The Greatest Risk

by Kristen Ashley

  Sixx had never had pomegranate juice and wasn’t sure she wanted pomegranate juice.

  She’d also never taken a vitamin in her life before yesterday.

  She went right to the island and took her vitamins with pomegranate juice.

  She further decided, next time M served that up, she’d find some way to cut it without M knowing. The stuff was bitter … and strong.

  Perhaps with the way things were going with Stellan, she’d pick gin.

  “Hello, darling.”

  She turned her head.

  And there he was. The man of her dreams who was currently the orchestrator of her nightmare.

  A nightmare that came when you lived a dream you knew was going to die.

  She narrowed her eyes at him.

  His mouth twitched as he moved her way, right her way, into her space, doing it seemingly to kiss her cheek, but after he did that, he slid his lips to her ear.

  “For a woman who came three times last night, begging for that third, you seem in a vile mood,” he murmured there and moved only far enough away to look into her eyes.

  She was not going to reply.

  She was not going to do anything.

  But ride this out.

  Two weeks and six days.

  Then, even if it killed her (and she already knew it was going to kill her), she was gone.

  “Huevos rancheros today,” M stated into their staring contest. “Take seats, mijos, I’m serving.”

  “I’ll get your coffee,” Stellan murmured to Sixx, moving away.

  She watched him.

  Then she sat at the island, and M put a plate of food that looked better than any breakfast she’d had in her life (that was, any of them she’d had before yesterday) in front of her as Stellan slid a mug of coffee just like she liked it by her plate and then sat next to her to be served his own.

  They’d eaten like this the day before. Side by side at the island with M chitter-chattering at them, Stellan murmuring fond “mms,” “hmms,” and “ahs” and Sixx struggling with all of it.

  The delicious taste of homemade breakfast. The feel of the room, warm and pleasant. The act of starting the day sitting beside the man she slept beside, sharing time with a woman with a kind heart and a way with a spoon.

  In all that had happened with Stellan, for some reason that was the toughest to handle.

  They felt like …

  She didn’t have much experience with it, but it felt like …

  A family.

  Except for memories of her mother grudgingly pouring sugary cereal in a bowl with some milk or the times when her father would wake up in a good mood and make “my famous French toast for my baby girl!” she’d never sat anywhere for any family meal.

  As pathetic as it totally was, that included not a single birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

  Ever.

  If her father remembered, while her mother was out doing business, making buys, soliciting sales, he’d take her out for pizza on her birthday, and if she was lucky, that was followed with an ice cream cone.

  She did not consider that a family meal. Since they had pizza delivered for dinner two or three times a week, it was just what it was … except somewhere else.

  As it had yesterday, and right then, Stellan’s huge home closed in on her in a way that, having spent the time in it she’d spent, it never had.

  She had the urge to look around to see if the walls were moving, but she didn’t.

  Even so, it couldn’t be escaped that now that the seal had been torn off, even when they were sharing dinner and sitting by the fire last night, his luxurious, intimidating mansion had ceased being that and instead had become something else.

  It was where people slept. And showered. And read books. And made love. And ate side by side.

  It was a home.

  It was where she slept, showered, read books, made love, ate side by side with the man in her life.

  It was her home.

  “Not to your liking, querida?” M asked with concern, and Sixx’s head shot up.

  She dug in to the food, her voice uncontrollably husky when she replied, “No, M. It’s delicious. Just have a job today that’s on my mind.”

  Sixx felt both M’s and Stellan’s eyes on her, but she avoided them, cutting through the egg, gathering it up with the homemade salsa, some Spanish rice and fresh avocado, and putting it between her lips.

  It was heaven.

  This was heaven.

  All of it.

  And because it was, Sixx was in hell.

  It got worse when Stellan’s hand landed on her back, gliding down light but warm to rest at its small, and she turned her head his way to catch the penetrating, worried look on his handsome face.

  “All right?” he murmured low.

  “Peachy,” she lied.

  Her lie didn’t shift his focus or expression, it just intensified both.

  Sixx couldn’t deal.

  She turned back to her food.

  She’d taken a multivitamin purchased specifically for her.

  She was eating breakfast.

  Why did that make her want to dissolve into tears?

  Some unspoken accord was reached, and M resumed her cheerful chitter-chatter, and after a few loving circles, Stellan removed his hand from her back and returned to his breakfast.

  Sixx ate while she pulled her shit together.

  Two weeks.

  Six days.

  She could do it.

  She could take it.

  She could give the little she had to give.

  Then she’d be a memory.

  * * *

  That night, Sixx stood at the sinks in the Dom Lounge at the Honey, her lipstick in her raised hand arrested on its way to her face, staring at herself in the mirror.

  As they’d walked in, Sixx knowing all eyes in the bar were coming to them—Mistress Sixx and Master Stellan arriving together, a couple, an item, living together—Stellan had murmured in her ear, “I forgot to mention, Susan and Harry will be over for dinner on Thursday. They’re bringing Crosby.”

  She honest-to-God almost threw up, right there on the spot.

