by Karen Webb
Selena didn’t answer, she only pulled him tighter to her as she ran her fingers through his hair.
She continued her caresses until she heard a soft snore coming from Matt. She was basically trapped under him while he slept, but she still held him tight as her mind raced frantically. She felt as if she were crashing back to earth after their wild, passionate love-making. She hadn’t planned it or really even wanted it. Well, she hadn’t thought she wanted it, until he began kissing her neck. She smiled in the dark as she remembered, but her emotions were flip-flopping back and forth. She didn’t want him to think she was one of these Hollywood girls who sleeps around, and she was still afraid of him using her, then moving on to the next vulnerable teenage girl. She didn’t really know what to think as she lay there with her thoughts in a jumble and her emotions in a turmoil. She had surprised herself with her ardor for him. She’d never responded to a kiss from any of the boys she’d known the way she did when Matt kissed her. “Hey.” Selena jumped when she realized Matt was staring down at her. “You okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” Selena sat up quickly as Matt stood and stretched.
“How about I make us a sandwich?” He smiled down at her, the usual mischievous light in his eyes replaced with a sweet, tender look.
“Sure,” Selena smiled back. She walked back to the windows while he went to the kitchen, her thoughts still a jumble as she stared down at the city.
They finished off their sandwiches and sodas and Selena curled up into Matt’s chest on the couch as he flipped through channels with his remote control. He settled finally on an old movie and they both pretended to watch as they each considered what had transpired between them. Selena finally fell asleep in Matt’s arms and he turned off the TV and sat there in the dark, his mind still racing. Why hadn’t Selena told him she was a virgin? He didn’t want to mention it to her until he’d had more time to think it through. The implications of what this meant to her had never left his mind. He knew how important a young girl’s first love was. He guessed that Selena had been waiting for the perfect guy to come along. Did she love him? And more importantly, did he love her? He finally gave up on his jumbled thoughts and stretched out behind her on the couch, wrapping both arms tight around her. Selena shifted in her sleep until her head was on his arm, then she sighed deeply, as if in perfect contentment.
Matt drove Selena back to her hotel early the next morning and waited outside while she packed. Selena was quiet on the drive; she was torn between flying back home and leaving Matt, and a morning after embarrassment after spending the night with him. She was still torn between thoughts of wanting to be with Matt forever and the thought that he was only using her. Had he only invited her to his house to seduce her after all? Was he going to throw her away like yesterday’s trash and move on to the next unsuspecting girl?
Matt found Jeffrie in the garage and let him know he would be driving Selena to the airport. Jeffrie followed him back to the portico in front of the hotel to say goodbye to Selena.
Selena emerged from the hotel a few minutes later and Matt went over to her, taking her gym bag from her hand.
“You have a safe flight back home, Miss Selena,” Jeffrie said, taking her hand.
“Thank you, Jeffrie. For everything.”
Selena held on again as Matt raced through traffic, weaving his car from lane to lane to pass slower vehicles.
“You know we have plenty of time before my flight don’t you?”
Matt laughed and eased back on the throttle. “Sorry. It’s just a habit.”
Selena checked in at LAX and got her boarding pass, then they found a quiet table in a coffee shop. There was floor to ceiling glass facing out onto the busy walkway and Selena watched the hurried travelers, rolling neat black suitcases behind them. She was shocked when a man stopped and took their picture through the glass.
“Paparazzi,” Matt laughed. “They’re always hanging out at LAX. You’ll probably see our picture in one of those rag mags next week. We’ll be lucky if they don’t make up a juicy story to go with it.”
“I could never get used to this life,” Selena sighed. Even though she knew she would miss Matt horribly, she was looking forward to getting home and riding Rusty across the silent desert.
Matt took her hand on the table. “I’m really going to miss you, Selena. I haven’t enjoyed myself this much since New Mexico.”
Selena had finally worked up her nerve. “Do you think I’ll ever see you again?”
Matt threw back his head and laughed. “I guarantee it. One way or another, we’ll see each other again.”
Selena smiled, the tension easing from her shoulders. She really wanted to believe him, but she knew there would still be eight hundred miles separating them.
They chatted quietly for a while, their heads close together, until Selena knew she had better go. She still had to get through security and find the correct gate.
Matt still hadn’t got around to asking her his question. He hadn’t found the right time or the right way to phrase it and he didn’t want to embarrass her, but still he wondered…had she been waiting for the right guy and, if so, did she think he was that guy? He didn’t think the airport was the right place to discuss a girl’s virginity, but still…he had to wonder. And, if she had been waiting for the right guy, he felt honored that she’d chosen him. He held her tight and kissed her lips repeatedly before he finally let her go, a gloom of sadness settling onto his shoulders as he watched her walk away.
