Road Trip: BBQ And A Brawl (The Unbelievable Mr. Brownstone Book 19)

by Michael Anderle

  “I’m a millionaire, but this is my chance to become a billionaire,” Atticus explained. “It will secure my legacy. Besides, it’ll prove to everyone that they have to respect me.” He sighed and shook his head. “Look, Brownstone, you’re a businessman, and you’re a barbeque lover. You’ve got more in common with me than you do her. We can make a deal.”

  “Why should I make a deal with you?” James asked.

  “Because even if you don’t care about having a nationwide chain, it’s only a matter of time before she opens a place near you. You think your restaurant will survive because you’re famous?” Atticus scoffed. “No offense, Brownstone, but even when you’re not—” he gestured to the armor, “wearing weird magic armor, you’re just not, um—let’s say you’re not a conventionally attractive man. Let’s be honest, Mr. Brownstone. You’re kind of ugly.”

  James shrugged. “I’m married. The only person I have to impress is my wife.”

  Atticus chuckled. “The point is, you and me? We’re both human, and neither of us is exactly Jericho Cartwright. All we have is our food to define our image, and it’s not enough to be at the top, not anymore. Maybe not ever. Nadina’s not just some hot blonde chick in a dress, she’s a hot blonde chick who will remain hot for centuries. We’ll be moldy in our graves before she gets a wrinkle. I don’t care how society changes. Sex appeal sells.”

  “She’s got good food.” James shrugged.

  “Not saying she doesn’t. I’m just saying she’s got the total package.” Atticus pointed behind him. “And if she wants to, she can gain control of it all—unless we stop her.”

  Well, you maybe, but you don’t need to know that.

  “I’m not having my potential future as a billionaire derailed by her,” Atticus continued. “And even if you don’t care about money, you should care about your place closing down. She’ll destroy you.”

  James shook his head. “Not if the taste is there.”

  Atticus scoffed. “This isn’t just about the best taste. Come on. We can work a deal. I get that you already have money, but do you have access to investors?” His eyebrows lifted. “Think about that. You don’t have to do any of the work, but your recipes? Maybe they join up with mine, and everybody gets to taste what James Brownstone’s barbeque is like. Does that sound appealing? Don’t you want your tastes to go nationwide?”

  “You’re pretty fucking dumb if you think you can bribe me.” James grunted. “This is simple. You’re gonna surrender and I’m going to call the cops, and you’re gonna confess to all the shit you did. And then you’re going to jail.”

  Atticus glared at James. “Fine. I gave you your chance.” He pointed toward James and nodded to the mercs. “Kill him.”

  The suit with the railgun opened up first, the roar of the weapon rattling the room. The round struck James, and he jerked back but didn’t fall over.

  Eliminate non-melee opponents for maximum efficiency, Whispy suggested. Maximum adaptation already achieved against attack type.

  The machine-gunner opened up, long shell casings cascading to the ground like a waterfall of brass. The bullets peppered James, bouncing off his armor with little damage.

  Atticus grimaced and slapped his hands to his ears as he backed toward the hole.

  Don’t like what it means to be around a real fight, huh?

  A rocket exploded around James. With a loud click, the rotary launcher spun and readied the next projectile.

  James ran toward the machine-gunner. Even though that enemy represented the least direct threat, the constant stream was annoying.

  The enemy’s partner recharged his railgun and fired another round. The attack missed James and blasted through several walls, exiting the back of the warehouse and sending up a cloud of wood, drywall chunks, and dust.

  James stabbed through the center of the machine gunner’s armor and pushed until the bloodied blade emerged from the other side. “Yeah, wouldn’t have helped even if you’d had magic on this thing.”

  Atticus yelped and ran outside.

  Everyone underestimated his blade. There were few things it couldn’t cut with sampling, and reinforced Earth alloys without any magical enhancement might as well have been cardboard.

  With a growl, James yanked the blade out, and the armored merc fell to the floor with a loud clank. A rocket smashed into his side. The flames surrounded him for a second.

