Thin Ice

by Settimo, Niki

  “Dylan. Oh my gosh, I love it.”

  “I had some help.”

  We look over and see Tegan, Anderson, and Dom banging on the boards, taking pictures and celebrating.

  I look back at Dylan and just smile.

  I think of the girl I was and the girl I am now. I wish I could go back to that girl sitting in her car, missing class because she couldn’t breathe. The girl that used her toothbrush to feel pretty and starved herself so she would like what she saw in the mirror. I wish I could go back and tell her that things get better. That she’ll have things she’s never dreamt of and that she’ll be happy.

  But then I realize I wouldn’t have all these things without the lessons I learned from that girl. Because that girl was me, and what matters now is the future, and he’s looking at me with gray eyes, and a smile that shines so bright it could melt all the ice on this rink.

  CHAPTER 31

  Elli

  Breathe in.

  Breathe out.

  Breath in.

  Breathe out.

  I close my laptop and watch as the gym classes begin. Well, here goes another day. Graduation is in a few weeks, and I leave for Winter Park soon after. I hold my laptop close to me, and allow Dylan and Tegan to give me some strength to get through the rest of the day.

  Hope is all I have right now. Hope that even a fraction of the world like the one I’ve created exists. Hope that it will get better, and hope that I’ll have the strength to allow it. But most importantly, hope that I can become the Elli I want to be. The one I gave a happy ending. I know she’s possible, maybe not yet, but she’s in me.

  If I’ve learned anything from pouring my heart into this story, it’s that not only do I want to love myself, I just want someone to be there for me. To love the before and the after pictures. To know when I’m struggling even when I don’t know it myself. I’ve also learned that things don’t happen overnight. It’s a process, like anything else that’s worth fighting for.

  Right now, I’m going to take advice from the inner Elli and start the journey of learning how to love myself, because I’m worth fighting for. I may not have Dylan to physically lean on, but I have the idea of him. It may seem silly, but atleast it’s something.

  Before I turn off my music, I listen to Missing You by All Time Low and let the lyrics of the song sink in. I put my laptop in my bag, take a few more deep breaths, fix my bras that are digging into my skin and make my way to the art studio, where I’ll finish out my day and then leave to go to work. I’m going to Italy the week before graduation for the senior Italian trip, and I’m really excited to explore how much is out there that I don’t know about. We made our itinerary and there’s multiple museums I’ve checked off to go to on my free time. It looks like everyone else going on the trip wants to spend their time shopping, so I know I’ll probably wind up in the museums by myself. But I’m okay with that.

  I’m counting down the days to leave for school. I’m almost completely packed and I already started shopping for my apartment. My employee discount at Bed Bath & Beyond is being put to good use. I’m moving in alone, but I’m not opposed to a roommate down the line.

  I’m looking forward to my new start. To build a life that I control. I may be struggling now, but future Elli won’t be, because I won’t let her.

  Epilogue

  Elli

  “Next!”

  “Elli Uccello.”

  “Welcome to Winter Park University Miss. Uccello! Please stand on the green line and smile!”

  I do as I'm told and receive my student ID. So this is college. Everyone is so different. The staff is way too happy, which I write off as a Florida thing, and this campus is beautiful. I look around and see all of my future classmates and hope that I look some what approachable. This is a chance to start over. No one knows anything about you and everyone is willing to meet someone new. I walk around and check out all the booths trying to get the new students attending orientation to join their clubs. Since I'm in the accelerated program, I'm not sure how much time I'm going to have for extracurriculars. So I hold off on joining anything until I get my schedule, which should be sometime today.

  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking for Tegan, Anderson, and above all, Dylan, or who I imagine they are. That doesn't make me crazy does it? I know they’re not real, but when you're in a new place, you seek comfort in your thoughts. I hear Dylan giving me encouragement and Tegan freaking out that there's a fashion club while Anderson shakes his head at her. I laugh to myself, I must be crazy. I'm on a whole new level of imaginary friends.

  I continue walking and decide to stop and buy some tea from the on campus Starbucks. Now that I live on my own, I've filled the fridge with healthy foods, and I keep a cheat cabinet for one day a week. My first cheat meal: S'mores. I hope I can make them as good as Dylan would.

  I just got directions to the local park and got a key to the gym in my apartment complex. It's time to start taking care of myself and this is a fresh start. I grab my tea and as I start to walk away, I get tapped on the shoulder.

  “Excuse me.”

  I look behind me and have to catch my breath. The girl standing in front of me has fiery red hair and heels to match. Her frame is similar to mine and she looks extremely nice and outgoing.

  “I saw you online for the Digital Art and Design sign in. Looks like we're in the same program! I'm Kinsley.”

