She had been full of life and plans for her future. Except, parents got old and died. That was simply what happened. Only her parents hadn’t been that old. They had recently retired and were planning to enjoy their golden years. Then Dad died in a car accident. It just wasn’t fair! Mom took it hard. They’d been together for 35 years. Mom lost her will to go on and then she got sick. Then Mom was gone only three years after Dad. That almost threw her into a depression, nonetheless she fought it hard, but when she lost her job, it pushed her to the edge. That alone didn’t do it though. It was this unexpected, unintentional, unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to have a child ever, just not now, like this. Alone. That was the problem; she was alone, so very alone. When she had a baby, she wanted it to be as a result of a loving relationship. And yes, she wanted to have a wedding and a husband first. That was how it was supposed to be and that was what she wanted. She wanted to be healthy, too. Being depressed wasn’t healthy and having the German measles wasn’t good for her or the baby.
The phone rang. It was the clinic calling to say the doctor would be there any minute. About fifteen minutes later Dr. Satari arrived. Shana was grateful they sent a woman doctor.
After checking Shana over, Dr. Satari said, “Shana you do indeed have the German measles and should not be around anyone who hasn’t had them since you are highly contagious still. You should stay home for the next week and after that, you should be over them. Probably would be best to have a family member who’s had the German measles before come and stay with you or at least bring you some meals.”
Shana didn’t say anything. What was she supposed to say? She didn’t have any family much less any friends who could help her.
Dr. Satari continued, “Come in for a check-up in two weeks.” She walked to the door and left.
Shana walked to the window and stared out at the bright sunshine and the trees now shades of red and orange. It was a beautiful Indian summer day in October. A warm breeze gently blew across her face as she stepped out onto the patio deck. Good thing she stopped at the grocery store after her visit to the clinic last week. It had been dollar days at the grocery store, so she stocked up on soup and frozen TV dinners with the little money she had. She wasn’t in the least bit hungry; still she would try to get a little of something down each day for the sake of the baby.
“Hello,” Shana said as she picked up the ringing phone.
“This is Sam, next door. It was such a lovely day so I went to my friend’s apple orchard and I’ve brought you a bag of apples. I’ll be right over.” Before she could reply, he hung up.
“Great!” Shana said. Now what was she to do? The doorbell rang and she opened it only slightly and said,” I’ve come down with the German measles and am still contagious, so if you set them down by the door, I’ll get them.”
“Oh, Shana, I’m sorry to hear that. I’m pretty sure I’ve had them although you never know, so I’ll leave the bag here. Hope you enjoy them and hope you feel better soon.” With that, Sam headed down the hallway back to his apartment.
“Thanks, Sam. I appreciate you bringing the apples for me,” she said as she opened the door to retrieve the bag of apples. Well, now she had apples to go with her soup and TV dinners. It would be a long week that was for sure.
The week passed slowly and so did the next week. However, they did pass and she was on her way to the clinic for her post German measles checkup. She dreaded going into the waiting room, thinking about what happened the last time. This time, however, she was shown to a room immediately. Guess they didn’t want to take any chances with her coming down with something else.
Shortly after, Dr. Satari came in. She checked Shana over, thoroughly. Then she became very quiet as though she was in deep thought. She chose her words carefully. “Shana, I want you to know there are strong possibilities your baby will be born with defects because of the German measles. A baby born with any of these possible side effects such as heart or brain damage would require endless amounts of medical attention. To someone without medical insurance, the bills would be astronomical. Deafness and blindness can also occur, which are less dangerous nonetheless still would require increased medical expenses. I have never been an advocate of abortion, although as your doctor, I must advise you of all the possible defects and what impact they will have on you both medically and financially. Much less the emotional impact of dealing with these issues, should they occur.”
“Are you advising me to have an abortion?” Shana asked.
“No. It must be your decision. Given your emotional status and the high risk of giving birth to a baby with disabilities, possibly even multiple defects, would be a huge undertaking to someone in good health with insurance and family to help. Of which you have neither.”
“Do you do them here?”
“No, however I can give you the name and number of a clinic that does,” Dr. Satari offered.
“But, isn’t it too late in the pregnancy?”
“No. Not anymore. They can do them right up to the end, although I wouldn’t recommend waiting that long.”
“Oh,” Shana said.
“You go home and think about it. If you have any questions, just call me,” Dr. Satari said and handed Shana two business cards. One for the Meadow Brook Center for Women and one of her business cards. Then, she left the room.
Shana sat in the chair a few minutes trying to absorb what Dr. Satari had just said. She was so screwed! She couldn’t win no matter what she did. If she killed the baby with an abortion, did she really deserve to live? Maybe they both would be better off dead. Had she actually just thought that? That was a suicide thought. The bad thing was it actually sounded like a good solution to her problems. Hell, then she wouldn’t have to deal with any of her problems anymore, and no one would miss her.