Chapter 17
Selena graduated with her class the following day, smiling in her cap and gown while her parents snapped pictures. She wished she could tell them just how much she didn’t want to have her picture taken ever again, but she knew how much it meant to them. A lot of the kids were having parties that night, but Selena turned down the invitations. She only wanted to sit at home quietly, without the noise and crowds. And besides, she was hoping to hear from Matt. She sat alone in her room all night, thinking of Matt and their night together. She paced her room for a bit, then finally sat down in front of her old computer. She wondered if she should just give up writing after all those rejection letters, but she felt somehow compelled to write, as if it would clear her own muddled thoughts. She began another story in her anticipated mystery series, with her smart, strong lead character, Trish off onto another adventure. She felt free as she wrote, her mind quickly escaping into a fictitious world of her own choosing. She wrote for hours, escaping into the life of Trish, which was much easier than dealing with her own confused feelings.
Selena loaded Rusty into the horse trailer the following morning and set off to the west mesa for a ride. She breathed a sigh of relief when she topped the hill of the mesa in her dad’s old truck and looked out across miles of empty desert. It looked serene and beautiful after the noise and crowds of L.A. She parked the truck and then saddled Rusty as she enjoyed the stillness of the desert. There was nothing as far as the eye could see, except for a few rangy beef cows, and the silence almost hurt her ears. She could hear a buzzing in her ears as the silence engulfed her after all the noise she’d been subjected to. She rode for hours across the desert, allowing Rusty to pick his way slowly between clumps of sagebrush. She had no destination in mind and no agenda for the day. Just her horse and a canteen of water. She could feel all the stress and tension easing from her muscles as she rode. No crowds, no pictures, no racing through traffic. That made her think of Matt and the way he drove through traffic and she felt a sharp pang in her chest. She missed him horribly and she hadn’t heard from him at all since arriving home. She was still so afraid that he was only using her and she prayed that wasn’t the case. She hadn’t meant to give herself to him, at least not until she felt more sure of him—it had just sort of happened.
She rode for most of the day, wandering quietly across the desert, through canyons and washes. She took in the beautiful sights as if seeing them for the first time. The busy city had given her a fresh perspective of her treas
ured desert.
Selena was practicing with Rusty on the barrels in her back yard the following week when she saw Beth race up her drive in the new car her parents had given her for graduation. Well, not new, new. Like her own red car, Beth’s was a few years old, but still in good condition. Beth screeched to a stop and jumped out of the car, waving a handful of papers over her head at Selena. Beth’s face was flushed with excitement when Selena rode over to her. “You’ve gotta see this,” Beth said, still holding the papers above her head.
“Okay, just let me unsaddle Rusty first and we’ll go inside.” Selena threw her saddle over a fence rail and turned Rusty loose before following her friend into the trailer. She could see now, the papers in Beth’s hands were magazines. What now, Selena thought with an uneasy feeling. She still hadn’t heard from Matt and she was more sure than ever that he’d only been using her. She didn’t want to see his picture now in magazines, with whatever starlet he’d picked up this week. Beth dropped the magazines on the kitchen table and they each dropped into a chair as Beth began flipping pages. “Ah, here it is,” Beth said as she pushed the magazine toward Selena.
Selena caught her breath as she stared at it. It was a full-page layout of herself sitting on Catalina in the surf. It was the picture they’d taken from the side, as Catalina had stopped and pawed at the water. Selena hadn’t even been looking at the camera, she was looking ahead, creating a profile picture, with her dark hair blowing in the wind. The white dress had billowed around her as the cameramen had wanted. The overall effect was mystical—almost magical. There was a small picture in the top right corner of the ad. It was a bottle of perfume—Fantasy Perfume—it said over the picture. Selena stared, almost in a state of shock. These Hollywood people had transformed her and Catalina into mystical creatures. She just couldn’t believe the beauty of a simple perfume ad.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Beth said with awe in her voice.
“I can’t believe it,” Selena said. “I just can’t believe it came out so good.”
“Yeah, well see if you believe this one,” Beth was flipping pages again.
Selena sucked in her breath when she saw the picture of her and Matt, sitting together intimately at the airport, their heads close together as Selena stared at the camera. Selena felt her face flush as she saw the headline:
NEW FLAME FOR MATT MASON?
She read the short article underneath their picture.
Matt’s new flame is a newcomer to the scene. Sources reveal the auburn-haired beauty is model Selena Summers, see perfume ad on page 4. But the real question, is it serious with Matt or another in a long line of beautiful models for him?
Selena felt like crying, but she was determined not to let her emotions get the better of her. Beth flipped through the other magazines. The full-page picture of her on Catalina was in each one, but thankfully, nothing more of her and Matt. Until they flipped through the last one. There was a picture of Matt pressing her against the limo in Malibu as he’d kissed her. There must have been paparazzi on the beach or out on the street. Selena felt like her face was on fire. She could not imagine her friends and family seeing this picture. She had always been a very private person and she felt utterly humiliated.
“This is hot,” Beth said excitedly, as she stared at the picture. “I guess you’re the next rising star of Hollywood fame.”
“No. I’m not,” Selena said as she angrily slammed the magazine closed. “I don’t want any of it,” she said in a quieter tone, her voice trembling.