  James crouched and leapt toward the railgunner this time, and both men fell to the ground in a tangle of armored limbs. Three quick stabs into the armor, and it stopped moving. When James removed his blade, blood dripped to the ground.

  The remaining enemy lowered the rocket launcher and lifted the sword.

  Yesss, Whispy sent. Potential adaptation potential.

  James might not care all that much about adaptation anymore, but Whispy might as well enjoy the outing. Cyrus had actually managed to attack James with a new type of weapon, so maybe the armor could as well. With a roar, James sprinted toward the remaining enemy.

  The armored merc brought down the energy-infused sword, and it bounced off James’ shoulder with a loud clang.

  Maximum adaptation already achieved against existing attack type, Whispy reported. Eliminate enemy.

  James’ momentum helped with that as he shoved the blade deep into the center of the suit and cut up, almost slicing his opponent in half. The merc fell to the ground, and a pool of blood started forming beneath him.

  Just some fancy normal sword, then, huh? James thought.

  Previous adaptation in battle sequence sufficient to justify engagement, Whispy suggested.

  Is that your way of saying you’re satisfied with what you got? Fine by me. We’re not done yet, though.

  James jogged toward the destroyed loading bay door. There was a distant, dull roar in the distance. There was no way Atticus was escaping, but the pitmaster skidded to a halt once he stepped outside and looked around.

  Atticus was only a few yards from the hole.

  The man lay off to the side, bound in rope and gagged. A smug-looking Nadina stood above him with a grin, her arms folded.

  James glanced between Atticus and Nadina and retracted his helmet. “You were supposed to get out of here.”

  Nadina shook her head. “I might have underestimated you. I was worried those machines might have been able to hurt you, so I stuck around in case I needed to help you escape with a spell.” She reached into the pocket of her uniform and pulled out Cyrus’ phone. “And sticking around helped anyway. I recorded the entire conversation using my traitorous security chief’s phone. I’m not sure if that was clever or just sad, but at least it’ll make the police’s job easier. They should be here soon.”

  “Where did you get the rope?” James pointed his blade at Atticus.

  Nadina pointed to herself. “I appreciate how you always think of me as a pitmaster first and an elf second, but a simple entanglement spell is something a half-trained elf child can pull off.”

  “True enough.” James grunted. “I’ve seen Alison do them.” He shrugged. “You’re right, I do just think of you as a pitmaster. I always have.”

  James looked in the direction of the dull roar. A gray-black form approached in the sky.

  “Huh. I think that’s an AET dropship. Whatever you told them must have sounded convincing.”

  Nadina laughed. “I told them the truth. James Brownstone was taking on an army.”

  James crouched by Atticus. “You’re a dumb asshole. You should have just been satisfied with what you had, because I doubt your investors are going to give you any money now.”

  Atticus glared back, his curses obvious even behind the gag.

  James stood and smiled. He might have had to run around Denver killing people, but the barbeque he’d eaten the other day had been great, and even Whispy had gotten a little treat. Sometimes exercise could be refreshing.

  Huh. This shit was fun.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  That evening, James sat ac
ross from Nadina in a booth at her restaurant. The place was somehow even more packed than the first night. Atticus’ kidnapping attempt had ironically been good advertising for the Spice and Spell. None of her private security was present since they were still sorting out who could be trusted, but a small number of Denver police officers had been stationed there.

  James took a deep breath as he raised his fork, his stomach churning. He didn’t mind helping Nadina, but she’d just asked him to do something that went against his very nature.

  Nadina watched him with a disarming smile. “It won’t kill you.”

  James closed his eyes and shoved the tofu into his mouth. He chewed a few times before grimacing. “It might kill me. I’m sorry. I’ll just never be into this.”

  Nadina laughed. “Oh, James. Your wife must be a saint to tolerate your eccentricities.”

  “She’s patient in her own way,” James responded after swallowing some beer to get the tofu out of his mouth. He picked up a rib and took a few bites. He needed meat to get the taste out.

