Relax? Like that was even possible. Her pulse was racing. The impulse to flee was overpowering. Her mind kept focusing on the dead, lifeless body of her tiny baby. Maybe this was not such a good choice after all. Maybe she should simply get up, get dressed and go back home. Her eyes felt very heavy and her body was relaxing. It must be the drug the nurse put in the IV. Yes, she should get up and go home. Unfortunately, she couldn’t keep her eyes open. Then before she could get up to leave and cancel the abortion, she was asleep.
* * * *
Jennifer finished running the DNA test and typing the baby’s blood when Kal walked in. “It’s a match,” she said.
His palms were sweaty and his mind reeling. This was a life altering decision he was making. The baby was his and he would be responsible for this child going forward. Healthy or not. His life would be drastically changing and he prayed it would be for the best. In his mind, he was making the only available right decision regarding the baby.
“Okay. Let’s do this. Ready?” Kal asked.
“Yes,” Jennifer answered.
Kal walked out and headed to the surgery room.
Jennifer walked down the hall to Shana’s room. Shana was fully relaxed and asleep. Good, she thought. She pushed the bed to the surgery room. Then she prepared for surgery. The St. Francis ambulance had just arrived and she brought the incubator to the back of the room.
Kal worked quickly to deliver the baby by C-Section. Jennifer made sure Shana was comfortable and still out and then assisted Kal. He had the baby out, a girl, and it looked fine, although he knew the complications would be on the inside, if any. The baby was a little over two pounds and breathing on her own. He handed Jennifer the baby to put in the incubator and clean her up. Then she would check the vitals of the baby.
Kal stitched up Shana. She was doing fine. He’d made the cut small knowing the baby would be small and it would make Shana’s recovery quicker. He would have the clinic keep her overnight and possibly the next night, too.
“The vitals are good on the baby. What next?”
“She signed the papers, right? So I have custody.”
“Yes.”
“Have St. Francis take the baby to the hospital. It will be covered under my insurance. Good thing they don’t know me over there. Simply tell them the father will be over there shortly.”
“Okay,” Jennifer said, as she left the room.
Kal stayed with Shana and the baby. He said silent prayers they would both be all right. The baby was doing well, so far. Which was good because it meant she was a fighter. He needed a tough little girl if he was going to be a single parent.
Jennifer came back in. “They’ll be coming inside here in a couple of minutes. They are pulling up to the back door. I’ll take Shana to the recovery room. One of Dr. Kessler’s nurses, Kari, offered to stay the night with Shana. She said she could use the overtime hours.”
“That’s good. Just have her tell Shana she had to stay because we had to do a C-Section since the baby was too big and she wasn’t able to have a normal, vaginal delivery. And we didn’t want to take any chances with her life.” He walked to the doors to hold them open while Jennifer pushed Shana out and to the recovery room.
“That’s pretty much what I told her before I had her sign the papers,” Jennifer said to Kal.
Jennifer was back in a few minutes. “I’ll let the emergency team in and give them the paperwork. I can hear them knocking at the back door. Now, get out of here,” she said, shooing him out of the room.
“I’ll be in Dr. Kessler’s office after I change out of these scrubs,” Kal said, as he left the room.
A few minutes later, Jennifer walked into Dr. Kessler’s office. “They left with the baby. Everyone from the clinic is gone except for Kari and she is with Shana.”
“That’s right. It is after 5:30,” Kal said, looking at his watch. He picked up the copy of Shana’s file he’d made for himself and stuffed it into his briefcase. “Let’s get out of here.”
They walked silently to their cars in the parking lot. “I’m going over to St. Francis to be with the baby,” Kal said staring blankly toward the road.
“Mind if I stop over there tomorrow?” Jennifer asked.
“No, of course not. And... Thank you.” Kal leaned over, hugged Jennifer for a moment and then released her.
“Kal, we are in the business of saving lives. That is exactly what we did today. And I do not regret it for one minute.”
Kal’s eyes were watering now. “You are the best nurse and friend anyone could ever have.” With that, he got in his car and headed to St. Francis Hospital. He was going to see his daughter. Baby Paxton. Guess he would have to come up with a name. God, please let her be okay.
* * * *
Shana woke up to see a different nurse seated beside her bed. As soon as her eyes opened and she moved, the nurse stood up.
“How do you feel? It’s all over and you’re doing fine. They had to do a C-Section, because you weren’t able to deliver normally. So you’re spending the night here and I’ll be staying with you,” Kari said.
Shana was still a little out of it; however, she heard the word “over” and knew she’d killed her baby. What kind of person was she? “But I changed my mind,” she mumbled and tears were falling wildly.
“Honey, oh I’m sorry. This is a normal reaction for women to change their minds after it’s done. What you’re feeling is perfectly normal. You must go over all the reasons you had for doing it and stay strong in your conviction that you made the right decision for yourself and your baby,” Kari said, as she held Shana’s hand.
“I was going to tell the nurse I changed my mind only I fell asleep.”
“It will be okay. Don’t dwell on it. It’s over with.”
