mainstay for years. Always present when we would get together, but I got the feeling it was others who did the planning. Ethan would just arrive and do the drinking.

  As for myself? If Zero tried the hardest to keep our merry band together, I was probably the one who did the least. I am the one who left. I went to University for three and a half years. Then into the Army. Even when I was home, I would give my best excuse to not see them. Why? I couldn’t answer that. But, sitting here now listening to the past, I felt a great shame and wondered why I forgot or wanted to forget my three best friends.

  People may say that ‘remember when?’, is the lowest form of communication. I would have to respectfully disagree. At least on this night. As we discussed our past and the crazy things we did, I felt something I had not felt in a long time.

  Remember when we blew up that smoke bomb in the sewers beneath Haven?

  Remember when we stole that crate of beer from Ralphs?

  Remember when we went to see that punk band at the Glass House with your brother?

  Remember those chicks at Disneyland, who were so high, one of them passed out in line for Pirates of The Caribbean?

  For over an hour, it was one ‘remember when?’ after another. We were into our fifth or sixth beer, trying to keep our voices down, but at one point Alicia came out and just stared at us. We stopped and went very still, making annoying shushing noises. Then, all at the same time, we burst out laughing. She just shook her head and went back into the bedroom, which made us laugh even harder.

  This night of remembrance, despite the circumstances, was fun and full of nostalgia. But, I was dreading the inevitable questions about my experience in the Army. It was a simple case of human curiosity that I did not want to extol. But, it wasn’t the experience overseas that they asked about, it was a question far more personal.

  “So, what happened between you and Kaitlyn?” Ethan asked. “I mean, when you came home for Christmas in twenty-twenty, you two seemed pretty happy. I think she even liked Zero.”

  “It’s true,” Zero said. Smiling triumphantly.

  “So, what happened?” Ethan continued.

  I can see why this was a curiosity, amongst them. The last time they saw me for any extended period was that Christmas. I took a long drink and looked down, trying to formulate the right words. I looked up and felt their eyes staring at me.

  “I don’t know where to begin,” I said. “It was a decision we made at the end of our Junior year. We didn’t want our relationship to get in the way of our goals in life.” Somewhat truthful.

  “What the fuck does that mean?” Drew asked.

  “It means, we knew we both really liked each other and it was at the stage in the relationship where we either jumped in feet first, or we take a step back and see...” I paused. “I think we were both scared of each other. We wanted to finish our school, get our degrees, get careers and then if it was still meant to be, it would... It sounded very mature. Rational and practical... At the time. We would remain friends. At least that was the plan.” Nobody made a sound. So, I kept going. “But. But, as you all know, a few weeks after that conversation, my mom passed away. And while it was a shock to me, it was more of a shock to learn she had kept her cancer hidden from me. Didn’
t want to distract me from my studies.” I paused again and shook my head. “That was my mom. So, that brought Kaitlyn back to me, in an intimate way. Yet, it was not the same. Since our talk and decision to separate seemed to put a strange distance between us. And I was not in a good state of mind and began to resent her for allowing me to suggest we concentrate on our school and careers than our relationship. I think she felt the same and, although she would never leave me in the condition I was in, there were only a few weeks left of school, and soon she would have to head home. At one point, she even suggested that she should come back to California at the beginning of summer… At the end of April, after the funeral, I made a decision.”

  I paused one last time.

  “What’s that?” Zero asked.

  “To join the Army and get away.”

  They looked at each other and then at me.

  “That makes no sense,” Drew said.

  “It did at the time. Like I said, I don’t think I was in a very good place.”

  “But...” Drew was about to continue when the front door opened. Jenna and Aaron were back. Saved by the bell.

  Aaron and Jenna, thanks to my advisement, looked like they just returned from a ski trip, bundled from head to toe, which they immediately began stripping off as soon as they entered the house.

  “Looks like you guys have been having a pow-wow,” Aaron said.

  They told us their trip was okay. A few more cars than normal driving around at one in the morning. They avoided most of the intersections with grocery or convenience stores, and when they didn’t, it was as crazy as would be expected. At gas stations and shopping centers: tons of cars, a lot of running around but they didn’t stick around to see much more than that. But, they did mention a few worrying things.

  “I think we heard a few gunshots,” Jenna said, seated on the couch. Ethan gave her and Aaron a beer as they recounted their trip. “I’m not a hundred percent sure. But, we could clearly hear loud pops not too far away.”