Shana rested her head in her hands. This was so not like her. She never thought like this. She needed to be on some anti-depression medication before she did something to end the misery herself. This idea of an abortion may be the solution to her problems. Her health was at stake here. No not her health, on the contrary her life. The sad truth was she was not emotionally strong enough to deal with the emotional or financial strain a baby with defects would put on her. She couldn’t even deal with her own emotional and financial problems. The answer was clear; she had no other choice except to have an abortion. She would give herself a week to think about it. If she hadn’t changed her mind, she would make an appointment at the Meadow Brook Center for Women.
Shana wiped at her eyes. A few tears had managed to slide down her cheeks. She stood and walked out of the room, down the hall and out to her car. Thankfully, it was raining because it suited her gloomy outlook on life, perfectly.
The next day, the weather turned wintery. The sky was overcast and light snowflakes flurried in the air. Winter was coming. She never liked driving in the snow, especially early in the morning to go to work. At least, she didn’t have to be anywhere.
The week had passed slowly. And then another. The baby was moving around and she could feel it kick every once in a while. Now realizing it was really a baby inside her made her feel even worse. Thoughts of suicide came more often now. That more than anything made her dial the number for the Meadow Brook Center for Women to make an appointment for next week.
Well, today was the day. It was cold, only 30 degrees, so she bundled up. Thankfully, the apartment building had underground parking. She drove to the Meadow Brook Center for Women, which wasn’t far away.
Shana hadn’t known before that abortion clinics even existed in the suburbs. It didn’t take long to get there, as it was only a few blocks away. The receptionist promptly showed her to a room down a long hallway. Shana’s heart was racing. Never in her life had she expected to be in an abortion clinic. She was probably going to Hell for this. Then again, if she committed suicide, she was going to Hell for sure. So here she was. It seemed like an eternity before the doctor came
in.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Kessler,” he said looking into her eyes. “Why are you here?”
“I’ve decided to end my pregnancy.”
“Why, may I ask?”
“I got pregnant from a one-night stand with a stranger I met in a bar about six months ago. I lost my dad in a car accident three years ago. I lost my mother to cancer about nine months ago. I lost my job almost six months ago, along with my medical insurance. I am depressed to the point of suicide and need to be on medication, which I can’t take because I’m pregnant. And if that isn’t enough, I came down with German measles about a month ago.”
“I see,” Dr. Kessler said as he studied Shana. “Do you have any reservations about the abortion at all?”
“My only concern is if God will forgive me for killing my baby.” Shana paused to look at Dr. Kessler directly as if he should know the answer. “Enough is enough. I can’t take anymore and I don’t want to die.”
“What do you mean?”
“Suicide is constantly on my mind.”
“I see,” he said. “I’ll send my nurse in to take your vitals and medical history and then I’ll do a pelvic exam. Then we’ll set up an appointment for next Friday.”
“Okay.”
“I want you to know that since you are so far along the recovery time will be similar to a normal delivery. So plan on about three to five days. I will give you a prescription for an anti-depressant. You can start taking them three days after the abortion.”
“I don’t have any insurance so if you could prescribe a generic one or the cheapest one, I would be very appreciative.”
“That’s right. Let me see if I can get you a couple month’s supply of samples.”
“Thank you.”
“The nurse will go over what you can expect at the abortion,” Dr. Kessler stated and left the room.
Shana listened while the nurse explained the procedures for an abortion. The possibility that a C-section might be needed. And the need for a driver to drive her home. If she didn’t have one, they could call a volunteer driver to take her home. What a relief that was.
Finally, the appointment was over. She walked down the hallway back to the waiting room to leave and noticed the Thanksgiving Day decorations and the sign stating they would be closed on Thursday and Friday for the holiday. She’d forgotten it was Thanksgiving Day on Thursday. She would be home alone however she did have a frozen Turkey dinner she could make and pretend it was a fabulous dinner.
Only one more week. She slowly walked to her car. Yes, it was almost over, this horrible nightmare. She had a lot of faith that if she could get through this depression, she could have her life back. Well, not her old life back, but maybe a new and improved life. She had just one more week to go.
* * * *
Dr. Kal Paxton arrived early at the clinic. He didn’t know why he let his friend, Dr. John Kessler, talk him into this. John knew he wasn’t an advocate of abortion, nonetheless still had managed to persuade him into filling in for him at the clinic today. John had an emergency and had to leave town unexpectedly last night. John’s mother was in the hospital after suffering a stroke, so he was flying out to Boston this morning. John was his best friend though and that was what you did, you helped each other. They’d been buddies in med school and always were there for each other, and John had been there for him through his break up with Dana. That’s why he was here today.
Kal sat in John’s office and looked at the two files for the patients he was taking care of today. Kal’s nurse, Jennifer, popped her head in the door to let him know she had made it in to help. She was a doll. Even at the last minute, like today, she’d dropped everything and changed her plans to assist him. Jennifer was in her fifties and had many years of nursing experience in various fields. Her loyalty to him as a doctor was unfailing. She was always there to help out and he could trust her impeccably.
Kal picked up the first file. It was a young woman, only 18, who had been raped by her uncle. She was three months along. Well, this one was understandable at least. He wouldn’t have a problem performing this abortion at all. He hoped the uncle had been punished for doing this to a young girl. It would leave her with emotional scars that would last all her life. The procedure would be easy, too.