“I suppose,” Shana answered. The nurse was right. It was done and there wasn’t anything she could do about it now.
“Let me get you something to drink. I’ll be right back,” Kari said.
“Yes, something to drink would be good.”
Kari was good at her job. She’d spent many a night with a young woman who had chosen to abort her baby. At that point, it was done and all she could do was try to take the woman’s mind off the abortion by talking about other things. It would be a tough night; nonetheless, she would see her patient through it. Besides, everything always looked brighter in the morning.
The morning came and Shana was all talked out and all cried out. She didn’t have any friends so it was good for her to have Kari to talk to. Kari was sympathetic and offered good advice on moving forward with her life. The sun was shining bright and somehow her future seemed a little brighter. She asked God for his forgiveness for what she’d done and that he would help her move forward out of this massive state of depression she’d been in during her pregnancy. Yes, this was the first day of the rest of her life, or so the saying goes.
* * * *
The next day, Kal and Jennifer stood outside the window of the hospital nursery watching Baby Paxton. She’d beaten the odds and was free of defects. She was in the winning fifty percent.
“You need to make plans,” Jennifer said.
“I know.”
“Your whole life is changed now. You’ll need to buy all the baby stuff babies need and find a babysitter.”
“I may have to leave Minnesota,” Kal said, still staring at the baby behind the glass.
“Why?”
“My sister would love to have a baby to take care of, only she doesn’t live in Minnesota. I’m not sure I should stay here anymore anyway. Especially after this.”
“I understand. That makes sense. The baby will probably be in the hospital for a couple of weeks at least. Nevertheless you better start making plans right away.”
“I will,” Kal said as he looked at the baby again. Yesterday had been life changing. He was now a father because he took a chance and did what he believed was right. This was his daughter. The daughter he almost lost. That was what life was all abo
ut, taking chances.
Chapter Four
Two Years Later
Shana parked her car and got out slowly, savoring the view, and the beautiful colors of autumn. The red Maples were just peaking along with the rich gold Aspens and Oaks. The air was warm due to a few lucky days of Indian Summer. She certainly did like this time of year. It was just that it was way too short and she really disliked what came after it. Winter. Yes, snowflakes could be very pretty especially during an early snow flurry, and the lawns looked ever so pristine covered in white. However, the beauty wore off quickly. Reality set in. The cold—bitter cold, made you feel like you would never be warm again. The slippery, icy roads that made you grip the wheel of the car with a death grip. Yes, you literally held on to it for dear life. Only the slightest patch of ice could send the car into the ditch or into another car. It absolutely felt like you were risking your life to go to work, or anywhere for that matter.
Well enough of that, it was a beautiful day and she would be gone before the snow fell. She walked slowly, as if savoring every minute, into Champps Americana, a local bar and restaurant. She was meeting her friends, all four of them—three were co-workers and the fourth was her therapist, Tara. They’d insisted she have a proper going away party.
Tara, a woman in her forties with short brown hair approached and embraced Shana. “It’s so good to see you, Shana.”
“I’m glad you could make it,” Shana said.
“You look great! I so envy you, getting out of Minnesota!” Tara said.
“Thanks, I’m looking forward to missing the first snow,” Shana answered and turned towards the hostess.
“The rest of your party is here, so if you’ll follow me,” the hostess said and escorted them into the dining area. Shana and Tara followed.
Casey, Diane and Nancy all got up from their chairs to greet her with a hug.
“Tara, these are my friends, Casey, Diane and Nancy,” Shana said as each one got up and shook Tara’s hand. “And this is Tara, my therapist and now close friend.”
Bless their hearts! They’d decorated her chair with balloons—not just ordinary balloons, palm tree balloons. On the table sat a very delicious looking palm tree cake, covered with chocolate and coconut. “You guys shouldn’t have,” she said as the tears welled in her eyes. No one had ever done this for her before.
“But you deserve it,” Diane said as all three of them hugged her at the same time.
Everyone was seated at the table finally. “Where did you get a palm tree cake?” Shana asked.
“I made it,” Casey said. “I hope you like it.”
“It’s awesome!” Shana replied.
They all ordered from the menu and chattered about shared events they’d attended. Casey, Diane and Nancy all worked part time at Starbucks with her. Starbucks was her first job after being let go from Ultimate Promotions. She’d been there a year.
She’d met Tara almost two years ago. It seemed so long ago. Almost like a lifetime ago. She’d been so depressed she’d come close to giving up on life all together. Thank God, she’d met Tara. A week after the abortion, she went to the free clinic for a checkup. Everything was fine except for the fact she was even more depressed after the abortion, if that was even possible. Only now, they could give her some meds to take for it. At that point, she was willing to try almost anything if it would make her feel good. Make her feel alive again. She started taking the pills right away and by the time her first appointment with Tara came, she was already feeling so much better. Tara was the therapist/counselor the clinic had sent her to. Mainly they talked about everything that had happened to her recently. Which were all her losses. Both parents, a child, a job and insurance.