  Nadina looked around the packed restaurant. “People are surprised I’m here today. A few people have commented on that.”

  “You got kidnapped. Most people don’t go back to work right away after something like that.” James shrugged. “I’m kind of surprised too.”

  “I think it’s extra-important for me to do just that, though. To show I can’t be intimidated.” Nadina sighed. “This whole thing turned out to be a business rival, but next time it might be the HDL, and you might not be around. I’m going to have to take security far more seriously than I have in the past.”

  James nodded and set his rib down. “Meaning what? No more charity events?”

  Nadina shook her head. “No. I’m just acknowledging that my love of barbeque might not be enough to win over some of my critics.” She stared at him for a moment. “I don’t suppose there’s any chance you would agree to be my new chief of security? I’d pay you well.”

  James snickered. “No damned way. I’m good when it comes to pointing me at someone to beat down, but I don’t like the other parts. If you’re ever in Seattle and need extra help, you can look up my daughter, but she wouldn’t want to work directly for you either. We Brownstones…kind of need to do our own thing.”

  “Understood. I had to ask, but I was serious about opening a restaurant with you.” Nadina smiled.

  “I’m fine with my one place. It’ll be a long time before I can handle multiple restaurants.”

  “I’m going to live a long time,” Nadina replied. “I can wait.”

  James glanced at a happy couple enjoying their brisket. “You know what I don’t get?”

  “What?” Nadina looked curious.

  “I looked up the reviews for Atticus Taylor’s restaurants. A lot of them aren’t even that good. Everyone says he’s more about schtick than cooking, and everything’s overpriced for the quality.” James frowned. “I barely know anything about the guy because I haven’t eaten at any of his places and he’s not big in the competition scene.”

  Nadina nodded. “Is it really so shocking that someone could expand with substandard food? Let’s be honest, James: most chains are mediocre at best. They’re pushing familiarity and standardization, not the true soul of food, barbeque or otherwise. I might pity a man who wanted to be associated with mediocrity, but I’m not surprised by him.”

  “You can expand without being a chain,” James commented. “You don’t have a chain. Each restaurant is different, from the menu to the building.”

  “Of course. To me, Oriceran fusion barbeque means understanding how to combine what I like with the flavors best suited to each region.” Nadina inhaled deeply. “That’s what I love about this planet and humans. There’s so much diversity for a single species. We have a variety of species on Oriceran, but the simple reality is if you’re a Light Elf, you’re far more likely to be like another Light Elf than a human is to another human, depending on what country they live in. That’s one of the reasons Earth is so special.”

  “I hadn’t really thought a lot about that. I like what I like. Other people like what they like. Even if it’s tofu.” James made a face.

  Nadina folded her hands in front of her, a curious glint in her eye. “If you’re not going to open another restaurant soon, are you sure you’ll be satisfied?”

  “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “I don’t know. I might be projecting too much of myself onto you. When I started my first restaurant, I didn’t have the intention of starting an empire, but I found myself dissatisfied after a while. We elves are supposed to be far more patient than humans, but in this case, I’m more a like a human child. I always want to move onto the next big thing.”

  James forked some brisket onto his plate before shaking his head. “I’ve had my place for eight years now. It’s small, mostly takeout, and it doesn’t make me anywhere near the money bounty hunting does, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Besides, the last thing I should be doing is worrying about another restaurant when I’ve got a new kid coming soon.”

  Nadina’s breath caught. “Your wife is pregnant?”

  James nodded. “Yeah. Not that far along.”

  “Congratulations.” Nadina smiled warmly. “Children are lovely.”

  “What about you?” James asked. “You ever think about having kids? Or do you already have some?”

  “No, not at all.” Nadina tilted her head and looked into the distance before giving a shallow nod. “I’m still young, which is why I can indulge my whims with things such as running barbeque restaurants, but yes, I do intend to have some when the time is right.”