“Not even hottie Mason?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I do, but now I haven’t heard from him. Again. I just don’t know if he’s taking advantage of me.” Selena paced around the small kitchen, her pent-up emotions finally getting the best of her.
“I say roll with it,” Beth said brightly, trying to cheer her friend up. “See where it all takes you, and Selena, look at this.” Beth flipped back to the picture of Matt and Selena at the airport. In the picture, Matt was leaning toward Selena across the table as he stared at her.
“He’ll call,” Beth said happily. “Look at the way he’s looking at you.”
Selena was rounding the third barrel on Rusty the following Sunday and making the mad dash back through the gate to cheers and applause from the onlookers. The summer rodeo season was getting under way and she’d went to the local arena with Beth. There was only one younger girl on a small black mare that was giving her any competition and she was pretty sure she’d just beaten her time. She raced Rusty through the gate, then spun him around as he slowed. As he trotted back toward the fence, she recognized a familiar face. Matt was clapping and smiling along with the group of locals standing along the arena fence. Selena hopped to the ground as Rusty stopped beside Matt. Her face had already been flushed from excitement after her run around the barrels, now she blushed even deeper as she stared at Matt, her emotions tripping over themselves. Before she could ask him what he was doing there, he removed his black cowboy hat and swept her into his arms for a kiss. Matt broke the kiss finally, but before Selena could ask any questions, she heard her name on the loudspeaker. She had won the barrel racing event and, with her eyes still locked with Matt’s, she moved to Rusty and quickly swung into the saddle. She broke the stare finally, as she trotted Rusty into the arena to collect her blue ribbon.
Matt had drawn his own crowd and, as Selena returned with her blue ribbon, she saw a group of teenagers surrounding him. He signed autographs and laughed as he joked with the group, until finally he was able to break away and join Selena by her horse trailer, where she was unsaddling Rusty.
“What are you doing here?” Selena thought she was beginning to sound like a broken record, but Matt seemed to keep showing up wherever she seemed to be.
“You’re mother told me where you were.”
“And how did you find my house?” Selena was embarrassed to know he’d been to her home. The small trailer must have looked mighty poor compared to his rich mansion in the hills.
“I have my sources,” he answered, his mischievous smile crinkling the corners of his mouth.
Selena turned away as she loaded Rusty into the horse trailer.
“Is it okay? For me to show up here, I mean?” Matt grabbed her arm as she went to close the door behind her horse. “I missed you, Selena,” he said tenderly.
“I missed you too, Matt.” Selena’s heart raced as she listened to his words. “But you keep doing this. I don’t hear from you at all, then all of a sudden, you’re back in my life.”
“Does that mean you want me in your life?” Matt wrapped his arms around her waist as he said it. Selena had to lean back to look up into his face.
“Yeah, I do,” she whispered.
Matt leaned down and kissed her hard on the mouth. “I’ll do better, I promise,” he said. “I’ve been really busy. “I start filming a new movie in Toronto in a couple weeks. I’m just passing through, on my way to the location.”
Selena’s heart sank as she heard it. She didn’t want to think about him leaving again. “How long can you stay?”
“I don’t know, a few days.” he smiled, happy to hear that Selena had missed him as much as he’d missed her.
Matt went for his car to follow her home, the shiny black Mercedes standing out like a sore thumb in the dusty lot of the arena, filled with beat-up pickups and horse trailers.
After Selena had unloaded Rusty and fed him, she took Matt inside to meet her parents.
“Pleased to meet you ma’am,” Matt said politely as he took her mother’s hand. He turned and shook her father’s hand too. “Mr. Summers,” he said.
“Call me Dave,” her dad said with a smile.
Selena was surprised at her parents. She had expected some paternal protective instinct from her father, at least.
“We saw the pictures of you two in the magazines,” her mother said. “All the girls at work were passing them around. We were just waiting for Selena to get around to telling us.”
>
Selena’s face reddened. She had hidden the magazines from her parents and she certainly hadn’t planned to tell them about it, at least until she was sure that whatever she had shared with Matt hadn’t ended the second she was on the plane for home.
She showed Matt around the small trailer. “And this is my room,” she said as he followed her into the small room. She was embarrassed to have him there, but she felt like she was being swept along in a riptide. She either had to go with it, or exhaust herself fighting the current. Matt walked around, touching her books and music on the shelves, then took a seat in front of her old computer. “I haven’t seen one of these monstrosities for years. You should get a laptop,” he told her.
“Yeah, I guess.” Selena put her hands on his shoulders as she leaned over him to see what he was doing. “Hey, don’t open that.”
Matt had brought up her files and was looking at the stories she’d been working on. “Too late,” he laughed. “Hey, these are really good.” He read a few lines, then went to the next one. Selena had several unfinished manuscripts and he counted five finished stories in the detective series with the young girl, Trish. “These are unbelievable,” he said in awe. Have you sent any of them in to publishers?”
“Just one, before I went to L.A.”
“And?”
“Lots of rejection letters.” Selena sighed. She had gone from embarrassed to being completely humiliated. She suddenly wished she was out on Rusty’s back, wandering across the desert alone.