Greatest Love Story of All Time
Page 6
January 2010 Thursday night came, and Gin Thursday relocated itself to my local, but I didn’t go. And when I heard their voices outside and, later, heard them knocking at my door, I didn’t answer. Dave had been texting, Leonie had been calling and Stefania had been shouting through my cat flap but I couldn’t face human company. I just didn’t see the point in socializing: I wanted to die quietly in my bed and have a moving obituary in the Observer stating that I had died of natural causes, leaving an evil homeless cat. Hopefully Leonie would give them a picture of me when I was sixteen and a size eight. The knocking continued. ‘Fran, let us know you’re OK or we’re kicking the door down,’ Dave shouted. Duke Ellington stared at the window with an expression of such black fury that I couldn’t help smiling. Then I heard a very loud noise and realized my friends were breaking into my flat. Once they’d confiscated my phone and stared, shouted and laughed at me, they settled down to tell me about this ‘amazing’ plan they’d drawn up. The plan that would allegedly prevent me dying of malnutrition in my bed and maybe even help me get Michael back after our three months apart. Leonie cleared her throat. ‘It’s … er … it’s called the Eight Date Deal.’ I sniffed. ‘The what?’ ‘The Eight Date Deal. It’s simple, Fran, you go on eight dates with eight different men before you meet up with Michael in ninety days’ time. You’ll see what else is out there and then, only then, can you think about getting back together with him.’ I raised an eyebrow. ‘And we’ve just taken his number out of your phone to be on the safe side,’ she added. I gazed at them with complete incomprehension. They gazed back at me. ‘I can email him. You can’t stop me doing that.’ Stefania butted in. ‘STOP being stupid,’ she barked. ‘Do you vant to get better?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Zen you need to go and meet ozzer men. As soon as possible.’ She came over to my bed and pulled my sheet to dislodge me. ‘No, Stefania. I’m staying here.’ Dave snorted. ‘You are filthy animal,’ she replied, shooting a warning glance at Dave. ‘It is time you vere alive again. Come now. Up.’ ‘No.’ ‘DRAT, Fran, do you vant Michael back?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Zen you get out of ze bed and start ze dating. NOW.’ ‘Stefania,’ I asked, incredulous, ‘are you on drugs? You expect me to start dating now? When I’m in the middle of the worst heartbreak of my life and I can barely even eat?’ She looked a bit uncomfortable. ‘Frances. Ve have done many things for you for nearly three weeks. Many things. Ve are asking one thing of you in return. Please vill you do it for us. It is all ve ask. Please.’ I glanced at Leonie, waiting for her to get Stefania off my back. But she was smiling and nodding. Dave? Oh, my God, even Dave was grinning. ‘It’s a good plan, Fran. You need to meet some other men. Get your mind off Michael. Pay these girls back for looking after you.’ My eyes fell on the packet of weed that Leonie had brought round yesterday and I knew I couldn’t say no. These people had gone out of their way for me. They had even kicked my door down. I had no option but to nod numbly. Chapter Twelve