  Instead, before Stellan could seat her in the booth he choose—not one in a corner, not one in a shadow, one right smack at the center of the side wall so everyone in the room could see it … them—she’d said she had to freshen up.

  Then she’d escaped.

  God, in two days she’d have to meet his precious Susan.

  And Crosby!

  What the hell was she going to do around a kid?

  “Sixx?”

  She jumped a mile and turned, feeling her eyes grow big with surprise, her heart beating wild in her chest as she saw Amélie standing there, studying her with some alarm.

  “Are you all right?” she asked.

  Sixx shook herself, cerebrally and literally.

  “Yes. Fine. Sorry, you caught me off guard.”

  “You … I … you,” Leigh unusually stammered. “I didn’t know you could be caught off guard.”

  Sixx didn’t either.

  Damn.

  “And you can see the door open in the mirror from where you’re standing,” she continued.

  Damn again!

  “I have things on my mind,” Sixx murmured.

  “Would you like to share?” Leigh offered.

  She did.

  God.

  She did want to share. With somebody, anybody. She’d talk to a vagrant on the street.

  But definitely Amélie, who knew Stellan, liked Stellan, knew Sixx (of a sort) and liked her.

  And there was utterly no way she was going to talk to Leigh.

  “I’m good,” she replied, turning and finally lifting her lipstick to her lips, leaning into the mirror to freshen it up.

  “Sixx?” Leigh called.

  “Hmm?” Sixx responded, not taking her eyes from her lips.

  “You know I’m here, anytime, right?”

  Shit, damn, fuck.
r />   She was going to cry again.

  Sixx finished her lips and turned to Leigh with what she hoped was a neutral expression on her face.

  “Yeah. Sure,” she answered.

  “And Leenie too,” she pushed it. “Mira. Felicia. Romy. Anybody. The start of a new relationship can be wonderful. But even if it is, it can also be confusing. So if you want to talk anything through, any of us would be there for you. Not just to talk through something like that. To talk through anything that might be troubling you.”

  “As I said, Leigh,” Sixx started nonchalantly, “I’m good. But just to say, I’m not starting a new relationship.”

  Leigh’s perfectly arched brows hiked up. “Sorry?”

  “I think you have the wrong impression,” she shared.

  “About … you and Stellan,” Leigh stated hesitantly, finishing, “living together?”

  That did sound stupid.

  But she had to go with it.

  “We aren’t really. It’s a temporary thing. We have a spark. We’re working through it. It’s not going anywhere.”

  Like someone swiped an eraser across it, Leigh’s face went blank.

  But her voice held a distinct timbre when she asked, “Does Stellan know this?”

  Sixx nodded. “Absolutely.”

  She should have known she couldn’t pull shit with Leigh.

  And Leigh didn’t hesitate to remind her she couldn’t.

  She did this declaring, “He’s falling in love with you.”

  Lord, she wished she could have sustained that with no reaction.

  She, however, could not.

  She flinched and cast her eyes away.

  “If you’re playing with him, Sixx, you need to have a conversation with him so emotions can be held in check.”

  Sixx again met Leigh’s gaze. “He’s aware. He just doesn’t want to listen. You know Stellan. He wants what he wants, and that’s all there is.”

  “Is there a reason you don’t want him?”

  “We don’t suit. Not for the long run.”

  “And how’s that?”

  Sixx swung a hand low, her meaning clear but she underlined it saying, “Uh … pretty much in everything.”

  “Stop it,” Leigh whispered, and Sixx went perfectly still.

  Leigh’s expression was no longer a blank slate. Her tone was not cool and unconcerned.

  God, she almost looked in pain.

  She definitely sounded it.

  “Leigh—”

  “You’re perfect for each other and you know it. And something is very wrong, and you know that too. If you don’t wish to speak about it, chérie, I will not press, even though everything in me is screaming to do just that. I will only reiterate that I care for you. I want the best for you. I care for Stellan. I want the best for him. Now that the idea of the two of you has been brought to light, I feel deep in my heart that the best for both of you is each other. That said, the last time we spoke of this, you rushed away, which is wholly unlike you. Only for you to return wearing a mask, which, I mean no offense, is not. Now, I’ve taken you by surprise when you’re always entirely aware of your surroundings, and you’re saying the man you’ve moved in with who is obviously enamored with you and that is only intensifying with time is someone you’re just playing with.” Her head tipped sharply to the side. “Are you switching for him? Is that what’s bothering you?”

  “I thought you said you weren’t going to press,” Sixx, feeling like a bitch, pointed out.

  Leigh shut her mouth.

  Sixx shook her head, lifted her hand, dropped it.

  “That was bitchy.” She straightened her shoulders. “And yes. He’s an excellent Dom. We’re exploring some things. But that isn’t it. I’m just a temporary kind of girl, and Stellan knows the score so don’t worry. He’s aware of where I’m at, and he’ll be fine when it’s over. You know he will.”

  “I know nothing of the sort,” Leigh returned.

  Back to the bitch, Sixx pointed out, “He was in love with you maybe a year ago.”

  “You were not here maybe a year ago.”

  God, why did all her friends have to be so damned smart?