Tara helped her to get through it all. She was off the meds now and feeling one hundred percent better. The part time job at Starbucks had helped immensely also. It gave her a place to go. She’d badly needed the social interactions it provided. And best of all Casey, Diane and Nancy came with the job. The three of them had quickly and easily accepted her as a friend. They were all single and dragged her out of her apartment, her safe place, to movies, shows and events. It gave her so much to look forward to. Even though Tara had not met them before, she knew all about them from Shana’s counseling sessions.
“Open your gifts, Shana!” Nancy said, as she began handing her a package.
Shana opened the first one—a gift card for Starbucks and a book about things to see and do in Arizona. “Thanks, this will come in handy,” she said holding the book up for them to see. “And you guys know how much I like Starbucks.”
The next one was a Minnesota tote bag from the Mall Of America and a Starbucks gift card from Diane. “Thank you,” she said holding the bag and card up for them to see.
“Don’t want you to forget about Minnesota,” Diane said. “Or Starbucks.”
“Never,” Shana laughed.
The third one was a Desperate Housewives T-shirt and a Starbucks gift card. “I love it. Thanks, Nancy.” It was their favorite show. They’d spent hours and hours discussing each episode at work. Like what a hunk, Mike, the plumber was.
The last bag was from Tara. There were two books in it both titled Starting Over. One was a new self-help book on how to start over after suffering tragic losses and the other was a romance novel about a woman starting over after suffering huge losses in her life. The back cover blurb could’ve been about her life. How ironic. “Thanks, Tara.”
Tara laughed. “At least you know the romance novel has a guaranteed happy ending! And I’m hoping yours will be too.”
The food came and they ate, while they continued to talk and laugh about their lives. It was getting late as they headed to their cars. Each one hugged her and wished her luck on her new venture.
“If it doesn’t work out, you know we will be here and you can always come back,” Casey said.
“Thanks, guys. You’re the best friends I’ve ever had!” Shana said.
“You have all our numbers, so call us,” Diane said.
“Call often,” Tara said.
“I will,” Shana said and got into her car before she started crying. She loved those four women. However she needed to move on and the new job waiting in Phoenix was perfect for her, and the climate there was exactly what she needed.
The next two days flew by as she packed all her meager belongings into boxes. The moving truck came on Friday morning to load her up. It was amazing to see how quickly they could load her boxes into the truck when it had taken her days and days to pack them. One hour was all it took.
Well, that was done, she thought, as the truck pulled onto the street and left. She would meet them at her new apartment in three days. She walked back into the apartment building and into her almost empty apartment. All that was left was a blow up bed to sleep on tonight, her suitcase, bathroom necessities and a clock/radio so she would wake up in the morning. After pumping up the bed and putting the sheets and blanket on it, she headed out for a drive. One thing left to do before leaving tomorrow morning and she wanted to do it before dark.
Her heart sank as she drove. Her parents. She was leaving them here in Minnesota and she was moving on to a new chapter in her life. Hopefully a much better, well happier one anyway. She had to say good-bye to them and the place to do that was at the cemetery. They weren’t actually there anymore. She knew that. Nevertheless, that’s where their bodies were buried and so that’s where she would say good-bye to them.
Shana pulled into the Fort Snelling Cemetery and drove down the road to their gravesites. This cemetery was so large it was amazing anyone could find the gravesites they were looking for. Rows and rows of white headstones in perfectly aligned rows. It was peaceful here. She’d give them that. Except, of course, for the airplanes flying overhead. But what could you expect when the cemetery was located between two airports.
She found the row she was looking for and pulled over. Shana reached for the silk flowers she’d bought to put on the grave and got out. Whe
n she reached the grave, she laid the flowers near the headstone.
“Mom, I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m leaving tomorrow to make a new start in a new warm city—Phoenix. I know we always talked about you moving there only you never got the chance. So, I’m going now while I still have the chance. I have a job again. A real job. I’m starting over. Alone. All by myself.” Shana sat down on the grass beside the grave. “I miss you, Mom. I miss talking to you. I miss you too, Dad. I’ll miss Minnesota, especially in the summer. I have to go now. I have a long drive tomorrow. Alone. Sometimes, I still feel so very alone, but I’m doing much better.” Tears were falling down her cheeks and she wiped them away as she stood up.
“I suppose this is really rather silly. Here I am, a grown woman standing in a cemetery talking to my dead parents. I do know you aren’t actually here, you’re in heaven. Somehow, I hope you can hear me. I have to go. I’ll try to come back to visit, when I get back to Minneapolis.”
Shana ran to the car, madly wiping her tear-streaked face. By the time she reached the car and got in, she was sobbing uncontrollably. After she was all cried out, she headed home. She really wasn’t hungry even though she hadn’t eaten all day so she swung through the Wendy’s drive thru to get some food. She ate it in the car as her mind madly filed through memories of her parents.
It had been a long day but finally she was in her apartment ready to go to sleep on her blow up bed. She was emotionally drained and sleep came quickly. Morning arrived even sooner, and before she knew it, she was on the freeway headed south. The temperature had dropped to 45 degrees overnight, so it made leaving even easier.
Taking Chances Page 4