Kal picked up the second file. A 28-week abortion. He didn’t like this at all. The baby would be able to survive on its own. And he would have to kill it. This he wasn’t so sure he could do. They most likely would have to cancel this one. Who would wait until they were this far along to abort a baby? He flipped to the next page where John had written his notes. The mother, age 30, had been diagnosed with German measles and there was a good chance, almost fifty percent or more, the baby would have some sort of defects. He turned to the next page and saw it was labeled: Her story. That was odd, even though sometimes doctors wrote down what the patients gave as explanations for their predicaments. There wasn’t a place for it on the sheets, so it was done this way. Kal was curious so he read on.
Patient states she met a man at a bar a little over six months ago and had unprotected sex. Lost her father in a car accident, her mother to cancer only recently and has no other family. Lost her job about six months ago and has no medical insurance. Severely depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts. Can’t be put on any medication due to the pregnancy. Caught German measles from the free clinic she was going to for her prenatal visits.
His mind was whirling. It couldn’t be, could it? He closed the file to look at her name. Shana Madden. Kal set the file down and pulled out his wallet. He opened it and pulled out the business card he’d been given six months ago. It read: Shana Madden. It’s her. This is her file.
“Shit!” Kal shouted. It was his baby. His. He knew it. He couldn’t and wouldn’t kill his own child.
Chapter Three
“Everything okay in here?” Jennifer asked, as she opened the door and came in, closing the door behind her.
“No,” Kal said. “Definitely not okay.” He searched her face, knowing this was someone he could confide in. “Remember the woman I met at the bar over six months ago and couldn’t get a hold of? I called her work and she was no longer employed there. Then I went to her apartment and she’d moved. They said they couldn’t give me her forwarding address. This is her,” he said, handing her the file.
Jennifer looked at the name on the file and opened it to read the history of the patient. When she finished going over the file, she looked at him and said, “Doesn’t mean it’s yours. She may have slept with other men, too.”
“I don’t think so, but it’s possible. You need to test the baby’s DNA against mine. Draw a blood sample. They should have the supplies in the lab.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back to get a sample from you,” Jennifer said as she left.
Jennifer returned a few minutes later to draw his blood. “What are you going to do if it is a match?” she asked.
“I can’t kill my own child for God’s sake! And I won’t let anyone else either.”
“The baby may have some major birth defects from the German measles.”
“I know, still I’m going to have to take my chances. If it does, I’ll deal with them.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to deliver it instead of aborting it.”
“It may not be able to survive on its own at 28 weeks,” Jennifer said, wanting him to understand the situation completely.
“I know. Are you with me on this?”
“They could take your license away. Are you sure you want to do this? We can’t even run the test until she gets here.”
“Yes. I know.”
“Then, I’m with you.”
“First, call St. Francis Hospital and let them know we may have a preemie for them to come and pick up. We will have her sign papers giving up her rights as a parent to me, the father. Also, she needs to sign a release form for the C-Section, if necessary. Don’t let her read the first one, simply tell her the form
s are both for the C-Section.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to her first about this?” Jennifer asked.
“No. She chose to kill our baby. I don’t want to talk to her or have anything to do with her. If I did and she refused, I could lose the baby. No.”
“All right. I’ll make the call. You find the forms you want signed,” Jennifer said and left the room.
Kal sat down in the chair and ran his fingers through his hair. No matter what she’d been through, he couldn’t agree with her decision to end their baby’s life. What he was about to do was a huge risk. Nonetheless, what choice did he have? Either deliver the baby or kill it. Killing it wasn’t even an option in his mind. This was his child and he would never be able to live with himself if he performed this abortion and murdered his own child. He took an oath to save lives and that was what he was going to do today. She didn’t want this baby but he did. His mind was made up, he was delivering the baby. It couldn’t be a coincidence he was here today at the clinic. God had wanted him here.
* * * *
It was finally here. The day she’d been waiting for. The week had gone slowly. One day she would cry for her unborn child, whereas the next she would be filled with anticipation to get on with her life and looked forward to feeling better. She fervently prayed God would forgive her for what she was about to do.
The drive was a short one. She walked into the waiting room and sat down after checking in at the desk. A couple of minutes later, a nurse escorted her back to a room to change out of her clothes. She put her clothes and purse away in a locker, as the nurse had instructed her and sat on the bed. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She was scared and nervous. The nurse came back in and handed her two forms to sign because they’d forgotten to get them signed at her last visit. They were release forms in case they needed to do a C-Section. Also, they would need to check the baby’s blood type.
The nurse stuck a needle in her swollen belly for a few seconds, drawing out a small tube of blood for testing. Sensing Shana’s agitated state, Jennifer reassured her abortions were quite routine nowadays and not to worry. She discussed with Shana how they would give her something for the pain through the IV she’d just put in her arm. For now, she had put something in the IV to help her relax. The nurse left and said she would be back to get her as soon as the doctor was ready.
Taking Chances Page 3