  “Amélie—”

  “I would say, don’t hurt him, because normally, I would suspect Stellan could survive absolutely anything. With you, the way he looks at you, the change in his manner when he’s around you, I cannot say that’s still correct. But I won’t say that. I’ll say don’t self-harm and do that by denying yourself something that’s good for you for whatever reason that might be. If you’re concerned about switching, I know a switch. He’s perfectly at ease with both sides of that coin, and although a man, I still believe speaking with him would be useful for you. If it’s something else, I can only say what I’ve already said more than once. I’m here to listen, and it would be my honor, my privilege, Sixx, for you to share with me whatever is on your mind.”

  To end this awkward conversation, Sixx replied, “Thanks. If I need to talk, I’ll reach out.”

  “Promise me.”

  Sixx looked her right in the eye.

  And lied.

  “I promise.”

  The disappointment and distress Leigh didn’t hide shared she knew she’d just been lied to, right to her face, by a friend.

  Well, there you go, she thought. Perfect. So when you’re gone, now Leigh will realize she’s not missing much of anything. Not that she probably didn’t know that already.

  Leigh said nothing of it.

  Instead, she shared, “I just need to use the loo. Olly is out with Stellan. If you want to wait, we can walk out together. If not, I’ll see you out there.”

  Leigh also didn’t hide that Sixx’s response was disappointing when she said, “See you out there.”

  She just nodded and moved toward the toilets.

  Sixx shoved her lipstick in her clutch and headed to the door.

  She wanted to sit in a booth with Stellan, Olly and Leigh now a whole lot less than she wanted to do it before, and she wasn’t fired up about it in the first place.

  This was on her mind as she made her way through the halls back toward the bar.

  So she hit Surprise: Part Two of the night when Aryas boomed, “Yo!” Her head shot up, and she saw a smiling, huge Aryas in front of her.

  Right in front of her.

  They were less than a foot away.

  “Lost in thought, trajectory me,” he teased. “Not sure I could be bowled over, but Mistress Sixx on another planet threw me, so you were about to do it.”

  “Aryas,” she said in greeting, taking a step back.

  The jovial light in his eyes extinguished, and one she was getting too damned used to took its place.

  “Christ, what the fuck is up with you?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” she lied … again. “I just have an annoying job on the go and it’s on my mind.”

  Aryas was not nearly as mannered as Amélie.

  Not even close.

  He demonstrated this with his reply of, “Bullshit.”

  She was at the end of her rope with this crap, and she didn’t feel the need to be mannered about it either.

  “Listen, I’ve got something going down at work that’s messing with me, and I don’t need anyone else to mess with me. I just need a drink and time to relax, and tomorrow I’ll be back in the grind, getting it sorted.”

  “You are scared freakin’ shitless that Stellan’s doing it for you, and it’s not about a cush mansion and taking elegant cock among the strains of Mozart or however that dude keeps it tight when he does vanilla. It’s that you finally got what you want, you have no idea how that feels, it’s blowin’ your badass mind, and instead of womaning up and getting your head straight, you’re gearing up to run as fast as your stiletto boots will get you gone.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Did you not hear me just say I don’t need anyone else to mess with me?”

  “You’ve had what you wanted, or more to the point, what you didn’t want at a
ll, and really did not need, for a long time, Sixx. Now it’s time to pull that pretty head right out of that sweet ass and focus on the right goals for a change.”

  “If I want a conversation with you about my goals, Aryas, don’t you worry. I’ll seek you out.”

  “You wouldn’t do that even if I paid you a million goddamn bucks to do it, and I’ll prove that right now. One million. In cash. By the end of the week. You come to my office right now and open up to me.”

  She stood stock-still and stared in his confrontational but warm and uneasy eyes.

  She also said nothing.

  “I knew it,” he whispered.

  “Stop it,” she whispered back.

  “Open up, Sixx. To me. To Leigh. To Leenie. Or best of all, to Stellan,” he urged. “But bottom line, just do it with somebody.”

  “I need you to stop.”

  He was Aryas.

  Physically, he was huge.

  But he’d have to be to have a body to hold that big of a heart.

  “Always here,” he murmured, letting it go.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled, moving to pass him.

  She had a lot to do in the short time it would take to get from that place in the hall to the booth where Stellan was, considering she was not going to break down and throw a scene, taking off or demanding to leave once she got there.

  In other words, that “lot to do” was getting her head together.

  So she said nothing else to Aryas as she made her way.

  But he called her name.

  And again, he was Aryas.

  So she stopped and turned back.

  “I have no idea what broke you,” he called along the distance between them and managed to do it gently. “So I cannot begin to try to fix you. I just wish like fuck you’d give me or anybody a shot.”

  “I’m fine, Ary, promise,” she lied.

  “You know, the people who think a great deal about you not knowing shit about you says it all, baby. What they feel from you, when you’re not giving a thing. Can you imagine, if you split open just a crack, what that might bring?”

  She could.

  And she liked them all enough to save them from it.

  I love you, she thought.

  “Can I go get a drink now?” she asked.

  “From me, Sixx, if I can give it, you can have anything.”

  Goddamn shit.