  “Elli. Nice to meet you!” I go to shake her hand but she pulls me in for a hug, and I don’t refuse.

  “Aren't you excited there's a Starbucks on campus? I'm pretty much going to live off this stuff.” She grabs her pretty drink off the counter and we start walking around the campus together, talking about little things, like where we’re from and the things we like. But there's one question swimming around in my mind that I have to ask.

  “Hey, are you a Harry Potter fan?”

  She lifts up her wrist and I see "Always" tattooed in script. But what catches my eye is it’s covering what looks like scars from cutting. I look into her hesitant face as she waits for my reaction, and to her surprise I smile.

  “We’re going to be very good friends, Kinsley.”

  The End Beginning.

  Hold on tight,

  This ride is a wild one,

  Make no mistake,

  The day will come when you can't cover up what you've done,

  Now don't lose your fight, kid,

  It only takes a little push to pull on through,

  With so much left to do;

  You'll be missing out, and we'll be missing you.

  I heard that you've been

  Having some trouble finding your place in the world.

  I know how much that hurts,

  And if you need a friend

  Then please just say the word...

  -Missing You by All Time Low

  Thin Ice Playlist

  Music plays a huge part in this story. This is the playlist that inspired it all, and I’d like to thank these amazing artists who have helped me through so much.

  Bigger Scars Make Better Stories by Search The City

  The Runaways by Search The City

  All I Want by A Day to Remember

  Mr. Highway's Thinking About the End by A Day to Remember

  I’m Made of Wax Larry, What Are You Made Of? by A Day to Remember

  Why Worry by Set It Off

  Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing by Set It Off

  Missing You by All Time Low

  Old Scars/ Future Hearts by All Time Low

  Cinderblock Garden by All Time Low

  Drown by Bring Me The Horizon

  Can You Feel My Heart by Bring Me The Horizon

  Little Toy Guns by Carrie Underwood

  Exit Wounds by The Script

  Broken Arrow by The Script

  A Little Too Much by Shawn Mendes

  These Times by SafetySuit

  F***kin Perfect by P!nk

  Masterpiece by Jessie J

 
; Beside You by Mariana’s Trench

  Crazy Girl by Eli Young Band

  Sun Daze by Florida Georgia Line

  Dirt by Florida Georgia Line

  Get Your Shine On by Florida Georgia Line

  Show You Off by Dan+Shay

  Anything by Hedley

  Kiss You Inside Out by Hedley

  Dreams by Life of Dillon

  Breathe In by Hit the Lights

  F**ked Up Kids by Hit the Lights

  Never Stop by SafetySuit

  Time To Win by Down With Webster (Dom and Elli’s Song)

  Acknowledgements

  Writing Elli’s story was extremely therapeutic. It gave me a sense of closure with my past, and I encourage anyone going through a hard time to write about it. Whether in a diary, in a book, or however you choose to record it. The best story is always your own, and sometimes when you are able to read, it will give you strength, confidence and knowledge. I’d like to thank anyone who picks up this book and gives Elli a chance. And I hope in some way, she helps you realize you must love yourself, no matter what.

  This is probably the easiest part of this book to write. Casey, my real life Tegan/Kinsley. Words can’t describe how thankful I am to you. You’ve stayed with me on this entire adventure and neither mine nor Elli’s world would be the same without you. Thank you for always yelling at me that you needed me to write more, when it was two o’clock in the morning and you couldn't wait to find out what happens next. It made me feel like this story was worth telling.

  To my beautiful cousin Gia who jumped at the chance to read Elli and Dylan’s story and has done nothing but dream big for their future. I know you’d rather see Thin Ice as a movie, but maybe in time! You’re the best cuzzy babe! Love you!

  The CW, for ten amazing seasons of Supernatural, and Netflix for letting me binge watch them all. JK Rowling for giving me the most amazing world to escape in to.

  And finally my family. My brother Dom, for being Dom. Your skills and passion on the ice are inspirational. Always remember hard work pays off and you can accomplish anything. My sister and parabatai Amanda. Thanks for continuously reminding me I need to get out and live, and not just live inside my nook. Sorry your name really isn’t Julie, I take full responsibility.

  Lastly my parents. Words can’t describe how much you’ve done for me. Thank you for continuously asking what my sequel was going to be about when I wasn’t even done with this one. You’ve made me a stronger person, and for that, I thank you.

  About the Author

  Niki currently lives on Long Island where she is surrounded by her giant Sicilian family. She attended Full Sail University, getting her Bachelor's Degree of Computer Science in Computer Animation within two years. She works in all artistic forms, and Thin Ice is her debut novel. She plans to explore as much as possible, in both her career and in travel. Adventure Awaits.