  James chuckled. “I don’t know if the time is ever right. I didn’t think I was ready with Alison, and at first, I didn’t think I was ready for this new kid, but it is what it is. You never know what is going to happen.”

  “I suppose that’s true.” Nadina smiled. “If you had asked me when I was younger if elves would ever walk openly on Earth, I would have thought it was insanity.”

  James nodded. “So, if you’re young, what would be a good age to start having kids?”

  Nadina furrowed her brow. “I don’t know. Maybe in fifty or sixty years.”

  James picked up his half-empty beer bottle and chuckled. “Well, tonight, let’s just finish our barbeque. It’s been fun, but I’m heading back home tomorrow.”

  “I know I’ve said it before, but let me say it again.” Nadina reached over and patted his hand. “Thank you for everything you’ve done. The police are taking my protection seriously, so I have no concerns until I get my security situation well in hand. You’re a good friend. You have gone above and beyond.”

  “Sure, but like I told a lot of these guys, they shouldn’t have fucked with barbeque,” James growled.

  Nadina smiled. “Then I’ll endeavor never to betray barbeque.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  James settled into his recliner, a sleeping Thomas curled up beside the chair. It was good to be back home. The trip back from Denver had been free of bounties, business rivals, moronic carjackers, or anything other than good food. He’d hit a few different barbeque places along the way, appreciating their focus.

  Atticus had lawyered up, but Nadina’s recording meant he didn’t have a chance. The authorities believed James wouldn’t even have to testify, but he’d make the time if it was needed.

  Shay yawned as she emerged from the kitchen with a pint of Blue Bell ice cream and a huge spoon in hand. “I don’t know if it’s supposed to be too early, but I’ve already got this fucking super-obsession with strawberry ice cream.” She pointed the spoon at James. “Maybe I’ll send you on an ice cream road trip next time. You can find some super-rare strawberry ice cream for me.”

  “Wouldn’t it melt?” James asked with a curious expression.

  Shay rolled her eyes. “You once spent several days fleeing hitmen with a cooler full of ribs. I’m sure you can find a way to keep my ice cream cold.” She dropp
ed onto the couch and dug into the ice cream. “Just keep in mind that next time, it won’t all be ass-kicking and barbeque.”

  James grunted. “I’ll remember that, but I don’t think I’ll need to take a road trip for a while.”

  Shay swallowed the bite of ice cream. “Oh?”

  “Yeah. Everything’s fine now. I got my head screwed on straight about the kid and my future. You, the kid, and a single restaurant.” James put up his footrest. “No empires, no expanding all over the place, no weird-ass grilled tofu barbeque.”

  “Grilled tofu?” Shay raised an eyebrow. “You ate grilled tofu barbeque?”

  “Nadina gave me some.” James shuddered at the memory. “She wanted me to try some ‘eggplant steaks’ as well, but I refused on that one.”

  “She’s far braver than I thought.” Shay set her ice cream carton in her lap. “And you’re seriously okay? The whole point of sending you on the trip was so you could relax, but you helped Trey take down that bastard in Vegas, fought a bunch of enhanced wizards, got carjacked, and battled half a mercenary company, it sounds like.”

  James frowned. “I didn’t get carjacked.”

  “Okay, you were subjected to an ‘attempted carjacking.’” Shay made air quotes around the last two words. “I know that kind of thing isn’t a danger to you, but I was just worried that it might be annoying, is all.”

  James shook his head. “Nah. The whole point of the trip was to eat good barbeque, and I did have plenty of that in-between, even if a lot of shit came up. It wasn’t a big deal. It wasn’t as bad as in Chile.”

  Shay eyed him with suspicion. “You could always do more, you know.”

  “What are you talking about? I told you already I’m fine with one restaurant.”

  “Not the restaurant.” Shay sighed. “Bounty hunting. It’s not like you have to restrict yourself to shit that comes up incidentally while you’re wandering around. If you miss it, you could start purposely going after high-level bounties. Bounty-hunting road trips?”